


Breaking the Habit

by all_choseny, ivyscribbles (all_choseny)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Comics), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Post-Season/Series 08 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-06-02 19:01:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 120,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19447618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_choseny/pseuds/all_choseny, https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_choseny/pseuds/ivyscribbles
Summary: After the closing of the Hellmouth, Buffy and the gang united all the Slayers around the world to fight the forces of evil. While on a mission to retrieve a rogue slayer, a chance reunion in Brazil brings Spike and Buffy standing once again on the edge of the unknown. Things have changed, and their stance together remains unstable as Buffy comes to grips with the realization that she is in love with Spike.  Both try to fight the the chemistry between them, but what will happen when the chemistry finally sparks?





	1. Hello, Again

**Author's Note:**

> “Breaking the Habit” is a story that was conceived about eleven years ago. Unfortunately, Red_Dragon and I lost every word written because back then I did not properly save or backup anything I wrote. It bummed me out that I lost hours of work, and I’ve been thinking a lot about that story since returning to the fandom. I decided to “reboot” the story and incorporated this round’s “Dark Carnival” theme in the first chapter. I’m no spring chicken, so my memory isn’t the best. I remember vaguely what the story was about, but it’s been over a decade. So, everything written is brand new. Additionally, the story is an AU of season 8 and admittedly, I will be playing fast and loose with the timelines between Buffy seasons 8-9 and Angel season 6. This story is a WIP. This story is also archived on EF under my other pen name all_choseny.

[ ](https://imgur.com/cl7pRjs)

**Rio de Janeiro, Brazil**

_“In every generation, there is a chosen one. She ~~alone~~ will stand against the vampires the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.”_

The air was thick and heavy with rain. Buffy’s hair clung to the back of her neck as she and her team searched the crowded streets of Rio for their target. It was only March, but it felt like the middle of summer during a heat wave. Exhausted and hungry, they spent all day traveling with little food and rest. Buffy knew she pushed hard, but the girls were strong. They had proven their durability time and time again. As soon as they found their target, she promised to pack it up for the night.

“Keep your eyes open and keep it tight,” she commanded over the sound of festive music.

Buffy pushed through a group of Samba dancers as they made their way to the heart of the city. She grimaced when a cloud of feathers from a nearby dancer brushed her face, blocking her view. Buffy hurriedly swatted the colorful plumes away from her nose and lips. When they arrived in Brazil two days ago, she had no idea they would be touching down during one of the biggest celebrations of the year. She never even heard of Carnival until, Sonya, a Slayer from Barbados explained it to her. Buffy thought it looked like a great time. If she wasn’t in Rio on business, she might have enjoyed watching the parade of dancers and musicians as they marched down the street in colorful costumes. Buffy ignored the gnawing in her stomach as they passed a dozen food trucks filled with delicious smells. _When was the last time I ate?_ She thought to herself. _Yesterday morning. I had a grape;_ Buffy recalled her hasty breakfast from the day before. She’d been interrupted when Andrew’s intel put the rogue Slayer they’d been trying to locate in South America.

Cassia Romero. The newly minted Slayer had been called when Buffy shared her power with the rest of the potentials. Buffy, along with Andrew, Willow, Xander, and Kennedy was working on rounding the Slayers up so they could be trained. After the Hellmouth closed, Buffy stationed bases around the world where other "veterans" helped with training new, unpolished Slayers. Many of the girls they found had no idea what they were or why they were called. Some were eager to join a sisterhood of women who shared their power, while others ran away from it. There were also a few who used their abilities to terrorize both supernatural creatures and humans. Cassia was one of them. So far, the rogue Slayer had only been involved in petty crimes. But Buffy was afraid that if the wrong influence got to her first, she would only become worse. She thought about one of those bad influences, Simone Doffler. The gun-toting Slayer was currently in parts unknown building her army of extremists. Buffy’s face was grim as she recalled one of their last encounters with each other.

“You alright, Buff?”

Buffy turned toward the sound of Satsu’s voice. Ever since they started sleeping together, Satsu had become Buffy's shadow. Not that Buffy minded, she was just afraid Satsu was looking for more than she had to give. _We need to talk._ Buffy added that to her long list of “to-do’s.” Satsu flashed her a concerned smile as she matched her stride.

“Five by five,” Buffy said borrowing Faith’s catchphrase.

“You know, I still don’t know what that means,” Satsu joked. “Any word from Faith lately?”

Buffy shook her head. “Not in the last few months. But I’m sure she’s fine. It’s Cassia that I’m more worried about.”

“Yeah. Right. Of course. We’ll find her, Buffy.” Satsu gave Buffy’s shoulder a light squeeze. “Let’s see, if I were a deranged, rogue Slayer, where would I be?” she murmured.

When they arrived in the city, Buffy tried some of the sketchier parts of town first. They spent the afternoon searching through dive bars and ratty motels. One of the girls cautioned them against trying the favelas, warning that the area was strictly off limits to outsiders. _If I was a deranged, rogue Slayer that’s where I would hide,_ she thought to herself. Buffy glanced toward the hills were the makeshift homes dotted the skyline. She needed to find a way to get past the _moradores_ or at least make friends with someone who could get her up there. Her gut was telling her the wayward Slayer was somewhere in the barrio, hiding out in one of those houses.

“I want you to take the girls and head back to base,” Buffy said to Satsu.

“Now? Why?” Satsu asked, confused.

“We’ve covered a lot of ground today. I know you’re tired and hungry. You guys need your rest.”

“Honestly, I could go all night,” Satsu protested with a playful grin. “You know this.”

Buffy dipped her head a pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She was still getting used to the flirty thing Satsu liked to do in public. Their relationship wasn’t a secret, but she was still a little gun shy about PDAs . It seemed like from the moment they hooked up the news about their relationship spread like wildfire. It was hard to keep things private for too long in a Scottish castle full of women. These days Buffy hoarded her privacy the way Xander hoarded his Twinkies. They were both weren’t very good at it. 

“I know. Trust me,” Buffy flirted back. “But some of the girls aren’t as strong yet. I don’t want them expending all their energy on a wild goose chase.”

“I gotcha. I can always send them back and stick around with you. Four eyes are better than two.”

Buffy smiled at her girlfriend and brushed Satsu’s dark hair out of her face. “You’re right. But I really have to do this on my own. I don’t want you getting hurt… or worse.”

“You’re going to try the favelas, aren’t you?” Satsu’s eyes narrowed as she spoke. Buffy gave a slight nod of her head. “I knew it! Buffy, it’s dangerous to go alone. Let me come with you. You know I’ll have your back.”

“I know. But I really need you to do this, Satsu. It’s not an ask, it’s an order,” she said, putting her foot down.

Satsu shook her head and backed away from her commanding Slayer. They were no longer lovers. They were officers in Buffy’s Slayer army. “Fine. But one of these days, you’re going to have let someone in,” Satsu replied, before jogging back to the rest of the troops.

Alone, Buffy headed toward the center of town the locals called the barrio. _Four years of Spanish and all I can say is ‘here is the library,'_ Buffy scolded herself as she went up to random people for directions. She needed a guide, someone who was familiar with the area who could vouch for her. She had enough money to bribe someone brave or stupid enough to help her. Buffy moved past the tourists and performers, searching for someone who looked local.

“Hi, _hola,_ ” Buffy began speaking loudly to a man sitting outside of a coffee shop. “I need,” Buffy frowned as she searched for the word help. The Slayer cursed herself again, frustrated with her inability to communicate. She flailed her arms as she spoke. “I want to go there,” she pointed toward the favelas. “There,” she repeated. “Can you take me?”

“I’m not sure you want him to do that.” A familiar voice said from behind her. “He might mistake you for a lady of the night.”

Buffy’s entire body froze. The hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention as a shiver ran up her spine. She turned around slowly. Spike. Buffy blinked her eyes rapidly. She couldn’t count the times she imagined turning a corner to find him waiting for her. After closing the Hellmouth she dreamed about Spike often. Sometimes she saved him. Other times her dreams turned into grim nightmares where they both died. Buffy wasn’t sure if she was imagining him standing only a few feet away or if she was having some sleep deprived hallucination. She heard somewhere that sleep deprivation was the number one cause of death.

“Spike,” she said finally.

“S’ me, Slayer,” Spike said, pushing himself off a streetlamp. “In the flesh.”

Buffy took a hesitant step forward. She needed to touch him to know that he was real. The last time she saw him, he was going up in flames. “How are you…?”

“S’long story, and I’ll get to it eventually. But I reckon you’re trying to get up there,” he said nodding toward the favelas.

“Yes. No. Wait, how do you know what I’m--”

“I heard you asking that bloke in rather terrible Spanish,” he said with a smirk. “Next time you might want to try asking in Portuguese.”

“Portuguese? I don’t know—"

“Then it’s a good thing I’m a fair shake better at it than you are.” He chuckled. “How have you been, Slayer?”

Buffy shook her head confused at his nonchalance. “I was doing pretty good up until about five minutes ago.” Buffy paused and drank him in. “Spike,” she repeated his name to make sure he was real.

The vampire sighed and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. “Tell you what, I fill you in while we go lookin’ for your little lost bird. Promise,” he said, sticking a cigarette between his lips.

“Okay,” Buffy hedged. The longer they spoke, the more confused she became. How did he know about Cassia? Who told him that she was in Brazil? Why did he still look so good? Buffy pushed the last thought out of her head. Things in her life were complicated enough. She didn’t need to muddy the waters with old unresolved feelings for a man who up until five minutes ago was dead. “But first thing, how do you know what I’m doing down here?”

“Your boy Andrew filled us in.”

“Us?”

“Me and Angel. I’ll get to that,” he rushed. “Anyway, Andrew said you were gatherin’ up wayward Slayers for your army.”

“It’s not an army,” Buffy corrected. She hated that term. Once the Slayers became a united force, the U.S. government began keeping tabs on them. They worked hard to paint Buffy and her Slayers as a group of destructive vigilantes. It was a reputation she was trying to fix no thanks to the likes of Simone and her cronies. “We’re looking for other Slayers who we can help.”

Spike shrugged. “Whatever you say, Slayer. Andrew said you’ll be needin’ some help, and I had time.”

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest as they walked down the crowded streets together. She stole a glance at the vampire before training her eyes ahead again. If she looked at him longer than a minute, her knees would go weak. “How long have you been… helping?”

“Just a few months. Andrew said you were shorthanded and needed an extra pair.”

“Months,” Buffy repeated the word slowly. Months. She let that process for a few minutes. “So, you’ve been… here for months and this is the first time I hear from you.”

Spike ducked his head as if he was expecting her tongue lashing. “I came looking for you as soon as I was,” Spike paused as he searched for the right word. “back. I came looking for you, Slayer,” he repeated. “By the way how are you and Morty these days?”

“Who?” Buffy looked at him incredulously.

“Ah, that bad. I get it.” Spike flicked his cigarette on the ground before stomping it out. 

“What’s bad?”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re really going to make me ask, huh? You and The Immortal,” he clarified.

Buffy paused searching until she remembered. “Oh!” she managed between laughter. “That was one of Andrew’s crazy ideas. You must have seen one of the decoys.”

Now it was Spike’s turn to look at her as if she was off her rocker. “Decoys?”

Buffy nodded. “We planted them in different locations. After the Hellmouth, let’s just say I wasn’t everyone’s favorite Slayer anymore. While I’m here doing this,” she said flapping her arms. “My decoys are doing decoy like things around the world. Apparently, you saw the one who is dating The Immortal.” Buffy glanced at Spike furtively. “Does she really look like me?”

Spike looked in Buffy’s direction, recognizing a trap when he heard one. “I don’t know. I didn’t get a good look. You—she looked happy, so I thought I’d leave well enough alone. Made Andrew promise not to tell I was lookin’ for you, and here we are today.”

“The one time Andrew keeps a secret, and he doesn’t tell me my boyfriend is alive.” Spike whipped his head in Buffy’s direction causing her cheeks to flush. “Ex-boyfriend,” she amended quickly. “Anyway, thanks.”

“S’no problem, Slayer. Most of the time we send your birds flying back to the nest. And those who don’t want the responsibility get shipped to the sanctuary.”

Buffy stopped walking and turned toward Spike. “Sanctuary?”

“It’s the place where Slayers who don’t want to be part of the Ya-Ya sisterhood can go. You haven’t heard about it?”

Buffy had heard whispering of Slayers who refused the calling. She figured they just went on living. “No,” she said finally.

“Yeah. Dangerous times for Slayers, what with the government doin’ their initiative thing again. Some of the girls were lookin’ for a little extra protection without the responsibility.”

“And you and Angel are in charge of this… sanctuary?”

Spike shook his head. “No. We just guide them in that direction.”

How did she let this information get past her? She was the leader of the Slayers. She should know these things. “What do you know about the Slayer we’re tracking tonight?” Buffy asked.

“Name’s Cassia. Orphaned at a young age. Partial to knives and trouble. I was supposed to find her and either get her to the sanctuary or deliver her to Ramona,” he said mentioning the L.A. branch’s commanding Slayer.

Buffy gave him a curt nod. “Thanks. We’ve been searching for her for two days with no luck. I think she’s up there.”

“Same,” Spike agreed. Silence fell over them as they moved closer to their destination. “I didn’t think I would run into you here,” Spike said after a pregnant pause.

“This has Andrew written all over it. I guess he decided to play cupid.” Spike lifted a brow. “Not that I’m single or anything,” Buffy rushed. _Note to self, never trust Andrew with a heart to heart about my relationships again._

Spike chuckled. “I didn’t ask, Slayer.”

Buffy looked at Spike from the corner of her eye. “What about you? Seeing anyone special?”

“No. Been too busy fighting monsters and saving Los Angeles from being sucked into a hell dimension.”

“Yeah, I heard about that,” Buffy said grateful for the subject change. “By the time we caught wind of it, the city was restored as if nothing happened.”

“Good thing time moves differently in hell,” Spike murmured and slowed down his pace as they neared the favelas. “Things are about to get a little dicey,” he warned. “I’ll do the talking.”

Buffy started to protest but paused when she saw they were nearly on top of the favelas. Up close, the city of shanty homes was even more menacing than from afar. Buffy reached for the scythe she wore strapped to her back. Spike cautioned her against using it with a slight movement of his hand. One misstep and the chances of both of them leaving alive were slim. Spike walked ahead of her past a group of young men. The moment they crossed a certain invisible line, the locals melted from the shadows and surrounded them.

“I’m looking for a woman named Cassia,” Spike said in Portuguese. “The Slayer.”

One of the men stepped in front of Spike and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “What are you doing here, vampire? Yeah, I know you,” he spat.

Spike squinted at the man, trying to place him but coming up short. “I don’t think you do, mate,” he said holding up his hands in a sign of peace. “We don’t want no trouble. See that lady right, there” Spike said nodding toward Buffy. “She’s like Cassia. We just want to help.”

“We don’t need any help. We’ve got all the help we need right here,” he said pulling up his shirt to reveal a gun.

“Yeah, mate. I believe you. We just want to find the girl and—”

“I can pay you,” Buffy said. She had the money. Funding a world wide organization of slayers didn't come cheap. Buffy had to figure out a way to pay for everything, and she wasn't going to do that serving coffee at Starbucks. Her last haul paid out big time, giving her enough money to run her operation and bribe people apparently.

“We don’t want your money, _gringa_ ,” the man said to Buffy with a sneer. “Now, I’ll only tell you this one more time, get the hell out of here or say hello to my little friend.” The group of flunkies behind him laughed hysterically at his _Scarface_ reference before sobering up.

“Or you can tell me where Sancho is,” Spike said. The name was his ace in the hole. Buffy saw the fear in their eyes when Spike mentioned him. In the favelas, there was no law. There was only Sancho. He was their judge, jury, and executioner.

“Sancho? You know Sancho?”

“He’s an old friend of mine. And I reckon he won’t be too happy when he hears that you and your little band of idiots refused to let me in his city.”

“Sancho no here.”

Spike cocked his head to the side annoyed with the lie. “He’s here. I can smell his stench from a half block away.”

The group of men huddled together and spoke to each other in hushed Portuguese. After a few minutes, the leader of the pack turned back toward Buffy and Spike. “Follow me,” he said with a scowl.

“Who’s Sancho?” Buffy whispered as they walked down a dirt road together.

“An old friend of mine.”

“Maybe next time lead with that?” Buffy said.

Spike shook his head. “We’re not exactly on the best of terms. I still owe him a basket of cats.” Buffy rolled her eyes. Spike started to say something more when the man held up his hand to stay them.

“You wait here,” he commanded before disappearing into one of the buildings.

The rest of the men continued to surround them as they waited for either their get out of jail free card or death wish. Buffy made a quick sweep of her surroundings. There were six men not including Scarface. They had guns, but she was certain she could take them out easily if she had to. A few minutes later, the man returned from inside the building.

“He says go inside. But you.” The man pointed at Buffy. “You leave that out here.”

“The hell I will,” Buffy scoffed.

“Buffy,” Spike warned.

“I’m not leaving it out here. Either it comes with me or—”

“Or what? You fight your way out of this. Think, Slayer. You want your girl or what?”

Buffy looked around again. This wasn’t what she had bargained for, but if it wasn’t for Spike, she’d still be yelling at people in broken Spanish. Buffy peeled off her scythe reluctantly and propped it against the door. She hoped she wasn’t making a huge mistake.


	2. Well, That Escalated Quickly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Cornerofmadness for your help!

Spike stepped into the dimly lit make-shift cantina first. The air was heavy with the smell of sweat, tobacco, and various demon odors. _Good thing I don’t need to breathe,_ he thought to himself as he moved deeper into the building. _But Buffy on the other hand…_ Spike stole a glance at Buffy. He tried not to smile at the pinched look on her face as she struggled to take short quick breaths of the soupy air. Soft music played from an old jukebox in the corner and various demons sat around tables drinking or watching a televised fútbol game. Spike scanned the room looking for familiar faces. He hadn’t seen Sancho in over a decade and the last time he’d been in Brazil, they hadn’t parted on good terms. He wasn’t kidding about the box of cats he owed the demon. If his memory was correct, the Chupacabra demon had a nasty temper to go along with his blood lust.

“Over there,” Spike said, nodding toward an empty table in the furthest corner of the small room. A thousand eyes followed them as Spike and Buffy walked between tables of demons and wary humans. If he were alone, Spike wouldn’t have gotten a second look, but he was with the Slayer. Their sanctuary was threatened by her presence. The longer he and Buffy stayed in that room, the tenser it became. Spike pulled out a chair for Buffy before sitting across from her.

“What do we do now?” Buffy asked. Her eyes darted furtively around the room.

“We wait,” he replied.

The answer didn’t seem to satisfy her, but Spike knew Buffy was smart enough to know when to jump and when to play it cool. They were in a bar surrounded by demons; now was the time to play it cool. Spike signaled one of the human waitresses to their table and ordered two beers that neither of them would drink. Spike tried not to let his mind drift toward the past; but sitting in Sancho’s dank bar with Buffy, he couldn’t help the avenue his thoughts began to take. He recalled her laughter and the sleepy look in her eyes that time they got pissed in his crypt. Her eyes were grim and focused tonight. Drunk Buffy was a distant memory.

When Spike reluctantly agreed to locate Andrew’s wayward Slayer in Brazil, he didn’t imagine running into Buffy. For nearly a year he had convinced himself that she was blissfully in love—or lust with The Immortal. She (or who he thought was Buffy) looked so free dancing in that club. The selfish part of him wanted to go to her, sweep her into his arms, call himself a bloody fool, and well, he wasn’t sure what happens after the “and.” Spike didn’t agree with Angel very often on many things, but the brooding forehead had a point. Buffy deserved happiness. Spike wasn’t sure that he could give her that. There was too much complicated history between them. She moved on and so had he. Still, he couldn’t help the way his skin hummed when she was near. Even with the heaviness of stress weighing her down, Spike couldn’t have found her more beautiful. _Probably shouldn’t be thinkin’ about that, mate,_ he scolded himself. Right. They were on a mission. Get the girl. Go home. The end.

The waitress came back to their table and plopped two tepid beers in front of them before she sauntered off again. Buffy curled her fingers around the bottle, and then released them in an agitated fidget. “I wonder what the Yelp reviews are like for this place,” she joked with half smirk.

Spike shook his head and bit back his grin. “I wager they don’t get very many reviews. But on the demon boards--”

“Wait,” Buffy said genuinely in shock. “There’s Yelp for demons?”

Spike was about to answer her question when one of the back doors opened letting out a plume of smoke into the main room. Spike’s body tensed and he flattened his hands on top of the old wooden table. Buffy twisted around to see what he was looking at. On instinct, she reached for her scythe, her fingers closing around empty air.

“You,” One of Sancho’s goons said nodding toward their table. “Let’s go.”

Spike’s chair scraped against the concrete floor as he stood to his feet. He stepped in front of Buffy protectively even though he knew the Slayer didn’t need protecting. A hush fell over the room as they made their way toward the open door.

“Ever seen a Chupacabra?” Spike whispered close to Buffy’s ear.

“Those are real?”

Spike tilted his head and gave her a look. “Try not to stare,” he warned as they stepped into the room together.

Spike braced himself the moment the door closed behind them. Sancho’s backroom was just as small and cramped as his bar. There was a round table in the center of the space where Sancho sat with one large demon, a vampire, and a human. He’d forgotten how ugly the Chupacabra was in person. _No wonder they don’t get out much,_ Spike thought with disgust. Wiry fur grew out its back haphazardly making Sancho look like a cross between a Razorback and a porcupine. His deep-set eyes were coal black and took up most of his face.

“Spike,” Sancho spoke revealing sharp, yellow teeth. “What brings you to my neck of the woods?” His dark eyes flickered toward Buffy. “And with a Slayer?”

“I’m looking for a girl. I was told you could help.”

Sancho snickered bringing large claws to his snout. “I don’t think you’re in the position to ask me for help. You still owe me.”

Spike shook his head. “And I’ll pay what I owe. Scouts honor. Right now, I need to find this girl. She’s about yea high,” he said bringing his hand up to about Buffy’s height. “Got blonde hair. Kicks ass.”

“Seems like you’ve already got her.” Sancho laughed and slapped his claw on the table prompting his cronies to laugh with him. “A vampire and a Slayer…” Sancho’s thick tongue snaked out, and he licked his snout.

“That’s right. A Slayer,” Buffy said. “I don’t care what Spike owes you. Do you know where we can find her or not?”

Sancho’s eyes flickered again. The fur on his back bristled at Buffy’s tone. “Such big words coming from a little girl. Do you know what I do to girls like you?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Let me guess? Make lame ass threats in an effort to intimidate? The better question is, do you know what I do to demons like you?”

She was quipping. Spike recognized that tone in Buffy’s voice and braced himself for the fight. He knew the moment they walked into the favelas the odds of leaving without a fight were slim.

“You better listen to her, mate,” Spike warned, backing her up. “Just tell us where we can find the girl and we’ll be out your hair—erm, fur.”

“I have a better plan. How about I get your head and keep the Slayer for my lunch!” Sancho roared and flipped over the table.

Spike barely had enough time to blink when the demon made a swipe at Buffy, his long claws barely missing her face. “Well, that escalated quickly,” Spike said before shifting into his game face.

Spike moved quickly, kicking a chair into his hands and sending it crashing down on the other vampire’s head. The wood splintered into several jagged edges and scattered across the dirt floor. Spike grabbed one of the rough stakes and jammed it into the vampire’s chest, sending it into a cloud of dust. A few feet away Buffy was taking on Sancho and the other demon. He watched as she ducked, missing Sancho’s claws once again. Her movements were quick, each flurry of punches was barely perceptible to the naked eye. Spike dove into the fray and yanked Sancho away from Buffy, giving her time to recover. The demon growled and made a sloppy swipe at him, his claws catching Spike on the chest.

“You tore my bloody shirt!” He yelled in earnest anger.

“I’ll do more than tear your shirt, vampire,” Sancho replied. He sent Spike flying against the opposite wall with the back of his hand.

While he fought Sancho, Buffy was busy with the other demon in the room. It was a big brawny fellow with rippling muscles. She buried her tiny fists into the demon’s gut, but her punches were ineffectual against the hulking brute. Spike watched in muted horror as the demon lifted her over its head and tossed Buffy across the room like it was nothing. With a low growl, Spike jumped to his feet and rushed toward Sancho with his fists flying. His first punch connected with the creature’s exposed rib cage, digging in. Sancho blocked his next hit and backhanded him hard across the face. Spike staggered back, momentarily disoriented from the force of the demon’s slap. Blood trickled from the corner of his lips. Spike used the pad of his thumb to wipe the blood away before licking it off his finger. With a challenging grin, Spike launched another series of attacks on the demon.

“Spike!” Buffy yelled before tossing him one of the rusty legs from Sancho’s card table.

Spike caught the metal pole midair with a deft hand. “Thanks, Slayer,” he grunted between hits. He planted his booted foot in the demon’s chest, kicking him away. His blue eyes sparkled with anticipation as he slowly twirled the pole in his hands.

“I’ll ask you one more time.” His hands continued to spin the pole. “Where’s the girl?”

“You think you’ re--" Sancho began before Spike jammed the pole up the demon’s chin through the top of his head. “Wrong answer.”

The demon’s body slid heavily to the floor with a thud. Spike glanced over at Buffy. He was momentarily captivated by her movements as she ducked and dodged her demon’s sloppy attacks. He was big, but Buffy was lithe and agile, years of training conditioning her body for moments like these. God, he loved to watch her fight.

Buffy forced the demon down on its knees and wrapped her arms around its thick neck squeezing tightly while the demon’s massive body struggled against her. After a few minutes, its jerky movements subsided, and his body lay still. Buffy looked down at the demon and said, “Well, that went as expected.”

Spike surveyed the destruction around them. Yeah, seems about right. Spike stepped over Sancho’s prone body and pressed his ear to the door. The sounds of the bar continued without a hitch. Apparently fights in the back room were a regular occurrence. “All’s clear,” he said in a hushed tone.

Buffy’s head swung around. “Great. But we still don’t know where Cassia is.”

“Maybe…” Spike muttered thoughtfully and bent at the hip. The only other human in the room cowered in a corner shaking in fear. “You,” he said in Portuguese. “What do you know about the girl? The Slayer?” 

The man lifted his head at the sound of Spike’s voice. _Para fora de volta,_ out back.” He pointed a shaky finger toward a door Spike had mistaken for a closet.

“Thanks, mate,” Spike said and opened the door to the small yard behind Sancho’s favela. The unkempt yard grew in patches of weeds through sharp rocks and pebbles. A dark, makeshift shed sagged against a metal fence in the farthest corner of the tiny space. It was clear to Spike that Sancho had been keeping the Slayer prisoner. “After you, Slayer.”

Buffy stepped quickly through the weeds and dirt with Spike close behind. He watched as she hesitated at the door, placing a gentle hand on the cool metal testing it for signs of danger. She turned to look at him expectantly, her eyes searched his for any signs of danger. Spike nodded his head with a quick jerk.

“Your face,” she whispered.

That’s right. He had forgotten his face was still bumpy from the fight inside. Spike’s face shifted back into his human form. He’d forgotten to change back because Buffy hadn’t reacted to it the way other humans did; She hadn’t looked at his vampiric face the way she used to. “Go ahead, Slayer,” he prodded gently.

Buffy wrapped her hand around the door handle and pulled it open with a rusty creak. Spike was overwhelmed by the stench of old blood and human waste. The girl huddled against one of the metal walls in the fetal position. She was still breathing, but her heartbeat was weak. Buffy crouched down beside Cassia and touched the girl’s arm gently. She didn’t move. Buffy carefully turned the girl to face them and Spike winced when he saw her face. Red lacerations covered her left cheek. Her eye was swollen shut from a fresh beating, the purple bruise contrasting with her pale skin. A soft groan escaped Cassia’s peeling, cracked lips when Buffy tried to move her. Spike's chest rumbled with anger. Ignoring the smell of blood, he kneeled beside Buffy. Cassia was chained to the ground, her wrists bound together by thick, metal cuffs. Spike knew Chupacabra were bottom feeders, preferring to drain the blood of their victims before killing them, but he never heard of one torturing their victims. Sancho had kept the Slayer, using her as his endless blood bank. By the bruises on her face and body, she didn’t let him without a fight.

Spike touched a gentle hand to her matted, blonde hair and curled his fingers behind her head to support it. “Pulse is faint but she’s alive.”

“We have a medic at base camp. One of the Slayers…” Buffy said, looking around the small shed. “I need something to break the chains.” After a few minutes of searching, Buffy found a crowbar tossed in the shadows and used it to unlatch the cuffs.

Cassia moaned in pain. She lifted a weak hand to Spike’s face, her eyes fluttered open briefly then closed again. Losing consciousness, her hand dropped heavily against her chest and her head sagged to the side. Spike paused for a moment and stared down at her. Something different and unfamiliar tugged at his heart. It wasn’t Cassia he saw lying there on the dirty floor; It was Buffy. How easy it might have been for her to have faced the same fate if she’d been left alone in the world unaware of her calling. With no guidance from a watcher, any one of the newly called Slayers could find themselves in the same dangerous situation. Spike lifted Cassia into his arms, cradling the slayer against his chest.

“How do we get out of here?” Buffy asked. “We can’t exactly walk through the front door.”

“The hell we can’t.” Spike looked toward Sancho’s favela bar. “The way I see it, we liberated these people.”

Buffy looked at Spike skeptically. “I hope you’re right.”

 _I do too, Slayer._ He’d been around enough tyrants like Sancho. If Spike was a betting man, and he was, he’d wager that these people were scared shitless of the demon. There wouldn’t be any love lost—he hoped.

The noise from inside the bar carried across the small yard. Spike stepped inside the building first while Buffy moved around him cautiously, her body primed for a fight. The door to the bar was wide open. Spike looked around the small back room. Sancho’s body was gone. He held the Slayer in his arms tightly against his chest as he walked through the building. He thought of the few times in the past when he’d gotten into brawls holding Dru in a similar fashion. It wasn’t easy, but he managed. Spike followed Buffy into the dingy bar. Time seemed to stop the moment they stepped through the door. The first thing Spike noticed was Sancho’s head resting on top of the bar, his long leathery tongue hanging out the side of his gaping mouth. No one said a word as they walked through the bar avoiding the turned over tables and chairs. The bartender, a human, nodded his head slightly at the pair as they passed by. Relief washed over Spike as they exited the building. Outside, the men from earlier waited for them in silence, their faces still hard and impassive. Buffy’s scythe lay propped against the wall where she left it earlier. Spike watched as she lifted it into her hand, cradling it like an old friend.

The men stepped aside, forming a pathway as they walked by. Buffy continued to grip the scythe, but the men made no move toward them. It was just as he thought. The people in the barrio were Sancho’s prisoners. “How far are we from your base camp?” Spike asked once they were out of earshot.

“Not too far. But we’ll need to find a ride,” Buffy said nodding toward Cassia.

“Right.” Spike looked down at the Slayer in his arms. They might have gotten away with carrying her through the streets, she could have been just another drunk reveler, but the bruises gave her away. Spike wasn’t in the mood to be stopped by the Portuguese police. He’d spent the night in a South American jail once. That was not an experience he cared to repeat.

Once they were far enough away from the favelas, they managed to flag down a cab. Spike spoke to the driver in rapid Portuguese. The cabbie gave Spike a wary look when he noticed the girl in his arm, but he agreed to take them where they wanted to go. Spike climbed into the old beat-up sedan after Buffy, taking careful measure not to jostle Cassia.

“Spike…” Buffy said after a few minutes of silence. Spike’s eyes met hers in the darkness. “I—thank you for your help. I couldn’t have done this without you,” she admitted quietly.

“S’not true, Slayer. You’ve gotten yourself out of worse. Into it, too, I reckon,” he said with a half-smile.

Buffy returned his smile. “Maybe… Still, thank you.”

Buffy rested the back of her head against the warn cushion and closed her eyes for a moment. Spike resisted the temptation to take her hand in his. He didn’t plan on sticking around once they got to base camp. He promised Andrew that he would find the girl and that’s what he did. Hanging around Buffy was not part of the plan.


	3. Two Slayers and a Vampire Walk into a Bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta's cornerofmadness and Twinkles. A special shout to Twinkles for beta'ing this chapter! Any remaining mistakes are mine. 
> 
> So, far the events in this fic are a season 8 AU. For those of you who do not follow the comics, you don't need extensive knowledge of the comics to follow along. However, I will add warnings and brief notes about any season 8 canon that is too unfamiliar.

They returned to basecamp right before dawn. Base was a dingy motel with a swampy swimming pool and rooms that all held a faint odor of mildew. Buffy had chosen the location because it was cheap, discrete, and far enough away from the city that a group of Slayers could go unnoticed. Some of the girls weren’t thrilled about their not-so-vacation spot. Buffy was less concerned about comfort than she was about keeping a low profile. They had to stay under the radar. Thanks to the U.S. Military, Slayers were persona non grata virtually everywhere around the world.

She and Spike stood at the edge of the empty parking lot. Most of the windows were dark with the curtains tightly drawn. Her eyes darted toward Satsu’s room. When she invited Spike back to base she hadn’t given Satsu a thought. In my defense, we have a half dead Slayer on our hands, she rationalized to herself guiltily. Buffy pushed the thought aside. She’d cross that bridge when they got there. For now, there were bigger things other than her dating life to worry about. She looked over at Spike. He was still holding the unconscious Cassia in his arms.

“Our medic,” she said quietly. “Logan. She was a nurse, or I think she was in nursing school.” Buffy’s nose scrunched as she tried to remember Logan’s backstory. There were so many to keep up with.

“Good. She’s going to need one.” Spike stared down at Cassia’s placid face with worry.

Buffy studied Spike's tender expression for a moment. She hadn't seen him look that way... _Stop!_ Buffy forced herself to shake off the nagging feeling that played at the edge of her mind. He’s just concerned, she reminded herself before leading him toward Logan’s room. Logan was asleep in her bed when Buffy let herself into the suite. She placed a hand on the woman's arm and gave her a gentle shake to wake her. Logan woke with a wild start, her hair whipping into her face in a dark springy cloud of glossy curls. She felt around instinctively for the weapon she kept at her bedside.

“Logan, it’s me, Buffy,” she whispered in the darkness, careful not to rouse Logan’s roommate. Sasha, Shayla—She couldn’t remember off the top of her head.

“Buffy? What—? How did you get in here?”

“I need your help.” She said, ignoring Logan’s question. "I found Cassia. She’s hurt.” Buffy nodded toward the open door. Spike stood outside with Cassia in his arms, unable to step inside without an invite.

Logan gave Buffy a curt nod and swung her legs over the side of her bed. She scooped her curly fro into a high, puffy ponytail and grabbed her medical supplies. A few minutes later they were all walking quietly to Buffy’s room in grim silence. The suite was at the end of the crescent-shaped line of windows and doors. Everyone’s lights were out, indicating that they were either sleeping or resting. Buffy used an old-fashioned key to let them into the damp smelling room that she had to herself.

“Home sweet home,” she said dryly.

Spike stood outside of the door, glued to his spot. “You gotta invite me in, love,” He reminded her gently.

“Oh, that’s right. Come in,” she said while unhitching her scythe from her body.

“Which bed should I lay her on?” Spike asked, looking around the room.

Buffy pointed to the bed furthest from the window and watched as Spike carefully laid Cassia on top of the comforter. Cassia let out another long moan and shifted her body away from the others.

“Can you help her, doc?” Spike asked worriedly.

“Nurse,” Logan corrected. “Well, almost-nurse.” She glanced over at her patient and headed to Buffy’s bathroom. “What happened to her?” Logan said over the sound of running water.

“She—”

“She was—” Spike and Buffy spoke in unison. “Sorry, Slayer,” Spike said deferring to Buffy’s lead.

Buffy gave Spike a brief look before continuing. “She got herself captured by a chalupa.”

“Chupacabra,” Spike amended with a smirk.

“Woah. Those are real?” Logan said, mirroring Buffy’s reaction from earlier. “Nice. I mean—not nice for her.” She glanced down at Cassia. “But that’s pretty cool. Makes me wonder if Bigfoot is real, too.”

“It is,” Spike said.

Logan stepped out of the bathroom and eyed Spike curiously. “I’m Logan by the way.”

Spike glanced at Buffy for guidance. “Spike,” he said after Buffy gave him the go-ahead with a slight nod.

“Spike as in William the Bloody?” The corner of Spike’s lips lifted into a half smirk, confirming his identity. “Wow. I meet William the Bloody and I find out that Chupacabra’s and Bigfoot are real, all in the same night.”

“Prefer Spike these days,” he corrected.

“Sure thing, Spike,” Logan said. She put on a pair of blue latex gloves with a snap and walked over to the side of Cassia’s bed.

Buffy held her breath and watched as Logan checked Cassia’s vitals. She hadn’t expected to find the rogue Slayer in this condition. She wasn’t sure what she had expected when they found Cassia, but a severely injured Slayer was not on the list of possibilities. Buffy stole a furtive glance at Spike. He was watching Logan work on Cassia with rapt attention.

“Heart rate is slow,” Logan murmured as she noted something on one of her portable machines. "I'm guessing her blood count is probably low, too."

“Chupacabra’s feed on blood,” Spike explained.

“Yeah. And according to urban legend, they usually kill you after. It was using her as a battering toy.” Logan’s voice dipped low with anger. “Please tell me you wasted him, Buffy.”

“Spike did actually.”

Logan looked up from her patient and flashed him a grim smile. “Good.”

She was going to recover. Her vitals were low, and she was most likely in shock, but Logan assured them a blood transfusion would help. Once they were back home, she would find a suitable donor for their new Slayer. In the meantime, Cassia was getting her fluids via an IV and cleaning her infected wounds. The cuts on her face were mostly cosmetic, and Buffy was confident they would fade in time. Slayers healed remarkably fast.

“I think she’ll be alright for the rest of the night,” Logan reported to Buffy. “I gave her a mild sedative for the pain. If she wakes up, give her some ice to chew on. She’s got some bruising around her rib cage, so that might make it difficult to move around. I’ll know more once we’re back in Scotland.”

“Thanks, Logan,” Buffy said with a relieved sigh.

“No problem.” Logan placed a comforting hand on Buffy’s shoulder. “I promise, she’ll be alright.” She paused and turned toward Spike. “It was nice to meet you, Spike,” she said before exiting Buffy’s room.

Spike lifted a brow and looked at Buffy. “She said it’s nice to meet me. What kind of tall tales have you been tellin’ these kids, Slayer?”

“Oh, just the fluffy kind,” Buffy teased.

Spike grinned at her before the room fell into an awkward silence. Buffy wasn’t sure what his plans were, but a quick glance out the window let her know it was too late for Spike to venture outside. The sun was beginning to peak over the mountains in the distance, lightening up the sky. Buffy grabbed the dusty curtains and pulled them shut.

“Sun’s almost up,” she said, turning back toward him.

“I see.” Spike looked around the room until he spotted one of the chairs tucked under the wooden table. “If I can just hunker down here for the day, I’ll be out of your hair by dusk.”

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah,” she shook her head. “Of course.” She tried to mask the disappointment in her voice. Buffy glanced back at her bed. “You can sleep there if you want and I’ll—”

“No,” Spike cut her off. “You take the bed. I’ll watch the girl.”

He pulled up the chair he spotted next to Cassia’s bed and sat down beside it. Buffy wanted to protest, but she was too tired to argue with him. Instead, she sat on the edge of her bed and pulled off her dusty boots. Buffy forced her eyes to look at everything but Spike as she peeled off the top layer of her clothing. She had a million questions to ask him, but his attention was solely on Cassia. Again, an uneasy feeling came over Buffy as she watched him watch her. The way he looked at Cassia almost reminded Buffy of the way-- _he used to look at me_ she finally admitted. Buffy shifted on the lumpy bed and squeezed her eyes shut. She was being silly. The girl was injured, and Spike was only helping. They didn’t even know Cassia’s deal yet. The Slayer had been slipping in and out of consciousness since they found her. Each time Cassia came to, she only managed to moan in pain. Buffy squeezed her eyes tighter, forcing out the memory of Spike holding Cassia as she caressed his cheek. She plumped her flattened pillow a few times and turned away from him. Spike had only been back in her life for five minutes and he was already confusing her. It doesn’t matter, she thought to herself. She had Satsu and Spike would be gone by the end of the day.

++++

Sleep didn’t come easy for Buffy. Throughout the early morning hours, her mind raced with images of Spike. She imagined his arms wrapped around her, holding her as gently as he had held Cassia. All morning she tossed in her bed until she finally threw in the towel. Sleep would have to wait. Buffy slowly opened her eyes and laid still on her side. Spike’s back was facing her, but she could tell he was watching Cassia. She wondered what he was thinking when he looked down at the injured Slayer. Buffy shifted her gaze toward Cassia. Sometime during the night, the medication Logan had given her had begun to kick in, and she was sleeping peacefully. In rest, Cassia looked more like a child than a woman capable of killing with her bare hands. Buffy wanted to know how she'd gotten herself captured by Sancho, and what else he’d done to her. She recalled some of the warnings in Andrew’s report. Cassia was already a loose cannon. Would she be a good fit on her team? Or would she need a little more conditioning first? With a long sigh, Buffy sat up and stretched out the kinks from her sore body.

“How’d you sleep? Spike asked.

“Like I was laying on a bed of springs,” she said with a shrug. Spike glanced at the bed before giving her a sympathetic look. “Let’s just say there’s nothing like sleeping in your own bed.”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed. “Buffy, I—” he began. 

Beside him, Cassia began to stir interrupting Spike’s thoughts. Buffy peered over Spike’s shoulders, and noticed color was starting to return to Cassia’s cheeks. The bruising on her face was beginning to fade along with some of the scratches. Cassia’s eyes fluttered open, revealing the most fascinating eye color Buffy had ever seen. They were greyish blue with green inner rings that narrowed into thin slits as she focused on the two strangers staring down at her. Cassia scrambled up the bed and stared wildly at Buffy and Spike.

“Who the hell are you?” she asked with a heavy accent.

Buffy slowly stood to her feet, careful not to startle the other girl. Even though she was injured and weak, Buffy was willing to bet that Cassia’s reflexes worked just fine. “I’m Buffy. Buffy Summers,” she introduced herself. “And that’s Spike.” She nodded toward her companion. “We’re here to help,” Buffy said gently.

Cassia’s eyes darted between Buffy and Spike before searching the room for the nearest exit.

“It’s okay, love. We won’t hurt you,” Spike chimed in. He moved his hand behind his back and signaled Buffy to hold off. “We’re friends.”

“Friends?” Cassia sneered. “I don’t have friends. And I don’t know you.”

Spike nodded his head. “Right. Do you remember anything from last night?”

Cassia’s brow furrowed as she muddled through the events from the previous night. “You…” she said finally. “I know you. The angel.”

Spike’s chin jutted skyward, taken aback by her description of him. “I can assure you, love, I’m no angel. Not with that forehead and hairline.”

“What?” Cassia asked, confused.

Spike shook his head, dismissing his joke. “Nothing. It’s an inside--nevermind.”

Cassia nodded her head slowly, her eyes fixated on Spike. “You helped me. I remember your face. Your eyes. Such blue eyes,” she said in a wistful voice.

Buffy was certain that if Spike had the ability to blush his face would be stained a bright pink. She looked over at the blonde vampire. Spike blushing? Now that was a funny thought. “Yeah, those baby blues are a real showstopper,” Buffy groused.

Cassia looked up at Buffy and frowned. “I don’t remember you,” she grumped at Buffy’s intrusion.

“Yeah, I was the one fighting demons in the background.” _Ugh, what is wrong with me?_ Buffy shook her head, determined to ignore the funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. “We both helped.” Softer now, “And I’m glad we were able to find you.”

“Find me,” Cassia repeated, her body visibly prickling at Buffy’s choice of words. “Why were you looking for me?”

Buffy sighed. And now for the spiel. “Because you’re important, Cassia. Chosen,” Buffy began. Have you ever felt different? Like there was something inside of you that made you special?” Cassia nodded slowly. “These powers that you have are a gift. They were given to you, to each of us for a purpose.”

“To kill,” Cassia said.

 _Oh, boy_. “Uhm, yeah… in a way. But we call it _slay_. We slay demons, monsters, the forces of darkness. You’re a Slayer, Cassia, just like me.”

“Slayer,” Cassia whispered, looking at Buffy. Their eyes connected for a moment and held in an unspoken bond between the two women. Cassia broke eye contact first and looked at Spike as if to confirm Buffy’s story.

“Then if we are slayers, why aren’t we killing—slaying him?” she nodded toward Spike.

“Hey now, five minutes ago I was your angel,” Spike said, holding up his hands.

Buffy’s lips twitched into a smile. “He’s different,” Buffy said. “And I can explain all of this to you once we’re back home. The dreams. The strength. All that weird stuff that’s probably jumbled up in your head. You’ll train, learn to fight. But that will come after we get you patched up.”

Cassia sat silently staring down into the palm of her open hands. “You said home. This is my home.”

“Right. Sorry. Jumping the gun here a bit. Home or the HQ as we like to call it is where some of the other Slayers live with me.”

“There are others? I thought you said we were special?”

“Uh, right, we are special. Maybe I’m using special loosely—” Buffy sputtered, looking for the right words.

“What she’s trying to say,” Spike chimed in, “Is that you are part of something bigger than yourself. There are other girls—women who can do what you do. They fight together.”

“Oh, a gang.” Cassia tossed out casually as if it was nothing.

Buffy’s eyes darted toward Spike pleadingly. This was tougher than she thought it was going to be. Since activating the potentials, Buffy had met a few Slayers who were a little rough around the edges. Andrew liked to call them “diamonds in the rough.” With some polishing, they usually cleaned up nicely. Buffy wasn’t so sure about Cassia. She was giving off some serious Simone vibes. That was never a good thing.

“Yeah a gang,” Spike said, speaking her language. “But a gang that does good and fights evil.”

Cassia nodded her head thoughtfully. “So, your Slayers get to fight and kill, and no one gets in trouble? No police?”

“Uhm, you could say that. Of course, we only fight and slay demons, monsters, all the things that go bump in the night. But no people! And we absolutely do not use guns.”

“Right. I know the dreams.” Cassia was quiet again. “I don’t know...”

“There’s a castle!” Buffy’s voice grew shrill in desperation. She could not have this girl running the streets. Cassia was far too dangerous to be left unattended. “And you can have your own room if you want. You can make new friends. Some of the girls have gotten really close. Like sisters.”

“And what if I don’t want to live in your castle? Why can’t I be a Slayer without all that extra bullshit?”

 _Because you seem a little crazy and I don’t trust you._ “Well…” Buffy was at a loss for words.

“You don’t have to go back with her,” Spike interjected. “There are Slayers who refuse the calling. There’s a place you can go if you want. I can take you.”

Cassia’s eyes sparkled a bit, and she flashed Spike a greedy smirk. “Will you be there?”

“Sorry, love. Girls only. I’m just the compass.”

Cassia’s shoulders sagged, and she slumped against the headboard again. “You,” she nodded toward Spike. “I like. You, not so much,” she said to Buffy.

Oh, the feeling is mutual, Buffy thought.

“I’ll go to your little castle,” Cassia began. “But only if he comes, too.” She jutted her chin toward Spike.

Spike and Buffy turned to look at each other at the same time. “Sorry, love, no can do.”

“Then I won’t go. I’ll stay right here and do what the fuck I want when I want. I’m the Slayer.”

“A Slayer,” Buffy corrected. “Spike,” She said in a loud, harsh whisper. “Cassia, give us a moment. I need to speak with Spike.”

“Fine. I need to go anyway.” She nodded toward Buffy’s bathroom. Cassia yanked the IV out of her arm and hobbled toward the other room.

Buffy waited until the door closed behind her before she turned toward Spike again. Of all the ways she imagined this search and recovery, this scenario never crossed her mind. Buffy had no idea why Cassia seemed so attached to Spike, but in any case, she refused to go with Buffy unless Spike tagged along.

“She’ll come around,” Spike said first.

Buffy shook her head. “I don’t think so. She seems to really… like you.” Buffy said. The words felt heavy on her tongue.

Spike shrugged sheepishly. “I dunno about that, Slayer. She’s hurt. In shock, and I’m the first face she saw.”

“That might be it. But you heard her. She won’t come with me without you. And she isn’t going to that sanctuary place.”

Spike narrowed his eyes. “What are you saying, Buffy?”

She sighed heavily and lowered her voice so Cassia couldn’t hear them through the bathroom door. “I’m saying that it’s a bad idea to let this girl roam free. She doesn’t strike me as a poster child for mental sanity. You’ve read Andrew’s notes. You know what she’s capable of.”

Spike rubbed the back of his neck and dipped his head so he could stare at his boots. “Yeah…”

“I just can’t risk someone like her out here doing whatever she wants. And if Simone ever got to her…”

“That crazy bint with the purple mohawk?”

“You’ve met her?”

“Can’t say I’ve had the pleasure,” he said dryly. “But I’ve met a few girls who she tried to recruit. They’ve got nothin’ good to say about her.”

“Then you understand why she needs to come with me.”

Their eyes locked for several long minutes before Spike abruptly turned away with a soft curse. I’m not exactly thrilled about this either, she thought to herself. Buffy was sure that having Spike around would only complicate…everything. Since the moment they met on the streets, they’d been on the go; she hadn't had much time to process her feelings. Buffy wasn’t sure what she was feeling at the moment, and she didn’t know if she was even ready to explore any of it. She had her Slayers and her castle, and it was—

“I don’t know, Slayer,” Spike said finally. “You’ve got your… thing, and I’ve got Angel.” Spike paused for a moment and grimaced. “Did I just say I’ve got Angel?” Buffy nodded in confirmation. “Yeah. You know, maybe taggin’ along ain’t such a bad idea after all.”

Her eyes lit up with surprise. She hadn’t expected Spike to agree so easily and she really didn’t care why he did. She'd never admit it out loud, but she needed his help. Without thinking, Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike in a long overdue hug. Spike hesitated before winding his arm around Buffy’s, completing the embrace. They held each other for several moments, breathing each other in. He's so solid. Feels so good. I forgot how good this feels. Buffy lifted her head. He felt good, too good. Regaining her sense, Buffy gave him one final squeeze before backing away.

“Sorry about that. I—”

“S’okay, Slayer. What’s a hug between friends?”

“Right,” Buffy said with an uneasy smile. “We’re friends. Friends do the hug thing." She sighed, willing away the warmth that was building up inside of her. "Thank you for helping me... again.”

Spike shrugged again. “S’what friends are for,” he said simply.

“So, I’ll start prepping the others for our return home and let the rest of the Scoobies know you’ll be joining us.”

“I’m sure they’ll be so thrilled,” Spike said dryly.

“They’ll be happy to see you, Spike. You helped close the Hellmouth. You’re a hero among many of the Slayers. Especially the ones who were there.” Spike nodded, still skeptical. “We’ve got a lot of girls. And we could use some extra help with training and…” Buffy sucked in a quick breath. She was starting to sound saccharine. “It’ll be good to have you around.”

Spike’s lips parted. He started to say something to Buffy just as Cassia strolled through the bathroom door. The girl looked between Buffy and Spike suspiciously before easing back down on the bed.

“So?” she asked Buffy haughtily.

“Pack your bags, love,” Spike said with a friendly tone. “We’re off to see the Wizard.”

“Who?”

Spike shook his head. “I’m goin' to be joinin' Buffy in Scotland,” he explained. “The deal was that you’d go if I came along.”

Cassia flashed Spike the same hungry smirk from earlier. “Good. Then I will come too.” Cassia pushed herself to her feet and shuffled over to Spike.

“You saved me,” she said to him. “My guardian angel.”

Buffy stepped back and looked between the pair. The funny feeling began to gnaw at her stomach again. Trouble was coming, but she wouldn’t be Buffy if she didn’t leap toward it feet first. “I’ll go find Logan. She’ll want to follow up with you.” Buffy hesitated by her door before she stepped out into the early afternoon light.


	4. Something to Talk About

Cassia sat quietly while Logan examined her again in Buffy’s motel room. They were alone; Spike had ventured outside, wrapped tightly in a frayed comforter. Buffy had gone off somewhere, probably to boss someone around, Cassia thought. She had only been around the older Slayer for a few hours, and she could tell the woman was not her cup of tea. Spike, on the other hand… Cassia didn’t know what it was about this vampire that made her feel so drawn to him. Sancho had held her captive in his shed for weeks with no hope of being set free. During that time, he drained her blood, bringing her to the brink of death only to keep her alive so he could do it again. The few times she was able to fight back had resulted in cracked ribs and black eyes. Then Spike came along and saved her. The woman was there, too, but it was Spike who gathered her in his arms and took her away from that place.

“You’re doing much better today,” Logan said as she finished up with Cassia. “Gotta love that accelerated Slayer healing.” She peeled off her latex gloves and made a bank shot into the nearest trashcan.

“Are we all this strong?”

“Pretty much. I mean, some of us are a little stronger than others. But it really depends on how much time you dedicate to training.”

“Training?” Cassia parroted.

Logan smiled and sat down on the bed beside her new patient.

“Yeah. We have to train every day. It can be a drag sometimes when you want to do other stuff, but what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.”

Cassia tried to imagine what it was like living in a castle with dozens of other girls. That was the part she wasn’t too thrilled about. She already had a problem with people, and she never got along with other women. Most of the time, Cassia found them to be overly emotional and annoying. “She makes you do all that training.”

“Who? You mean Buffy?” Logan shrugged casually. “Yeah and no. Training is part of the gig, you know? You want to live to the ripe old age of 35, you gotta train. Buffy says we train, we train. She is the queen of the Slayers after all. Well, not literally a queen. Some of us call her that when she’s in one of her bitchy moods. Although she’s been a little more mellow lately. It’s a wonder what getting laid can do for you.” Her big curly hair shook when she laughed at her own joke.

Cassia’s lips twitched into a slight smile as she listened to the girl with the funny accent talk about her leader. She didn’t seem too intolerable.

“Don’t be nervous about it,” Logan said with a warm smile. “It’s a big castle. It can feel cramped at times, but for the most part everyone kind of does their own thing. Once you find your squad, you’ll fit right in.”

“Eh, I don’t know,” Cassia hesitated. “I just want to learn how to fight, so this never happens to me again,” she said, looking down at the fat, purple bruises on her arms. “They made it seem like I don’t have much of a choice.”

Logan frowned and toyed with the frayed stitching on Cassia’s blanket. “There’s always a choice. The question is, are you making the right choice for yourself. For me, moving to Scotland with Buffy was the best decision I ever made. Some people join us and love it. Other girls don’t. It’s not like Buffy’s holding us prisoner. You can leave any time you want.”

“That’s good to know.”

“When we get to Scotland, I’ll introduce you around to some of the cool kids. Once the gossip and the rumors die down… you’ll fit right in.”

“What gossip? What rumors?” What the hell did she mean there were rumors about her? Cassia didn’t even know these people. Up until a few hours ago, she didn’t even know there was a collaborative effort among Slayers. She’d heard some bits of news here and there, but she never gave it much thought. Most of the news was fake anyway.

Logan winced and stood up. Her hazel eyes shifted around the room before she looked at Cassia again. “There’s just some stuff going around about you… trust me, I’m sure most of it is bullshit. Any time there’s a new girl there’s always some rumors. It’s the nature of the beast.”

Cassia’s hand snaked out and wrapped tightly around Logan’s wrist, squeezing it between her fingers. “Tell me what you’re saying about me.”

Logan snatched her arm away and cradled her wrists with her free hand. “Damn, girl, get a grip. I told you, it’s gossip.” Logan backed away from the bed and gathered her medical satchel. “Take those pills I gave you every four hours with a bottle of water. Once we get back to the castle, Buffy'll assign you to the infirmary for a while until you’re recovered. I’ll have all my equipment and can run some tests to make sure I didn’t miss anything.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Cassia muttered.

Logan cast Cassia an odd look before letting herself out of the room, leaving the girl alone once again. They’re talking about me, she thought to herself. Cassia wondered what they were saying. Not that the opinions of these bubble-headed girls mattered anyway. They all had so much power but chose to follow that bossy Buffy woman. They were all idiots. Maybe it was a foolish idea to go back with them. Cassia stared at the hotel door for a few minutes and wondered how far she could get without anyone noticing.

At that moment, the door swung opened wildly, and Spike stepped inside. Smoke wafted from his body as he closed the door behind him. “Bleedin’ sun,” he muttered, throwing off the blanket.

Cassia watched him with a silent smirk on her face. “I wondered where you went.”

“Thought you might be hungry,” he said, digging in the pockets of his leather duster. A few seconds later, Spike dumped his vending machine haul on her bed.

Cassia eyed the American snacks hungrily. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, and the pile of assorted snack cakes and chips looked like a feast. She snatched a package of Snowballs from the bed and tore the plastic wrapper with greedy fingers before sinking her teeth into the soft, spongy mound.

“Oh, god, this is so good,” she made a throaty sound and threw her head back in delight. “Thank you.”

“S’no problem, love. There’s more,” Spike said, nodding toward the bed where the rest of the snacks lay.

Cassia shoved the rest of the cake in her mouth and chewed until her cheeks shrank back to their normal size again. “Sorry, I haven’t eaten in forever.” She reached for a bag of plantain chips and ripped into it with the same enthusiasm as she had with the Snowball.

“I figured you were hungry. Wish I could have gotten you some real food.”

Cassia took a bite of the second Snowball. “This is perfect,” she said around a mouthful. As she ate, she noticed the tender way Spike was looking at her and paused. “What?”

“Nothin’. Glad we found you, s’all.”

Cassia rolled her eyes and sat back against her headboard. His words reminded her that not everyone felt the same way. “They talk about me,” she said darkly.

“Who? The other Slayers?” Cassia nodded her head. “That’s natural, love. Hell, they talk about me, too.”

“Yes, but I—” she huffed, annoyed. “I don’t like it.”

Spike’s lips curved into a slight smile. He touched a gentle finger to her cheek, rubbing it absently against her angular jaw. “He who angers you controls you."

Cassia closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of his finger caressing her face. She wanted it to go on and pouted when he pulled his hand away. “I like that. I’m not like the rest of them," Cassia said firmly. "They're all sheep who all listen to that Buffy woman.”

A slight frown creased Spike’s smooth forehead. “Buffy’s their leader, pet. And she’s yours now, too.”

“What if I don’t want her to be my leader?” Cassia said, crossing her arms over her chest in child-like protest.

Spike shook his head and sighed. “Then that’s your choice to make. But I will say that Buffy is…” Spike paused as if he was searching for the right word to describe the Slayer. “Special,” he said finally, settling on the word that still didn’t do her any justice. “I’ve seen her come against some of the biggest bad’s this world has ever seen, includin’ myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“’S a long story. And I’ll tell you about it if you don’t already hear it from somebody else.” Spike paused and gazed at Cassia earnestly for a moment before he continued. “All I’m sayin' is no other Slayer can teach you the things that Buffy can. She’s the reason you’re a Slayer. Why any of you are Slayers.”

“I guess…”

“Give it a chance, okay. And if after a few weeks you want to leave, we’ll leave.”

“You mean it?”

“Yeah. You and me are in this together.”

Cassia smiled, feeling warm all over. She stared at Spike for a moment. He seemed to care, though she didn’t know why. Why did Buffy care? Or the nurse with the wild, curly hair? Why were they willing to help her? Cassia didn’t know the answer to any of her questions, but it felt good having Spike in her corner after years of being alone. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, not even herself, but she wanted to go to Scotland.

++++

Spike spent the rest of the day with Cassia, watching over her as she slipped in and out of sleep. When she was awake, she took the time to curiously ask him questions about himself. How did he meet Buffy? How long had he known her? Why did he have a soul and other vampires didn’t? Who was Angel? He answered each of her questions, careful not to divulge too many details about his sordid past. Spike didn’t want to scare her away. He was sure Cassia would hear about his bloody past from someone familiar with the Buffyverse. Spike decided he'd cross that bridge with Cassia when they got there. For some reason, he felt almost responsible for her. It surprised him how much he cared about Cassia going back with Buffy to train and learn how to be a better Slayer. He wouldn’t feel right about leaving her until he knew she could make it out there on her own.

Spike’s thoughts drifted toward Buffy. She popped in periodically throughout the day to check on him and Cassia. He knew Buffy worried about one of Sancho’s people retaliating against them. She wanted to leave the country as quickly as possible. Spike assured her the Chupacabra was nothing but a low-level grunt, barely a speck in the demon hierarchy. There would be no retaliation, no revenge plot, nothing that Buffy couldn’t handle on her own. They were all in the clear.

A brief knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts. He expected it to be Buffy again; instead, a short girl with dark hair, olive skin, and almond eyes stepped into the room. She gave Spike a long once over as her lips curled into a slight sneer.

“I wanted to see what the fuss is all about for myself,” Satsu said, breaking the silence. “I guess you’re okay… if you’re into that kind of thing.”

Spike’s head jerked back in surprise. “’ lo, I’m Spike, and you are…”

“Satsu,” she introduced herself. “Buffy’s second…and girlfriend.” Satsu paused for dramatic effect.

Spike noticed the gleam in Satsu’s eyes and smirked. He had smelled her all over Buffy the moment they ran into each other on the street. Spike had figured the aroma of other Slayers came from being around dozens of them all the time. His eyes took a slow perusal of Satsu starting from the top of her head down to her booted feet.

“Funny. I always figured if Buffy was ever gonna take a dive in those waters it would've been with Faith.” Satsu’s chin jutted toward him defiantly and their eyes locked. “But I guess I can see it if you're into that sort of thing," he shot back.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Satsu spat.

Spike started to tell her exactly what he meant just as Buffy burst through the door. Her cheeks were flushed pink as her eyes darted between her former lover and her current. “Oh, I see you guys have met.”

“Yeah,” Spike sniffed. “Lovely girl you’ve there, Slayer.”

Buffy’s cheeks turned an even deeper shade of pink. Satsu flung her arms around Buffy’s shoulder and flashed Spike a syrupy sweet smile. “Yep.”

“I, uh, was going to mention it last night but Cassia and the—”

“No need to explain, pet.” Spike turned his head to look at Cassia. The medication Logan had given her seemed to be working well. She was still sound asleep, unaware of the mini-drama unfolding a few feet away.

Spike really didn’t want or need an explanation. He was no fool. Spike hadn’t expected Buffy to go out and join and convent after his death. Hell, up until 24 hours ago he’d thought she was seeing one of the biggest Lotharios known to mankind. Yet, seeing her with Satsu caused an uneasiness in the pit of his stomach that he was determined to ignore. He was happy for Buffy, Spike told himself. _God bless that girl for venturing onto the emotional roller coaster known as Buffy Summers._

“Oh, okay,” Buffy sputtered. “We’re just about ready to take off.”

“No problem. I’ll make sure Cassia is ready when it’s time to go.”

“Good. Great!” Buffy looked at Satsu. “Let’s do a quick sweep of the rooms and get everyone prepped.”

“Aye, aye, Captain." Satsu gave Buffy a quick peck on the cheek and flashed Spike a shit-eating grin before stepping outside of the room.

Spike’s gaze lingered at the door before meeting Buffy’s again. “She seems nice,” he said with a teasing smirk, determined to keep it casual with Buffy. “A little young though.”

“Quiet,” Buffy warned. “You’re one to talk.”

“Who me?”

“Yeah, you, hypocrite,” she said.

“Cradle robber.” Spike slung back.

“Older cradle robber.”

Spike chuckled and shook his head. “C’ mon Slayer, you can do better than that. Losing your touch in your matured age?”

“Shut up,” Buffy said around a laugh.

The pair stared at each other for a moment with smiles on both their faces. Spike missed this. In the last days before the closing of the Hellmouth, he and Buffy had shared a closeness, an intimacy with each other that he hadn’t experienced with anyone since. He blinked his eyes, breaking the moment and yanking himself from the warmth of the past. “Lips sealed,” he said pantomiming zipping his mouth shut.

Buffy stepped backward putting even more distance between them. “Be ready in a half hour,” she said before disappearing through the door, leaving him alone with Cassia once again.

++++

The old Scottish castle was abuzz with excitement by the time they touched down at the “Slayer HQ.” _Well, Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore,_ Spike thought to himself as he looked up at the massive structure.

“What do you think?” Cassia asked.

She was strong enough to walk on her own and insisted she make the journey to the castle without any aid. Spike suspected it was an attempt to save face in front of the Slayers. He got it. She didn’t want to show weakness in front of the others despite her condition. Spike looked down at her and smiled. He could feel her discomfort as she huddled closer to him for support. He took her hand in his and gave it a light, encouraging squeeze. “Like we’re in bloody Hogwarts.”

Cassia laughed and brushed a wayward strand of blonde hair out of her face. “I guess Queen Buffy really does have her very own castle.”

Spike gazed down at Cassia for a moment. He had caught the slight sneer in her tone and wasn’t sure he liked it very much. _Gonna have to nip that in the bud real soon,_ he thought to himself. He turned his attention back to the sprawling stone castle that overlooked a cliff. The building was going to be his home for a while, and Spike vowed to get used to it as quickly as he could. He’d spoken to Angel about his plans on the plane ride over. The other vampire had taken the news better than Spike expected, but he did experience a small amount of joy at Angel’s jealous reaction. Sure, he told himself it didn’t matter anymore, but hearing Angel ask if he and Buffy had gotten back together made him feel all warm inside.

They were the last to enter the building. Buffy had hung back with Spike and Cassia in a show of support. She warned him some of the Slayers didn’t take too well to change. For some of the newbies, a vampire in their safe haven was a huge change that might take time getting used to. In a rare moment of insecurity, Spike grabbed Cassia by the wrist and paused their movements.

“You might hear some stuff about me…” he whispered the warning in her ear. “Some things that ain’t gonna sound so good, love. Things about me and—”

Cassia looked down at the hand wrapped around her wrist and took it into hers. “I don’t care,” she said firmly. “You saved my life. That makes you good to me.” She looked up at the castle nervously again. “Besides, they’re already talking about me. So, let’s give them something to talk about,” she said with an impish smile and tugged him toward the castle’s entrance.

Spike stood on the other side of the door and waited for Buffy to invite him in. He looked over at Cassia and mustered up a confident smile. “Here goes nothin,’’ he muttered before they stepped inside together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Twinkles once again for her awesome Beta job on this chapter! She is super quick! Any remaining errors are mine. 
> 
> Note 1: During season 8, Buffy somehow acquired a castle in an undisclosed area in Scotland. The writers never tell us HOW this happened. Apparently, one can purchase a castle in Scotland if you have the means to do so. Additionally, Buffy also got her hands on some snazzy tech. This included jets, computers, motorcycles, etc. Suspension of disbelief is the name of the game, and I ask that you guys "Relax, just do it" with me. Thanks for reading and hanging in there! 
> 
> While writing Cassia I pictured a Slayer who is untrained and unpolished with barely a working knowledge of what it means to be a Slayer. When Slayers are imbued with their abilities, it's mostly physical strength and enhancements. The ability to fight, expertise in martial arts, and acrobatics are the result of training. Training regularly and working out serves to enhance, maintain, and strengthen both learned and bestowed abilities. An untrained Slayer could essential be a really strong person who can't throw a proper right hook.


	5. Straight Talk

Satsu balled up a dirt-stained t-shirt and launched it into the hamper on the other side of her room.

“And the crowd goes wild!” Kennedy cheered her on. She lounged on the spare bed in Satsu’s room and watched her sort the clothes. 

“I hate laundry,” Satsu sulked as she continued unpacking her bag. She didn’t mind laundry but complaining about the chore made it easier to deal—or not deal with the real issue she was having. Buffy. Spike. Buffy and Spike. Satsu tried not to let their reunion worry her, but she couldn’t help the queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach every time she thought of Buffy and Spike together. Wasn’t Spike supposed to be one of Buffy’s great loves? How was she supposed to compete up with that? Satsu knew Buffy liked her, but love? Love was just wishful thinking on her part. If there was any chance of Buffy falling for her, it was ruined now. Spike was here, living with them. 

“I can tell.” Kennedy looked at Satsu with unchecked concern. “You did it. You killed that shirt dead. Bad dirty shirt,” Kennedy said nodding to the thin cloth Satsu absently twisted in her hand. “I know laundry is a drag, but what’s really bothering you?” 

“Nothing,” Satsu lied. She wasn’t sure she was ready to talk to Kennedy about her insecurities about her relationship with Buffy. She already knew what Kennedy was going to say. 

Kennedy gave Satsu a look. “You know you’re a terrible liar. You’ve gotta do something about that expressive face of yours, babe. You’d be shit at poker.” 

Satsu blew out an audible sigh and plopped down on her bed. “It’s nothing… I mean, I don’t think I have anything to worry about.” 

“Is this about Spike coming here?” 

_Bingo!_ Satsu looked up from her open palms. “Is it that obvious?” 

“Yeah, kinda. But I totally understand. I mean if Tara suddenly came back from the dead, I’d feel... well, you know. So, yeah, I can only imagine what you’re going through right now.” 

Did she? Satsu didn’t know much about Willow other than she was the most powerful freaking witch in the world. And she was totally gay…unlike Buffy, who was totally straight. Okay, maybe not _totally straight_. Sleeping with Satsu made Buffy at least kinda bi-sexual, right? 

“It’s Spike,” Satsu began. “At least with Angel he’s got that whole gypsy curse thing going on. There’s nothing really stopping Buffy from hopping back on—” 

“Spike’s d—” 

“I was going to say the Spike train.” Satsu cut her off before she could finish. 

Kennedy shrugged. “Yeah, that too,” she said with a laugh. Kennedy sobered when she noticed Satsu’s long face. “Do you think that’s a possibility?” 

Satsu looked down and picked at the hangnail on her thumb. “Yes. No. I don’t know…Buffy is… well, she’s Buffy.” Satsu struggled to communicate her feelings. “She’s such a force of nature, and when I’m with her, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced…well, ever. But she’s way out of my league.” 

Kennedy made a face. “Don’t say that. Buffy’s just like the rest of us. She might have been a special snowflake once upon a time, but she’s no different from you and me. I get that you’ve got like this serious jones for her, but I have to be honest with you.” 

Satsu looked up, her eyes locking with Kennedy’s. “What?” Satsu said when Kennedy hesitated. “Don’t spare my feelings now. You never have before.” 

"Dating is hard enough, but when you date a straight, it’s even harder.” 

“Buffy isn’t straight. She’s…”

Kennedy tilted her head to the side. “I’ve been where you are, Satsu. I’ve dated girls who were curious and just out for a good time. Maybe that’s not Buffy. Maybe she is serious about you. I don’t know her well enough to make that call. But I do know she can be careless with people at times. I don’t think she does it on purpose. But a little word of advice, you can’t date someone to gay. No matter how good this is,” she said, wiggling her tongue at Satsu, making the other girl laugh. 

“Ugh, you’re too much,” Satsu said around her laughter. 

“Just be careful, okay. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I will. I am.” Satsu flashed Kennedy a smile and hopped off her bed.

“Where are you going?” Kennedy asked, intrigued by Satsu’s sudden change of demeanor. 

“Going to see a girl,” she said and dashed out of the room, leaving her laundry and Kennedy behind. 

++++

Satsu found Buffy in her suite. She had stood outside Buffy’s room for ten minutes, trying to figure out what to say before she finally mustered up the courage to knock on her door. She still wasn’t sure what she was going to say to Buffy. She only knew she wanted to be near her. Satsu needed to know things hadn't changed between them.

“Satsu,” Buffy said, surprised to see the other Slayer at her door. “I thought you had a ton of laundry,” Buffy teased. 

“I did,” Satsu said with a shrug. “But what the hell. It’ll be there tomorrow.” 

Buffy nodded toward her ever-growing pile in the corner of her room. “Mine has settled right on in. I call it Gus.” 

Satsu laughed and stepped through Buffy’s door. “Nice to meet you, Gus,” Satsu said to the pile of clothes. She looked around Buffy’s room, relieved that she was alone. “So, what are you up to?” 

“Well, I had a hot date with this thing,” Buffy said, waving her tablet. “But either I can’t remember the WiFi or Andrew’s changed it again.” 

“Can I?” Satsu said, reaching for the device. Buffy handed it over to Satsu after typing in her password. A few seconds later she was connected to the Castle’s WiFi. “The Password is DeathStar.” Satsu handed the tablet back to Buffy. 

“Great! Now all my binge watching can be done from the tip of my fingers in the very own comfort of my room.” Buffy settled down on her bed. “Wanna join me? I’ll even let you pick.” 

Satsu hesitated for a moment. “Actually, Buffy, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Satsu looked down at her feet and shifted her weight. As much as she wanted to cuddle up next to her girlfriend and watch a movie, she knew she couldn’t pretend Spike's return didn’t bother her. Satsu needed to know where she stood with Buffy before she fell in too deep. 

Buffy sat her tablet aside and sighed. “I think I know what you want to talk about. I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I was kind of hoping for later. Much later.” 

“I’m sorry. It’s just that—” 

“Don’t apologize. I totally get it. Spike being back wasn’t exactly part of the plan. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it myself.” 

“So, you two aren’t getting back together?” 

Buffy’s eyes widened in shock. “ What? Satsu, what are you talking about? Spike hasn’t been back five minutes.” 

“It’s just that you and him…you had a thing. Kind of a big thing.” 

Buffy stood from the bed and walked toward Satsu. She took the girl’s hand in hers. “Yeah. We had a thing. Now I have a thing with you. And it’s a pretty good thing… well, at least I think so.”

“Yeah! Me, too.” 

“I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s still new to me. Kind of… different. I still think we should take it slow, see where it goes. My track record with relationships isn’t exactly winning me gold medals. I want to be careful, you know.” 

“Yeah. I get it.”

Buffy placed her hand on each of Satsu’s arms. “Do you?” 

“Yeah, Buff. You want to make sure you aren’t rushing into anything.”

“Right. Exactly. I like you, Satsu. And I like what we have between us. It’s fun. And I want to keep having fun.” 

“Yeah, sure. Fun. Me, too,” Satsu said, the words burning her throat. She was having fun with Buffy, but she wanted more. 

“Are you sure? Really? Because I don’t want this to be— I don't want to lead you--” 

“No! It’s cool. I promise. I’m totally into having fun.”

Buffy smiled, relieved. “Good,” she took Satsu by the hand and led her over to the bed. 

“Buff—What?” Satsu asked, confused. In the few months that they’d been together, Buffy had never been the aggressor. Satsu had always initiated intimacy between them that progressed beyond light petting. 

“Having fun,” Buffy said. Her hands found the zipper to Satsu’s jeans and slowly pulled them down before kissing her. Satsu let out a shaky sigh when Buffy’s hands found her. 

++++

Buffy woke up in the middle of the night. Moonlight filtered in the room casting dark shadows in different parts of the suite. Satsu cuddled against her and wound her arm around Buffy’s waist. Buffy closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t let her rest. She kept dreaming of Satsu. Then Spike. Then Spike and Satsu. Her dreams were fragmented, but what she could remember made her face hot. Buffy recalled her earlier conversation with Satsu and sighed. She did like Satsu, a lot. She was fun and free-spirited, everything that Buffy wasn’t at her age. Without the weight of the world on her shoulders, Buffy might have been like Satsu. She enjoyed the friendship and the companionship they shared, but she didn’t want to hurt Satsu by misleading her. Buffy had tried to make her intentions clear, and she hoped Satsu understood. 

Buffy gently untangled herself from Satsu’s embrace and slipped out of bed. She knew Satsu worried Spike’s presence at the castle meant they would get back together. _Were we ever together?_ Buffy pondered on the nature of her relationship with Spike. They had moments of tenderness between them, but most of it was marred by the pain they caused each other. What she shared with Spike was often hard and toxic. During moments of honesty, Buffy had realized some of the problems were of her own making. But she couldn’t go back to that again. She also didn't allow herself to think about the possibility of it being different a second time around.

Still, there had been a brief glimmer of something more, something unique between them. She and Spike had shared a special bond with each other those last few weeks in Sunnydale. That meant something to her. For a moment in time, they were more than enemies, more than lovers. They had become friends. 

_I love you._

_No, you don’t._

_Yes, I did._ In that moment, watching Spike sacrifice himself for everyone, she had loved him. And now? How did she feel now? Buffy couldn't put it into words. She was happy he was back. But was that love? 

She needed air. 

Buffy threw on a pair of jeans and hoodie and slipped out the room into the empty hallway. Her suite was in the west wing of the castle, secluded from everyone except for Willow and Xander. Buffy thought about stopping by Willow’s room, but she didn’t want to burden her friend at 3 am in the morning. Dawn was likely in classes; she didn’t want to disturb her. It was important to Buffy that her sister stayed focused on her education. She’d update her about Spike some other time. Buffy paused by Xander’s door. She thought she heard a soft moan and backed away, nearly tripping over her sneakered feet. You’d think a hundred-year-old castle would have thicker doors. She didn’t want to know who was in that room with him. 

Buffy turned down another long corridor. This wasn’t her first time roaming the castle on her own in the middle of the night. Without dozens of girls filling the halls, she had the building to herself. Buffy wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the chill and thought about Cassia. She was down in the infirmary still recovering from the wounds. Logan assured Buffy Cassia would be fine in a few days once the meds kicked in and she was being regularly cared for. Spike had insisted on staying down there with her. It wasn’t lost on Buffy that the two of them had formed quite the attachment to each other in such a short time. _Hey, as long as it keeps the crazy away, whatever works._ She wondered what she was going to do about Cassia. She wasn’t exactly a joiner. Cassia had made it clear several times in Brazil that she wasn't sold on unifying with other Slayers. Buffy had only brought her back to Scotland so she could keep an eye on her. She couldn’t cause trouble if she was being monitored, right? Buffy tried pushing away her dark thoughts. She hoped once Cassia started training, her attitude would change. There was still hope, right? She’d lost Simone, but that didn’t mean that history had to repeat itself. Buffy vowed to try harder this time around. She would make sure Cassia didn’t go down the same road Simone had. 

Buffy rounded another corner and barreled into another body, becoming tangled in a pair of solid arms and legs. “Spike?” she asked, confused, once she realized who they belonged to. Buffy took a moment to take him in. He was wearing his usual black t-shirt and jeans. _Had they always fit him that perfectly?_ She thought. The feel of his body still lingered on hers and Buffy inched back, putting some space between them. 

“Buffy. What are you doing up?” Spike asked, surprised to see her. He was holding a plate in his hand, wrapped in tinfoil. 

“Walking. I couldn’t sleep. Jet lag. What are you doing walking around?” 

Spike used his head to gesture toward the plate in his hand. “Went down to the kitchen to grab something for our newest little bird. It was Sloppy Joe night.” 

“Yummy,” Buffy deadpanned. Sloppy Joe night was her least favorite menu item. It gave her flashbacks of her time working at The Double Meat Palace. Buffy shook the memory away and looked up at Spike. They were silent for a moment, neither of them in a hurry to leave. “I’ll just get out of your way,” she said finally. 

“You’re not in my way, Slayer.” His voice was gentle. 

Buffy bit down on her bottom lip. The longer they stood in front of each other in that empty hall, the more awkward she felt. “How is Cassia?” She asked to fill the void of silence between them. “I heard you haven’t left her side since we got here.” 

“She’s doin’ better. Doc’s got her on some strong meds. I reckon she’ll be fine in a day or two. Meantime, I’m just trying to keep her from getting bored.” 

I bet. “That’s good. Once things are a little more stable, we can go over her training schedule and get her sorted into the right group.” 

“You got it, Dumbledore. Does she get to wear a funny little hat, too?” 

“Haha. If only it was that easy. She’s new, so she’ll be with Rona for a while...maybe. I’m still on the fence about that. Then we can see about having her join my team or Kennedy’s. Of course, you’ll be here to help train her, too.” 

“It’s 3 am and already she puts me to work,” Spike teased. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“I’m only kidding, pet. It’s good you’re thinking about these things. The sooner we intervene, the better.” 

Buffy let out a sigh of relief. So, Spike saw it, too. It was good they were on the same page about Cassia. “That’s putting it mildly.” Buffy paused for a moment, carefully considering her next words. “What do you think about her, Cassia? Honestly.” 

“Honestly… I think we’ve got a very troubled bird on our hands. But she’s not a lost cause. Hell, if I can be redeemed, anyone can.”

He had a point. Even before he bargained for his soul, Spike had been capable of doing some good. Sure, it was mostly because he had a chip in his head. But that still counted for something. 

“She’s gonna need a friend,” Spike continued. “And she seems to like me.”

Buffy shook her head and grinned sardonically. “Yeah, she does. And you seem to like her, too,” she said slyly. 

Spike lifted his scarred brow. “Just as much as anyone else.” His voice was casual, making it hard for Buffy to read. 

_Liar, liar pants on fire._ “Sure, you do. It’s not like you don’t have a type.” 

“And that would be?” He lifted a dark brow and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Blonde. Sometimes Slayer shaped.” 

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong. I do not have a ‘type.’ I’ve only had a thing for one blonde.” 

"Really? Or have you forgotten about Harmony already.”

Spike grimaced and shook his head. “Fine. Two if you count Harmony. I had almost gotten the memory of that travesty out of my head. Thanks.” Buffy shrugged her shoulders and laughed. “I mean it, pe- Buffy. I’m just here to help. Trust me, getting involved with another Slayer isn’t exactly in my plans.” 

“Yuh. Besides you barely know her," Buffy said to mask her relief. There was a long list of reasons why Spike shouldn’t get involved with Cassia or any slayer, Buffy told herself. It was the responsible thing to do and an unspoken rule among everyone. Never mind she’d already broken it. Buffy glanced down at the plate in his hand. “I’m sure that sandwich is ice cold by now.” 

“Yeah… probably.” 

Spike hesitated for a moment. She wanted to keep him in the hallway longer and just...be with him so they could talk, but fear kept her from saying what was on her heart.

"We’ll talk more tomorrow. G’night, Slayer.”

“Goodnight, Spike,” Buffy said as she stepped around him. 

She was still heavy with everything unspoken between them, but knowing he wasn’t interested in pursuing Cassia made Buffy feel better. The girl was unstable, hadn’t he had enough of that for a lifetime with Dru? I’m just concerned for him. That’s all, she tried to convince herself. Buffy headed back to her room with a lightness to her step that hadn’t been there for days. Satsu was still sleeping when Buffy slipped back into bed beside her. 

“Where’d you go,” Satsu murmured sleepily. 

“Went for a walk.”

Satsu looped her leg around Buffy’s and cuddled her. “Mmmm. Your feet are freezing.” Satsu shivered against Buffy. 

“I can put on socks.”

Satsu shook her head. “No, because then you’d have to get up. I’ll warm them up for you.” 

Buffy nestled her head into her pillow and closed her eyes. “Okay…” she said absently. 

It didn’t take Buffy long to fall asleep again. And this time when she dreamed, Satsu was nowhere in the picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Twinkles who continues to be a great Beta! Also, thank you to everyone who is keeping up with the story, reading, and commenting! 
> 
> The talk between Kennedy and Satsu was a reflection of a similar conversation I had once with a friend of mine. Navigating relationships can be tough and it gets really complicated when you are unsure of the other person's intentions. Kennedy is skeptical and Satsu is just hopeful about Buffy's sexual identity (but neither know Buffy's heart).
> 
> In the comics, the writers dropped Buffy/Satsu (Saffy) on the readers and I felt there was nothing that lead up to that relationship. Of course, this is my opinion and I could totally be wrong. Buffy explained to Satsu that she didn't want to start anything serious with her because of her dating record (because they always ended up dying). However, I wanted to take it a step further and lay Buffy's intentions out there so she wouldn't mislead Satsu regarding her feelings.


	6. Here Goes Nothing

Spike roamed the castle, getting a feel for his new home. He saw Slayers everywhere he turned. _They’re coming out the bloody walls,_ he thought to himself. Spike passed a group of four or five Slayers and greeted them with a head nod. Two of the girls giggled and whispered something to her friend as they passed by. Spike pictured Cassia among the gaggle of women and winced. He’d only known her for a few days and had learned she wasn’t exactly a people person. In fact, the only person she seemed to like was Spike. He’d tried encouraging her to explore the castle with him, but she’d begged off each time, preferring to stay in the infirmary. 

Spike wanted her to get out and familiarize herself with her new home. Who knew how long she was going to be there? If he had his druthers, it would be awhile. From what he could tell, Buffy ran a pretty efficient operation. All the Slayers got themselves three hots and a fancy cot, training, and the chance to slay things. Perfect. Once she warmed to the change of pace, Spike hoped she would come to enjoy being a Slayer. 

The sound of a familiar voice directed his feet to an open door down the hall. Someone had converted an old tapestry room into a classroom. Over a dozen Slayers were gathered in the room, listening as Xander went over military tactics. He spoke with the ease of an expert tactician, a holdover from his stint as an Army soldier that one Halloween. Spike slid into the classroom, avoiding the sun and leaned against a wall where he could observe unnoticed by the class. Spike had spoken to Xander briefly when he first arrived. Their reunion went as he imagined, somewhat awkward and quick. Red had been a little more receptive, enveloping him into an affectionate hug. He and Willow always shared a special bond. Aside from Buffy and the bit, she was his favorite of the Scoobies. 

Spike crossed his arms over his chest, surprised by the authority in Xander’s voice. His commanding presence exuded confidence in front of the fledgling Slayers. Spike supposed that losing an eye had given the boy the self-assurance he once lacked. Spike’s gaze flickered toward the room full of women. Save for a few girls secretly texting under their desks, most of them were paying attention to the lecture. Spike wondered how often they had these classes and when Cassia would begin hers. 

“The next tactical maneuver is called the penetration,” Xander said, looking down at his handbook. Several of the girls giggled, and one of them let out a loud wolf whistle. “Alright, ladies, settle down. We’ve got one more chapter to get through, and I promise I’ll go easy with the homework.” This time the entire class erupted in groans. 

“Can anyone tell me what the penetration is?” Xander asked. 

“That’s when the guy puts his—” 

“Okay,” Xander cut off the brunette who was about to give the class a lesson in sex education. “The penetration is one of the most traditional tactical maneuvers in warfare. It is also the most effective when confronting an army of equal or stronger forces. While most of your time as a Slayer will consist of one-on-one fighting, you might have to face an army of monsters.” 

“Like you guys did at the Hellmouth.” 

“That’s right, Helen.” Xander flashed the girl a smile. “The penetration is a critical attack that attempts to pierce the enemy line while…” Xander's voice drifted. A deep frown pierced his brow as he tried to remember the fractured information in his brain. “While uh, sec- secondary attacks up and down the enemy line to prevent freeing of the enemy reserves,” he said quickly, getting it all out in one breath. 

Spike listened to the rest of the lecture and concealed his boredom by looking down at his booted feet. He recalled Buffy telling him she hated the term “army," but it sure felt like she was running an army to him. Spike waited until Xander dismissed the class before approaching him. 

“Interestin’ class, mate,” he said. 

“You were practically in a coma,” Xander joked. “Not that I blame you. It isn’t the most titillating stuff. But it’s necessary.” 

“Yeah. Gotta know how to fight a horde.” 

Xander bobbed his head and stacked his books on the desk. “How’s your Slayer?” 

“I guess she’s alright. I haven’t seen—” Spike caught himself mid-sentence once he realized who Xander was referring to. “I mean, she’s doing alright. Should be ready to join the rest of the class pretty soon.” 

“Well, that’s great. I’ll be sure to get her up to speed.”

Spike nodded and shifted on his feet at the uneasy silence between them. Without the threat of impending doom or a chip in his head, he and Xander didn’t have much to talk about. “Thanks,” he said, finally. 

Xander gathered his books in his arms, his eyes darted to the door. “Well, I’ve got…” 

“Oh, yeah, don’t let me keep you.” Spike stepped aside to let Xander pass. 

“I’ll see you around, Spike,” he said before disappearing through the door. 

Spike looked around the empty classroom. The smell of bubble gum and body spray still clung to the air. He imagined Cassia sitting in one of the chairs bored out of her mind and shook his head. _Well, this is going to be interesting._

++++

Cassia leaned against the mountain of pillows she had stacked behind her back on the infirmary bed. She was the only injured Slayer, and the five empty beds close to her were each missing a pillow. Logan had given her access to the remote, so she was currently watching some strange British comedy (well, it seemed like a comedy) about a man with a blue box. Logan had assured her that it was a “great show.” She thought it was decent. It kept her from worrying about her future in Scotland, and the man in the trench coat was sort of nice to look at. She was currently eating Oreo cookies Spike had wrangled for her and half-watching the TV. Cassia scraped the white filling off a cookie with her teeth and stacked the discarded chocolate disk on top of the growing tower on her bedside table. 

She was feeling a hundred percent better, and over the past few days, her strength had begun to restore. She was able to join the rest of the Slayers, but she found a new ailment to complain about every day. Her ribs were still sore, her shoulder hurt, maybe she had slipped a disk in her back? She wasn’t afraid of fitting in. No, that was a lie. She was afraid of fitting in. Insecurity was an unfamiliar feeling for her. Ever since she was a child, Cassia had developed a strong sense of self and confidence in her abilities. 

Too old to adopt after her parent's murders, Cassia spent most of her formative years bouncing around different group homes. No one wanted to take in a five-year-old. In their eyes, she was practically a teenager. After the first few rejections, she’d discovered people wanted cute little babies they could dress up like dolls and parade around. As a result, she adapted to her environments. Cassia learned to fight off her older foster brothers when they slid their sweaty palms up her skirt. She batted her eyes at the men - foster fathers - when she wanted something the other children couldn’t have. At fourteen, she learned guys were quite easy to manipulate when you had a pretty face. But here in Buffy’s castle, she was one pretty face among dozens. Cassia thought of Logan with her curly, wild afro and rich bronzed skin. Logan was only a few years older than Cassia, but she seemed so much more worldly and sophisticated. She and Logan sometimes spoke about her training during her daily visits. Cassia learned many of the girls had been training for years. She could fight, but fighting off horny teenage boys and fighting off demons were two very different things. 

The last time she had taken on a demon, she had ended up in a shed, a prisoner while Sancho drained her blood whenever he desired it. Cassia was willing to bet she’d been the only Slayer foolish enough to have gotten captured by a demon. Everyone thinks I’m a joke. Cassia reached for another cookie and frowned when her searching hand came up empty. Despite the light-hearted adventures on the television, her mood darkened with the memory of her captivity. Cassia hadn’t meant to get captured. She only ventured to the favelas because Abel, a man she met at a club, wanted to take her home. She let him. It turned out that Abel worked for Sancho and his job was to find unsuspecting victims like tourists or single women. By the time she realized what was happening, it was too late. Cassia was certain that she’d have died in that building if it hadn’t been for Spike… and Buffy. 

Cassia thought about her knight and shining armor, a vampire with a soul. She’d only encountered one vampire in her life, the night of her parent's murders. She hadn’t even known what it was that killed her parents until recently. Cassia didn't remember much about her parent’s death. She blocked most of it out years ago when she was a child. Pretending her parents were on vacation was easier to handle than the bloody scene she’d found them in. Spike was different. He didn’t act like the bloodthirsty beast that slaughtered her family. From the moment he discovered her in Sancho’s shed, he’d been nothing but kind to her. Spike didn’t look at her with unchecked lust in eyes like most men did when they met her. In fact, he acted like a perfect gentleman. It was becoming quite frustrating to her. She liked Spike, and the thought of taking him on a test ride had crossed her mind a few times over the last few days. The idea of a Slayer with a vampire secretly amused her. She and Spike were meant to be mortal enemies, but whenever she thought about the blue-eyed demon, the only feelings she got were in her nether regions. Cassia wondered if she was the first Slayer who ever wanted a vampire. 

“Sorry, it took so long, pet. Had a bit of a walk and got lost,” Spike said as he strolled back into the room. 

“It’s a big castle.” 

“That it is. Might do you some good to get out and come explore it with me.” 

Cassia turned her head away. This wasn’t the first time Spike had tried to persuade her to get out and walk around. She wasn’t ready yet. “My legs hurt,” she lied. 

Spike tilted his head and gave Cassia a knowing look. “Might be bedsores, pet. Nasty things start to fester and boil over if you don’t get up.” 

Cassia made a face at the image of blood and pus leaking from her body. She didn’t have bedsores. She had a case of the jitters. “Well, what do you know? My legs are fine.” 

Spike lifted his scarred brow. “Good. You can get up and walk with me.” 

Well, she’d walked right into that trap, and he hadn’t even had to try hard. Cassia pulled her blanket up to her shoulders and burrowed deeper into her bed. “Not today, Spike. Maybe tomorrow.” 

“That’s what you said yesterday, love.” His tone was gentle. “You’re going to have to get out of bed sooner or later. What’s there to be afraid of?”

Cassia’s head jerked and her chin jutted out defiantly. “I’m not afraid.” 

“Then what is it, love? You can tell me. Remember we’re in this together.” 

Cassia stared at a piece of white lint on her blanket. She couldn't look at Spike while she battled with feelings of inadequacy. She was no Buffy. Hell, she was no Logan. What if she went out there and made a fool of herself in front of a castle full of Slayers? They were all hoping she would fail anyway. What if she was the worst fighter? What if she wasn’t fast enough or smart enough? Cassia’s lips parted, ready to give Spike her typical flippant answer.

“I don’t know what they know,” she began, ignoring the urge to respond with a glib remark. “I don’t want to look stupid.” 

Empathy flashed in Spike’s eyes, and he took her hand in his. “You won’t look stupid. Everyone has to start somewhere. You think I was always this badass?” His lips curved into a teasing smile. “It takes work. And if you’re willin’ to work, I’m sure you will be a formidable Slayer.” 

“Like your Buffy?” 

Spike blanched at her mention of Buffy and rubbed the back of his head. “She isn’t my Buffy,” he said, setting the record straight. “But yeah… if you work hard, you can be right up there with her. But keep in mind, pet, Buffy’s been doin’ this since she was fifteen. She’s outlived many Slayers for good reason.” 

Cassia bobbed her head. She got it. Buffy was the best. Cassia wanted to be better. Buffy was practically geriatric anyway, a relic from the 90s. Cassia was part of a new breed of Slayers. “I want to be the best,” she said with a renewed wave of determination. 

“That’s the spirit, love.” 

“No, I mean it, Spike. I’m not like these girls with their fancy educations,” she said, thinking of Logan. 

Spike shook his head. “I hear you. But you’ve got nothin’ to prove. The goal is to become a damned good Slayer, so you can live to see another day,” Spike said earnestly. 

Cassia’s brow furrowed into a slight frown. “Why do you care so much?” It was a question that had been nagging at her since she agreed to leave her country and follow him across the world. 

Spike took a moment to answer, his response was delayed in thought. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “It’s the right thing to do. Help.” 

Cassia studied Spike’s expression. There was something more, something he wasn’t telling her, but she didn’t want to push. They were still getting to know each other, but she was sure he was sincere in his willingness to stay with her. Cassia saw beneath his hard-ass persona to the man he was inside. Spike was a good man. That was something rare in this world. 

++++

The walk had been good for Cassia. Spike was glad he had finally convinced her to leave the security of the infirmary to explore her new home. He worried she had traded one cell for another. Spike recognized her insecurities. He was once a man who often doubted himself before the demon had awakened his brasher side. Cassia was a complex bird. She exuded confidence, often masking it in her sex appeal (yes, he had noticed, though he tried not to). However, she was still a young woman barely out of her adolescent years who struggled with her self esteem. In many ways, Cassia was the opposite of Buffy. She didn’t have her Scoobies to call on when she needed them. From what Cassia had revealed to him during their many late-night talks, Spike had gathered she lived a rather arduous life. Most of Cassia’s criminal acts were just a girl raging out against the shitty hand life had dealt her. The poet in him recognized it as sadness. That’s why he agreed to help Andrew when he asked him. Spike recalled flipping through the dossier on Angel’s little tablet thing. Perhaps it was the blonde hair and greenish eyes that drew him to her at first, but it was her story that sealed the deal for him. Sure, he had come across some tough ones over the past few months, but for some inexplicable reason, Cassia tugged at him. He felt drawn to her. If he was completely honest with himself, he felt like helping was a chance to redeem himself for Xin Rung and Nikki. And to some extent, Buffy, too. 

When he agreed to go to Scotland, Spike had made a pledge to himself that he would train Cassia personally. He wanted her to avoid Xin Rung and Nikki’s fates for as long as possible. But that wasn’t the sole reason he agreed to Buffy’s plan. He hated admitting it to himself, but hearing Buffy wasn’t with the Immortal had sent him through the roof. Spike couldn’t say that he was particularly interested in starting something with Buffy, but he didn't mind being near her. It felt good being at her side again, fighting the good fight. And if his presence meant she had one more person watching her back, he was happy to do it. 

Spike lay in bed, waiting for the sun to set. Although he moved around during the day, he felt his strongest and best at night. The castle was usually more active at night when most of the Slayers had free time. He found many of them quite entertaining, and it didn’t hurt that some of them treated him like a celebrity. Spike may have had a soul, but he wasn’t above a good ego stroke every now and then. He pushed his heavier thoughts of Buffy and Cassia aside and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He’d make his rounds first, then visit later in the infirmary like he often did before heading back to his room. 

Spike followed the sound of loud, excited voices to a lofty room on his floor of the castle. Someone had converted it into a game room stocked with ping pong, foosball, and air hockey tables. There were some sofas and beanbags strewn about to accommodate the gamers. Spike noted a few arcade games pushed against one of the far walls, where a couple of the girls were playing pinball. He was willing to wager that this room was either Xander’s or Andrew’s idea. He knew the jet hanger under the basketball court had Andrew written all over it. In fact, the entire castle came equipped with all kinds of nerdy, loser crap that they shouldn’t have been able to afford. It made Spike wonder how Buffy was able to manage it all. It was a question he planned to ask the next time they had a moment. 

“Spike!” A Slayer with long reddish hair waved him over. 

He nodded toward the girl and headed her way, stepping over a wayward throw pillow. “Hey… uh…” 

“Mickey. I’ve told you like ten times,” she said, playfully jabbing him in his arm in a way that still hurt. 

“Right. You did.” Spike looked around the circle of girls who were all in their late teens. “What are you ladies up to?”

Mickey grabbed a ping pong paddle and flipped it into the air before catching it with skillful hands. “Kicking your ass in table tennis,” she said with a cocky smirk. Spike hesitated for a moment. “Oh, come on. It’s not like you’re a Watcher. You can fraternize with the Slayers. We won’t bite… unless you want us to,” she teased. 

Spike chuckled at her brazenness and grabbed a paddle. “Fine. But I’ll have you know I’ve got a world champion ping pong player’s blood coursing through these veins.” 

“Your parents played ping pong?” One of the Slayers named Seven asked in shock.

“No, dummy, it means he ate one.” Mickey rolled her eyes and got into position on her side of the table. 

“Hey now with the name callin,’” Spike said and instantly felt like a fogie. 

The girls all laughed. “Puleeze, we’ve heard worse when we’re fighting demons. You sound like Giles when he’s here.” 

Spike grimaced and jerked his head. “Noted. I’ll try sounding less Giles-like.” 

“Speaking of Giles, if you’re both British, why does he sound like he has a stick up his ass all the time and you don’t?” A Slayer asked.

“Okay, zip it. We’re trying to play. Ask Spike your questions after I annihilate him,” Mickey spoke up. She was the apparent leader of the bunch. 

“You heard her,” he said, grateful that he didn’t have to respond to the question. Over the years he and Giles had managed to carve out a mutual respect for each other. He didn’t want to bad mouth the man in his absence in front of the girls. “But I don’t know about that annihilation,” he said with a smirk before smacking his ball hard across the table. The white spinning orb caught the very tip of the left corner. He was certain it would bounce to the floor. Mickey surprised him, connecting her paddle with the ball and sending it back across the net toward him at top speed. 

They played that way for several minutes until his ass began to buzz. It took Spike a few minutes to realize someone was calling him on his phone. He was still getting used to using the thing. Spike held his hand up in time out so he could take the call. He was surprised to see Buffy’s name appear on the screen. 

“Buffy?” He spoke into the phone as he walked away from the table, leaving about five slayers disappointed. 

“Hey.” Her voice sounded almost breathless. “I went down to the infirmary, but you weren’t there. Can we talk…in my office. Well, it’s technically Giles’ old office.” Buffy huffed out a breath. “You know what I mean.” 

“Sure thing, Slayer. You aren’t kicking me out already?” he joked. 

“No, it’s nothing like that. Meet me in five minutes?” 

“Yeah, sure. How do I get there again?”

“Where are you?” 

“Game room.” 

“Right…” Buffy’s voice trailed for a moment. “Okay, stay on the line, I’ll walk you through it.” 

Spike followed her instructions until he was outside of the office door. He could hear her pacing as she spoke with him on the phone. “I’m right outside the door,” he informed her. 

“Okay, just come on in,” she said before disconnecting the line. 

The walls in Buffy’s office were lined with books on demons and the occult. It was decorated with dark wood and ornate furniture; Rupert’s stamp was written all over it. He had asked about her long-suffering Watcher upon his rival, but Buffy had shut down immediately. Spike gathered that something had caused a rift between the two. He figured Buffy would open up about it when she was ready. Until then, she had set up shop in his office and was currently sitting at Giles’ old desk squinting at the image on her laptop. 

“Slayer,” he greeted her when he entered the room. 

Buffy closed her laptop with a soft click and stood from her desk. “Spike,” she echoed. 

They stood only a few feet away from each other. There was a weird energy between them that had been there since the moment they reconnected in Brazil. Spike tried to ignore it as he casually walked around the massive office, curiously picking up books and setting them down again. 

“S’what’s going on? I feel like I’ve been called down to the principal’s office,” he joked. 

Buffy gave him a flat smile and leaned against her desk. “I went down to the infirmary to check on Cassia. She seems to be recovering well.” 

“Yeah. Took us a bit of a walk today.” 

“Logan’s given her a clean bill of health. I was thinking we start integrating her into training. We’ll start off light at first, let her get used to things around here. Then we can gradually build on it.” 

“Sounds like a plan to me.” 

Buffy was quiet for a moment as she studied his face. “What do you think?” 

Spike smiled ruefully and shook his head. “You’re askin me for my opinion, Slayer?” 

“Why not?” She shrugged. “You came all this way to help. Besides, this isn’t my first time asking for your opinion. Is it?” She scrunched her nose, momentarily unsure of their history. 

“I think she’s ready. She’s a bit gun-shy. Thinks everyone is against her.” 

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah… Logan hinted at that. I guess I could do a better job at making her feel welcomed. It’s just so…” 

“I get it, pet,” he said, reverting back to his old nickname for her. “You’ve got a lot going on here.” 

“Exactly. That’s why it’s good you’re here. She’ll have a familiar face with her, and hopefully she’ll start to feel at home. Do you think she’ll be able to fit in here? You two seem to be close. I mean, you two have been spending a lot of time together I hear.” 

_Was that a hint of jealousy in her voice? Couldn’t be._ Buffy was currently playing softball with Satsu. “Kinda feel responsible for her, you know,” he said. “She’s still young. People can change. All things considered, she’s just a scared kid underneath that tough exterior. Given some guidance, I think she’ll make a great Slayer.” 

Buffy let out a relieved sigh. “Oh, thank god. I was afraid I had another pre-reformed Faith on my hands, or worse, a Simone. Don’t get me wrong, I love Faith now… but it took a long time and a few fights to the death to get there. Simone…I lost her long ago,” Buffy said with chagrin. “But if you think she’s good to go, then I’ll make sure she gets all the proper training.” 

Buffy walked over to the large touchscreen TV mounted on one of the bare walls and began scrolling through the list of Slayers. 

“Snazzy lil’ setup you have here, Slayer. Makes a bloke wonder how you managed to get your hands on somethin’ like that,” he hedged, nodding toward the monitor. 

Her back was still turned to him as she answered. “The kindness of strangers,” she responded glibly. “And a few generous donations from some eccentric fans, and help from parents. It’s not as much as you think. We get by.” 

Spike couldn’t see her face, but he knew there was something she wasn’t telling him. Her pulse had spiked during that rehearsed speech of hers, and he noticed the way her body stiffened around the lie. “Ah. I see,” he said, deciding to let it go… for now. 

“At first I had her assigned to Rona, but I think she’ll work better with Emere’s group.” Buffy’s voice was thoughtful. “She’s really easy to get along with. But she might be too laid back… hmmm.” 

“Which one is Emere?” Spike asked, struggling to place a face with the name. 

“Tall girl. Usually likes to wear flowers in her hair. She’s from Hawaii, got the whole Aloha spirit going on.” 

Spike rocked back on his heels. Cassia had a strong personality. Placing her in a group with someone like a Kennedy or Rona might not be the best move. However, pairing her with a Slayer who was too relaxed could be a recipe for disaster. “She’ll need someone who can take command of the situation.” 

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. Emere isn’t a delicate flower. I’m just afraid Cassia might think she can take advantage.” 

“Can she fight?” Spike asked. 

“Yes. She’s damn good. She’s almost beat me a few times during training sessions. But don’t tell anyone,” she turned to flash him a playful smile. 

“Then it’s settled. We’ll put her with Emere, and I’ll be around to make sure she’s focused.” 

“Good.” Buffy swiped her hand over the screen, bringing the monitor back to the homepage. “We’ll get her into a room and start her training tomorrow.” 

“Sounds good to me. I’ll go deliver the news.” 

Buffy sighed again. “Great. Here goes nothing.”

Spike nodded his head firmly and lingered in the room. They hadn’t spent very much time together since his arrival in Scotland. It was nice to be around her, even if they were merely talking shop. 

“Spike?” Buffy asked after a few moments. 

“Sorry. Was just thinkin.”

Buffy lifted a brow. “About?” 

“Me being here. Feels good doing good and workin’ with you again.” 

“Oh, yeah. Kind of like old times…except now we have a castle.” 

Spike looked around the spacious room. “Yeah. A castle. Anyway, Slayer, it feels good to be here. S’all.” 

The corner of Buffy’s lips curved into a warm smile. “I’m glad you’re here, Spike.” 

He wanted to say more. There were so much unspoken between them. Instead, he gave her another firm head nod and stepped back into the empty hall. _If we’re going to make a genuine go at being friends, maybe it’s best those things are left in the past._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Twinkles for her excellent beta of this chapter. I went back and changed a few things, so any remaining mistakes are all mine. 
> 
> Buffy didn't tell Spike about how she got the money to run her operation because it's something she isn't proud of. It's not that she doesn't trust him. She just doesn't want him to think less of her (she values his opinion a lot).


	7. Time Flies And All That

Buffy curled up on Willow’s turquoise sofa and flipped through an old copy of _Teen Vogue_. “Did you know they put asbestos in makeup now?” 

Willow looked up from one of her spellbooks and made a face. “No, _they_ aren’t.”

“Uh, huh, says so right here,” Buffy lifted the magazine. 

“Hey, Wil,” Xander said from the other side of Willow’s sitting room. “Is this new?” He asked, holding up a small, carved wooden statue. 

“Yep. I picked it up in India. It’s Banka-Mundi, goddess of the hunt and fertility.” 

“Oh, cool- wozah,” Xander said, letting the statue go. Willow wiggled her fingers, keeping the statue afloat. “Warn me next time, why don’tcha!” Xander said before flopping down on one of her beanbag chairs. 

"Noted. So, Buffy,” Willow said. “You called this meeting, what’s up?” 

Buffy set her magazine aside. “I had to transfer some money from the Bahamian account to the Swiss account last night,” she said grimly. “Funds were starting to get a little low.” 

“When you say a little low, how low are we talking?” Xander asked.

Buffy shrugged. “I mean we’re still doing pretty good money-wise. But I like having a little extra cushion just in case. I’m thinking another job might do the trick.”

It had been a few months since she’d had to get her Thomas Crown on, and replenishing the accounts seemed like a good idea. When she gave all the potentials their power, she’d only been thinking in that moment. The apocalypse was approaching (the real one) and she couldn’t do it alone. After the dust had cleared, Buffy had had hundreds of girls who looked to her for guidance, and she’d needed to go big. Really big. So, she had to get creative. 

“We’re good, right?” Willow asked. 

“Totally,” Buffy assured them. “But you might want to check my math.” 

“On it, but I’m sure there’s enough. I was starting to feel icky.” Willow lowered her voice, “You know, with breaking the law.”

Buffy lost count of how many international laws they had broken in the past year. “Would it help if I mentioned that it's a victimless crime? All that _stuff_ is insured, so it’s not like they’re going to miss it. Think of it this way...we’re doing a public service.” 

Willow looked at Buffy skeptically and shifted in her seat. “Uh huh.” 

A wave of guilt washed over her. They were right. Of course, they were right. Buffy had devoted months to convincing herself that stealing was harmless because it served a good purpose. Didn’t the Slayer handbook mention something about getting her hands dirty? Well, she hadn’t gotten around to reading her handbook yet, but she had put it on her summer reading list. Buffy was sure there was something in there about doing whatever it took to fight the forces of evil. And if there wasn’t, it definitely should be. Buffy flopped back against the plush cushions with an audible sigh. _Okay, so, stealing is wrong, but unless I hit the lottery, what can I do?_

“You guys have a better idea?” she asked her friends. 

“Scratch-offs!” Xander exclaimed, echoing Buffy’s thoughts. “I once won fifty dollars off one of those.” 

“Neat, Xan. All we need is about a million of those and we’re all set. I get it guys. Believe me, getting thrown in jail isn't exactly part of my plans. There’s Dawn to think of. How else do you guys think I’m paying her tuition? NYU ain’t cheap. But if you guys think we should stop, then I’m done. Promise. I’m practically sipping on Mai Tai's in a gated community in Miami right now.” Xander and Willow gave her twin looks. “Seriously, guys. Bandit Buffy is no more. There’s actually something else I wanted to talk to you about. Willow, is the room secure?”

“Yep! No sounds are getting out of here. It’s a vacuum.” 

“I received a message from Faith last night.” 

“How is our alligator wrasslin’ rogue Slayer gone straight?” Xander asked. 

“Still working on that thing she’s doing.”

“What thing?” Xander paused when Buffy gave him a look. “Oh, that thing.” 

“She says she’s getting closer to locating Simone, working her way closer to her inner circle.”

“Are you worried she might be getting in too deep, Buff? Relapse can be… there’s a lot of temptation,” Willow finished. 

“I believe in Faith. She’s been stable for a while now, and if she doesn’t think she can handle it, she knows to walk away. No one would blame her if she did.” 

“Okay. I trust your judgment,” Willow said.

“Once she’s in Simone’s inner circle, she’ll have to go way dark for a while, gain her trust. Then we move.” 

A hushed silence fell over them as Buffy’s words sunk in. She and Faith had always had a complicated relationship, but Buffy knew she could count on Faith to get the job done. They needed to get a hold of Simone and her rogue Slayers before things escalated beyond Buffy’s control.

Xander clapped his hands together abruptly, signaling the end of that conversation. "Now that we've successfully brought the mood down for the evening, let's try to salvage it." Xander propped his fists under his chin and batted his eyes rapidly. "Okay, ladies, dish. Buffy,” he said in a sing-song voice. “How's the new Slayer? Cassia, right?" 

"Logan gave her a clean bill of health today. So, she'll begin training tomorrow. I’m placing her on Emere's team."

"Oh, nice. That should be good for her,” Willow said. 

"You think?" 

"Totally. Good job, Buff." 

With Willow's stamp of approval, Buffy felt much better about her decision. Willow was usually the most levelheaded out of the Scoobies. Well, except for that one time when she'd gone scary veiny Willow. 

"Bringing her back here seems like it's helping. We can keep an eye on her, and when we aren't around, Spike will look after her," Buffy said. 

Willow and Xander exchanged a look. "Speaking of Spike, how's that going?" Xander hedged. 

Great question. Things with Spike were good. They hadn't spent much time with each other, but things were... cordial between them. Buffy got the feeling that he was deliberately trying to avoid her, spending most of his time with Cassia. She’d seen him a few times while she was with Satsu, and he’d made it a point to keep things short. "Great," she answered. "He'll be helping with the training soon." 

"Sounds like you've got everything under control. And here I thought things would be awkward with your old boo and your new boo under the same roof." 

“Boo? Since when do you say boo?” Buffy lifted a brow.

Xander shrugged. “What? I’m hip. I’m cool. I’m also just sayin.’” 

"It's a big castle, Xan," Willow reminded him. "Besides, Buffy and Spike haven't been a thing in forever." 

"Oh, yeah. Still, you gotta admit as far as weirdness goes this is right up here," he said, holding his hand up to his nose. "I don't know what I'd do if Anya came back from the dead. What about you, Wil, what--" Xander began and stopped when he noticed the crushed look on Willow's face. 

"Well, it's a good thing I'm the only one with that problem. What’s that? One-for-one on resurrected boyfriends now?" Buffy piped up, also noticing Willow's expression. "Speaking of problems, whose idea was it to put sloppy joe on the menu twice this week?" 

Xander slowly raised his hand. "Uhm, me. It's spicy beef between two pieces of bread. What's not to like?" 

"Let's dial it back to once a week, okay?"

"Fine," Xander said disappointed. He glanced at the clock in Willow's wall and sighed. "I've gotta jam. Class in a few." 

"Alright, see you, Xander. I'll keep you updated on the thing," Buffy said. 

"What thing?" He asked incredulously. Buffy gave him a look. "Oh, right the thing with the thing and the things. Leaving now." 

Willow waited until Xander was gone and turned toward Buffy, her eyes probing. 

"What?" Buffy asked, recognizing that look. It was Willow's ‘there's something up with you’ look. After years of friendship, Buffy had become accustomed to it. 

"Oh, nothing. Pretty good act a few minutes ago. Almost had me fooled." 

"Act? What are you talking about, Wil? 

Willow rolled her eyes. "You know what I'm talking about. That ‘everything is peachy’ act. Come on, spit it out. How are things really between you and Spike?" 

"I'm telling you, everything is great. He's been super helpful. That's all." 

"Well, that's good to hear. So, there hasn't been any smoochies?" Willow's lips tilted into a wry grin. 

"Smoochies? What are we, in the third grade? There hasn't been any smooching of any kind. I'm a one-woman kinda gal. Besides, even if I wanted to smooch, Spike doesn't seem all that interested. He's done a good job of establishing our relationship." Too good of a job. 

"Which is?" 

"I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but I think we're friends now." 

Willow nodded. "Ah. I see. How does that make you feel?" 

Buffy chuckled before replying. "Like I should be laying down right now while you charge me an obscene amount of money to shrink me." 

"Come on, Buff. You know you can talk to me. I know we haven't been as close for the last few months or so because of my traveling, but you can tell me anything. This is a judgment-free zone. See, no judging," Willow pantomimed putting judgments aside. 

Buffy knew she could trust Willow. There was a time when they’d told each other everything. "A part of me feels relieved. It wasn’t like our relationship was the healthiest. And even when it got better… it was complicated, confusing," she finally said, opening up. "Then there's a part of me that wonders why he seems so uninterested. Not that it matters. It's not like I'm exactly single. I shouldn't care." 

"But you do," Willow said. It wasn't a question.

Buffy nodded. "I do. Does that make me an awful person?" 

"Nope. Makes you human. Maybe it's a good thing Spike only wants to be your friend. Love triangles are hard enough without it becoming a love quadrilateral." 

Buffy frowned in confusion. "Math was never my strong suit." 

"You know. You, Spike, Angel, and Satsu. Love quadrilateral," she repeated, making a rectangle with her fingers. 

Buffy sputtered out a laugh. _For me to be in a love quadrilateral, I’m pretty sure I have to be in love,_ Buffy thought. She loved Angel, and part of her would always love him. For years he had been her guy. She loved Spike, too. Buffy wasn't ready to admit anything beyond that. As for Satsu... She liked her a lot, but their relationship was a far cry from love. It was still too new to start throwing out the L-word. 

"You’ve been watching too many of those cheesy soap operas," Buffy teased. 

"Hey! In my defense, they're always playing in the TV room." 

Buffy laughed again. Talking to Willow always put her in a better mood. "Sure they are."

"That's my story, and I'm sticking to it," Willow said with a firm head nod. 

The two women laughed together, reminding Buffy of the countless nights they had spent as teenagers doing this. It gave Buffy comfort knowing that even with the constant change in her life, she still had Willow and Xander to anchor her. 

"I've missed you, Wil," Buffy said once they sobered. " I miss this." 

"Same. And don't worry, I'll be sticking around more often now."

“How was your magic expedition? How are things with Kennedy?” Buffy asked. 

“The magic expedition was wonderful, Buffy. I’ve learned so much. I know sometimes it’s easy for everyone to forget that I have so much of it, good and dark, bottled inside me. Learning about the different types of magic and how to master it makes me feel like I’m more in control. Giles gave me the survey course, but being there and experiencing it… is so much different.” 

“That’s great to hear, Wil! But I know you. I know you can do anything you put your mind to.” 

Willow smiled. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Buff. But I’m still in recovery. I might be for the rest of my life. Anyway,” Willow said, cutting through the silence. “Kennedy and I are fine. She was a little worried at first when she heard about you and Satsu.” 

“Worried? Why would she be worried?” Buffy asked, twisting her face.

“Because she thinks you’re going to steal me away. I told her I love you, but you totally aren’t my type.” 

Buffy gasped and threw a pillow at her. Willow caught it and tossed it back. “She’s got nothing to worry about anyway. We’re practically sisters.”

“Exactly. She gets a little jealous sometimes. I told her she’s got nothing to worry about. I mean, we all were a little surprised at first. But I had a crush on Xander since I was four before I realized I was into women.” 

True, but it was a little different for Buffy. It wasn’t that she liked women or men. “See, here’s the thing… for years the only label I had was Slayer. That’s all I was for a very long time. But I’m more than that, and there’s really no label that can fit me into a neat little box. I like to think of it more as… I like people.” Buffy paused for a moment. “And the occasional vampire.” 

Willow nodded thoughtfully. “Sounds about right. Things aren’t as binary as people like to think they are. Honestly, Buff, If Satsu makes you happy, then I’m happy.” 

“I’m getting there, Wil. I’m getting there.”

++++

It was after eleven and Buffy found herself strolling through the castle alone. Most of the girls had retired to their rooms for the night, leaving her free to move around lost in her own thoughts. She hadn’t been completely truthful with Willow and Xander about the money thing, but she didn’t want to worry them. She promised her friends that her stealing days were over, and she had no plans to do it anymore. She constantly worried about Dawn finding out about her other activities. Buffy could imagine the look of disappointment on Dawn's face, knowing she had paid her college tuition with dirty money. Knowing Dawn, she’d drop out. There was only one college dropout in their family, and that was Buffy. She couldn’t let their mother down again, and she refused to live that down with their father. Not after she’d told him that she was more of a parent to Dawn than he’d ever been. It was important to Buffy that Dawn completed school. And yeah, she had to steal to make it happen. That alone made what she did worth it. 

Buffy continued walking aimlessly throughout the castle. She passed by the game room, pausing to listen to the noise coming from within. Buffy peeped inside and saw Spike playing on one of the pinball machines. 

“Oh, come on! How is it that you’re a wanker in real life and in the sodding game?” he grumbled, smacking his hand on top of the Plexiglas surface. 

Buffy looked at the glowing neon sign above his head. He was playing the Dracula themed pinball game. Xander had insisted on getting it for the rec room, saying something about it being therapeutic. 

“Bad game. Bad, bad, game,” Buffy teased, stepping into the room. 

Spike swiveled around quickly. “Slayer, I was just—”

“Beating a pinball machine senseless?” 

Spike rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish expression on his face. “Yeah, well, seems ol’ Drac is as big a Nancy boy in the game as he is in real life. Did you know the soddin' thing mocks you when you miss?” 

Buffy smiled at his frustration over the arcade game. The way his lip curled was cute. “I’ve never played it.” Buffy glanced around the room. “In fact, I don’t really remember the last time I was in here.” 

“You mean, you have a fully stocked arcade and you don’t play any of the games?”

Buffy shrugged in response. “It kind of never comes up.” 

“Not even with your bird?” 

Buffy colored at the mention of Satsu. Discussing Satsu with Spike made Buffy feel acutely aware of her current relationship status. “Nope.”

Spike craned his neck to look around the room. “Be a shame to let all this go to waste.” A playful smirk curved his lips. “What do you say, Slayer?” 

Buffy shook her head and backed away from him. “I can’t.” 

“Why not? What’s stopping you? Last I checked you don’t have a Watcher killin’ all the fun.” Spike’s eyes gleamed. “Come on, Slayer, you know you want to.” His tone was reminiscent of the days when he used to goad her into fighting him or doing...other things. 

Buffy looked around the room. She made sure to give her Slayers every outlet she could afford. They all bore the weight of the world on their shoulders. There was no harm in trying to ease that burden just a little bit. She looked at the wall clock, then back at Spike. 

“What do you have in mind?” 

Spike’s grin spread across his cheeks. “Not that stupid thing.” He hitched his chin toward the pinball machine. “How about that?” 

Buffy followed his eye line toward the television and game consoles. She wasn’t much of a gamer. In high school, Xander had tried getting her and Willow to play with him. Willow tried because she wanted to impress him; Buffy, on the other hand, had given up after a few tries. She hooked her thumbs into the pocket of her jeans. 

“Okay, but I have to warn you, I suck.” 

“Don’t worry, Slayer, I’ll go easy on you.” Spike turned on the television and the Xbox. He grabbed one of the plastic guitars and handed it to Buffy, encouraging her to put it on. He fiddled with his guitar, flipping through songs until he landed on the Ramones, I Wanna Be Sedated. “Ready?” 

Buffy nodded and tried to follow along, her fingers helplessly missing each note. “I warned you.” 

“You’ll get used to it, find your rhythm, Slayer.” 

A wave of heat washed over her entire body and warmed her belly. She remembered another time when he had said those exact words to her. Buffy tried pushing the image of herself riding astride his lap out of her mind. She glanced over at Spike. He was in the middle of a guitar riff, his fingers moving over each colored button expertly. She imagined those same fingers touching her with the same skill. Bad Buffy, she scolded herself. Buffy trained her eyes on the colorful images on the TV and worked harder at trying to hit each target. Mashing the buttons down with extra force, she picked up the rhythm. 

“Now you’re getting it!” Spike encouraged her as he continued playing. 

After a few more songs, Buffy started to improve. The game called for rhythm and hand-eye coordination. She had both. Soon, she was catching up to Spike, running through each guitar solo with ease. When his score began to inch ahead of hers, Buffy playfully bumped his shoulder with hers. 

“Hey! That’s cheating.” 

“All’s fair in Guitar Hero,” she teased. 

She was having fun. Buffy had let her guard down long enough to allow herself to relax and enjoy playing the game with Spike. They didn’t do much talking. Instead, their competitive natures propelled them through the game as they played through song after song. 

“I think I’m starting to develop carpal tunnel,” Buffy said, playfully holding up the curved fingers on her right hand. 

“Break?” Spike paused the game, and the two of them flopped down on the sofa together. 

“You’ve got pretty nice digs here.” Spike looked around the large room. 

“A big step up from a crypt, huh?” 

“Yeah, but the ol’ crypt had some perks. Kinda miss it.” 

Buffy thought about the underground room he’d dug out for himself. The bed. The Afghan rugs. She never did find out why he needed so many. Though they certainly did come in handy. “Yeah? What kind of perks?” Her voice took on a husky texture at the memory of times spent together in his crypt. 

“For one, I was never in danger of being burned to ashes." He nodded toward the floor to ceiling windows that covered one of the walls of the room. 

“Yikes. I didn’t think of that. I can call Andrew and have him find someone to fix it.” 

Spike waved her off with the flick of his hand. “S’okay, Slayer. Who knows how long I’ll be stickin’ around anyway. Don’t want you to go through all the trouble for Lil ol’ me. I could be packing my bags in the next month.” 

“Oh,” she managed. It surprised Buffy just how much his casual admission had bothered her. He was talking about leaving when he just got there. “But that all depends on Cassia’s progress, right?” 

“Yeah, sure. I meant.” Spike dropped his chin to his chest and shook his head. “I don’t want to cramp anyone’s style. Havin’, you make all these changes for me.”

“It won’t be a problem,” Buffy assured him. “We’ll get the windows put in for the rooms you think you’re most likely going to be in. Easy. Besides, I just got you back, and I don’t want to—” The words came tumbling out before she could stop herself. Buffy’s head snapped up and her eyes met Spike’s piercing blue ones. “I don’t want to run you off because of a problem that can be fixed,” she finished lamely. 

Spike pressed his lips together and bobbed his head in agreement. Neither of them spoke for several long minutes. He was close, sending currents of something she couldn’t describe up and down her spine. 

“Thanks, Buffy.” 

They were quiet again. This time it was Buffy who broke the silence. “What was it like?” she finally asked the question that had been playing on the back of her mind since they first reunited. 

“Coming back?” he said, knowing what she was asking him. Spike tilted his head back for a moment. “Itchy,” he joked, then sobered once he saw the look on Buffy’s face. “Painful at first. But then I was back, and it only felt like a few minutes to me. I don’t recall what it was like being gone because for me it didn’t last long.” 

“And then you ended up in L.A. with Angel?” Spike nodded. “I wish… I wish I’d known,” she said earnestly. “I would have come to you.” 

"Would you?” Spike sounded uncertain. He didn’t believe her. The same way he didn’t believe her ‘I love you.’ 

She would have gone to him immediately. Her mind drifted back to the last few days they’d spent on the Hellmouth together. She had felt protected in his arms as they lay together, unsure if either one of them would make it out alive. Those moments meant everything to her. They were important. He was important. 

“Yes,” she answered his question firmly. 

While they spoke, their fingers had gravitated toward each. Neither were aware of the instinctive way Buffy's fingers gently stroked his comfortingly. 

Spike’s chest rose and fell with a heaviness they were both feeling at the moment. “That’s a nice thought, pet. I guess we’ll never know, huh?” 

No, they would never know because she had never gotten the chance to go to him. Misunderstanding and missed opportunities usually proved fatal to any relationship. Buffy didn’t allow her mind to dwell on it for too long. What if she had gone to him as soon as he returned? Would they still be here sitting across from each other? Or would they be somewhere else, fighting monsters together? Or maybe they would have realized they were too different for it to work out between them. 

“I guess not.” Buffy wanted to ask him if he ever thought about it himself. But they were already treading on dangerous ground. Buffy abruptly hopped to her feet and grabbed her guitar again. “Break’s over. I wasn’t through kicking your ass,” she said with forced cheerfulness. 

“Ha. You kick my ass? In your dreams,” Spike teased back in an attempt to match the sudden change in mood. 

“Please, I kicked your ass all the time.” 

“That's ‘cos I let you,” Spike said with a sly smirk. 

Buffy shot him a skeptical look and hit start. “Just shut up and play.” 

“Bossy bint.” Spike grinned and joined the game. 

They played until the sun was almost up. Buffy peered out the window and noted orange rays of light peeking over the horizon. Somehow, they had managed to play throughout the night, and she hadn’t noticed the time. 

“Crap!” she said. It was almost five in the morning. “We’ve been at it all night.” It wasn’t until after all the words came out she realized what she’d walked herself into. 

Spike bit back a lascivious grin. “Uh-huh. Time flies and all that.” 

Buffy unhitched the guitar from around her torso and propped it against the sofa behind her. “I’m going to be so useless today.” 

“Take a nap,” Spike said easily. “It’s not like you didn’t earn it. Look at that score.” He nodded toward the television screen. 

“It is pretty impressive if I say so myself.” 

Spike turned off the television. “Well, if you need me to do anything—,” Spike began just as the rec room door swung open and a group of Slayers strolled in with yoga mats. 

“Oh… hey, Buffy. Was the room booked?” Emere walked in, leading the pack. “I could have sworn I signed up for this morning since Opal needed the solarium.” 

“Nope, it’s all yours. Spike and I were leaving.” 

“You and Spike, huh?” Satsu spoke up from the group. Buffy hadn’t noticed her until she said something. 

“S’ my fault.” Spike held up his hand in surrender. “I was playing the old guitar and tempted Buffy into joinin’ me.” 

Satsu stepped forward. “Oh, I see. Why didn’t you come and get me? I love video games.” 

Buffy’s nose scrunched. In the two months that she and Satsu had been official, she hadn’t mentioned gaming once. “Oh. It kinda happened, all impromptu like.”

“Oh,” Satsu said, disappointed. 

Emere hung back and witnessed the tense exchange. “Uhm, well you guys are welcome to join us. There’s nothing like getting a good stretch in the morning.” 

Buffy glanced at the group of Slayers as they unrolled their colorful mats. “I’ll have to rain check this time.” 

“Spike?” Emere asked hopefully. “I could get an extra mat for you. It might be a good opportunity to get to know each other since we’ll be working together with Cassia.” 

Spike looked down at his clothes. He was wearing his standard black t-shirt and jeans. “Don’t think I’m quite dressed for the part, love.” 

“You can do yoga anytime,” she pushed. 

“I’ll go ahead and take that raincheck with Buffy.” 

Emere shrugged, nonplussed. “Okay. Maybe next time then. Oh, and Buffy, mahalo for the Pāhoa Koeokoeo,” she said thanking Buffy for the double-edged stake she received for her birthday. 

Buffy frowned in confusion until she remembered they had just celebrated Emere’s 23rd birthday. Andrew was the one responsible for keeping track of dates and buying presents. “No problem. I, um, I’m glad you liked it.” 

“I love it! Anyway, I’ll see you guys around,” she said, heading toward the rest of the group. 

“You sure you don’t wanna yoga with me, Buff?” Satsu asked eagerly. 

Conflicted, Buffy looked between Satsu and Spike. A few moments ago she’d been alone with Spike, and it was like they were the only two people in the castle. She wanted more time with him; to be close to him. Satsu was looking at Buffy, waiting for her response. Buffy glanced at Spike again, unable to get a good read on what he was thinking. 

“I’ve gotta go find Cassia,” he offered, giving Buffy an out.

“Sure,” Buffy said, trying to hide her disappointment. “I need to run up and change.”

“My room’s closer. You can grab something from there.” Satsu kissed Buffy on the cheek while keeping her eyes trained on Spike. 

“Okay. I’ll be back in a minute.” Buffy heaved a sigh as soon as Satsu was out of earshot. Great. She recognized Satsu’s territorial gesture. 

“After you,” Spike said, holding the door for her. 

Buffy stepped into the hallway with him. They stood only a few inches apart from each other, the ease they had shared interrupted by the group of slayers in the other room. 

“So…” Buffy began, switching awkwardly from foot to foot. “Don’t mind Satsu. I think she might be a little…” She struggled to find the right word.

Spike waved her explanation off. “Your bird’s feelin’ a little green-eyed I ‘spect. But she’s got nothin’ to worry her pretty little head about. She’ll just have to get used to you being friends with an ex.” Buffy gave him a weak smile. “So… I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed. “Later.” 

They both turned simultaneously to walk in opposite directions before realizing they were both going the wrong way. “Spike,” Buffy said as she passed him, “I had fun last night.” 

Spike’s lips tilted into an easy smile. “Good,” he said before turning away from her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to my gracious Beta, Twinkles for her excellent Beta work. I tinkered a bit with this chapter after her edits, so any mistakes are mine. 
> 
> When I started rewriting BTH, I had no intention of making it a "fix it fic" for S8. The original story was an AU of S8 which pretty much kept some of the more fantastical parts of the story (ie: Buffy being a bank robber and giant!Dawn). These are two plot points that I never really cared for. So, there will be no thricewise Dawnie in this story. She is happily matriculating at NYU. 
> 
> The "victimless crime" bit comes from Buffy S8 The Long Way Home pt 1
> 
> In the comics, Faith was doing a lot of covert work on her own, tracking down rogue Slayers. However, she wasn't looking for Simone. I decided to tie her story arc from the comics into our AU of S8. 
> 
> Buffy's sexuality in the comics became a point of complaint for some fans for various reasons. Buffy likes men (Clearly). We know she also likes women. And she likes vampires. So, in my mind I see her as pansexual/omnisexual. 
> 
> -Ominsexuality- involving, related to, or characterized by a diverse sexual propensity.
> 
> -Pansexuality - Pansexuality is the sexual, romantic or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. 
> 
> As noted earlier, Buffy's foray into thievery was not something I cared for. I wanted to make her reasoning a little more empathetic. As someone who owes a quarter of a million dollars in student loans, I can definitely empathize with tuition cost. LOL. NYU is not cheap at all. 
> 
> Mahalo is a Polynesian term for expressing gratitude. Pāhoa Koeokoeo is a double edged dagger made of cane. I thought it would be cool if Andrew had a double-edged stake made for her and it reminded Emere of a traditional Polynesian weapon. 
> 
> Thanks again everyone for reading and the awesome comments! :D


	8. I Like Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my beta Twinkles! You're awesome. 
> 
> Sorry I'm a day late posting. I have been traveling this past week.

Spike headed back to his room with Buffy on his mind. He had spent an entire night with her, and they weren’t facing impending doom; just the two of them as friends and colleagues. He had to admit that it felt good to be around her without the weight of the world looming over their heads. He'd discovered something new about his old flame. Smiling, Spike recalled the way she stuck her tongue between her teeth as she played the video game. And the unconscious way she bobbed her head and tapped her feet to the beat of the music. Her laughter was so infectious. He couldn’t recall the last time he'd heard her laugh that much in the past. Laughter seemed so few and far between back then. He liked the way it sounded, throaty and gleeful all at once. _Is this what it’s like being friends with Buffy?_ He asked himself. If it was, he kind of liked it. Beats the hell out of being at odds with her all the sodding time. Yeah, there was a time in the not-so-distant past when he'd wanted more with her. Hell, he’d gone and got himself a soul so he could feel half as worthy of her affections. Now, he wasn’t convinced he wanted that anymore. At times, loving Buffy had been incredibly painful and raw. He supposed that was his soul amplifying his feelings for her. Before he had gotten it back, he only thought he knew what loving Buffy was like. All those emotions paled in comparison to what he felt now. _No, then, how I felt then._

Loving Buffy was a habit Spike was trying to break. And prosperity would have it that Buffy would come back into his life at a time when she was unavailable. For all he knew, _this is fate trying to tell me something,_ he thought as he entered his room. Spike wanted to be over her. He didn't want to feel that heady all-consuming yearning whenever she walked into the room. Last night seemed like a step in the right direction. He'd had fun with Buffy. There was no heartache, no angst, no unnecessary drama. Spike had discovered that he liked her. He genuinely liked her. She was more than just the Slayer or the object of his affections; she was a person that he wanted to spend time with. Spike was starting to feel like this was their second chance at having a real friendship with each other. 

He changed hastily, slipping into a fresh black t-shirt and jeans. One of the Slayers had mentioned a nursery on the east end of the castle. He had wanted to get to it before the sun was up. Spike peeked out the window; the sky was beginning to grow lighter. Not wanting to risk it, he pulled the heavy blanket from his bed just in case. There was another Slayer he had to attend to, one who depended on him to look out for her. Spike quickly moved through the castle until he reached the nursery. He wanted to let Cassia know he was thinking of her. Spike smirked as he passed a poorly hidden batch of “Northern Lights” among some nondescript plants. He wondered if Buffy knew one of her Slayers had a particular green thumb. He ran his hand over the leaves as he passed by and resumed his search. He’d know what he was looking for when he saw it. Spike passed by some pink roses and made a face. Too wankerish. A Chinese bamboo plant sat among the rest of the potted plants. It was perfect. The person who received the plant as a gift would receive good luck. The sun began to filter into the nursery. Spike flung the blanket over his head and quickly made his way back to the castle. Ignoring the sizzling sound of his skin, he slipped back into the building.

By the time he made it to the infirmary, Cassia was gone. Logan gave him the directions to her room and he jetted off. Cassia was on the same floor as him, just on the opposite end of the building, where the Slayers were housed. Spike gave a short rap on her door and waited for Cassia to answer. After a few minutes, the door swung open, and with a nod of her head, she gave him silent entry into her room. Spike could tell immediately that Cassia was upset. Like Buffy, she wore her heart on her sleeve. 

“Nice little set up you’ve got here, love. But I get the feelin' you aren’t too happy about it. Missin’ the infirmary already?” He tried to joke to lighten the mood. Spike showed her the plant he’d gotten her and placed it gently on an empty desk. 

Cassia sat down on one of the bare beds in the room, and crossed her arms protectively over her chest. “No. I miss my home. It’s always cold and damp here. And it rains every day,” Cassia complained. 

Spike pulled up a desk chair and sat it in front of her. “Scotland in the spring can be a bit different from Brazil. But the summers are lovely, not too hot and not too cold. Though I never got the pleasure to experience it during the day.” Spike studied Cassia closely. The troubled look on her face deepened the laugh lines around her mouth into a grim frown. “What’s really eatin’ at you, Cass?” 

Cassia stared down at the lines in the palm of her open hands for a few moments before answering. “The girl who lived here moved out when she found out I was her roommate,” she sulked. 

Spike looked around the room again. This time he noticed the remnants of the previous occupant. Pieces of tape on the wall where posters hung, a pencil lying forgotten on a desk, empty hangers in the closet. Spike knew a thing or two about being an unwanted addition. When he was mortal, he was a social pariah, fodder for the cruelest of jokes by those in his social class. That stigma lingered long after Dru had sired him. It wasn't until Angelus had ultimately accepted him that he became a member of The Scourge. Spike didn’t want to get started on the Scoobies. Although he supposed that as an evil soulless vampire, they had handled him accordingly. Back in those days, he would have killed any one of them in a heartbeat. 

“I’ll wager you wouldn’t have wanted her as a roommate anyway,” Spike said. 

“Don’t placate me, Spike. I know what these bitches think of me.” 

“It doesn’t matter what they think of you. What matters is that you do your best. Because when it’s just you and one of those nasties out there, nothing they say will matter.” 

“I guess…” Cassia muttered. 

“Hey, look at me.” Spike placed a finger under her chin. “Don’t let small people get to you. Remember, he who angers you controls you.” 

“I like that,” Cassia said softly. “He who angers you controls you,” she repeated. “I might get that as a tattoo.” A lazy grin spread across her face. “You’re a good friend, Spike.” 

Spike rubbed a hand on the back of his neck sheepishly. “I try… but I’m not your only friend. What about Logan?” 

“She’s okay. But she’s not like you and me.” 

Warning bells began to blare in the back of Spike’s mind. He’d seen that look plenty of times in his past. It wasn’t a friendly sort of look. “Cassia…” Spike began, unsure of what he was going to say next. 

She was an attractive girl—woman. He was neither blind nor dead (technically, he was undead, but that was just semantics). Spike noticed everything about Cassia; the softness of her skin, the way the light reflected in her oddly colored eyes, the curve of her lips when she smiled. He noticed it all, and tried damn hard to ignore it. He was there to help the Slayers, not shag them. Besides, tangling himself up with another Slayer was just remixing history. It was possible that Buffy had a point. Did he have a type? 

“It’s almost time for your first training session. We don’t want to be late,” he finished. _Coward._

Cassia blinked her eyes, breaking the spell she’d cast over them. “Right,” she said rolling her eyes. 

Spike gave her a quick once over and tried not to let his eyes linger on her breasts. “You might want to change into something a little more comfortable,” he said noting the tight jeans she wore. “They won't go easy on you.” 

“Good. I don’t need them to.” As she spoke, Cassia pulled her shirt over her head and unabashedly undressed in front of Spike. 

After a slight delay in his reaction, Spike turned his back to offer her some privacy. Her teasing laughter made him wince with unchecked lust. Spike sucked in a shallow breath and counted backwards from five. 

“Thank you for the plant,” Cassia said as she continued to undress. 

“S’no problem. It’s a Chinese bamboo plant. S’pposed to bring you luck.” 

“I’ve got all the luck I need,” she said suggestively. “But thanks for the extra bit. Ready!” Cassia called out from behind him a few minutes later. 

Spike turned around and was met with the sight of Cassia in a sports bra that showcased her firm abs. She also wore colorful leggings that did nothing to hide her other assets. If she kept it up, this was going to be pure torture. _Might have to make a run into the city later this evening and… blow off some steam._

“How're the ribs?” he asked, noticing her skin still held a sickly yellow tint at her midsection. 

Cassia stroked her ribs with delicate fingers. “Better. It looks worse than it feels,” she assured him. “You’re so sweet for caring.” Cassia pecked him on the cheek as she passed by him. 

The feel of her delicate lips caressing his skin sent an electric current up his spine. “Uh, no problem. Let’s go,” he rushed, not wanting to linger any longer in the bedroom with her. 

“Cassia, hello!” Emere greeted her newest trainee with a warm smile as they entered the training room. “Spike, welcome and thank you for joining us.” 

Spike bobbed his head and assumed his place in the back of the class where he wouldn’t be a distraction to Cassia. Although he concealed it well, he was nervous for her. Cassia was untrained and unpolished. Spike was curious to see how she measured up to Slayers who had been training for over a year. While Slayers were mystically imbued with strength, it took skill to fight. 

“Class, let’s welcome Cassia to the Scotland _Ohana_ ,” Emere instructed. 

“Hey, Cassia!”

"Hi!"

“Hey…” various voices chimed in, some with enthusiasm and others without. Cassia offered the class a weak wave and took her spot by an empty mat. 

“Ohana means family,” Emere explained. “And here in Scotland, we like to think of ourselves as one big extended family. Although we all come from many lands and have had diverse experiences in our personal journeys, we are all gathered here for one cause. And through that cause, we have become a family. I like thinking of us as one big colorful tapestry joined together.” 

Spike pressed his lips together and willed the smirk tugging at the corner of his lips away. He wondered if Emere got her Kumbaya-ya’s on before every class or if this was planned especially for Cassia. He couldn’t see his charge’s face, but he imagined her rolling her catlike green eyes at Emere. 

“I know many of you have been here for months,” Emere continued, “and you know who I am, so I’ll make this introduction brief. I’m Emere Palakiko. Before moving to Scotland, I trained with my watcher Francis Payne in Hawaii, where I am from. I met Francis when I was 12 years old. After wrangling with my very traditional Polynesian parents, I was able to train with him. As you know, when Buffy shared her power with all potentials, I became a full-fledged Slayer. Because of my previous Slayer training, Buffy chose me to be a group leader and trainer. Besides slaying, I enjoy yoga, dancing, and helping people as best as I can.” Emere smiled at the class warmly before looking at Cassia. “Cassia, why don’t you introduce yourself?” 

Spike watched Cassia cross her arms over her midsection, hugging herself protectively. “Name's Cassia, I’m from São Paulo, Brazil,” she muttered. 

Emere waited for Cassia to continue. When Cassia offered nothing else, she smiled once more and thanked Cassia for sharing. “Cassia, how old are you? I didn’t see your age listed on my roster.” 

“Nineteen,” Cassia muttered again. 

“Great! I’ll pair you with Shay when we match later in class. Alright guys, we’re going to do a quick warmup to get you loose and limber, then we’re going to get right into some defensive moves,” Emere announced. “Spike, you want to join us?” 

“I’m alright, love. Already plenty loose and limber. You gal’s carry on,” he begged off. “Pretend I’m not here even.” 

Someone turned on the boombox at the front of the class and loud Go-Go music blared throughout the room. The popular D.C. music sounded like a bunch of nonsense to Spike, but the girls seemed to like it. Spike glanced over at Cassia. Even she had shed her sullen attitude to follow Emere’s simple cardio routine. Spike caught himself staring a few times, and forced his eyes to look at anything other than her slender body moving to the music. Each time he pulled his eyes away they would seek her again as if each eye had a mind of its own. Relief washed over him the second the warm-up ended and the music died down. Spike leaned against the castle’s stone wall and continued to silently observe the class. After a brief lecture and demonstration from Emere, they were ready to partner off for their individual matches. Spike moved closer to Cassia and Shay so he could hear their conversation.

“I’m Shay,” the girl introduced herself, shaking Cassia’s hand. 

“Cassia.” 

“So, you’re from Brazil, huh? Must be nice. I’m from boring old Alberta. Well, my mom’s from Manila, my dad is straight up Canadian through and through. I used to be a model before I got called. What about you?” 

Spike recognized the annoyed look on Cassia’s face and clamped his lips together. 

“A hooker with a heart of gold,” she responded, shocking Shay into surprised silence. 

“Oh my God, really?” Shay asked once she recovered; her tone was a mixture of awe and repulsion. 

“No, I’m just fucking with you. I didn’t do anything.” 

“Except cause trouble, huh?” Shay joked. 

“Is that what they’re saying about me?” Cassia asked darkly. 

“Look, I didn’t mean anything,” Shay added quickly. “That’s just what I overheard. I don’t care either way. ‘Though I think it’s cool you’re friends with Spike. Back in the day he and Buffy used to be a thang, if you know what I mean.” Shay glanced over her shoulder, her eyes meeting Spike’s. 

_Real subtle. Thanks a lot, you nosy little chit._ Spike waited for Cassia’s angry glare to come next, but it never did. Instead, she kept her back toward him as she continued her conversation with Shay. 

“Well, it looks like she plays for the other team now,” Cassia said casually, ending the conversation. 

Spike let out the unneeded breath he’d been holding. He was going to speak to Cassia about his previous relationship with Buffy, but it never felt like the right time. He also wasn’t sure how important it was for her to know he used to sleep with one of her teachers. He wasn’t her parent, and as far as Spike was concerned, his relationship with Cassia was strictly professional. 

“Let’s have Kat and Paloma up first, followed by Tammy and Meg,” Emere said from the front of the class. 

The training fights were entertaining, and Spike found himself enjoying the spars between the new Slayers. Some of the girls were surprisingly capable, others, he noted, could use more practice. Spike had never seen Shay fight before and wondered if she was equally matched with Cassia. She'd said she used to be a model. Well, this ain’t no catwalk, Tyra, he thought to himself. The last to pair to fight was Cassia and Shay. Spike watched with bated breath as the two girls circled each other. He smiled at the determined look on Cassia’s face. Spike glanced at Shay and noticed she was watching Cassia with a calculating eye. Cassia made the first move, flailing her arms out wildly. Shay leaned to one side and the punch missed her by a mile. Cassia did it again, and again Shay dodged the hit without lifting a finger. A deep growl rumbled in Cassia’s throat when she swung the third time it connected with the side of Shay’s face. The hit gave Cassia the confidence to keep swinging at her opponent. 

Her form was sloppy and crude, Spike observed. Cassia was a southpaw, but for some reason she kept leading with her right, weakening her punches. He wanted to call out to her but coaching from the sidelines would only make things tougher for Cassia. She already felt isolated enough. On the streets of Brazil Cassia didn’t have to be a trained martial artist; street brawling had gotten her a long way. Here at castle Slayer, it landed her flat on her back with Shay’s foot at her throat. 

“Alright enough, Shay!” Emere scolded. “Terrific fight, you two.” She reached down to help Cassia to her feet. Cassia glared at the helping hand and ignored it, pushing herself up by the elbows. “Cassia, that was a great effort you put in today. I see real promise. You’re free to use any of the vacant training rooms for additional practice between classes. And of course, I’m here whenever you want to go over some moves.” 

Cassia rolled her eyes at her instructor and stalked off to one of the corners away from the rest of the class. “Yeah, thanks,” she murmured. 

“Okay, great class today. You guys worked hard! Keep practicing throughout the week. I’ll see you again on Saturday,” Emere said, dismissing the class. 

Spike watched as Shay walked past Cassia with a grin on her face. “Everyone said you’d think you were hot stuff because you came with your very own vampire. Guess not.” 

Cassia’s chin jutted skyward defiantly. “I’ll break—” 

“Good class, ladies!” Spike walked over, breaking up any potential squabbles between the two girls. 

“Yep, sure was!” Shay said brightly to Spike. “See ya around, Cass!” she said, giving Cassia an exaggeratedly friendly smile.

Spike nodded toward Emere, silently letting her know he would take over from here. “You did good, pet,” he reassured Cassie. 

“Lies,” Cassia spat. “I suck. I knew I didn’t belong here.” 

“Gotta beg to differ. Today just proved to me why you need to be here. You’re a good brawler, love. But you’re going to be going up against demons, real killers. You’ve got to know how to fight them, too.” 

“She put me with that girl on purpose,” Cassia seethed. 

Spike didn’t doubt that at all. He suspected Emere had wanted both to see how much Cassia knew, and to humble her. He was certain all the college kids called it hazing. “She did. And now you appreciate what you’re up against and what you need to do to get on equal footing with Shay and all the rest.” 

“Practice. I need more practice.” 

“That’s the spirit!” 

“I need you to train me,” Cassia demanded. “You know things they don’t. You can teach me to be a better Slayer.” 

Spike had an eerie feeling of deJa vu. It wasn’t so long ago that another blonde Slayer had made the same demand of him. It seemed like history was repeating itself once again. “Of course, I’ll train you. S’the whole reason I tagged along.” 

“Good! Then we will start now. I need to practice that move Emere showed us.” 

Spike knew Cassia didn’t have another training class until later in the day. They had plenty of time to get in extra practice before her next session. “Alright, but I gotta warn you, it’s only your first day. You’re bound to be sore.” 

“I don’t care. I love sore muscles; lets you know you’re doing something right,” she said with a wink.

“If you say so, pet.” Spike kicked some stray yoga mats aside. “Let’s start with some basic moves,” he instructed. 

Spike had taken a few minutes to correct Cassia’s form before they began to spar. “Good,” he encouraged her. “Now try it again, this time a little harder.” 

“You like it hard,” she teased. 

“Focus, Slayer.” 

Cassia pouted and took a swing at Spike. Spike easily dodged the hit and countered with his own. His fist connected with Cassia’s face harder than he intended, provoking the Slayer to angrily hit him back. Their movements covered the training room as Cassia began fighting in earnest. 

“You’re pulling your punches, love,” he scolded her. 

“But what about your pretty face?” 

Spike tilted his head to the side. “Still think my face is pretty now?” He asked, his face shifting into demon form. Spike lunged at her and found himself on the receiving end of a swift right hook to the jaw. The longer they fought, the harder she punched him until she began raining down punches on his face. 

Cassia moved swiftly, fists flying. Spike managed to block the hit and thrust her away for him. He flexed his jaw, working it with his hands and shook his features back into place. 

"Sorry," Cassia apologized. "I didn't mean to--" 

"Don't apologize, pet. I'm right proud of you." Spike shook his head and kept his gaze on her for a moment. For a moment it seemed as if she had forgotten who he was. He couldn't make out most of what she was muttering between the barrage of harsh explicatives, but he recognized the anger behind each word. He wanted to probe her about it but decided to hold off until after their training session. 

"Let's work on that maneuver Emere taught you earlier." 

"Okay. But I'm not good at it." 

"That's why you practice, love. Now come on." 

They practiced the move for several minutes. The double strike kick was a challenge for Cassia, but he noted an improvement each time she tried. Spike encouraged her to keep trying when she wanted to give up. 

"One more try," he coaxed. 

Cassia took a determined breath and attempted the move once again. This time her movements were quick enough to bypass Spike's blocks. Her sneakered foot connected with the side of his ribs in two rapid kicks. 

"I did it!" Cassia exclaimed, jumping in the air and into Spike's arms. 

Shocked, Spike wasn’t sure what to do with his hands at first. Cassia's lips brushed the corner of his. They were soft and full against his. Spike's head jerked back in surprise. Their eyes met in silent recognition. Her eyes were clouded with desire; she looked at him searchingly. Cassia pressed her body against his, making it hard to resist her. Throwing caution to the wind, his hands sifted through her hair and he pressed his lips against hers. Spike sank into the kiss, groaning from the heat of her mouth and the flavor of her lips. She tasted warm and dark. Her mouth eagerly moving over his, drawing him deeper into the fog of lust she cast around them. 

He wrapped his hands around Cassia’s upper arms. “Wait,” Spike panted, pulling away and resting his forehead against hers.

“Why?” She rubbed her lips against his. “You like it… you like me,” Cassia whispered, pressing against him. 

He did like her. He liked Cassia a lot, but the rational part of him was yelling to get out of there and as far away as possible. He knew it would be the right thing to do, but it was hard to hear the tiny voice of reason over the blood rushing in his head. His senses were firing on all cylinders. Each time her lips brushed against his, walking away became nearly impossible. Cassia rubbed her thumb across the scar over his right eye and trailed down his cheek, behind his ears. Spike closed his eyes as she rubbed his earlobe. 

“I do like you,” he murmured. 

“Then why stop? Is it because of her… Buffy?” 

Buffy’s name shoved Spike back into reality. A flash of memory of them playing video games together played hazily in the back of his mind. Spike found the will to pull away (reluctantly) from Cassia. He stepped back a few paces, putting distance between them. “I meant to tell you about her.”

Cassia smirked and crossed her arms across her chest. “So, you two used to date or…”

It was a mite more complicated than that. For Spike, it was more than sex. He had felt a connection with Buffy from the moment he saw her dancing at the Bronze all those years ago. He'd wanted to kill her, feel her life force ebb out of her body and watch her eyes as the last light of life sparked out. There was something powerful and primal about her that he'd wanted to taste for himself. As the years progressed, his feelings toward Buffy had become increasingly more difficult to navigate. He wanted to kill her, he wanted to fuck her, then he wanted to love her. He desperately wanted to love her in a way the demon inside of him couldn’t let him. 

"I loved her,” Spike explained to her truthfully. “But she didn't love me back.” 

“Because you’re a vampire.” 

“That’s part of it, yeah.” 

Cassia rolled her eyes. “Silly woman,” she scoffed. “You’re not like the others.” 

“It’s a bit more complicated than that. I’m not like other vampires now, but I—” Spike rubbed an agitated hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter. You should focus on this.” Spike flicked his hand around. “Forget about me. I’m trouble.” 

Cassia stepped closer, narrowing the distance between them. “I like trouble. And I like you.” 

“You think you like me because I helped you.” Spike jerked his head. 

“So noble,” Cassia said with a smirk. “I’m no child, Spike. I know what I want.”

“This isn’t some wanker sparkly vampire book. I’m a demon. I’m not good. I’m not good for you.” 

“Shhhhhh.” Cassia ran her hand up his arm and gave him a light squeeze. “I don’t want good.” Cassia titled her head up, and her eyes met his. “I’m not her. I don’t need perfection. I just want you.” 

“You haven’t known me long enough to know what you want.” He tried to reason with her even as he reasoned with himself. 

Cassia nuzzled her nose against his throat. “Mmmm.” She brushed her lips against his skin. “Fine.” She backed away from him. “Let’s go slow. I’ll get to know you.” 

Spike let out a sigh of relief. If she went on kissing him, he wasn’t certain he possessed the will to resist. The way she was looking at him almost made him believe her. He wanted to. Could someone desire him for him? Not dominate or to use, but to truly see the man beneath the demon? _Impossible_ , Spike thought dejectedly. _Don’t start with those poetic notions. There’s a reason why things never worked out with Buffy. What makes this any different?_ Cassia was still vulnerable, still recovering from the trauma of being Sancho’s prisoner. What kind of heel would he be if he took advantage of her? She said she wanted to get to know him, fine. He could make that happen. 

“Trust me pet, you don’t want to know me. Because if you did, you wouldn’t like what you see.” Spike couldn’t believe what he was saying. He sounded as poncey as Angel. 

“Doubt it,” she smiled at him suggestively. 

“There’s a library in this monstrosity, let’s go,” he said, snatching her hand and hauling her toward the door. Cassia squealed in surprise and allowed Spike to drag her through the castle. He was certain Giles stocked the castle with all his dusty, boring books. He only needed her to see one. 

“I don’t need to read a book,” Cassia protested. 

“Yes, you do.” Spike flung the door to the library open and stepped inside with her. He looked around the vast room filled with books and stalked toward the darkest corner where most the demon books were stored. Spike scanned the row of books, running his fingers over the spine of each one until he found what he was looking for. “The Whirlwind,” he said, carefully sliding a book off the shelf. “A complete history of the Scourge of Europe.” 

Spike carried the book over toward a reading table and dropped it on the table, sending up a cloud of dust. Cassia watched him skim the yellowed pages until he landed on “William the Bloody.” 

“You want to know me. This is everything. Read up, pet,” Spike said, pulling a chair out for her. 

Cassia’s lip poked out. She flopped down onto the uncomfortable wooden chair and stared down at the picture of Spike from the 19th century. “I don’t-“ 

Spike dug his finger into the page. “Read,” he ordered. “I’ll see you before your next class.” Spike walked out of the library, leaving cassia to read alone.


	9. Fools Rush In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my Beta Twinkles! 
> 
> **Warning:** This chapter is very Satsu and Cassia heavy. I know as Spuffy shippers it can be hard seeing our two heroes in relationships with other people; but I promise you it's temporary. This is very much a Spuffy story. As in life, sometimes people enter in relationships that are mistakes. Some relationships are meant to reveal things about ourselves. And some people come into our lives for a season. Thanks for your patience as these two kids work some things out. :D 
> 
> _"What We call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The End is where we start from." -T.S. Eliot_

Satsu sat alone in one of the courtyard gardens and flipped to a fresh page in her sketchpad. Green moss hung long from stone archways, casting romantic shadows across the ground. An old fountain sat in the middle, once a charming focal point, now a faded memory of the castle’s splendor. Water trickled into the pool where Koi fish swam in languid circles. The garden was Satsu’s favorite place on the grounds. She liked going there to be alone with her thoughts and her art. Before becoming a Slayer, she’d wanted to be an artist. She used to envision her art hanging in galleries around the world. When she was a child, her parents had called it her “little flights of fancy” until it was time for her to head to University. They had plans for her. A good school, a respectable career, a nice boy to settle down and eventually start a family with. _Boy, did I screw up their plans,_ she thought as she sketched thin lines across a page in her book. They were disappointed when she came out. But that was nothing compared to when they learned she was a Slayer.

Becoming a Slayer had given her the courage to walk in her truth. Buffy had made that possible when she activated the potentials. She knew treading softly with Buffy was the smart thing to do. Satsu was optimistic, not stupid. She could see the conflict in Buffy’s eyes whenever Spike was around. What was three months compared to a lifetime? How could she compete with that? Satsu ran the tip of her fingers over her lips and remembered what it was like the first time with Buffy. It was silly, but the stars had aligned for her that day. She’d tried to keep her feelings casual, especially now that Spike was back in the picture. That was easier said than done. 

Satsu couldn’t understand what Buffy saw in him. Aside from the lack of pulse, she could make a laundry list of everything wrong with Spike. Satsu knew she was being petty and jealous. But it was just her luck that he would show up when things were starting to progress with Buffy. Maybe this is one more thing to overcome, she thought. Like in one of those romantic comedies with Molly Ringwald. 

Satsu blew out a frustrated breath. This was supposed to be her happy place, her escape. She closed her eyes and pictured Buffy standing in the sun, light reflecting from her golden hair. Satsu moved her hand quickly as if trying to capture Buffy’s essence within the fabric of the page. She focused her mind on the faint lines around Buffy’s lips when she smiled. _Do you know your eyes crinkle when you really mean it?_ Satsu used her thumb to smudge the shading beneath her jawline when she was done. Try as she might, she couldn’t do her justice. 

“Knock, knock,” Buffy’s voice rang out from somewhere behind her. “They said I’d find you out here.” 

Satsu jumped at the sound and turned around quickly. “Hey, Buff,” she tried to sound casual. “I was just sketching.” 

“Yeah? Whatcha working on?” Buffy sat down beside her at the stone table. 

“Just some doodles. Nothing special,” Satsu lied. 

Buffy tilted her head. “That didn’t look like doodles. I doodle. You make art.” 

Satsu's cheeks warmed. “You’re just saying that because you like me.” 

“This is true, I do like you. But I’m also saying it because it’s true.” Buffy’s smile was soft. “You’ve got a gift.” 

Satsu dipped her head and stared down at the palms of her hands. When Buffy looked at her like that, it made her believe. Her fingers trembled as she slowly slid the notebook toward Buffy. It was a portrait of Buffy smiling in the sun. Satsu’s shading and attention to detail had given Buffy a radiance that seemed almost impossible. She watched Buffy closely, noting the tremor in her lips when she ran the tips of her fingers over the page. She stared at the drawing in silence for several long minutes, making Satsu nervous. 

“Is this how you see me?” Buffy’s voice was husky with emotion; tears brimmed her large, round eyes. 

Satsu swallowed with difficulty and nodded her head slowly. “But my stupid hands can’t do you justice. Buffy, you’re so--” 

Buffy covered Satsu’s mouth with hers in a soft and languid kiss. Satsu closed her eyes as Buffy slid her hands over her cheeks and into her hair. She was floating into a warm, hazy fog. Satsu let out a faint moan and deepened the kiss. All her senses were centralized on Buffy’s mouth.

“Mmmm,” Buffy sighed, pulling away. “There was a thank you somewhere in the middle of that.” The corner of her mouth tilted into a wan smile. 

“I vote for that kind of thank you from now on.” 

Buffy looked down at her sketch again. “Thank you, Satsu,” she said sincerely. 

“You don’t have to thank me. I want you to have it. I mean—you seem to like it.” 

“I love it! And I know just the place to hang it.” Buffy climbed to her feet and held her hand out to Satsu. 

Satsu lowered her head to hide the blush that stained her cheeks. “So, I was thinking we hang out tonight after patrols.” 

Buffy wound her arm around Satsu’s waist as they walked into the castle together. “Yeah. We can pig out on junk food and watch cheesy romance movies with subtitles.” 

++++

Spike had barely seen Cassia since he’d left her in the library to read every vile detail of his past. He didn’t blame Cassia for maintaining her distance. He wanted her to. The crush she had developed on him was cute, but it was nothing more than a distraction. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help the small niggling feeling of rejection that poked at him. After their morning training session, he had waited for her before the next training session. She hadn’t shown up. He’d looked for her, but had learned she was very good at hiding. Hence, he’d backed off, opting to help in Kennedy and Rona’s classes while she gave herself some space. 

Feeling bored, Spike decided to take a walk around the castle. Maybe I’ll see Buffy. They had crossed paths briefly since their night playing video games together. She always seemed to be surrounded by other Slayers, her friends, and that girlfriend of hers --whats-her-name. He ignored the wave of heat that centered in his chest every time he pictured Buffy and Satsu together. He told himself he wasn’t interested in a relationship with Buffy anymore. If he said it enough, he figured he’d eventually believe it. She was right. The castle was a big place. It was a bloody labyrinth; one wrong turn and he’d be lost for a week. Spike could go days without seeing Buffy. It was a matter of not wanting to see her that was the problem. Buffy was proving to be a habit that was difficult to break. Even when he told himself to stay away, he found himself drawn to her like a very foolish moth to an all-consuming flame. 

Spike rounded another corner and paused. She was near; he could feel her close by. A reflexive smile curved his lips as he walked toward her. The pulsing feeling deep within grew stronger with each step. Spike’s smile slid off his face when he saw her walking arm in arm with Satsu. He stepped back quickly and retreated to the safety of the shadows where he could look at her undetected. She dipped her head low, her golden hair mingling with ebony. He hadn’t realized how…intimate they were together. There was a closeness between the women that he hadn’t recognized before, or rather, had chosen to ignore. Satsu said something and Buffy laughed, the sound of it carrying across the hall where Spike stood. His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. _She’s happy_. The realization struck him like a swift blow to the gut. Spike stepped backward involuntarily; he couldn’t watch anymore. Turning quickly on his heels, Spike headed back toward his room. He wanted to be alone. 

He hadn’t come to Scotland to rekindle things with Buffy. He came to help Cassia, Spike reminded himself. Stay the course. The sooner Cassia was up to speed, the sooner he could go back to L.A. and forget about Buffy Summers. 

++++

Cassia wasn’t avoiding him; she was processing. There was a lot Cassia hadn’t known about Spike before agreeing to join him in Scotland with Buffy. He was good looking. She found the scar over his eye dangerously sexy, and he promised he was going to show her how to be a badass Slayer. Cassia had once followed an older gentleman to another country for a promise of much less. She knew Spike was a vampire; she just hadn’t realized he used to be one of the most terrifying vampires in history. Well, at least that’s what the book said.

Cassia had spent hours pouring over Spike’s history. It swelled with the most horrific accounts of brutality that she had ever heard of in her life. Cassia knew Spike was counting on her to be repulsed by the truth, but it only fascinated her. She had skimmed through most of the sections containing the Aurelian history. She found the Master to be somewhat interesting. Darla and Angelus were a complete bore, nothing more than a lesson in trying way too hard. Spike had begun down that path as well, modeling his behavior after their Bonnie and Clyde antics. Spike had something to prove to the two alpha vampires in his brood. His takedown of that Slayer in China was a triumph for him. Cassia knew she should have been sickened by what she read, but it seemed like words on a page, stories you told your kids to scare them straight. The man she had come to know over the last several weeks wasn’t this man. 

Cassia returned to the library one more time and sat down with Spike’s book once again. She stared at the picture of Spike captured during the Boxer Rebellion and ran her fingers over his face. The poet turned a vicious murderer, the Slayer slayer was much more than met the eye. Her eyes flickered to the woman beside him, Drusilla. A cold shiver ran down Cassia’s spine as she stared into the woman’s dark, vacant eyes. Something about Drusilla seemed familiar to her, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Cassia closed her eyes, willing away the memory of a woman with ebony hair peering at her as she hid beneath her bed. Clutching a stuffed animal in her arms, Cassia had tried to make herself as small as possible. She couldn’t see the woman’s face; every time Cassia attempted to remember, she drew a blank. She did recall the way the woman held her bony finger to her darkly painted lips and whispered a cloying, “shhhhh.” 

Cassia opened her eyes, forcing the image away. Cassia didn’t like to think about the night her parents were murdered. She’d learned at a young age to repress the memory deep into the recesses of her mind. She liked to imagine locking them away in a box padded down with a heavy lock and shoving it into the darkness where it belonged. She was five years old when her parents were murdered; now she barely recollected what they looked like. Because she couldn't remember what they were like when they were alive, she didn’t like to think of them in death. 

Cassia stood from the table and carried the book back to its rightful place among the other dusty tomes. She ran a long-painted finger down the ragged spine and reflected on what she had read. _Your plan didn’t succeed, William,_ Cassia thought. Spike had expected her to read about all his terrible deeds and forget about her attraction toward him, but she couldn’t. She liked him. She couldn’t turn those feelings off just because she’d read a story about something that happened a hundred years ago. Besides, he was a changed man. Cassia flipped off the light, casting the library back into darkness, and dashed through the door. 

She found Spike reading in his room beneath the dim glow of the lamplight. Cassia observed him for a moment before stepping inside. “I finished your little book,” she announced. Spike looked up from the pages of his novel and searched her eyes with his own. Cassia narrowed the distance between them and took the book from his hand, setting it aside. “You wanted to frighten me away.” 

Spike jerked his head. “No, I wanted you to know the truth. To know what kind of monster I am.” 

Cassia sat on his bed and quietly looked down at the palms of her hand. “You’re not a monster,” she said softly. Cassia tilted her head to look at him. “Not anymore.” 

“Don’t go romanticizin’ what I am, Cassia. You’ve read the things I’ve done. You know what I am capable of. It wasn’t for this soul—” 

“I’m not romanticizing anything. I think you’ve gotten to know me better than that. So, yes, the soul altered you, but you were already different. Angelus was cursed with his soul. You chose yours, fought for it. I see you better. I see you more, William,” she said, using his given name. “You are not that demon. You’re better. You always have been.” Cassia lowered her head toward the floor and stared down at her shoes before adding, “She couldn’t see you, but I do.” 

Spike was silent for a moment. His eyes clouded with confusion at her words. “You’re young.” Spike stood to his feet.

“I’m older than most girls my age,” she said, joining him. “You don’t have to treat me like a child, Spike. I’m not. You want me to see the monster in you. I see the man who stopped a demon from killing me, a man who fights alongside Slayers to save the world. I don’t see that demon. I know you want me to, but I can’t. That’s not the man I met. That’s not the man I know. I want this man.” She rested her hand on his chest. 

Spike took her hand and placed it over his silent, dead heart. “You feel this. It’s cold. Empty. You merely think you want this because it’s different and exciting.” 

Cassia sighed. “I don’t need you telling me how or what to think. I want you, William. But I understand if you don’t feel the same,” she said, stepping back a few paces. 

“I didn’t say I didn't want you.” His voice was low.

“Then what do you want?” 

Spike stared down at her, searching her face. Cassia could see the struggle brewing behind his blue eyes. She took another step back, putting more distance between them. Spike hesitated for a moment before he reached out his hand and wrapped his fingers tightly around her arm. Cassia’s breath caught in her chest and her lips parted in muted excitement. She could smell tobacco and the tang of his cologne.

“I want…” He backed away from her. “Cassia…” He lowered his head. “I didn’t plan on this happenin' between us.” 

Cassia stepped forward, narrowing the distance between them. “So, something is happening between us?” 

“I think there is…”

Cassia chewed on the inside of her cheeks. “You want to keep this between us?” She thought about Buffy. Something told her the queen wouldn’t take too kindly to one of her Slayers being with her ex. Cassia didn’t care. 

“No. Been down that road before. Wasn’t really plannin’ on doin’ that again in this lifetime.” Spike sighed again. “But it might be best to—” 

“Keep a low profile.” 

“Just for a bit, love.” He palmed her cheek. “Want to get this right. Fools rush in and all that.” 

Cassia narrowed her eyes at Spike. “What are you saying?

“What I’m sayin’ is that we both need to use our heads. I want you to make sure this is what you want and what we both need. I’m not some white knight, Cass. I still have a lot to work out here.” He touched a finger to his temple. “And here,” he said, laying his palm over his heart. “I’m proposin’ we take our time. Go slow.” 

“I can do that. But only for a little while,” Cassia said.


	10. Shall We Dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again to the amazing Twinkles. Any remaining mistakes are mine. 
> 
> I'm getting closer to finishing up the story, which will allow me to update more often. The tentative posting schedule is Sunday and Wednesdays. 
> 
> I also created a playlist for the fic. The story hasn't quite caught up to the sound track yet, but I promised myself I would post it once I got to the 10th chapter of my story. If you are interested in listening to the mix, you can find it here: https://buffyversebingo.dreamwidth.org/3200.html

Buffy hadn’t seen Spike in days. She didn’t go looking for him; rather, she hoped she would accidentally-on-purpose run into him. She found herself roaming the halls late at night and made her way to the game room only to find it dark and lonely. _This is stupid,_ Buffy thought to herself as she made her way back to her room. She had no business pining over Spike. Technically not pining. She was only seeking the company of an old friend. Nothing in the rule book said she couldn’t hang out with friends. Buffy hung out with Willow and Xander all the time. _Yeah, but you also never slept with them either. Ugh! And now I’m arguing with myself while walking alone in a castle._ Resigned, Buffy let herself back into her room and slid into bed. That night in the game room had been nothing more than lightning in a bottle. They had shared a moment; it was best to let that moment stay where it belonged—in the past. 

Buffy turned toward the window and stared out into the moonlit night. She had to stop thinking about Spike. It was easier to do when she was around Satsu. When they were together she barely thought about Spike. The day Satsu had given her that gorgeous portrait they had spent the whole night together watching foreign films. Spike had barely entered her mind. Until Spike showed up, things had been simple (or, as simple as her life would allow). Now she was lying awake at night thinking about him, while spending her days with Satsu. The guilt pressed down on her, making it hard to sleep at night. _There’s an easy fix to this_ , a tiny voice in the back of Buffy’s mind reminded her. _Just talk to him. You’ll both have a good laugh about it and then things can go back to normal._ Feeling a little better, Buffy closed her eyes and forced herself into a fitful sleep. 

At night, the castle was a ghost town, but during the day it seemed like there were dozens of Slayers hanging from the rafters. Buffy tried to make her rounds as often as possible, visiting different training classes and helping out when she could. Her drop-ins were looked upon like a rare treat, an opportunity to learn from the best. Buffy told herself that she was merely doing her due diligence by dropping in on Cassia’s class. She was her newest recruit, and Buffy had barely spoken two words to her since she'd arrived in Scotland. Buffy got the not-so-subtle hint that she wasn’t Cassia’s favorite Slayer in the castle. In fact, Cassia didn’t seem to get along with anyone except Spike. 

Buffy stepped into the training room and was surprised to see both Emere and Kennedy sharing the floor. The Slayers had combined classes, filling up the room with dozens of Slayers. Spike was leaning against the stone wall at the rear of the class, listening to Kennedy brief everyone. She flashed him a slight smile when he saw her and joined him at the back of the room. 

“Hey,” she whispered. 

“Hey yourself,” Spike said with a wink, and turned his attention back to Kennedy. 

“Alright, maggots,” Kennedy’s voice rang out. “Next week is your assessment. That’s when our teams will match against each other to see what you’ve got. Those who pass will get the opportunity to go out on the next mission; those who don’t… well, you know what happens.” Kennedy paused over the sound of loud groans. “I know we've had some new people join us recently.” She looked down at Cassia. “Don’t think because you’re new we’ll go easy on you.” 

“I don’t need you to,” Cassia said from her perch at the front of the group. 

“Good. Then I’ll make sure we won’t.” 

Spike glanced over at Buffy and lifted his brow. Buffy shrugged in silent communication with him. Kennedy was being Kennedy. 

“We’re starting out with some drills,” Kennedy continued. The class groaned again. “Or we can do PT.” 

“No way!” someone yelled out.

“Good. Then stop complaining. We came here to work. This isn’t cheer camp, ladies!” 

Hey! Buffy took offense to that. Before transferring from Hemery, she’d gone to cheer camp every summer. Cheerleading was a serious sport! 

“Alright! Everyone on your feet.” 

Each girl stood up and formed part of two long rows with enough room to move without hitting or kicking the girl beside her. Buffy pushed herself off the wall and began walking up and down the long line of girls, correcting sloppy stances and encouraging others. She stopped in front of Cassia and gave her a friendly smile.

“Good job with your feet,” she complimented the girl. “Just tighten up your shoulders for a stronger stance and bring your fists up to right about here.” She demonstrated for her. 

“Yeah, I got it. Thanks,” Cassia muttered, ignoring her. 

Buffy’s lips pressed into a thin line as she and Cassia stared at one another before Buffy moved on to another row of girls. She’d speak with Spike later about Cassia’s attitude. Kennedy nodded toward Buffy.

“One!” Buffy called out and the girls all moved into first position. “Two!” They kept up with drills for several minutes while Buffy continued assessing each girl. “Good, good,” Buffy said to a short Slayer with mousy hair. The girl’s cheeks colored, and she muttered a soft thank you. 

“Excellent job, ladies!” Emere’s voice rang out from the front of the class. “We’re going to move into exhibition sparing, and it’s just our luck that we have Buffy and Spike in the house.” 

Buffy shook her head. “I’m only here to watch,” she protested. 

“Same,” Spike echoed, holding up his hands. 

“Aww come on!” someone yelled out. 

“Yes, I’d like to see what it looks like when an old Slayer fights,” Cassia said with a smirk. 

Buffy’s head jerked back offended by Cassia’s insult. She was not old! She glanced over at Spike. 

“You can learn a lot from an experienced Slayer,” Spike interjected. “Buffy didn’t last this long because she twiddled her thumbs playin’ make-believe.” He gestured toward one of the fighting dummies. Spike turned toward Buffy. “What do you say, Slayer? Why don’t we show them what a real fight looks like? Teach them a thing or two,” he said, gazing at Cassia. 

Buffy could feel a dozen pairs of eyes on her. Kennedy and Emere waited expectantly for her to answer Spike’s challenge. She didn’t have to prove anything to Cassia or any of the Slayers. Buffy locked gazes with Spike. His eyes sparkled with mischief that made Buffy want to play along. “Okay,” she hedged, walking to the front of the class. Buffy pulled in a deep breath and faced Spike. He was casually standing a few feet away from her with a lopsided grin on his face. 

“Nervous? I know it’s been a while since we’ve danced.” 

“Dancing? Is that what you call me kicking your ass?” 

Spike shook his head and smirked. “Come on, Slayer, kick my ass,” he bantered with her, ignoring their audience. 

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Buffy said, striking first. 

Her movements were swift, nearly catching Spike by surprise. Buffy lunged at him with a series of quick jabs. She vaguely heard the class cheer when he smoothly dodged each one with little effort. After a few moments, she realized he was toying with her by blocking or avoiding her punches. She was fighting but he wanted to dance. Buffy reloaded her biceps and stepped back into the ready position. Spike was smirking at her; his blue eyes sparkled with amusement, taunting her. 

Buffy bit back a smile. It felt like it was only the two of them in that room. She ignored the fascinated eyes observing them and attacked again. This time she landed an overhead punch, connecting it to the top of his skull. Spike staggered back and shook his head comically. Buffy didn't give him a chance to recover before striking him with a jab combo. Right-left, right-left. She kicked her leg straight out for a forward kick center mass. 

Spike caught her ankle between his hands and shoved her backward. "That all you got?" he taunted. "You never held back before. Going soft, Slayer? I remember when you used to make it hurt." 

Buffy thought about the numerous times they had fought each other only to end up on the floor of his crypt. They always chased the pain with pleasure. The memory sent a current of heat straight down her body. Buffy blinked rapidly, willing away the image of her straddling him while he bucked beneath her. _Stop it! No naughty thoughts in the middle of class._

"Oh, I can make it hurt," she replied to his taunt. 

_Then show me_ his eyes seemed to say. Buffy gave him a curt nod, and the two began to fight again. This time he fought back, blocking as many hits as he gave. Buffy had been pulling her punches earlier, now she gave him exactly what he wanted. Their movements were fluid, poetry in motion. They circled each other predatorily; the smirk on her face mirrored his. Spike struck first, the force of his kick sent Buffy flying across the room. Buffy jack-hammered to her feet and blocked another hit. She leaped high into the air, wrapped her legs around his neck, and entrapped his head between her thighs. Spike placed his hands at her waist and grinned up at her. His fingers were cool against her skin, making Buffy shiver with excitement. His lips curled in a rakish smile as he gazed at her. Spike placed the back of his hands against each of her thighs, pushing her off of him. Buffy dropped down and swept her leg beneath his ankle, causing him to tumble to the ground. Spike’s hands whipped out, bringing her down on top of him. Buffy curled her hand into a fist and positioned it over his heart. 

"Hurt enough for you?" She grinned down at him with excitement in her eyes. 

Spike's chest rose and fell rapidly with each labored breath. Buffy’s eyes were transfixed on his parted lips. She was breathing hard, her skin flushed pink with arousal. Enthusiastic claps filled the room, yanking Buffy from the cloud of heat that blanketed her. Embarrassed, she scrambled to her feet and backed away from Spike.

"And, uh, that's, how you take down your opponent," Buffy stammered. 

Spike pushed himself up on his elbows and got to his feet. They were both acutely aware of the stares and shocked expressions on some of the Slayers faces. 

"Yeah, effective take down," Spike parroted, composing himself. 

Kennedy stepped forward awkwardly. "So, uhh, slaying is what we do, but it's okay to have fun with it," she said, attempting to refocus the attention away from Spike and Buffy.

Someone in the room repeated the word fun using air quotes, and a few of the girls laughed. Buffy moved toward the back of the class, avoiding the eye contact of other Slayers. As she passed Cassia, the girl glared at her with stony green eyes. Great, she thought to herself. Buffy leaned against the cold stone wall, closing her eyes as it cooled her fevered skin. She didn't look at Spike when he joined her at the back of the room; instead she kept her eyes trained ahead. Buffy still tingled wherever his fingers had touched her, and she bit back a frustrated groan. 

Buffy stole a glance at Spike. He was looking directly ahead, his eyes trained on Cassia's tense back. A wave of guilt washed over Buffy and she sagged against the wall. The class seemed to drag on, each minute ticking by at a snail's pace until Kennedy dismissed them for the evening. Spike instantly sprang off the wall and headed toward Cassia in two long strides. Buffy hung back and watched Spike attempted to take Cassia's hand. She snatched her hand from his grasp and tried to stomp away. 

Buffy's eyes narrowed suspiciously. They were arguing like they were a... She walked over to where they stood together. The moment she got within earshot the couple grew silent. 

"You did really well up there," Buffy said to Cassia. "I see training with Spike has been good for you. He's a great teacher." She was rambling. 

"Buffy, now's not--," Spike began. 

"No," Cassia said, cutting him off. "Now is perfect." Cassia crossed her arms haughtily over her chest. "You're right, Spike is a good teacher. He's been helping me since I got here. But what are boyfriends for, right?" Cassia flashed Buffy a bright smile and threaded her arm through Spike's. 

Buffy's head jerked as she'd been cuffed in the chin. She blinked several times in confusion, unsure if she heard Cassia correctly. "Wha-what?" 

Spike winced and tried to mask his pained expression. "I meant to have a talk with you about us but--" 

Buffy bobbed her head and waved her hand. "No need to explain. I mean I should know these things, but uh it's fine. You're fine. We're fine. Of course, we're fine." 

An uncomfortable silence occupied the space between them. 

"Right then. Glad that's settled, “Spike said shattering the silence. 

"Yep. All settled." Buffy said, backing away from the couple.

She made a beeline straight to the door and stepped into the hall. The air felt like it had been vacuumed out of the building, and Buffy struggled to breathe. Listlessly, she walked toward her office, recalling her conversation with Spike about Cassia. He'd told her he wasn't interested in Cassia. _Well, that was a lie._ Buffy imagined Spike and Cassia together. She should have seen it coming. She wasn't blind. Cassia was stunning. Of course, he'd be attracted to her. It also didn't hurt that she hung on to his every word. _She’s crushing on him like a lovesick teenager._ Buffy let herself into her office and sank into the large leather bound chair at her desk. So, Spike's… seeing Cassia.

“That’s great. Good for them! Totally unbothered,” she said aloud. 

Buffy buried her face in the palm of her hands, letting out a deep groan, and turned on her laptop. She didn’t care what Spike did or who he was involved with as long as Cassia got her training done and was kept out of trouble.

**Dear Buffy,**

**I hope this email finds you well. All is good at the L.A. HQ. Ramona continues to exceed my expectations as her Watcher.**

Buffy rolled her eyes at Andrew’s email. She’d been ignoring them for weeks, and the chatty little newsletters were making a hefty pile in her spam filter. 

**Our recruitment numbers are increasing! But I’ll say the quality isn’t always the best. I spent two hours arguing with a Slayer about the absurdity of introducing Midi-chlorians in Episode One. Anyway, the influx of Slayers is making things crowded if not exciting around here! Good thing Angel is still leading the others to the Sanctuary (he still won’t tell me where it is, but I’ll keep trying). He’s been acting pretty weird lately. Well, weirder than usual. But I guess that’s Angel.**

**Also, I changed the Wi-fi password to "Deathstar." See you on my next visit! Tell everyone hi for me.**

**I have been and always shall be your friend,  
Andrew**

Buffy marked the message as read and moved on to the next email. She read through most of them and replied to the ones of the highest importance. Buffy rolled her eyes at the message about his blueberry pancakes recipe and a movie list marked as urgent. She devoted the rest of the afternoon to sifting through her emails, avoiding everything outside her office door. Buffy was knee-deep in Andrew’s messages when her door swung open. She looked up to see Satsu standing in the doorway and Buffy cringed, closing her laptop. She knew that word would get back to Satsu eventually, but she was hoping they could avoid making a thing out of it.

“Hey.” Buffy pushed her laptop aside and laced her fingers together. 

“I’m just going to get right to it,” Satsu said quickly, her words running into each other. “Everyone is talking about you and Spike today during training. They said, they said—” 

Buffy stood up. “Whatever they said, Satsu, ignore it. You know how things are here. It’s like one long game of telephone. It starts with me saying I like grilled cheese sandwiches and by the time it gets to the next person, I ate my way through an entire cheese factory. Which might not be a bad thing except for the carbs.” 

“What?” 

Buffy sighed heavily. “It means that Spike and I just sparred with each other. And that’s it.” 

“That’s not what everyone saying.” 

“Okay, I’ll bite. What is everyone saying?” 

“They’re saying you guys were practically writhing on top of each other.” 

“Writhing?” Buffy let out a nervous laugh and leaned against her desk. While she and Spike sparred with each other they had gotten close. Very close. Her skin still tingled where he had touched her. “There was no writhing of any kind. I hit him; he hit me. You know, the usual way people fight.” 

Satsu looked at Buffy, her expression was full of skepticism. “Are you sure, Buffy, because if you still have feelings for Spike…? 

“I don’t!” Buffy said quickly (If she said it enough, she'd start to believe it). “Spike and I are just friends. We have been for a long time. Even before he came back. Everyone is just making a big deal out of nothing.” Buffy clasped Satsu’s hand in hers. “And it is nothing. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Satsu hesitated. 

“Besides,” Buffy added. “Spike is with Cassia..” 

“He’s with Cassia?” Satsu made a face. “Wow. She’s… something.”

You can say that again. “Something is a word. A very good word.” 

Satsu chuckled and shook her head. “I’m sorry. There were conclusions and I jumped. It was stupid.” 

“Forget about it,” Buffy said, relieved. She wrung her fingers together nervously. If a room full of strangers could see there was something between her and Spike-- _Stop! There’s nothing between Spike and me._ “You know how some of the girls are. When things get quiet, someone has to stir the pot. I think it’s time for a mission. Where’s an apocalypse when you need one?” she said, blowing on her bangs. 

“I can’t get you an apocalypse, but would you be interested in tacos? It’s taco Tuesday down in the dining hall.” 

Buffy tilted her head to the side. “I could go for tacos.”

++++

Buffy avoided the training classes for the rest of the week. She also did her best to avoid Spike. Every time she had a moment alone; she found her mind drifting to their sparring session. The way they had moved together reminded her of Sunnydale. Sure, back then they’d been trying to kill each other, but even so there was no denying the chemistry between them. Spike had called it dancing back then, too. 

“Buffy! Earth to Buffy,” Satsu said, capturing her attention. 

Buffy jumped at the sound of her name, and placed the pile of folded blankets on the floor. “Sorry, I was just… thinking.” 

“About?” 

“The movie night,” Buffy lied. “Which one is it again?” 

“Some 80’s cult classic. ‘The Lost Boys,’ I think it’s called.” 

“Oh, the one with the Coreys.” 

“The who?” 

“That’s a band,” Buffy said picking up the blankets. Buffy tossed one on the bed and grabbed a pair of shoes. Kimmie, their resident cinephile, thought it would be a fun idea to host a movie night since things were slow around the shire. “The Coreys, Feldman, and Haim. They used to be the Tigerbeat guys.”

“Tigerbeat… that’s from like the 80’s, right?” 

Buffy sighed and looked up at Satsu. “God, you’re making me feel carbon dated.” 

“Sorry. Lips sealed.” 

“Don’t worry about it. The movie is cheesy in all the best kind of ways. You’ll like it.” Buffy stood up from her bed. “Come on, so we don’t miss the beginning.” 

Kimmie had set up a projector of the south lawn of the castle, along with a few popcorn machines. Buffy remembered seeing it on the budget and absently signing off on them. Some of the Slayers had set up blankets and lawn chairs, and were chatting with each other. 

“This spot’s good?” she asked Satsu. 

“Looks good to me.” 

They spread the blanket and stretched out on the grass together. Buffy looked around and saw Willow sitting with Kennedy a few feet away. They were sharing their blanket with Xander and Logan. _When did that happen?_ She would have to get all the details from him later. Relief spread through her when she didn’t see Spike or Cassia. The last time she had seen the couple they were in the middle of an argument. She wondered if things had smoothed out between them. _It would be such a shame if it didn’t_ , she thought sarcastically. 

“Hi, Buffy...Satsu.” 

Buffy closed her eyes and took in a breath. She had spoken too soon. “Hey!” Buffy said brightly to Spike. He was standing with his arm casually slung around Cassia’s shoulder. _Guess they worked it out._

Spike looked up at the sky. “Nice night for a movie. S’good thing you’ve got goin’ on here. Girls could use a bit of fun.” 

“All slay and no play…” 

“William,” Cassia said tugging on Spike’s arm.

Spike shrugged and allowed himself to be pulled away by his girlfriend. _William?_ Buffy mouthed to herself and rolled her eyes. She grabbed one of Satsu’s Twizzlers and took a hard bite out of it. William. Whatever. 

“Buffy, you okay?” Satsu asked. 

“Yeah. Just excited about the movie!” She bared her teeth into a strange parody of a smile. 

“Alright, Slayers! Welcome to our very first movie on the lawn, and you guys are in for a treat!” Kimmie announced. “Tonight, for your viewing pleasure, The Lost Boys. So, sit back, relax and enjoy this classic vampire tale.” 

The crowd grew quiet once the movie began. Instead of looking at the screen, Buffy found herself staring at Spike and Cassia. She was laying with her head in his lap as he stroked her flaxen hair. Buffy took another bite of her Twizzler and chewed with extra vigor. 

“Popcorn!” she announced to Satsu loudly. “I’m going to get popcorn.” 

“Okay,” Satsu said around a laugh. “Popcorn it is.” 

Buffy walked over to the popcorn machine and grabbed an unopened bag of kernels. Where was a microwave when you needed one? Or some instructions? 

“So, this goes in here,” she muttered to herself. “Then add the butter.” 

“Need help with that?” Spike asked from behind her. 

Buffy froze. His voice sent a current of electricity up her spine. “That obvious?” 

Spike shrugged and gently took the bag of popcorn from her. She watched as he casually made the snack as if he’d done it a million times before. 

“There. Should be ready in a few minutes.” 

Buffy nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked straight ahead, pretending to watch the movie. “Spike—”

“Buffy—” They said at the same time. Spike lowered his head. “You first.” 

“I was just going to say I hope I didn’t cause any trouble with you and Cassia.” 

“S’okay. Everything is fine now. She knows that we were just sparring, and nothing is going on between us.” 

“You got that right!” Buffy said with exaggerated enthusiasm. “I mean, good,” she amended over the sound of popping corn.

“I was going to tell you about us. I just wanted to wait a bit until--” 

“Hey, you don’t have to report to me about who you’re dating.” 

“Oh, I know. I’m just sayin’ because Cassia is a Slayer. I’m sure you’d need to know.” 

“It is kind of an unspoken rule not to get involved with Slayers.” 

Spike lifted his brow and gave Buffy a look. “Kind of like you and Satsu?

“That’s different.” Spike crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head. “Okay, maybe not so different. It’s just that Cassia is…” 

“I know. And she’s been doin’ better. She’s still havin’ a bit of trouble getting along with some of the other girls. But her training is going well, and she’s trying hard to fit in.” 

“Well, that’s good. One less thing for me to worry about. Just...” Buffy sighed. “Be careful with her.” 

Spike put his hand over his heart. “Oh, Slayer, I didn’t think you cared.” 

“I don’t,” she said with a teasing smile. “What you do and who you do it with is none of my business.” 

“I didn’t say it was.” Spike lifted his brows and returned her smile. 

“Popcorn’s done,” Buffy said, needing to change the subject. 

“So it is.” 

Buffy grabbed the scooper and quickly made a bag of popcorn for herself and Satsu. “Everything aside. I’m really glad you’re here. And I do wish you all the best with Cassia. I know things with us…didn’t... you know. Just—” 

“Be careful. I know. Thanks, Buffy. That means a lot.” 

Buffy looked down at her booted feet, then back up at Spike again. “And remember to keep her focused on the mission.” 

“Yeah. Don’t worry ‘bout that. And I also promise to get her home by curfew.” 

“Har, har,” Buffy said, making a face at him. She placed her hand on his arm and gave it a light squeeze. “Enjoy the movie,” she said before walking away. 

“Popcorn smells good,” Satsu said once Buffy sat down beside her. “What did you and Spike talk about?” Her voice was casual, but Buffy could see the worry on her face. 

“Cassia. He was just letting me know they have a thing. I wish them all the luck.” 

“Well, good for them,” Satsu said eating a few pieces of popcorn. She took Buffy’s hand in hers and rested her head on her shoulder. “If only vampires were that easy,” she said, nodding toward the screen. 

“Yeah, if only,” Buffy agreed.


	11. Reconciliation

She called him William. She said she liked it better than Spike because everyone called him Spike, and she wasn’t like everyone else. Spike liked it when she called him by his name; it made him feel like a man. _She_ made him feel like a man. The more Spike learned about her, the more he liked her. Cassia liked things straightforward, no chaser. She didn’t play silly games or give mixed signals. He liked her toughness and determination. She was all hard exterior, but underneath the façade he saw a very lonely and vulnerable girl. Her vulnerability endeared him to her. 

Spike tossed Cassia a bottle of water. “Two-minute break and then we go again,” he said, strolling toward her. 

Cassia took a long swig from the bottle and nodded. “I’m getting better, stronger,” she said, flexing her fingers into a fist. 

“That you are, love. I saw how you handled that Slayer yesterday. Made me feel all proud like.” 

Cassia wrapped her arms around his neck. “I like making you proud,” she said, planting a soft kiss on his lips. “You should let me thank you for all your hard work.” Cassia slid her hand down his torso as she spoke. Her fingers flirted with the waistband of his jeans. 

Spike sucked in a ragged breath and clasped her hand in his. Today wasn’t the first time Cassia had made advances on him. She was at her friskiest right after training. Which meant she was almost always primed and ready for a good shag. Under normal circumstances, he would have carried her back to his bed and done all kinds of nasties to (and with) her. Spike wanted to, and Cassia was making it hard to resist. He brought her hand slowly to his lips and kissed her open palm flirtatiously. “You thank me every time you’re out there kickin' ass. Thank me by stayin' focused,” he said, backing away from her. 

Cassia let out a long sigh and rolled her eyes. “Such a gentleman. I thought you were an animal,” Cassia teased. “But you’re just a fluffy little kitten.” 

Spike’s hand shot out and wrapped around her upper arm. “You want an animal, I can show you an animal, sweetheart.” He struck first, catching Cassia by surprise. She blocked his punch with her right arm and jabbed him with her left fist, cuffing him in the jaw like he taught her. “That’s it, pet. Next time you might even give me something I can feel,” he said with a smirk. Cassia tried to hit him again, but this time he caught her wrist in his hand and pulled her close. 

“No, no, no, no, no, we're training.” She pulled her arm out of his grasp. “When we train, you maintain your space,” she said, mimicking his accent. “And I maintain mine.” Cassia waved her hand between them. “Now, show me one-two-three,” she instructed.

Spike tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms over his chest. “I do not sound like that.” 

“Tsk, tsk. We're wasting time. Time wasted means you could be some hungry vampire’s dinner.” 

“Right then,” he said and stepped forward with the jab-cross-left hook.

“Sloppy.” She shook her head in mock disappointment. “Are you a Slayer or what?”

Spike caught Cassia by the waist and walked her backward until she was pressed against the wall. “More like the ‘or what’,” he said and nipped at her bottom lip. 

Cassia grinned and nipped back before kissing him. “You could use more practice on that, too,” she said once the kiss was over. 

“Is that so?” 

Cassia nodded her head. “Didn’t you say practice makes perfect?” 

Spike lowered his lips to hers again. “Well, we better get to practicin'.” 

++++

“I think I’m ready to go out at night,” Cassia said. 

They were lying on Spike’s bed together. He was reading a worn copy of Frankenstein while Cassia flipped through a copy of Vogue. 

“For a nice stroll. Sure.” 

Cassia closed her magazine and tossed it aside. “You know what I mean. I’m ready to slay a real vampire. We’ve been practicing, and you said I’m good.” 

Spike placed his book on an end table and rolled onto his side so he could face her. He recognized the determination in her eyes. It reminded him so much of another Slayer he knew. Spike played with the tips of her blonde hair. “You are good. And every day you’re getting better.” 

“But…” 

“But you can get even better.” 

Cassia rolled her eyes and flopped down on the bed. “Wait, wait, wait,” she mimicked. “Always wait.”

Spike placed a finger on her chin. “I want you to be at your best, love. Soon. I promise,” he said. 

“Good. Because I don’t want to wait too long.” Cassia slid her leg between his and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

++++

Cassia was getting better. Their extra sessions were beginning to pay off, and Spike was getting comfortable with the idea of sending her out on a hunt. He couldn’t coddle her for long. Some of the other Slayers were noticing, and they were giving Cassia trouble because of it. She didn’t say anything to him, but he knew she had gotten into a few scuffles with Shay and her brood. The model-turned-Slayer had it out for Cassia, and she was determined to make her stay at the castle unpleasant. Spike was looking forward to the day when Cassia knocked the world from beneath Shay's feet. He wanted to be watching front and center. 

Spike made his way down the castle halls toward Buffy’s office. He wanted to discuss Cassia’s progress with her in private. Spike gave three sharp taps on the office door and stepped inside. Buffy and Willow were huddled together looking down at something. 

“Spike!” Willow gave him a friendly wave. She quickly closed a book on her lap and covered it with her hands. 

“Red, haven’t seen you in a while. How have you been?” He flashed her a friendly smile. The book floated by his head and slipped back into its nook on one of the bookshelves. 

“Good, great! You? I heard you’re with—” Buffy cleared her throat and gave her a look. “The uh, you’re with—” 

“Cassia,” Spike finished for her. “Yeah. I was coming to speak to Buffy about her.” 

Spike’s eyes darted toward Buffy. He’d seen her around the castle, but they hadn’t spent any time alone with each other since the sparring session. Spike tried not to think about it, but his mind seemed to always betray him late at night when he lay in bed alone. The way they moved together reminded him of all the times they had fought before. This time it was tinged with something more. He thought he had seen something in her eyes. The way she had looked at him… 

“Oh! Well, I’ll just mosey on out of your hair.” Willow stood up. “Buffy, we’ll talk about you know later.” 

“Later,” Buffy echoed. They exchanged another look as Willow slipped out of the office. 

“What was that about?” Spike asked once they were alone. 

“Nothing. Girl stuff,” Buffy said dismissively. “You wanted to talk to me about Cassia.” 

Spike flopped down on one of Buffy’s chairs and looked around her office. “Yeah. She’s been itching to get her feet wet. I think she’s ready.” 

“Okay. If you think she’s ready, then I trust you.” 

Spike’s head jerked back in shock. “Did Buffy Summers just say she trusted me?” 

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I did. Plot twist, I have for a while now,” Buffy teased. 

Spike smiled back at her. He shifted in his chair and basked in the warmth her words made him feel. “Saw a few graveyards while I was out n’ about one night.” 

“I don’t know how much action you’ll see. Things are pretty quiet around here. You know, castle full of Slayers and all. But I think that’ll be good for her.” Buffy sighed. 

“What?” he lifted a quizzical brow. 

“Just thinking about my first slay. My old watcher, Merrick, he took me out to some creepy graveyard and sat me down on top of a fresh grave. All I could think about was how stupid I felt sitting out there with some old guy telling me the fate of the world was on my shoulders. I swear, I thought he was high on something. I’m sitting on this grave wondering what my friends were doing, worried about my parents, and out pops a dead guy.” 

“That must’ve been somethin'.”

"Yeah…” Buffy’s voice was wistful. “Sorry. Walking down memory lane.” 

“No, it’s fine. I like hearing about what life was like for Buffy Summers before I blew into it.” 

They were quiet for a moment. Spike pictured Buffy on her first slay. Young, naïve, without a care in the world. He could only imagine what it must have been like having a stranger telling her she was chosen to essentially die a horrible death at the ripe old age of fifteen. Back then he wouldn’t have hesitated to be the monster who did the honors. Spike sympathized for that young girl and what she could have become if she hadn’t been selected by some mystical whatsit. He decided to have another talk with Cassia. He wanted her to know that unlike Buffy, she had a choice in the matter. 

“Well, there really isn’t much before then. I’ve known you practically my whole life. In a way, you’ve kinda seen me grow up.” Buffy paused and made a face. “That sounded better in my head.” 

“Hmmm. You’re right.” They exchanged quiet smiles with each. 

“Just let me know when you’re ready to take her out,” Buffy said once the moment passed. “I’ll have Emere join you. I would volunteer myself, but something tells me I’m not her favorite Slayer.” 

Spike shrugged. “Come if you want. It might be good for her to have you around." 

She shook her head. “No. Maybe. I’ll let you know.” 

They were quiet again. Spike slapped his hand on his thigh and stood up. 

“What are you up to tonight? Buffy asked. 

“Nothin.’ Just gonna do a bit of readin'.” 

“Oh.” Buffy rocked back on her heels. 

“Why?” 

“Nothing. Just curious.” 

Spike paused at the door and gazed across the room at her. He'd been trying to avoid her because of everything between them, but now that he was with her, he felt good. Things felt nice between them. “Well, if I have trouble resting, I might find myself in the game room goin’ one-on-one with that pinball machine.” 

Buffy bit her lip and smiled. Well, then I might have to stop by. You know, for the sake of that poor defenseless pinball machine.” 

Spike laughed and tapped his hand on the door. “Alright, Slayer.” He returned her smile. “I’ll see you around.” 

++++

He'd read the same sentence four times. Spike tried again. 

_“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”_

Frustrated, he placed the book aside and struggled to find a comfortable spot on his bed. Spike stared up at the ceiling and followed the pattern of cracks with his eyes. He'd only mentioned he _might_ go to the game room that night, he hadn't said he _would_. Spike tossed on the bed, plumped his pillow, then plumped it again. _I could finally beat that wanker, Dracula,_ he thought of that infernal pinball machine. Going to the game room had nothing to do with Buffy, he tried to convince himself. _I only want to beat that sodding game._ Spike glanced at the automated clock at the side of his bed. He watched as the red, glowing numbers flipped over to 2 A.M. Spike grabbed his book and read the same line once again. 

“Bloody hell!” 

One pleasant conversation with Buffy shouldn’t have weakened his resolve to move on from her. He'd devoted years pining after that woman, groveling at her feet only for her to reject him. At some point, a man’s got to realize when she’s just not that into you. It had taken him a while to come to that great revelation. Some beatings, a few spurned declarations of his devoted love, dying. And now he was ready to move on. He wanted to move on. Spike thought he was doing a good job at it. He'd teamed up with Angel in L.A. He had made a life for himself apart from Buffy. Save for the one minor set back in Italy when he went looking for her, he was well on his way to getting over Buffy.

Spike tossed his book aside and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Sod it all. One game shouldn’t change anything. Buffy wasn’t into him, and he wasn’t into her either. They were colleagues now. Friends. He didn’t have to be afraid of bumping into his friend while taking a casual stroll through the castle. Spike pulled the door to his room opened, and was startled to find Cassia on the other side. 

“Cass? What--?” 

Cassia lowered her fist and smiled. “I wanted to see you.” She peered over his shoulders. “Were you leaving?” 

Spike hesitated for a moment. “Uh, was just gonna take a bit of a walk.” He stepped aside so she could come in. “Is something wrong?” 

Cassia sat down on his bed. “Not really, no. I have my assessment tomorrow, and I can’t sleep.” 

“Nervous?” he asked, sitting down beside her. He palmed her cheek, smoothing out the worry lines at the corner of her mouth. 

“Yes. No.” She sighed heavily. “I don’t know.” 

Spike tucked a strand of Cassia’s hair behind her ear. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, pet. You were born for this.” 

Cassia dipped her head and smile. “I don’t feel like it,” she said softly. “I feel like a stranger here.” 

“So do I.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “But not everyone is against you. Have you spoken to Logan any?” 

Cassia nodded her head. “She’s nice, but she’s so…she’s—” Cassia stopped short, struggling for the word. “I can’t think of the right word. Programada, maybe.” 

Spike chuckled under his breath. “Well, yeah. We all are in a way. ‘S the way of the word, pet.” 

Cassia shrugged. “Anyway, I can’t sleep.”

Spike looked down at his bed. “You can stay here if you want. But,” he emphasized the word. “Only to sleep. You need your rest for tomorrow.” 

“I’ll have you know I didn’t come here for sex,” Cassia assured him. “That’s not the only thing I want you for.” 

Spike lifted a brow and smirked. “Is that so?” 

“Yeah. It’s so.” Cassia pulled off her sneakers and let them fall haphazardly to the floor. She spotted the book on his end table. “What are you reading?” 

“Frankenstein.” 

“Still?” she asked surprised. 

“Yeah. I hit a bit of a slow spot. Have you read it before?” 

Cassia slid into Spike’s bed and held her hand out to him. “No. Will you read it to me?” 

Spike grabbed the book and snuggled down beside her. He enjoyed the feel of her resting the nook of his arm. Her small hand stroked his chest absently as he read past the page he kept getting stuck on. Cassia sighed and nestled closer to him and fell asleep soon after. Spike kissed her temple and closed the book.

++++

Cassia was ready to go out on a hunt. Spike had finally promised he would take her and had spoken to Emere about it after her assessment. In the weeks that they had arrived at the castle, Spike had seen a drastic improvement in Cassia’s abilities. She was a fast and eager learner whose rough edges still afforded her an advantage over some of the more polished Slayers. They were soldiers; Cassia was a fighter. Spike liked to think he was somewhat responsible for molding her fighting style. He noticed during their training sessions that she was beginning to move like him. Seeing Cassia start to transform from an untrained street brawler to a skilled combatant made him feel useful. He had discovered something he enjoyed—training Slayers to kill vampires. The irony of it all didn’t escape him.

After searching some of her usual haunts, Spike found Buffy in the library stretched out on one of the sofas… reading. He stood at the door for a few moments and watched her while she was still unaware of his presence. Sunlight filtered in from one of the windows and cast a soft halo around her golden hair. Dust bunnies danced in the air around her, making her look almost dreamlike. He could have stood there all day and watched her without feeling a second of boredom. Forcing himself out of his trance, Spike cleared his throat to capture Buffy’s attention. She jumped at the unexpected sound and looked up in surprise. 

“Spike!?” 

“Buffy,” he greeted her and carefully navigated around the patches of sunlight in the room. 

Buffy closed the book on her lap and casually moved it aside. “What are you doing in here?” she asked. 

“I could ask you the same question,” he said with a smirk. “Since when have you become the readin’ type?” He nodded toward the book she tried to hide from him. 

“Since never. But I thought I should start boning up on my demonology. It’s on my summer reading list.” 

Spike nodded his head, unconvinced. He caught a glimpse of the title and lifted a brow. “The Origins of Magick,” Spike read aloud. “Not exactly Oprah's reading list,” he teased. 

Buffy’s cheeks flushed slightly. “No, not exactly,” she said weakly. 

He was aware she wasn’t ready to talk about whatever had prompted her to read the book. He also knew she met with Willow and Xander without him. Spike tried to ignore it. His focus was on Cassia. He didn’t come to play games with the rest of the reindeer. 

Spike took a seat across from her, out of the way of direct light. “Been lookin' for you,” he began. 

Buffy perked up. “Yeah?”

“Cassia’s ready to go out on a slay. Already spoke to Emere about it, and she agrees. We were thinkin’ about going out sometime this weekend.” 

“Sounds good to me. I’m glad you think she’s ready.” 

“Yeah. She’s doin’ well, Buffy. I think you’d be right proud of her.” 

Buffy’s eyes shifted away from him, and her lips curved into a tight smile. “I’m sure. I’ll have to stop in one of her training classes and see what you’ve been teaching her.”

They were both silent for a moment. A slight frown creased Buffy’s brow. Spike tilted his head and watched as she seemed to be deciding what to say to him next. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she said finally, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah?” 

Buffy stood up and closed the library door before returning to her seat. “It’s about Faith.” She sat down on the edge of the sofa and kept her voice low. “She’s been stealth the last few months, working undercover to find out what Simone’s been up to and what she has planned.”

Spike bobbed his head. He knew this Simone bint had been causing Buffy trouble for some time now. “Where is she now? Faith, that is?” 

“I’m unsure. We can’t communicate as frequently. She’s been working to get into Simone’s inner circle. The story is she and I had a falling out. She’s tired of me, my operation, and she’s out for my head.” 

“Not too far from the truth,” Spike said. 

“Maybe in the past. But it’s different with us now. Faith is one of the few Slayers I can really depend on. She’s sticking her neck out for me, putting herself in danger. If Simone found out she’s doing this for me…well, it wouldn’t be good for her. Anyway, that’s why she hasn’t been around. Or Giles. He’s working with her.” 

Oh, so that’s what Rupert’s been up to. “Giles and Faith?” 

Buffy pressed her lips together in a thin line. “Yeah. He and I— He felt it would be best for someone to keep an eye on Faith, have her back.” 

“Good call.” 

“Yeah. So, that’s what’s been happening here in Buffyworld. I wanted to let you know since you’re part of the team.” 

He nodded his head. “Thanks for fillin’ me in. ‘Preciate it.” 

“Of course. You’re one of us,” Buffy said with a sincere smile. “We typically try to meet as often as we can or when we get an update from Faith or Giles.” 

“Good to know.” 

Buffy sucked in a breath and sighed. “So the next time we hear anything, I’ll let you know.” 

“Good deal, Slayer.” Spike stood up, feeling better now that Buffy had let him in. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help with that.” 

“I will. And, Spike…” 

“Hmmm?” 

“Thanks for helping with Cassia and the other Slayers. You’ve been a big help, and I— Thanks.” 

Spike’s lips curved into a slight smile. “No thanks necessary, pet. I’m glad I could be of some use.”

Buffy wrung her fingers together nervously. “It’s more than that,” she began slowly. Buffy sucked in a deep breath. “Sit down, please.” Spike tilted his head and gazed down at her quizzically before complying. “I’ve been thinking about you, us, lately.” 

“Us? Buffy, what--?” Spike sat down slowly. 

“You didn’t have to come here to Scotland to help me, but you did. And I can’t thank you enough… for everything. What you did back in Sunnydale, down in that—” 

“Buffy, you don’t have to thank me for that. I did it because it was the right thing to do.” Spike spoke sincerely, confused by Buffy’s sudden bout of emotion. 

“I know. I just never got around to thanking you for it, and now that you’re back I just thought I should. I mean, there’s a lot I should say to you. A lot that I took for granted.” 

“Buffy…” 

“No, let me finish before I don’t.” She bit back nervous laughter. “I took your help for granted, and I always expected you to be around, until you weren’t. But mostly, I wasn’t fair to you. The way I treated you when you didn’t—” 

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” he said, interrupting her. Spike sensed where she was going with her speech and he wasn’t ready to confront it all right then. He wasn’t ready to rehash those emotions he kept inside of him. He’d opened his heart to Buffy in the past, laying everything bare before her. Spike didn’t want to go down that road again, but he couldn’t tiptoe around the truth either. “I wasn’t blameless.”

Spike had had some time to reflect on their past together in Sunnydale, and he’d had a few revelations himself. “There were things I did that I ain’t too proud of myself.” Spike winced as he pictured Buffy cowering away from him with tears in her eyes. “I, I wasn’t good for you at the time, and the things I did…” Spike pulled in an empty breath. “What I tried to do to you.” 

Buffy closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “You don’t have to. That…he isn’t who you are now,” she whispered. 

Something sharp pierced Spike’s heart. He wanted to hold on to those words, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to go down that path with Buffy. The last time he did, she had left him raw and open. “I’d like to think not,” he admitted. “I’d like to believe I would never have done that to you,” he said thinking of his former life. “But I was bloody unfair to you. I made you this…this symbol of everything I needed—salvation, redemption, lover, a reason to go on to be better, a solution to all my problems. It was selfish of me…but I needed you." I thought I needed you in ways that you couldn’t be. And I tried to force, force--” his voice cracked with the guilt and emotion. 

“Spike, listen.” Buffy tilted her head, so he was looking at her again. “What you tried to do to me was…bad, and it still affects me. But so does dying, losing my mom, my dad abandoning Dawnie and me. All of it. Some days those things haunt me more than others. But I don’t want you to think it’s all I think about every time I look at you. Because it’s not and I don’t. You didn’t have a soul. I can’t hold what that guy did against you any more than I could blame Angel for all the things Angelus did. How could I?” 

Spike nodded his head slowly. He didn’t quite know what to say about her revelation. When he’d come to speak with her, Spike had no intention of rehashing the past - and certainly not that part. Now that they were treading down that path… “I don’t know what to say ‘bout that, Slayer. Except that I truly am sorry. What happened between us is one of my biggest regrets. But I want to give this a try,” he said, waving his hand between the two of them. “A real friendship with you and not use you as a symbol. ‘S something no one could ever be or should have to be.” . 

“I’d like that a lot,” Buffy said blinking away tears from her eyes. She reached over and took his hand in hers. “I’d like us to be friends, Spike. For real this time.” 

“Well, I think it’s something we can manage.” He gave her hand a squeeze, and the corner of his lips curved into a slight smile. Spike nodded his head once. This was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 1: I borrowed a bit of dialogue from Buffy S10 "Own it: Taking Ownership" and Buffy S10 "Triggers" written by Christos Gage. I'll include the exact dialogue that was borrowed at the end of the chapter. Although this is an AU of S8 (and 9), I introduced Spike earlier in the story, and some conversations would naturally occur earlier in the timeline. 
> 
> Note 2: The training scene with Spike and Cassia was a bit of a nod to one of my favorite movies of all time, Dirty Dancing. I envisioned that session going a bit like Johnny and Baby's "dance lesson." In case you've had the misfortune (lol) of never seeing Dirty Dancing, here is that scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiilV691CzY (It's a minute and a half). I also included the song Love is Strange by Mickey and Sylvia on the BTH Fanmix (the link is in chapter 10). Here is the full song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mvN05MSa48
> 
> Note 3: Here is the dialogue I borrowed from S10 of the comics. 
> 
> 1\. “But I was bloody unfair to you. I made you this…this symbol of everything I needed—salvation, redemption, lover, a reason to go on to be better, a solution to all my problems. It was selfish of me…but I needed you" [S10 #28 Own it: Taking Ownership]
> 
> 2\. What you tried to do to me was…bad, and it still affects me. But so does dying, losing my mom, my dad abandoning Dawnie and me" [S10 #20 Triggers].
> 
> 3\. You didn’t have a soul. I can’t hold what that guy did against you any more than I could blame Angel for all the things Angelus did. [S10 #28 Own it: Taking Ownership]
> 
> 4\. “A real friendship with you and not use you as a symbol. ‘S something no one could ever be or should have to be.” [S10 #28 Own it: Taking Ownership].


	12. Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

“I told Spike about Faith. I thought he should know what’s going on because… well, he’s part of the team,” Buffy said to Willow and Xander. She thought about telling them about the other half of their conversation but decided to keep it to herself. The talk with Spike had left her feeling emotionally drained. She hadn’t expected to rehash all those old feelings. Buffy was still trying to figure out what to do with them. 

“Makes sense,” Xander said. He was flipping through a book. “I’ve seen him around the Slayers. He seems to be doing well with them.” 

“The girls like him,” Buffy agreed. 

“Speaking of girls liking him,” Xander hedged. “A little birdie told me he’s with Cassia?” 

Buffy fixed a passive expression on her face. She was still trying to get used to the idea that Spike was involved with Cassia. It was difficult for her to understand what he saw in her. Sure, she was pretty and had a sexy accent, but what did he really know about her? As his newly minted friend, she felt obligated to worry about him. “The birdie is correct. Spike and Cassia are going steady.” 

“Well, I’m not one to judge,” Xander said. “Who am I kidding? I am totally judging. Isn’t she a little on the young side?” 

“She’s nineteen.” Buffy filled him in. 

Willow shot Xander a look. “You’re one to talk. CoughLoganCough.” Xander’s eyes widened in shock. “Don’t think we haven’t noticed, Xan. I’ve seen you with her. It looked a little more than friendly on movie night.” 

“Yeah, Xan, dish.” Buffy said, remembering the sounds she thought she had heard from his bedroom late at night. 

“I’ll have you know that Logan is very mature. And she and I are getting to know each other.” 

Buffy snorted. “Is that what I heard the other night? You guys getting to know each other?” 

“What?”

“Nothing,” Buffy said around laughter. “I’m happy for you, Xan. Really.” 

Willow suddenly stood up from her perch on her side of Buffy’s room. “Alright guys, I wanted to show you something,” Willow announced. “A few months ago, I discovered my powers were starting to…evolve,” she said. “I started doing things I didn’t know I could do, and it worried me. That’s part of the reason why I left, so I could find out what’s happening.” 

“And?” Xander asked. “Is this something we should worry about? Does that mean scary, veiny Willow--?”

“No!” Willow and Buffy said in unison. 

“Wait. You knew about this, Buff?” Xander asked, looking between the two women. 

“Well.” Buffy nervously wrung her fingers together. “I saw Willow, and we—” 

“I told Buffy first,” Willow interjected.“I wasn’t sure what to make of it, and I didn’t want to worry anyone if it was nothing.” 

“But you think it’s something?” Xander asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

“Yes. I think so. I’m not sure what’s causing the change in my powers, but it’s… amazing. The things I can do. I don’t want you guys to worry about it. So far, I’ve got it all under control. But if something happens I want us to be prepared.” 

“Have you told Giles?” Xander asked. 

Willow shook her head. “I haven’t been able to reach him. But I’m sure it’s nothing to panic about. Magick evolves. It changes, grows stronger. Trust me, Xan, if I felt like I couldn’t control it, I’d let you know. I don’t want to risk going all grrr, arrrg again,” she said, making monster claws with her hands. 

“And I’ve been reading up on magic,” Buffy said. 

“You read?” Xander teased. 

“Well, don’t sound so shocked. I read…stuff. Sometimes. Okay, never. But I have been reading lately. So, far I haven’t found anything useful. But I’ll keep looking. For all we know this could be the universe thanking Willow for what she did with the potentials. It was a pretty big game-changer. So, thank you!” She kept her voice light. 

“Yeah, dark magick as a thank you…” Xander muttered. 

“Thanks, Xan,” Willow made a face at him. “But I don’t think it’s dark. I mean, it doesn’t feel dark. It feels…different.” 

“And by different you mean...?” 

Willow and Buffy exchanged looks. “I can fly now. On my own. I don’t have to transfigure into a bird or some other flying creature. I can fly just by thinking it.” 

“Willow, I’ve seen you fly before,” Xander said dismissively. 

“That was levitating. No, I can actually fly. Kind of like Supergirl.” 

“Okay, I'm getting an image here," he said, warming to the idea. "Is that all?” he asked. 

“There’s more. Flying just seemed like the coolest,” Willow said with a crooked smile. 

“So, what are we going to do?” 

“Keep an eye on it,” Buffy said. “Willow’s been keeping a journal of all her new abilities. Everything seems fine for now. We just want to keep it that way.” 

“For sure. I promise guys, if anything starts getting weird, I’ll let you know,” Willow assured them. 

Xander put his arm around his friend. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, Wil. You’ve got this under control.” 

“I hope so,” she replied. 

Buffy looked between her two friends. She really hoped Willow had it under control. The last thing they needed was Willow going Super Saiyan on them. _And oh my gosh_ I have been hanging around Andrew way too long. So far Willow’s powers seemed like cool side effects of the potential spell. Willow said she had it under control, and everything was going to be fine, Buffy convinced herself. 

++++

Morning run. Check. Worry about everything that could go wrong with everything everywhere. Double check. Remember to call Dawn later today. You’ve got this. Buffy’s cross-trainers pounded against the ground as the sounds of Destiny’s Child blasted in her ears. She preferred listening to upbeat pop-y songs during her morning runs. Buffy liked to think of it as a time to clear her mind and reflect. This morning she reflected on Spike yet again. He’d been on the forefront of her mind lately, dominating her thoughts. She hadn’t intended on getting retrospective with him during their conversation about Faith. Or discussing the past at all. But the words had kept pouring out of her mouth and she was helpless to stop them. 

Buffy had told him everything on her heart and all the things she should have said but didn’t. She'd told him all the things he had needed to hear from her that she never got around to saying. Buffy realized she had been unfair to Spike. She had used him as relief during the darkest part of her life, and never considered how her actions had affected him. _I didn’t care_ , Buffy admitted in the quiet recesses of her mind. She was in pain. She was hurting. She'd needed…something, anything to dull the anguish inside of her. Spike had been there, acting as a willing doormat for her to trample on. Buffy wished she had felt differently toward him during that time, but she didn’t have the capacity. Now it was all she could think about. Whoever said hindsight was a bitch hadn’t been lying, because she was hindsighting all over the place. Feelings she wasn’t aware of came bubbling to the surface, forcing her to take a closer look at her relationship with Spike. She wished there was some way she could make it up to him, although she doubted he would let her. When she'd tried to apologize for her part in their relationship, he still tried to shoulder the blame. Even now, he was thinking of her, protecting her. 

Mid- run, Buffy came to a skidding halt, placed her hands on her thighs and bent at the waist. _Why does he do that? Does it mean he’s still in love with me?_ It was hard for her to tell anymore; he was doing a very good job of keeping her at arms-length. There were times when she felt something, but most of the time he was all business. She sucked in another breath. No, she couldn’t allow her mind to travel down that road. They'd just established peace between them, a chance at a genuine friendship. She wanted to be friends with Spike. He had proven to her that he was loyal (almost to a fault). He was someone who had her back and would have her back for as long as she was alive. The heaviness of the revelation weighed down on Buffy as she resumed running. She'd made some mistakes with Spike in the past, but she was determined to rectify those mistakes. They'd both changed, and it was time to start treating him in kind. 

Buffy turned around to start back toward the castle before it got too late in the day. She promised herself she would try to get more research done. It wasn’t her favorite activity, but she needed to figure out what was going on with Willow. She wouldn’t be able to rest well until they were sure her new powers wasn’t some cataclysmic repercussion for making the potentials Slayers. Buffy didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with apoca-Willow on top of everything else on her plate. Her cup had runneth over months ago.

++++

Research was a bust. Buffy had spent the better half of an hour in her office with Willow and Xander trying to find anything they could on Willow’s magick. 

“Maybe we’re looking for evil when there isn’t any,” Xander had said, slamming his book closed. “Think about it, guys, we’re so used to the badness that when something good happens, we think it’s suspicious.”

“I’ve been sorta leaning that way, too,” Willow admitted quietly. “I’ve been doing so well. I’m careful. I understand the responsibility of having all this magic inside me. I know what it means, and I never want to go down that path again. I want to believe this is a good thing.”

“Me too,” Buffy agreed. “I know you’ve been working hard, Wil. And it’s not easy for you. I want to believe this is a good thing, too. But we have to cover all of our bases. It's what Giles would do.” 

“I know. I’ve tried reaching out to Giles, but…” 

Buffy closed her book and pushed it aside. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.” 

Buffy had made that promise hours ago, and she was still at square one. Buffy stood to her feet and stretched her arms straight into the air. She needed a change of pace after being cooped up in her office all day. She eyed a pair of her sneakers and thought about going for another run to clear her mind. The idea wasn’t appealing to her at all. Running was out of the question, but she realized it had been a few days since she trained. A few minutes later, Buffy found herself in an empty training room blasting music as she stretched her muscles. Back when Giles was her watcher, he used to make her train daily. She hated it at the time. At sixteen, hanging out at the Bronze seemed way more important than staying fit. Now Buffy looked forward to these times alone. She walked over to one of the punching bags and twirled it around. Buffy smiled as she imagined Giles standing in the center of the room instructing her while keeping his head buried in one of his monster books. 

“Left-arm,” she heard him say. Buffy began hitting the large blue bag with her left arm only. Yeah, yeah, okay, punching. 

“No sulking, this is imperative to your training. A Slayer must, must always be ready. Now right arm.” Buffy complied with imaginary-Giles. 

Left. Right. Left. Right. She began punching the bag to the rhythm of the music, striking in different combinations. The bag swung back hard on the last punch. Buffy jumped up high and struck it with a high kick, knocking it off the ring and across the room. 

“Remind me never to piss you off… again,” Spike said from the doorway. 

Buffy spun around at the sound of his voice. “I was just getting in some training.” 

“I see,” he said with a smirk. Spike looked at the bag and shook his head. 

“How did you find me?” 

“Actually, I wasn’t lookin.’ Came down here to hit the bag myself,” he explained. 

“Oh. I can go if you want.” 

Spike looked around the room. “Why? Seems like plenty of space to me. Last time I checked there was no rule against two people training in the same room.” 

He was right, and she was being silly. Buffy thought about their sparring match from a few weeks ago. No, there’s not, but maybe there should be? “You’re right. It’s a big room.” She walked over to the fallen punching bag and started to lift it on her own. 

“Here, let me.” Spike rushed to help her to re-suspend it. “There now, you can pummel to your heart’s desire.” 

Buffy couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. Spike always had a way of making her smile… well, when he wasn’t pissing her off. “I was uh, just working on a few strike combinations. That last one, though…” She squeezed her thigh. 

“I saw. Lookin’ good, Slayer. But you mind if I…” He nodded toward the punching bag. Buffy shook her head and stepped aside. “Try zoning for more power to your kicks,” he suggested. “Two full power kicks on the lowest zone, here,” he placed his hand low on the bag. Then two here.” He raised his hand higher. “And then two here, but only go half power. Do a few cycles and see how that feels. ” 

“Okay. Can you watch me?” 

“Yeah, sure, whatever you want.” 

Buffy eyed the lower zone of the punching bag and followed through on Spike’s instructions. She did a few repetitions while Spike watched and gave her pointers from the sideline. _Is this how he is with Cassia? Wow, he is a good teacher._ “How was that?” she asked when she was done. 

“Perfect,” Spike said with a smile. “But you don’t need me to tell you that, Slayer.” 

“Even a vet needs a few pointers.” Buffy did some calf flexors, enjoying the pull of the muscles. “Actually, I saw you do this move the other day in one of the training classes that I’ve never seen before. I meant to ask you if you could show it to me.” 

Warning bells were clanging loudly in her ears. Buffy knew she was treading on some seriously dangerous ground with Spike. She hadn’t forgotten the heady feeling of excitement when they spared together. It had loaned itself to some racy dreams later that night. Buffy gazed at the cool expression on Spike’s face and wondered if he had felt it, too. _Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I imagined it._ Or maybe she didn’t really care. Sparring with Spike had awakened something inside of her that she hadn’t felt in months. Slaying, fighting, it was all becoming rote. Fighting Spike had been… exciting. 

“Yeah? Sure. I don’t mind. Just, uh, refresh me on what move you’re talkin’ about. It’s all startin’ to bleed together.”

“I know what you mean.” Buffy quickly described it to him and the two moved toward the center of the room together.

“Alright, Slayer.” Spike took on a serious tone. He was all business when it came to training. 

Buffy listened and watched closely as Spike took her through the move step-by-step. She wondered if he would be interested in leading a few training classes on his own. She knew he insisted he wouldn’t be staying long (a piece of information she wasn’t entirely on board for), but she realized Spike was a great asset. His training was easy to follow, and it turned out that he was some kind of rogue Slayer whisperer. She had a funny image of him dangling a carrot in front of a Slayer, leading them down the right path. 

“What?” Spike asked, noticing the amused expression on her face. 

“Nothing. Just had a silly thought.” 

“Care to share.” 

“Nope!” She said grinning at him. 

“Right then. Show me what you got.” 

Buffy quickly recalled Spike’s instructions, executing the move the way he’d shown her. They tried it a few more times until she was satisfied she’d gotten it. Buffy thought about that time she’d cornered him in an alley and demanded that he show her how he’d killed Xin and Nikki. That lesson had been much different and a lot less enjoyable. 

“You got it, Slayer! Seems like you don’t need me anymore.” 

Buffy swallowed hard. Now that wasn’t exactly true. She knew what Spike meant, but Buffy couldn’t help the trajectory her mind took with his casual statement. “We could work on other things. I could use a good sparring session.” 

Spike hesitated for a moment, glancing at the door. “I, uh…” 

“Or not. I mean if you don’t want to.” 

“No. I mean yeah. I could use some action. It’s kind of dead around here.” 

“You don’t spar with Cassia?” Buffy looked down at her sneakers when she asked the question. 

“I do, but it’s different. Like with and without the training wheels.” 

Buffy bit back a smile. He was right, sparring with Spike was much different than sparring with some of the other Slayers. Even training with Satsu didn’t compare to her session with Spike, and Satsu was no one to shake a stick at. Spike was her match. 

“Well, the training wheels are off. Don’t hold back on me,” she encouraged him with a smile. 

“Wouldn’t think of it.” 

They squared off again, this time Spike made the first move. Buffy followed his lead, shifting her feet in an expert dance that only he could lead her in. Their movements were just as fluid as before, but this time Buffy felt more relaxed around him. She couldn’t help the smiles she gave him when they weren’t punching or kicking each other. She liked the playful grin he flashed before he tried hitting her; the way he lifted his brow and wiggled it at her. He was funny… and charming. Really, charming. Buffy threw a straight punch, expecting it to connect with his face. Spike caught the punch in the palm of his hand, and quickly spun her around, putting her in a loose headlock. Buffy's breath caught in her throat, and her knees turned to jelly. She stepped back, preparing to flip him to the ground. Instead, Buffy stood with her head bent toward the floor, taking shallow breaths as she noticed the feel of his solid chest pressed against her back. His cool fingers were at her waist, sending currents of energy through her body. Spike flexed his fingers, curling them around her trim waist. He didn’t have to breathe, but Buffy felt his breath on her neck. She inched backward, closing the small space between them. His hand lay flat across her belly, and Buffy imagined it inching up, up, up until… 

The music stopped, and the two sprang apart guiltily. Buffy ran a nervous hand through her hair and turned around to face him. “That was…” 

“Great work, Slayer,” Spike rushed. 

“Yeah, yeah.” She shook her head and flashed him a shaky smile. “Thanks for you know, helping me with that move and the sparring.” 

“No problem. S’what I’m here for. To help.” Spike said, inching toward the door to make his escape. 

“Well, I’m going to go—do something not in here,” she stammered, pointing toward the door. 

“Yeah. Same. I’ll see you around, Slayer. Good uh, session.” 

Buffy watched Spike dash through the door as if the devil himself was on his heels. Buffy looked around the training room and shook her head. What…is…going…on? One minute they had been sparring and the next she was practically grinding against him.

“Get a grip,” she scolded herself and left the empty training room.

++++

The castle was quiet again. Buffy walked down a long corridor toward the solarium. She loved the smell of tea roses when they first bloomed. The solarium was beautiful at night, and there was an air of romance among the flowers under the light of the moon. Buffy stepped inside where Spike was waiting for her. She stood at the door quietly and studied his compact frame. Hunger gnawed at the pit of her stomach as she watched him. 

“Spike…” 

He turned around at the sound of his name and smiled expectantly at her. “Slayer. Fancy seeing you here.” 

She moved toward him without hesitation and sighed when he wrapped his arms around her. Buffy pressed her cheek against Spike’s shoulder and breathed him in. “You waited for me,” she spoke into the fabric of his shirt. 

Spike placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head so she could look at him. “Yeah, I did. Took you long enough,” he said with a roguish smile. 

“I like a little suspense.” 

“Oh? Well, it was killing me.” 

Buffy wound her arms around his neck and pressed against him. “Maybe I should fix that,” she said before planting a kiss against his lips. 

Spike gathered her into his arms, holding her close as his lips covered hers. Her fingers toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck and she held him tighter, reveling in the feeling of his arms wrapped around her. Buffy felt safe with Spike. Loved. 

“Slayer,” he said, suddenly pulling away from her so she could catch her breath.

Buffy nipped at his jaw and smiled. “Don’t stop,” she murmured against his cheek. 

“Never,” Spike said and lowered his lips to hers once again. 

Buffy slid her hands beneath his shirt and massaged her fingers against the firm muscles of his back. He felt so good. She wanted him to go on kissing and stroking her; It had been so long since they’d been together. Spike pressed her against one of the wooden tables, and Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist. She moaned and tilted her head back so he could rain kisses down the column of her throat. Buffy sighed languidly and opened her eyes to see Willow humming among the potted plants. Startled, Buffy sprang away from Spike and tugged at the hem of her shirt. 

“Willow! What are you doing here?” She glanced nervously at Spike. “We were just—” 

“I’m planting my seed.” Willow smiled broadly at Buffy and held up a silver spade. 

“Seed?” 

“Mmhmm.” Willow used the spade to carefully pat the soil. “When it grows, it will make something new, and this will all fade away.” 

Spike and Buffy stepped closer to Willow and peered down at her pot. “What are talking about, Wil?"

“My seed, silly.” She smiled brightly at the couple. “I’ve got a green thumb, wanna see? Willow held up her hand to showcase her green finger. 

“Willow, what’s going on?” 

Willow stood up and held out her hand to Buffy. “Come on, I’ll show you what I mean.” 

Buffy looked at Spike, but he was gone. “Spike?” her head whipped around frantically. 

“Come on, Buffy, we can’t be late,” Willow said, clasping Buffy by the hand. 

Willow led Buffy through a door at the back of the solarium and into Sunnydale High. She blinked her eyes in confusion and looked around. “Wil, how--?” 

Buffy walked down the school hallway alone. Everything looked untouched, down to the trophies on display and the posters for an upcoming school dance on the wall. She followed the sound of her friend’s voice toward Principal Wood’s office. Willow was sitting on the floor with Buffy’s scythe in front of her. Her hair was pale and her body glowing. 

“Oh…my…goddess…” Willow said breathlessly. 

Buffy watched as Kennedy went flying across the room, slammed down to the floor by a mysterious force.   
“My seed is sown,” Willow said, turning to look at Buffy. 

Buffy woke with a start. She sat up in her bed and looked around her room wildly. She was no longer in Principal Wood’s office; and Sunnydale was a distant memory, buried beneath dirt and rubble. Buffy ran a shaky hand through her hair and squeezed her eyes shut. 

“What was that about?” she asked herself aloud. 

A thin sheen of sweat dotted her brow. Buffy couldn’t remember the last time she had a dream that…visceral. She pulled her comforter under her chin and shivered. The first half of the dream had been pleasant. Buffy touched the tip of her fingers to her lips; she could still taste Spike’s kiss. _Focus. Forget about Spike’s lips, lips of Spike._ Think about the important part of the dream. Buffy closed her eyes again and recalled the image of Willow in Wood’s office. Buffy hadn’t been with Willow when she did the activation spell. She’d been underground getting ready to face the Turok-Han with Spike. Which explains why he was making a sexy cameo in my dream. Buffy was certain the dream was trying to tell her something about Willow. The spell. Something about a seed. 

“She said she planted her seed…” 

_That could mean anything_ , Buffy thought. Her dreams weren’t always the most reliable. Sometimes she had difficulty discerning which parts of the dreams were prophetic and which were loopy side effects from eating a burrito too close to bedtime. Buffy thought about the Spike parts of the dream. She was certain Spike’s appearance was her mind doing the naughty in her sleep. Willow was the focus. Buffy looked at her bedside clock and wished she could call Giles, but he was with faith. Buffy buried her face in her knees. It was times like these that she really needed him. He’d know how to interpret her dream. Meanwhile, she was floundering. Willow was trying to show her something vital. The spell. The garden. _What is it, Willow? What are you trying to show me?_

Buffy swung her legs over the edge of the bed. The library was only one floor down, but she wasn’t in the mood to sit among dusty books for hours. She wasn’t even sure what she was looking for. 

“I need a good slay,” she whispered. 

Slaying always helped clear her mind and recalibrate. It also helped her blow off some steam. Buffy got dressed quickly, throwing on a pair of yoga pants and sneakers. The graveyard was a little over a mile away from the castle. Buffy doubted she’d see any action that night, but she needed to get out of her room. Ever since the Slayers moved in, demonic activity around the shire had died down to a near stop. Still, every now and then the baddies surprised her. Buffy quietly slipped out the castle and into the crisp night air. She looked up at the sky and sucked in a deep breath. No rain that night. She could make the walk without running into a downpour. After all these years, her driving skills were still iffy at best. 

Buffy tucked a stake into the pocket of her hoodie and started down the path toward the cemetery. The walk went by quickly, and she found herself in front of the cemetery’s entrance. Buffy pushed the gate open and winced at the loud rusty creek it made. “Shhhh, you’ll scare all the vampires away,” she whispered. Buffy glanced around the graveyard. It was dead as ever. “Great,” she said, disappointed, but walked down one of the dirt paths toward a cluster of headstones. 

“Slayer?” 

Buffy turned at the sound of Spike’s voice. “Spike?” He was sitting in front of a grave, leaning against an ancient moss-covered headstone as if she had conjured him from her dream. 

Spike waved his hand in front of his face and said, “Fancy seeing you here.” He grinned at her, his words echoing her dream. 

Buffy blinked rapidly, taken aback by the memory. “I could say the same about you. What are you doing here?” 

Spike looked up at the sky then back at Buffy. “Nice night. Thought I’d go out for a walk—” 

“Don’t you dare,” she said, unable to suppress her smile. 

Spike shrugged playfully. “I couldn’t resist.” He looked at the sky again. “What brings you here?” 

“Couldn’t sleep. So, I thought I’d get a little midnight slayage in.” 

“Everything okay?” He tilted his head, concern in his eyes. 

“Yeah. No. I, I don’t know. It was a dream.” 

“Ah, I see. Well, if there’s anything I can do to help…” 

“I’ll let you know.” Buffy looked around, then back at Spike. She paused and sniffed the air. “Spike…were you smoking…marijuana?” 

He pulled his hand from behind his back. “You got me. But in my defense, it was already growing when I got here.” 

Buffy plopped down beside him. “Someone’s growing weed at the castle?” 

Spike nodded. “Yeah. I was gonna tell you that one of your Slayers has a green thumb. But I figured you already knew.” He offered the joint to her. “It’s not half bad.” 

Buffy eyed the small rolled paper in his hand and hesitated. That was the second time that night he had said something from her dream. Buffy shook it off. How could he know what happened in her dream? Buffy bit down on her lower lip and eyed the joint. She was not the smoking type. While most people experimented in college, she had never had the opportunity to try. Between slaying and more slaying, college experimentation wasn’t something she had time for. 

“Oh, come on, Slayer. It’s just a plant.” 

“I see a peer and there’s some pressuring here.” 

Spike swayed his head and laughed. “Suit yourself,” he said before taking a long drag. 

Somehow getting high while slaying didn’t seem like the best use of her judgment, but Buffy doubted she’d see any vampires that night. There wasn’t a fresh grave in sight. “Oh, alright,” she said with a sigh and took it from him. Buffy took a short drag of the joint and immediately started coughing. 

“Gotta exhale, love,” he said. His eyes sparkled with mirth. “Here, I’ll show you.” Spike demonstrated inhaling for her, expertly blowing smoke into the air when he was done. 

Buffy tried once more, this time coughing less. “I didn’t know vampires could get high."

Spike chuckled and took another drag. “It doesn't have the same effect on me. But I get a nice little buzz. Everything gets softer. Yeah, softer.” He nodded.

“So, how soft are we talking now? Downy soft, or…” 

“Headin’ toward Downy.” 

Buffy took another pull and leaned against the headstone with him. Things were getting a bit hazy for her, too. The night was still, punctuating the silence between the two of them as they smoked together. She was comfortable with it. Neither one of them wanted to ruin the moment by bringing up what happened earlier. Was there anything to bring up? They were two friends who spar together and now they were sitting in a graveyard. Pretty normal stuff. Buffy continued to sit silently with him. In the past, they’d often sat together for long periods of time, allowing the silence do the talking for them. “So, I guess I’ll have to have to lecture the girls on horticulture,” she said finally. 

Spike chuckled. “Well, a little word of advice, cut the girls some slack. They’re young, and this isn’t exactly a low-pressure kind of job.” 

Buffy sighed; he was right. “I guess you’re right. You know, I don’t have a ton of girls banging down my door begging to risk life and limb on a daily basis.”

“I suspect not.” 

“So, what do you think about Scotland, what I’m doing here?” 

Spike took the joint she handed him and took another drag before he answered. “I think you’re doing the best you can.” 

“But… I’m sensing a but here.” 

Spike was quiet for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. “No buts. Not everything can be so cut and dried. The world is changin’, Slayer. We either adapt or fall prey. The girls who want to be here are lucky to have you. And those who don’t… well, everyone has their own path to take. The world is complicated like that.” 

“I’ll say.” Buffy bobbed her head. “I never thought I’d say this, but life was so much simpler on the Hellmouth.” 

“Tell me about it,” Spike agreed around a chuckle. “God, remember that time I almost ended the world?” 

“Which time?” she teased. 

Buffy pulled her hoodie close and closed her eyes. The effects of the drug were kicking in. Spike was right, things did feel softer under the influence. Alcohol made her feel like everything was out of her control. She realized weed made her all introspective and thinky. Buffy listened as Spike strolled down memory lane, reflecting on their time in Sunnydale. 

“And that sodding bear,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Oh, god the look on your face.” Buffy laughed. 

“It was a bear! A cursed bear at that.” 

“That’s a Thanksgiving I’ll never forget.” Buffy groaned and rested her head against the headstone. She laughed again, thinking about how disastrous her first “grownup” holiday had gone. Back then it all seemed so bizarre. She could laugh at it now. 

Spike looked up at the night sky again. “I think I best be getting back.” 

Buffy stretched and stood to her feet. “Yeah, me too.” 

“Did you walk?” Spike asked. 

Buffy nodded. “It wasn’t too bad. You?” 

“The same.” 

“Which reminds me,” she said as they headed toward the front gate together. “We’ve got a garage full of cars and motorcycles. You’re more than welcome to use them whenever you want.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

They walked silently for a little while before Spike remembered another funny story. This time it was his turn to laugh as he recalled the look on her face when he walked on campus in broad daylight. She remembered that day all too well. The confusion she felt when she saw him strolling in the sunlight was palpable. She remembered having Oz give Angel that gem of Amara, only to have him destroy it. 

“What a waste,” Spike grumbled, echoing Buffy’s thoughts. 

Buffy shivered, her thin hoodie doing very little to keep her warm. 

“Here.” Spike wrapped his duster around her shoulders when he noticed her chill. 

“Thank you,” Buffy said softly. She looked at him and smiled. They were quiet again as they walked back to the castle together. His jacket was heavy and warm. It smelled like him. She wanted to bury her nose in his collar and inhale his scent. Buffy stole a quick glance at him. He was staring straight ahead toward the looming castle in the darkness. Buffy wondered what Spike was thinking. Did he enjoy their time in the cemetery as much as she did? Spending time with him felt…nice. Safe. 

She was floating. 

“Well, here we are,” Spike said looking up at the castle. 

She was disappointed. Buffy glanced up at the castle then back at Spike. “Here we be.” 

They stood in silence, gazing at each other in the darkness. Neither of them seemed in a hurry to get inside. Buffy leaned languidly against a massive wood door and tried to think of something clever to say. Her mind felt dense and foggy. She could barely keep her eyes open. 

“I had fun tonight,” Spike said, piercing the silence. 

They were standing close. Buffy wanted to reach out and place a hand on his chest. The air was thick and heavy between them, making her feel like she was moving backward. “Me too,” she murmured. 

Spike lifted a hand and touched the tips of her hair. “I like you,” he said thoughtfully. “You’re a lot more fun now.” 

Buffy shook her head. “Gee, thanks.” 

“I meant it as a compliment.”

“I know… I like you, too,” she said with a smile. 

Spike leaned closer to her and Buffy tilted her head in anticipation. She closed her eyes and waited…and waited. Her eyes sprang open a few seconds later. Spike stepped backward, putting space between them. He looked down at his booted feet and rubbed an agitated hand against the back of his neck. Buffy’s cheeks grew warm with embarrassment, and she quickly slipped out of his duster. _Oh, god, what was I thinking?_ First their training session, then the dream, and now their late-night outing. She wasn’t treading on dangerous ground; she was marching full steam ahead. 

“I, uh, I’m going to head inside,” she said handing him back his coat. 

“Yeah. Uh, that would be best.” 

Buffy bit down on her lip to keep herself from saying more and embarrassing herself any further. It was that wacky plant making her do the crazy. “Goodnight, Spike. I'll see you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, Slayer. Tomorrow.” 

Buffy slipped inside first and power walked down the hallway toward her room, putting as much distance between her and Spike as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my Beta Twinkles! Any remaining mistakes are mine. 
> 
> or those of you familiar with the comics, the introduction of "the seed" may have caused you some alarm. Don't worry, I DO NOT plan on rehashing that story arc with you all. I liked aspects of that story, but there will definitely be no Bangle space sex or any of that nonsense the writers tried to peddle to us in the comics.


	13. The Story of Pat and Bunny

Spike paced back and forth, crossing from one end of his room to the other. Now that the Purple Haze had cleared, he was thinking clearly. Last night with Buffy was…amazing. He didn’t think he’d ever laughed as much and as hard his entire life. And he couldn’t ever recall seeing Buffy laugh that much. Last night was everything he had ever wanted from her in the past - friendship and comradery. Yes, he also wanted to sleep with her, but that was an added perk of being with Buffy. Spike had been so swept up in the atmosphere that he’d almost kissed her. He recalled leaning toward her, getting close. Spike imagined pressing his lips against hers, tasting her for the first time in years. He wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t want to betray Cassia’s trust. Surprisingly, he’d come to care for Cassia a great deal over the past few months. He also knew Cassia wouldn’t hesitate to stake him if she found out he’d gone behind her back with Buffy. 

Cassia had stopped by his room earlier that morning with fire in her eyes. “Where were you last night?” she asked him.

“What do you mean?” 

“I came by your room last night to talk, and you weren’t there. Where were you?” 

“Out. Couldn’t sleep, so I took a walk.” 

Cassia stepped forward again and placed a hand on his chest. “Is that all you did?” 

“What are you saying, Cass?” 

“I’m not saying anything. I’m only asking a question. If all you did was take a walk, then I believe you.” 

“All I did was take a walk.” 

Cassia narrowed her eyes again. She squeezed Spike's cheeks between her fingers and smiled. “Good. Then I believe you.” Cassia leaned forward and planted a smacking kiss on his lips. “Don’t ever lie to me, Spike. I hate liars,” she warned before walking out of his room. 

Spike blinked his eyes, shaking himself out of the memory. His exchange with Cassia had been both one of the scariest and sexiest things that had ever happened to him. He didn’t want to test her resolve and end up staked in his sleep. Spike wanted to assure her she had nothing to worry about, but he couldn't. She had a legitimate reason to worry. Spike's mind went back to his sparring session with Buffy. It had started off innocent enough, but when she stepped back and pressed herself against him… It almost became embarrassingly obvious how much he enjoyed himself. Spike wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was it all in his head? The wishful thinking of a fool for love? He’d seen Buffy with Satsu. _Those two birds looked in love to me. Or if not love, then deep infatuation._ Why would she suddenly start barking up his tree now? A year ago, Spike might have been all for it. Now… he wasn’t interested in playing those games with her anymore. Despite his many faults, he'd tried loving Buffy, and she had taken his love and crushed it beneath her heel. He couldn’t allow himself to get hurt like that anymore. And now he had a chance for something real with Cassia. _Don’t bollocks this up, you soddin’ fool._

Spike meant what he had said to Buffy. He desired a friendship with her, a genuine friendship. He only had to figure out a way to move on. This new Buffy was making it hard for him to execute his plan. First with the apology, and then with the way she relied on and valued his opinion. All those feelings he kept bottled up inside were starting to resurface. Every time she laughed, each time she smiled at him, Spike felt the walls he’d constructed around his heart begin to crumble. Spike wasn’t ready to take a chance with Buffy again. His heart couldn’t take it. 

Spike glanced at the electronic clock by his bedside. He had to move; Cassia’s training class was going to start in five minutes, and he didn’t want to be late. 

++++

Emere paired Cassia with Shay again, which was exactly what Cassia wanted. Weeks had passed since the last time they fought each other, and Cassia still felt the sting of embarrassment from that match. She recalled the way the other girls had stared at her with humor in their eyes and the slightest of smirks on their faces. They loved watching one of their own take her down. Even after weeks of living among the Slayers, Cassia still felt like an outsider. Some girls pretended to be kind to her, but Cassia knew they waited until she was gone to gossip behind her back. She knew the things they said about her when she wasn’t around. She could hear their whispers every time she passed by. 

Cassia stood across from Shay and smirked. This time she was prepared to take the Slayer from Alberta on. Spike fought dirty, and he had no issue teaching Cassia some of the same tricks he liked to use in his fights. Emere gave them the command to fight, and Cassia circled Shay like a jungle cat stalking her prey. She saw Spike watching her from the corner of her eye. Cassia wanted to impress her man in front of all these silly girls and make him proud of their hard work. Shay made her move, striking first. Cassia dodged the hit with the ease of a snake charmer. She twirled around Shay and planted her foot in the middle of the woman’s back, sending her propelling toward a wall. Shay mumbled something under her breath and lunged at Cassia again. She caught Shay’s punch to her jaw and scowled at the other girl. The fight went on for a few minutes until Cassia was able to get the upper hand again. She seized Shay by the arm, digging her nails into the girl’s flesh, and twisted it until the bone made a sickening pop. Everyone in the class gasped in horror. 

“Stop!” Emere shouted once she recovered from the initial shock of Cassia breaking Shay’s arm. 

Cassia let go of Shay’s arm and stepped back. She hadn’t meant to break it; she'd only wanted to hurt her a little as payback for embarrassing her. Shay was holding her injured arm while Emere and a few of the Slayers surrounded her. “I didn’t—” Cassia began. 

“Everyone just get back,” Emere instructed. “Shay, let me see your arm,” she cooed gently. 

Shay winced, allowing Emere to get a closer look. Emere touched Shay’s arm tentatively. 

“I don’t think it’s broken. But we need to have Logan take a look at it.” Emere wrapped her arm around Shay and led her to the door. “Under the circumstances, let’s call it a day, girls. Cassia, you and I are gonna have a talk later. I’m sure this was an accident, but… yeah, we need to talk.” 

Cassia wound her arms around her midsection and watched silently as everyone filed out of the class. Some of the girls shook their heads as they passed by. Cassia clenched her fists and stood tensely in front of the room. Spike waited until the class was empty, giving them a moment of privacy from the watchful eyes and seething glares of her classmates. 

“I didn’t mean to break her arm,” Cassia began first.

“I know you didn’t, pet.” He smiled gently at her and ran the back of his finger along her jawline. “You did good up there.” 

Cassia smiled broadly and wrapped her arms around his trim waist. “Did you see the look on her face?”

A concerned frown creased his brow. “I did, and on yours. I know you’ve been wanting to show that snide bitch a thing or two, but you’ve got to rein it in, love. Remember you're all on the same team.” 

Cassia rolled her eyes. “I know, but she had it coming.” Cassia didn’t feel an ounce of remorse for injuring Shay’s arm. Once she started fighting, it had been less about Shay and more about Buffy. She was starting to sense something between her and Spike, and she didn’t like it. While she’d been fighting Shay, Cassia had imagined it was Buffy whose arm she was wrenching from its socket. Spike had taught her to channel her anger by thinking of those who posed a threat to her. So, she thought of Buffy. 

Spike kissed her forehead. “I’m going to find Buffy.” 

“Why?” Cassia asked, her eyes narrowing. 

“To put out any fires before the rumor mill gets churnin'.” 

“Then I’ll come with you. We can talk to her together.” 

“I don’t think so, pet,” Spike said, shaking his head. “Seeing you might make things worse. Let me go smooth things over with her… alone. I know how to handle Buffy.” 

_I bet you do._ “Okay, Spike,” Cassia said, using his nickname, a habit she had picked up whenever she wasn't pleased with him. 

“Hey now,” Spike said placing a finger beneath her chin. “None of that. I promise I’ll make things right with Buffy. And I’ll tell you what… we’ll go out later so you can blow off some steam.” 

Cassia brightened up, her eyes lighting with excitement. “Really?” 

“Yeah, you’ve been itching for a real slay. I’ll check the obits and see what I can rustle up for you. Better to have you breakin’ vampire arms than other Slayer’s.”

Cassia planted a quick kiss on Spike’s lips. “I love it! Now I have to figure out what to wear.” 

Spike shook his head and chuckled. “Something comfortable. This ain’t prom, love.” 

It may not have been prom, but it felt like it to Cassia. She couldn’t wait to go on her first real slay with Spike. This was the moment she’d been waiting for since she arrived at Buffy’s stupid castle. After her first kill, Cassia was sure it would be all downhill from there. 

++++

Spike knew he should have been properly outraged by Cassia's performance during training, but he honestly couldn't say he was. That trollop, Shay, took every opportunity to torment Cassia; she had it coming. Still, Cassia couldn't go around breaking the bones of every person who snubbed her. He'd have a talk with her about it on their slay date. 

"Hey, Red," Spike said he passed Willow on his way to Buffy's office. 

"Hey, Spike. How's it going? I heard about Cassia," she said with a frown. 

Of course, she did. News seemed to travel like wildfire in the castle. If Willow knew about the incident so did Buffy. Bollocks. He had wanted to get to her before she heard about it, so he could put his spin on it. 

"Yeah, the little bird doesn't know her own strength. Complete accident, and she feels terrible about it. I was lookin' for Buffy, so I could deliver the news myself."

Willow glanced back toward Buffy’s office. “Buffy’s not there.” 

“She’s not?” 

“Nope. You just missed her.” 

“Do you know where she’s headed?” 

“She mentioned something about grabbing something to eat.” 

“Thanks, Red,” Spike said, pivoting in the opposite direction then paused. “Do you have a minute? I need some advice on something.” 

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

Good question. Spike wasn’t sure what had compelled him to stop Willow. They'd shared moments in the past with each other. Yeah, he had kidnapped her and almost killed her, but somehow they'd still formed a pretty decent relationship with each other. Spike trusted her, and they had an unspoken understanding. With Dawn off at college, Willow was the closest thing he had to an ally among the remaining Scoobies. 

Spike glanced around the secluded hallway, careful of any prying eyes or listening ears. “It’s kind of personal.” 

“I know just the trick,” Willow said and swished her hand again. A few moments later they were still in the hallway, but everything seemed slightly off. 

“Where are we?” 

“In between dimensions. I call it the space in between. Isn’t it cool?”

Spike looked around warily. 

“Don’t worry, we’re safe here, and it’s private.” 

Spike sucked in a deep breath and ignored the nagging feeling of concern pressing at the back of his mind. “I know this bloke,” he began. “A friend of mine.” 

Willow looked at him skeptically. “Uh, huh.” 

“Really, it’s a mate of mine. Uh, name’s Pat. Pat used to like this bird, Bu-Bunny. Yeah, Bunny. Anyway, Pat and Bunny, they always had a strange relationship with each other. You see, Bunny really liked my mate, Pat. Followed him around like a lovesick fool. They didn’t have much in common. Pat walked around with a big stick up his ass, always brassed off about something or the other. And Bunny, well she’s a bit dodgy herself. Anyway, these two fought like bloody cats and dogs all the time. Shagged just as much, too. That part wasn’t too bad,” Spike said with a faraway expression on his face. 

“Okay, so things were…complicated,” Willow said. 

“To say the least. So, one day Bunny takes off and goes and gets herself a so-- she takes off. When she gets back, Pat is a bit more friendly to her, but there was just too much hurt and pain between them. After a while, Bunny decides it's best to get on with her life. She’s over Pat. Livin’ fancy-free and all that. Bunny’s not sure what to do now that Pat’s back in the picture. She’s got her own life now and goin’ down that road again seems like more trouble than it’s worth,” Spike finished in a huff. 

Willow was silent for a moment. Her lips twitched with a rebellious smile she was trying to hide. “Spike… are you Bunny?” 

“Absolutely not!” He said scandalized. “Bunny is my mate Pat’s bird. He asked me for some advice, s’all.” 

Willow hid her laughter behind a faux cough. “Okay, who am I giving advice for? Pat or Bunny?” 

“Both. Whichever,” Spike said with mock casualness. 

“Well, if I were Bunny, I’d have to decide if Pat’s worth it. I mean, it seems like Pat and Bunny caused each other a lot of pain. Love can be painful, but it should also feel good, too. If being with Buff-Bunny would cause more pain than good, then maybe Pat and Bunny should remain friends. But if Bunny feels like things could be different, then I’d say take that leap and have faith that everything will work out this time around.” 

Spike nodded his head thoughtfully. “What if Pat and Bunny are seeing other people? Hypothetically, of course.” 

“Well, that’s a different set of problems. Bunny would be a homewrecking hussy and Pat would be a big fat cheat.” 

“Strong words.” 

“I’ve had experience in that department.” 

“So, you’re saying to leave well enough alone.” 

Willow put a hand on Spike’s shoulders. “I’m saying that Pat and Bunny have a lot to think about. They both have to decide what is right for them.” 

“I’ll, uh, tell that to Pat,” Spike said chagrined. 

Willow paused and studied Spike with sympathetic eyes. “If things were as hard between them as you say, Pat might be afraid, too. And maybe Pat just needs Bunny to be his friend…for now. If it’s meant to be, it will be.” 

“Thanks, Red. I’ll keep that in mind—for Pat of course.” 

“Of course,” she said with a slight smile. 

A few seconds later they were standing back in the hallway, and Spike felt no closer to a resolution than he had at the start of their conversation. Spike blinked his eyes several times, adjusting to the change of light. He shook his head to clear it, and studied Willow for a moment. He didn’t fool around much with magic, but Spike had been around long enough to know some magic shouldn’t be tampered with. Bending reality seemed to be one of those things. He hadn’t been around for Willow’s foray into the darkness, but he had heard the stories. 

“Pretty powerful trick there,” he said casually. 

“Yeah, it’s something new I picked up. Pretty neat, huh?” 

“Yeah. Just be careful, Red. Magic always has a way of demanding repayment,” Spike warned. 

A slight frown creased Willow’s brow. “I know. Trust me, I’m being careful.” 

“Good,” Spike said with a curt nod. “I better go find Buffy before the gossip mill has my girl blowing the whole bloody castle to bits by the end of the story.” 

“Good idea. Oh, and, Spike, I hope everything works out with your friend Pat.” 

“Me too,” he said. 

Spike headed toward the dining hall, but by the time he got there, Buffy was long gone. He spotted a few of the Slayers sitting together laughing at something he couldn’t hear. One of the Slayers he recognized as Logan. She leaned forward and whispered something to another Slayer. They glanced in Spike’s direction before quickly looking away. Spike tightened his jaw and walked out, leaving the chattering girls behind him. He had to find Buffy. If I were the Slayer, where would I go? Spike headed toward the roof of the building. The sun was setting, and Spike had plenty of shadows to take cover in. 

She was sitting on a ledge staring out into the sun, eating a sandwich. Spike hung back for a few moments and watched her. She looked very young sitting there swinging her legs while she ate. Spike couldn’t help the smile on his lips or the guilt that followed. He stepped out of the shadows and cleared his throat. Buffy turned around and smiled at Spike. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey, yourself,” he said and moved toward her. 

Buffy held up her sandwich. “They had pastrami today, and little juice boxes.” 

Spike chuckled. “May I?” he asked, nodding toward an empty spot on her ledge. Buffy waved her hand and Spike joined her. “I wanted to talk to you about Cassia,” he began right away. No sense in beating around the bush. 

“You talk, I’ll eat,” she said, and bit into her sandwich. 

“Right then. Things got a bit rough with Cassia and another Slayer during the training class. She uh, well, she broke her arm.” 

Buffy took another bite of her sandwich and chewed. She took a sip of her juice box and placed it aside. “Not broken. Dislocated shoulder. She’ll be alright in a few days. Logan will keep an eye on it. But I don’t think she’ll need to see a doctor.” 

“Good. I’m glad it’s nothing serious.” Spike paused. He knew a lecture was coming. Buffy was good for lecturing him for every minor infraction. He supposed she’d send them packing. “Now, I know this doesn’t look good. But if you kick her out now—” 

“I’m not kicking her out, Spike,” Buffy said gently. “You said it was an accident.” 

“Right.” 

“Okay, then I trust you to have a talk with her about it and hopefully it won’t happen again.” 

“Right,” Spike repeated at a loss for words. “I’ll talk to her.” 

“Good. Glad that’s all taken care of.” 

Spike sat for a moment and stared at Buffy in shock. Of all the ways he imagined the conversation could go, this wasn’t one of them. Spike swung his feet back onto solid ground. “Well, enjoy your sandwich.” He hesitated for a moment. 

“Thanks. I skipped lunch today. Speaking of…you’re getting enough blood, right?” 

“Yeah. Fridge is fully stocked. Thanks for that.” 

“No problem. Let me know if you prefer—”

“It’s great, Slayer. ‘Preciate it, I do.” Buffy smiled at him again. Spike turned to leave, then hesitated by the door. “Buffy,” he spoke tentatively. 

“Mmmm.” 

“About last night,” Spike said, cursing himself internally for bringing it up. _You bloody fool._ “I—that was—” 

“Two friends hanging out at a cemetery,” she said simply. “And also getting a little…” Buffy pantomimed getting high.

“Right. Just two friends hanging out.” 

Buffy shrugged her shoulders casually. “Things are a bit foggy, but I mostly remember having fun.” 

“Yeah, so did I.”

“But let’s keep it between us. Imagine the scandal if it ever got out that I had an experience with the funny trees.” 

Spike shook his head and chuckled again. “Don’t worry, Slayer. Your secret is safe with me.” They smiled at each other for a few moments. 

“Hey, I’m sending a reinforcement team to Paris. There’s this thing there with some Zoroth demons. If you’re up for it, I could use some input on who to send.” 

“Yeah, I’ve got time. I’ll talk to Cassia first and then meet you in your office?” 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

“Alright. I’ll see you then,” Spike said. 

She was asking him for his opinion about a Slayer mission. She said she trusted him to talk with Cassia. No lecturing, no yelling, no forcing him and Cassia on the streets. Who was this woman and what had she done to his Buffy?


	14. Anyone Who Knows What Love is (Will Understand)

Buffy woke from her dream with a start. Sweat beaded her forehead, dotting across her brow. A chill ran up her spine. It was the same dream again—the one with Willow and that seed thingy. Buffy shivered and pulled the comforter up under her chin.

“Buffy, are you okay?” Satsu asked, sitting up beside her. 

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, just had a weird dream.” 

“Same. I really have to stop snacking so close to bedtime,” Satsu said. She kissed Buffy’s shoulder before resting her chin on it. “Wanna talk about it?” 

Buffy shook her head. She didn’t want to alarm Satsu without having enough details about the dreams herself. She needed to talk to Willow soon. Buffy had kept the dreams from her, too, hoping they would go away. “I, I don’t really remember what it was about,” Buffy lied. 

“Well, it was just a dream," Satsu said, and Buffy shivered from the chill. 

The fire she had started earlier that night was starting to burn out. 

“How about we go make some cocoa? I hear there are marshmallows down in the kitchen. The big kind," Satsu said.

“You know, cocoa sounds wonderful.” Buffy smiled at Satsu and climbed out of bed. She’d worry about the dream later. 

++++

Buffy closed the door to her office and locked it, while Willow did a quick incantation to muffle their voices. She wanted to have a talk with Willow alone before including Xander. 

“All done!” Willow said cheerfully, and plopped down on one of Buffy’s sofas. “So, what’s up?” 

Buffy sat down in front of Willow and nervously fiddled with her fingers. She wasn’t sure how to broach the topic with her. How do you tell your friend that her magic may be a serious problem? Willow was doing so well. Buffy had watched her thrive over the past few years. Sure, there were times when she worried Willow might relapse. She’d been pretty big with the magic addiction. But that was the past. _Willow is on the wagon. She’s making with the healthy magic._

“Wil, before I start, I want you to know I’m so proud of you.” 

“Awww, thanks, Buff.” 

“But I need you to stop doing magic,” Buffy rushed. 

Willow’s eyes widened in shock. “What?! Why? What did I do?” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong!” Buffy assured her. “And I didn’t mean forever, just for now, until we figure out what’s going on with your magic.” 

Willow looked at Buffy and pouted. “But I’ve been doing so well. I haven’t had an incident, well, since I went all veiny!” 

“Wil, I know! Trust me. You’ve been working really hard. I know you have a hold on the magic. It’s the new magic I’m worried about, Willow. We don’t know where it’s coming from or why it’s changing. I just want us to be sure it’s good magic and not dark, scary, destroy-the-world magic.” 

“But it doesn’t feel dark,” Willow protested. 

“I know. And I-- I don’t think it is… I mean, it doesn’t seem dark to me either. It’s just-- I’ve been having these dreams.” 

“Dreams? What kind of dreams?” 

Buffy sighed and pulled her sweater tighter around her body. “They usually start off like normal dreams.” Buffy had a flash of her dream with Spike, and her cheeks grew warm with the memory. “Then you show up. Every time you—dream you—appears, you talk about planting seeds. You take me back to the Hellmouth and I can see you in Wood’s office doing the spell for the potentials. Your hair is white, and you look amazing. Like a goddess.” 

“You weren’t with me when I did the spell," Willow murmured. 

“I know.” 

Willow was thoughtful for a moment. “What do I say to you in your dream?” 

Buffy frowned as she tried to remember exactly what dream-Willow said to her. “You said, ‘I’m planting my seed and watching it grow."

“Seed? What does that mean?” 

“Beats me,” Buffy said with a shrug. “I’ve been having these dreams for the last couple of days. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you. I was hoping it was something I ate, a bad taco or something. But the dreams won’t stop.” 

“I’m sorry, Buffy.” 

Buffy reached forward and took Willow’s hand. “It’s not your fault. As you said, you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I spoke with Spike a few days ago. He said magic had a way of demanding repayment," Willow said. 

“You spoke to Spike about magic?” 

“No. Well, not exactly. We were talking about his friend, and he saw me do a spell.” 

“Spike has friends?” she joked. 

Willow tilted her head and gave Buffy a look. “We need to focus, Buffy.” 

“You’re right. Focusing,” she said with a straight face. 

“In your dreams, I’m telling you that I planted a seed. So, the first thing we need to do is research what this seed is and what it does?” 

“Slayer dreams, big with the symbolism, scarce with the actual information-giving. It could also be a metaphorical seed. Sometimes my dreams are a little abstract. Kind of like a Dali painting on acid, if that’s even possible.” 

Willow sat back in her chair, a stricken expression on her face. Buffy sat beside her, and sighed when Willow rested her head on Buffy shoulders.

“Well, this sucks. Just when I think I have a hold on my magic, boom! I’m a threat again. This is so not fair.” 

“I know, Wil. But we’ll figure it out.” 

“Yeah.” Willow sucked in a deep breath. “I’ll cool it with the magic.” 

“And we’ll make big with the research. I wanted to talk to you first before bringing Xander in.”

“Good deal. He still worries sometimes.” 

The girls were silent for a moment as they both settled in on the idea of Willow taking a hiatus from magic. Buffy knew how hard it was going to be for Willow. Magic was inside of her, an innermost part of her, like slaying was part of Buffy. Buffy’s shoulders sagged with sadness. She had essentially clipped Willow’s wings. Buffy took solace in the fact that it was only temporary. She hoped. 

“Don’t worry, Willow. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out.” 

“Maybe I should try contacting Giles.” 

Buffy was silent for a moment. She and Giles were still incommunicado. What started as a disagreement about how Buffy ran the Slayer operation (including how she was funding it) had turned into months of the silent treatment. Buffy hadn’t sent Giles on that mission with Faith - he'd left. It felt like he had rejected her, and Giles choosing Faith over her still hurt. 

“Yeah. I think that’s a good idea.” 

“I don’t have to, if you don’t want me to,” Willow said, sensing Buffy’s hesitation. 

“No, go ahead. Giles is good with the books and the research.”

“Okay. I’ll see if I can reach him. He’s in deep cover, and it's hard to get through. 

The girls were silent again. “So, what did you and Spike talk about?” Buffy asked after a few minutes. She hadn’t forgotten about that tidbit of information. 

Willow’s lips curved into a slight smile. “Stuff and things.” She laughed when Buffy ribbed her with her elbow. “Mostly about talking to you about Cassia.” 

“Right. Cassia. Our very own Faith-lite” Buffy said, and slumped against the sofa. 

“What’s wrong with Cassia? They seem cute together,” Willow said. 

“Nothing's wrong with Cassia. I mean, if you’re into slightly unstable with a bad attitude, which has Spike written all over it. I’m happy for them. Truly.” 

Willow bit back a smile. “Have you ever thought about hooking up with Spike? Not, like, sex hook up, but relationship hook up. You know, since he’s reformed and all.” 

Buffy shifted uncomfortably. “Spike and I are friends, and honestly, he’s been reformed for a while,” Buffy said, avoiding Willow’s question. 

“Oh, come on, Buff. You can talk to me, I promise.” She bumped Buffy with her shoulder. “When you guys are together, you both light up like Christmas trees. And you’re practically glowing.” 

“I am? And we do?” Buffy asked with a half-smile. 

“Yeah, it’s kind of neat to see.” 

“Well, things with me and Spike have been pleasant. Good even.” Buffy thought about the last few weeks. He'd really stepped up and become part of the team again. Buffy found herself relying on him more and more lately. In the past, she'd have been uncomfortable with such a revelation, but now… she liked it. “But as far as going down that relationship road with him again…no. Besides, I’m with Satsu, and he’s got Cassia.” 

“Yeah, but I’m not getting the forever vibe from either of them.” 

“I thought you liked Satsu,” Buffy said. 

“I do! She’s a cool girl. I just wondered if you ever thought about giving you and Spike another chance. Only this time doing the healthy relationship thing.” 

Buffy let out a spontaneous laugh. She had thought about it a time or two, or three. And each time she was wracked by guilt because of it. What would a healthy relationship with Spike look like? A relationship that she didn’t have to hide from her friends. “Somehow me plus Spike, and the word healthy just seems impossible right now.” 

“You never know.” Willow shrugged. 

“Yeah, but I like having Spike as a friend.” That was almost true. 

“If you say so,” Willow said teasingly. 

“Oh, shut up!” Buffy hit her friend with a throw pillow. 

++++

Buffy liked having Spike as a friend. And Willow was right, whenever he was around, she got the warm fuzzies. Sometimes when they passed each other in the hall, they would stop and chat about their day or things concerning the Slayers. She’d often bump into him at night, and they’d sit on the roof of the castle together reminiscing about “the good old days.” Buffy liked having Spike around. Once they got past the weird sexual tension between them, things were…nice. 

“What do you think about having an exhibition?” Buffy had asked him one night. They were up on the roof together. 

“You mean like a Gladiator for Slayers? Used to love that show," Spike said. 

“Stupid, huh?” 

“Actually, no. It has its merits. Weeds out the weak from the strong.” 

“Ouch. That sounds harsh. I was thinking more of a leadership test. Also, it makes for good training," Buffy explained.

“I can see that. But if you don’t mind…” 

“No, go ahead. I want to know what you think.” 

“You’re treading a little on the organized militia ground. I know 's not what you were aiming for here.” 

“You’re right. It’s not. I don’t want the girls to feel like I’m militarizing them. But I do want them to be prepared.”

“You’re just trying to keep them alive, Buff. I can respect that. You care about these girls. 'S evident, Buffy. Admirable. My opinion… just keep doing what you're doing. I’m here. I’m with you. You’ve got another person keeping his eyes on them as best I can.” 

“Thanks. You don’t know how much that means to me.” 

“Well… thanks for trusting me, Slayer. That means a lot to me.” 

“Buffy?” Satsu’s voice broke through her reverie. 

Buffy looked up from the pile of laundry she was folding. She’d finally gotten to Gus. “Sorry, what did you say?” 

“It’s Emily G’s birthday, and some of us thought it would be fun to go into the city for a pub crawl.” 

Emily G. Buffy had no idea who that was. She was sure if she saw her face, she’d be able to place the name. “That sounds great! You guys go have fun. Party it up.” 

Satsu put down the book she was reading. “We want you to come, too.” Buffy lifted a skeptical brow. “Okay, I want you to come. I thought it would be a good chance for us to get out together. Since I’ve been in Paris these past two weeks, the only chance I’ve gotten to see you was on Skype. And that was only for a few minutes at a time.” 

Buffy had chosen Satsu as one of the Slayers for the reinforcement mission in France. She and Spike had compiled a list of some of the most competent Slayers they had, and Satsu happened to be one of them. She sent Satsu because she was a skilled fighter and a great leader, simple as that. There was no other reason, no other reason at all. 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to cramp you guy’s style.” Which was true. If she came along, some of the girls might feel restricted, and Buffy didn’t want that. 

“You won’t!” Satsu rushed. “I’ve already told them you’re coming, and everyone is cool with it.” 

“I don’t know…” Buffy hesitated.

“Please! It’ll be just one night. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been on a date.” 

Neither could Buffy. Did she even do the date thing anymore? “Okay. I’ll go.” 

“Yay!” Satsu gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek. “I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to wear. See you at eight! This is going to be so much fun!” Satsu said, and kissed Buffy on the cheek one more time before exiting the room.

Right. Fun. Buffy wandered over to her closet and looked inside. These days it was filled with tactical gear and jeans. She couldn’t remember the last time she dressed for a social occasion. Running the Slayer operation was a fulltime job. Buffy stepped inside the walk-in and pushed through the rows of muted colors and heavy winter clothing. 

“Leather. Am I still a leather kind of girl?” she muttered aloud. Buffy walked into her bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. Eyebrows need work. Definitely need to do something with this hair, she thought, looking at her sloppy top bun. “Yep, I’m going to need an overhaul.” 

Once she started her grooming ritual, Buffy felt some of that old excitement coming back to her. The good old days of yore when she hung out with her friends. Buffy liked thinking of it as The Bronze age. She remembered the many weekends when she fretted over the perfect outfit to wear (mainly to impress Angel, or to outshine Cordelia). 

“Knock, knock! Buffy are you ready?” Satsu called through the door an hour later. 

“One sec!” Buffy yelled back. She looked at her reflection one final time. 

Satsu let out a long wolf whistle when she saw Buffy. “My girlfriend is so hot,” Satsu said with a proud grin. She wrapped her arms around Buffy slender waist and admired her for a moment. “Sometimes I can’t believe you’re all mine.” 

“Ah, flattery,” Buffy said. “Will get you everywhere.” Buffy gave Satsu a small peck on the lips. “Let’s go party hardy.” 

++++

They took one of their armored buses into town. The first stop was Hair of the Dog, a lively pub on a row of quaint shops and restaurants. Buffy stepped off the bus with Satsu on her heels. Now that she had a moment to think about it, this was her first time in town on non-business. Had it really been that long since she did something fun? Buffy stepped into the bar and noticed a group of women around her age. They looked like they didn’t have a care in the world. Buffy envied those girls before she remembered they were happy and fancy-free because of her Slayers. Buffy sat down at one of the high-top tables with Satsu. 

“Oh! They have beer nuts,” she said, grabbing a handful. 

“You shouldn’t eat those,” Satsu said. “Imagine all the hands that have been in that bowl. All the hands that don’t wash after a trip to the restroom. Those are germ magnets” 

“Ewww.” Buffy dropped the mixed nuts back into the bowl and wiped her hand down the side of her pant leg. She grabbed a menu and scanned it for the specials. “Oh! There’s daiquiris! See." She showed Satsu the menu. 

“Who invited her?” Satsu said over the bar chatter. 

Buffy looked up from the menu just as Spike and Cassia strolled through the door together. He looked good. Well, he always looked good, she thought. It seemed like everyone had paused to see the gorgeous couple walk in looking like rock stars. Buffy glanced at Cassia. She looked stunning that night, dressed in black leather and "come fuck me" heels. Her hair was freshly coiffed and fell down her back in a cascade of glossy, blonde ringlets. Spike put his arm around Cassia’s waist and guided her to a table in the dimmest corner of the pub. 

“It’s a free country…well, at least I think it is, right?” Buffy said, unsure. 

“She broke Shay’s arm. Shay and Emily G are pretty close. I don’t think she would have invited her.” Satsu slid from her bar stool. “I’m going to see what’s up.” 

Buffy placed a hand on Satsu’s arm to stay her. “Let’s not make big with the haste. She hasn’t done anything tonight, and it was an accident.” 

“So she says,” Satsu grumped. 

“I know some of the girls don’t like her, but let’s cut Cassia some slack, okay. We came here to have a good time. She’s over there, and we’re over here. Besides,” Buffy glanced over at Emily’s table. “Emily doesn’t seem to mind.”

“You’re right," Satsu said with a sigh. "Drinks?” 

“Already ahead of you. That strawberry daiquiri is calling my name.” 

Buffy sipped her drink and half-listened to Satsu chatter about France. her eyes were drawn to Spike and Cassia like a magnet. She saw the way he whispered in her ear, and how Cassia threw her head back in a throaty laugh. Cassia caressed Spike’s cheek with her hand and nibbled at his lips with a feline smile. _Look at her. She’s crawling all over him. Hussy._

“Buffy, Buffy?” Satsu said, grabbing Buffy’s attention. 

“Huh. Yeah, so cool.” 

Satsu narrowed her eyes. “Did you even hear what I said?” 

“Huh? Yeah. You, big scary demon, stab, stab.” Buffy demonstrated with a toothpick. 

“Yeah. Exactly like that,” Satsu said with glum disappointment. 

“Satsu—” Buffy began guiltily. She hadn’t heard a word Satsu was saying, because she was too busy paying attention to Spike and Cassia. 

“Hey, everybody!” Emily G yelled from her table. “It’s my birthday, bitches!” The girls at her table went wild. “And what better way to celebrate than a little Karaoke.” The Slayers cheered again as the girls made their way to the small stage.

“Satsu,” Buffy started again, shouting over the music. “I’m sorry, I—” 

“Sorry, Buff! Can’t hear you. I’m going to go dance,” Satsu said. She grabbed her drink and made her way to the dance floor. 

Buffy watched her girlfriend walk away with sadness. She’d been so busy thirsting after Spike, she'd ignored Satsu. Oh, God, I’m so bad at this. Buffy stole a furtive glance toward Spike and Cassia’s table again. They were laughing and talking together. Jealousy, hot and sour settled in the pit of her stomach. Buffy gulped down the rest of her daiquiri in one large swallow and immediately regretted it. Brain freeze seized her skull and gripped it like a tourniquet. _Owwwww._ Buffy swore to herself. She fought the urge to lay her head down on the table and closed her eyes as the pain began to subside. That’s what you get for acting jealous. Spike is your friend. Be happy for your friend. Buffy glanced their way again. It was easier said than done. 

Out on the dance floor, the pop song ended. Buffy watched in silent shock as Satsu took center stage. She tentatively placed her hand on the microphone and cleared her throat. 

“This is a song that’s been haunting me lately,” she spoke out into the audience. “It’s actually been stuck in my head for days. I thought I’d sing it out. I’m not the best singer. So, be kind.” The crowd laughed politely, and one of the Slayers whistled at her.

“Show us what you’ve got, Satsu!” someone yelled. 

A few seconds later, the music began to play. It was a song that Buffy had never heard before. Satsu nervously stepped closer to the mic and began to sing in a delicate voice.

_“You can blame me. Try to shame me. And still I'll care for you,” She sang shyly to Irma Thompson’s Anyone Who Knows What Love Is (Will Understand)._

Buffy lowered her eyes to the dark surface of her table for a moment. She had no idea that Satsu could sing. She was a far cry from professional, but her voice was sweet. Buffy looked up in time to see Cassia pull Spike toward the center of the room, so they could slow dance together. Buffy flagged down a passing server and ordered another drink. This time she opted for something a little less festive. Her eyes flickered back to Satsu. She continued to croon into the microphone while everyone watched or danced. 

_“The world may think I'm foolish. They can't see you like I can. Oh, but anyone who knows what love is will understand.”_

Buffy’s breath caught in her chest as Spike looked up; their eyes met each other's and held for a long time. Buffy wanted to look away. She tried forcing herself to look at anything but Spike, but his eyes captivated her, entrapping her in his powerful gaze. She couldn’t look away… and she didn’t want to. Spike continued to hold Cassia, while he stared transfixed by Buffy. She sucked in a shaky breath and imagined what it would feel like if she was on that dance floor with him. She pictured herself resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. He'd always had really good arms, solid, muscular arms. She thought about that night at the Bronze when he had held her and they'd kissed for hours. Buffy had lost all track of space and time. They had both been drowning in each other, oblivious to everything around them. That was right after Willow had yanked her out of heaven. She’d been so desperate to feel something—anything—that she’d lost all reservation and gone with her gut. She'd wanted to lose herself in Spike. She needed him desperately that night. She'd needed him like she had never needed anyone in her life, not even Angel. The magnitude of it had scared her so fiercely that Buffy had been completely shaken to her core. She'd never thought she could need anyone as much as she needed Spike. Everything else had paled in comparison. It scared her so badly that she'd fought against it. But now… now she would give anything to have that stolen moment with Spike again. Not because of the sex or anything else; she wanted it back because she loved him. 

The truth slammed into Buffy like a swift punch in the gut, knocking the breath from her lungs. Buffy slumped against her chair. I love him, she thought to herself. I love him. Over the last few weeks, she and Spike had grown closer to each other. Buffy found herself relying on him, looking to him for advice. She sought Spike out to discuss the important things or not so important things that happened around the castle. She’d lost count of the many times they'd sat on the rooftop after sundown together to chat or blow off steam. Buffy hadn’t been aware of it then, but each time they came together, the universe was working its will, opening her heart to him. 

Her eyes met his again, and Spike seemed to be communicating something to her through his intense gaze. Buffy wanted to go to him, tell him what she was feeling. But there was just one thing standing in her way. Her eyes flickered toward Cassia then back at Spike. He closed his eyes and turned so that his back was to her again. She was too late. 

_“If they try love, they'll understand. (Anyone) Oh, try to understand,_ ” Satsu sang out, finishing the song up. The small crowd clapped, and a few people cheered for her.

Buffy clapped her hands robotically and watched Satsu climb down from the small stage. Spike and Cassia returned to their table. This time he didn’t look her way. Satsu slid back into her chair. They were silent for a moment as Buffy tried to think of something to say. 

She settled on, “I didn’t know you could sing.” 

Satsu’s lips curved into a wan smile. “I can’t. Not really. When I was younger, my parents made me take vocal lessons among the other scheduled activities they planned out for me.” 

“I didn’t know that.” 

“I guess there’s a lot of things we don’t know about each other, Buff,” Satsu said.

“You’re right,” Buffy replied lamely. Instinct told her that this was not the conversation she wanted to have in a crowded bar with her girlfriend. “Well, you’re a good singer, and I liked that song. I’ve never heard it before.” 

“It’s a classic. It played on Pandora the other day, and I haven’t been able to shake it.” 

“Yeah, I hate when songs get stuck in my head. Once I had that song, "I’m Blue" in my head for days. It drove me crazy. I'm still convinced Andrew and his bone head friends cursed me with it.” Buffy tried joking to lighten up the mood. 

Satsu graced her with a polite laugh. “Right, when he was one-third of the evil mastermind, The Trio.” 

Buffy made a face. “Is he still telling that lame story?” 

“Every chance he gets. He calls it his redemption arc.” 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “For the record, they were never my arch nemesis-es, nem—you know what I mean. They were mostly annoying.” 

“I can see it,” Satsu said. 

Buffy looked around the bar. Their conversation hit a lull. “Anyway, you rocked, and I am thoroughly impressed.”

“Thanks, Buffy. I’m glad you got to see me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the amazing Twinkles! You're fabulous :D 
> 
> The title of this chapter and the song that Satsu is singing can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_K9xsSdgMs I also have it listed as one of the tracks on the fanmix I created for this fic. I posted the fanmix in chapter 10. 
> 
> You may have heard it played often on Black Mirror if you watch that show.


	15. This is Not a Drill

Satsu twirled her sword in her hands and slashed it across the air in two quick movements. She did it a second time and added an aerial, holding her sword tightly in her right hand. These days, training seemed to help relax and clear her mind. After that display at Hair of the Dog the other night, Satsu had been feeling off. If she was being completely honest, things had been off with her and Buffy ever since Spike showed up. Satsu had tried ignoring it. She had hoped once the novelty of Spike's return had worn off, things would go back to normal between her and Buffy. They’d been pretty hot and heavy at the start of their relationship. Lately, things had begun to wane. Satsu wanted to believe it was stress. Buffy had a lot on her plate running a global operation. She didn’t want to add to that stress by acting like a clingy girlfriend. This was her first mature relationship; she didn’t want to fudge it up. So, she opted to pretend nothing had changed between the two of them. Satsu wasn’t in denial; she was just being selective about what reality she chose to accept. But now it was time for her to face the reality between her and Buffy. 

Something happened between them those two weeks she was off in France. Satsu didn’t want to believe Buffy had sent her on the mission to get rid of her. But she couldn’t help the little niggling voice in her head that told her otherwise. Buffy had said she’d chosen Satsu as a team leader because she was the best. Satsu didn’t want to toot her own horn, but that part she believed. She also had a feeling that it had something to do with Spike. They had grown pretty close to each other during those two weeks. Logan mentioned Spike had been seen giving Buffy driving lessons while she was away. It was innocent enough, but Satsu knew certain situations drew people together, even when they didn’t intend for it to happen. Buffy and Spike already had a history. Putting them together now only added kindling to a burning flame. 

Maybe it’s time we talk, Satsu thought to herself. She needed to know where their relationship was heading. Buffy had made it clear she was only interested in having fun. Satsu had held out hope that Buffy would eventually want more. She’d only been in one other serious relationship in her life, and that had ended in soul-sucking pain. She didn’t want to go through that again. Satsu gathered up her equipment and headed out of the training room just as Cassia walked in. 

“Are you using it?” Cassia asked, looking over Satsu’ shoulder. 

“It’s all yours. I was just finishing up,” Satsu said politely and stepped around the other girl. She paused at the door and turned around. “I know you’ve been here a while, and we haven’t really had a chance to...uh, hang out.” 

Cassia had blinked her eyes a few times before she replied. “Why would we?” 

“Well, you know…” 

“Because we’re dating two people who used to screw each other? That’s hardly a good reason for us to become besties.” 

“Hey, I just thought we would make with the friendly, that’s all.” 

Cassia barked out a short laugh. “Wow. You even talk like her. Isn’t that cute.” She gave Satsu a quick once over. “Listen, I don’t do the friendship thing. It’s got nothing to do with you. I’m only here to learn how to fight, and then I’m out.” 

That was the best news Satsu had heard in a long time. “Oh, yeah? I heard you didn’t want to stay long. When do you think you might be leaving?” 

“Soon,” Cassia said with a smirk. “I bet that would make you happy.” 

“Why?” Satsu asked, feigning innocence. 

“You know why,” Cassia said. Their eyes connected and held for a long time with the unspoken truth between them. 

“Yeah.” Satsu’s voice was faint. “Well, I’ve got to go. Enjoy your work out,” she said with forced cheerfulness. 

“Thanks,” Cassia called out before punching one of the training dummies. 

++++

Buffy ran again. Her legs pumped as if she was being chased by the devil, or her very own demons. The revelation from the other night still haunted her. What should have been a fun celebration with drinks and bad singing had turned into a complicated mess. Buffy wasn’t sure how she was going to fix it. She loved Spike. She was in love with Spike. And Spike was in love with someone else. At least, it seemed like he was in love with Cassia. Buffy couldn’t be sure. She’d never seen Spike in a stable, loving relationship before. Though she might have been using the word stable loosely. 

Her relationship woes should have been the least of her worries. They still had Willow’s magic to worry about, and Andrew’s emails were becoming more frequent. The only thing that seemed to ground her was Spike. She wasn’t sure when it happened, but they had grown close over the last few weeks. So close that she started depending on him for day-to-day operating stuff. Wherever she was, Spike was close by. They were a team now, and everyone seemed to recognize it. Some of the Slayers had taken to asking him for advice when they couldn’t find Buffy. Somewhere between all the doom and gloom, they had become genuine friends. Buffy didn’t want to compromise that friendship by revealing her feelings to him. 

There was also Satsu to think about, too. _That’s right. Satsu. My girlfriend._ Their relationship had come as a surprise to Buffy. It developed during a time when Buffy hadn’t been looking for anything. She certainly hadn’t expected to find it under her own roof. But it made sense. Satsu was beautiful, strong, and brave. She was also a Slayer, her equal. They fought the same battles and went up against the same monsters. In the past, Buffy had tried dating Joe Blow Every-man. There was Owen, Scott Hope, Parker (which didn’t really count because he was a huge jerk face), and Riley Finn. None of those relationships worked, because ultimately none of them understood her. There was Angel and Spike, but their relationships were impossible. Buffy didn’t want to do the star-crossed lovers thing anymore. Then Satsu came along, and it felt… good. Until now. Now, this thing with Spike felt right and so very wrong at the same time. 

Confusion was a feeling that Buffy was very well acquainted with. But there was one thing she was certain of - she had to have that talk with Satsu. A cooling-off period seemed to be a good idea. They both needed to take some time and reevaluate the nature of their relationship. Buffy knew what it was like having her heart toyed with, and she didn’t want to do to Satsu what Parker had done to her. It wasn’t fair to Satsu or herself. Continuing in a relationship where her heart wasn't in it was cruel. She didn't want to be cruel as a means of getting over Spike. 

++++

Satsu was in her room when Buffy found her. “Busy?” Buffy asked nervously. She sat across from Satsu on the spare bed. 

“Not really. I’m supposed to be studying up on tactical maneuvers for Xander's class, but it can wait. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

“Oh? What about?”

“You and me. Us. This thing we have.” Satsu looked down at her hands and fidgeted. 

“Jinx. Because that’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

They were both quiet again, neither of the women knew where to begin.

“I was—”

“I had—” 

They started together. Buffy shifted on the bed and sighed. 

“Sorry, you first,” Satsu said, deferring the conversation to Buffy. 

“Well,” Buffy began as she twisted her fingers together. “When we first met, I saw a great Slayer. You were a quick learner, dedicated, and killer with a sword. The more I got to know you, I liked you even more.” 

“But,” Satsu interjected. “I’m sensing a but here…” 

“No buts. A caveat if you will. You know my dating track record isn’t the best. First boyfriend was a homicidal maniac. Second boyfriend is happily married to a guy named Steve. My third boyfriend used to let vampires suck on him for fun. And well, you know the rest. So, I'm trying this thing now where I'm being honest with myself about what I want. Sometimes what we want isn't always good for us," Buffy said. Her speech was stilted as she searched for the right words. "I guess, what I’m trying to say is... maybe we should take a—” 

As she spoke, three long fog horns sounded through the castle. Buffy jumped up from her perch on the bed in high alert. The horns blasted again. It wasn’t a drill. “I’m sorry, Satsu! I’ve gotta go. We’ll have to talk later,” she said dashing through the door with Satsu hot on her heels. 

Buffy ran through the crowded hallway. Other Slayers peaked out of their room, curious to know what was happening. Some of them were already gearing up for a fight.

“Ma’am, are we under attack?” a Slayer asked as she matched Buffy’s stride.

“I’m not sure. I’ll know more once I find Xander. In the meantime, get ready just in case.” 

“Yes, ma’am!” the Slayer said before scampering off. 

Buffy walked in long strides towards command central, where Xander and Willow were waiting for her. Xander’s face was grim with worry as he watched several of the monitors on the wall. 

“Xan, what’s going?” Buffy asked. 

“We’re under attack,” he said, keeping his eyes glued to one of the screens. “It looks like zombies.” 

“Zombies? Here? How?”

“We don’t know. They haven’t reached the castle yet. What should we do, Buffy?” Willow asked. 

Buffy stared at the screen and watched as a cloud of the undead marched toward the castle like a shambling army of rotting corpses. Buffy had killed plenty of demons and vampires in her life. She’d even gone against the super vamps back in the Hellmouth, but she had never fought actual zombies. Well, except for that one time when one of her mom’s freaky statues woke up the dead and they'd all started attacking her home during her welcome back party. But that seemed different. These zombies were considerably less put together. 

“So what brand are we talking here?” Buffy asked. “The George Romano zombies of the brain-eating variety, freaky mask bringing zombies or…” 

“I’m not sure. I can fly out and take a closer look,” Willow offered. 

Buffy looked at her friend with worry. They had agreed to Willow's magical sabbatical until they figured out the seed thing. “Are you sure? Can't you just look at them on the screen and tell?”

“Not really, but this magic, it’s… intuitive.” 

“Alright,” Buffy hesitated. “You take a closer look. Can you do a protection spell?” If she was going to use magic to fly, they might as well put it to use elsewhere. 

“I’ve never done one this big before, but I can try.” 

“Okay, Wil. Be careful. Xander,” Buffy said turning to look at him. “I want you to get as many girls as possible who are ready to fight. Let them know it’s zombies.” 

“How do we kill them?” he asked with concern. 

“Going for the head usually works.” 

“Satsu, you’re with me,” Buffy said firmly. She grabbed the mic for the PA system and turned it on. “By now you all have heard the alarms. This is not a drill," she said speaking into the system. "The castle is under attack by zombies. There are a lot of them, and they are coming for us. I can’t tell you why or how they got here. All I can tell you is that I need all hands on deck. Grab your sharpest and pointiest weapons. And remember to go for the head. This is Buffy, over and out.” 

“Zombies,” Satsu said in disbelief. “Here. I can’t believe it.” 

“Neither can I.” 

Buffy was in shock. Ever since the Slayers had set up shop in the shire, there hadn’t been a peep from the demonic world. They came in and the demons moved out. Within months there wasn’t a vampire in sight. Now there were hundreds of zombies shambling across the moor toward her castle, ready to devour everyone in sight. Well, not if I can help it, Buffy thought. Her face set into a hard look of determination. 

“Satsu, I need you to go back to your room and suit up. Meet me in the great room in ten.” 

“Got it!” Satsu said.

They stared at one another for a moment with everything left unspoken between them. “I’ll see you in a few,” Buffy said.

Buffy ran up to her room, so she could grab her scythe and throw on her battle gear. As she got dressed, she remembered Spike was somewhere in the castle. She had wanted to talk to him, too. Something was happening between them. But now was not the time to think about it, not with a horde of the undead at their doorstep. 

Slayers convened in the great hall together and awaited Buffy’s instructions. Some of them still had curlers in their hair and were in various states of disarray. One slayer hadn’t even bothered washing off her face mask. The zombies had breached the east wall of the castle, and Buffy heard clawing shortly after. 

“Alright!” Her voice was full of command. “We’ve got a full breach of the east wall. They’re already on top of us. But don’t worry, we’ve got this. We’re heading up to higher ground. Use everything you’ve got.” 

Somewhere in the crowd, Buffy heard Emere lead her team in a Haka before following Buffy out of the great room. 

++++

Spike was in his room when the alarms sounded throughout the castle. He dismissed it as a routine drill until it blared once again. Spike placed his work-issued tablet aside, and stuck his head out of his room into the hallway. Passions would have to wait. It was pure bedlam outside his door. Slayers in various states of undress were standing around, trying to get news from other Slayers who were just as confused as they were. 

“Spike!” Bethany yelled down the hallway when she saw him. “What’s happening?” 

“Not sure. Best you get back in your room ladies until we hear something from—.” Buffy’s voice filled the hall, informing everyone the castle was under attack by zombies. “Looks like we got an army of corpses coming our way. You heard the Slayer, gear up!” he shouted over the melee. The girls snapped into action at Spike’s command. 

Cassia. He had to find Cassia. She’d been cross with him the last few days because of the amount of time he was spending with Buffy. Spike had tried to assure her that it was business, but Cassia refused to believe him. _Hell, I wouldn’t believe me either if I were her._ Spike had trouble convincing himself all the extra time with Buffy had nothing to do with his need to be around her. Yes, they worked well with each other. Yes, they had managed to build a certain level of mutual respect and trust for one another. Yes, their meetings were always productive. But none of that motivated him more than the way she smiled at him. He’d never seen her look at him that warmly before, not even when he risked his life for the Bit. You’re a fool, mate. A bloody stupid fool, Spike scolded himself. He had a woman who cared for him and made no bones about it. She walked beside him proudly and didn’t care what others thought about him. She knew his past, accepted it, and she still hadn’t judged him as harshly as Buffy had. With all her issues, Cassia was the healthiest relationship he’d ever been in in… well, ever. So, why couldn’t he shake Buffy? Why was she so hard to quit? 

_You’re not friends; you’ll never be friends. You’ll be in love until it kills you both. You’ll fight and you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you’ll never be friends. Love isn’t brains, children. It’s blood, blood screaming inside of you to work it’s will. I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit._

Spike’s words came back to haunt him. Except this time, he wasn’t man enough to admit it to himself. Or Buffy. Instead, he’d been spending months trying to convince himself he’d moved on from her. Pathetic. Now he was in a relationship with a woman who was far more intuitive than she let on. Spike hurried down the hall toward Cassia’s room. He couldn’t think about his feelings for Buffy now. His priority was making sure Cassia was safe. He needed to get to her before she recklessly threw herself into the fray. 

“Have you seen Cassia?” Spike grabbed the arm of a passing Slayer. 

“Uh, yeah. I saw her go that way,” the girl said pointing toward Cassia’s wing.

“Thanks,” Spike muttered grimly and quickened his pace. 

By the time he reached her room, Cassia was dressed in the tactical gear Buffy provided all the Slayers. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Spike asked her gruffly. 

“Getting ready to fight.” Cassia pulled on a pair of gauntlets without skipping a beat. 

“No, you’re not. You’re going to stay right here where it’s safe.” 

Cassia paused her movements and stared at Spike with daggers in her green eyes. “And get called a coward? We are being attacked. I am a Slayer.” 

Spike admired the bravery she displayed and the look of determination on her face. She was fierce and proud, and he couldn’t have been more proud of her. But he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she went out there and got made into a snack by some bloodthirsty zombie.

“Yes, you are a Slayer; a new slayer, barely trained. You haven’t been out on a proper hunt, and you think you can go out there to that?!” 

“Whose fault is that? Not mine. I’m ready. I know I am, William!” 

“No, you’re not. I’ve seen Slayers who were far more advanced than you fall.” 

“Right, because you killed them.” 

Now that stung. Spike’s chin jutted skyward as if she'd punched him. “Yeah, I did. And those things out there aren’t looking for a fight. They’re hungry beasties that won’t hesitate to take a chunk out of you if you get too close.” Spike placed his hands on both of Cassia’s shoulders. “I know you want to get out there and show everyone what you’ve got, but now is not the time. This isn’t the fight. I promise you more will come. Too many for you to count and to the point when you'll wish you didn’t have to.” 

Cassia looked at him defeated. “If I don’t get out there—” 

“You’ll live to see another day. Remember, that’s the goal. It’s going to be a mess out there. No one will notice. I need you to listen to me on this Cassia. I need you to stay put. Lock yourself in this room, barricade the door if you must; but whatever you do, don’t go out there. I can’t—I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

Cassia’s expression softened at Spike’s words and he felt the tension ebb from her shoulders. “You don’t?” 

He shook his head. “’Course not. I know we’ve hit a rough patch, love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. I care about you. I want you safe. And I want you to fight…but when you’re ready.” 

Cassia was quiet for a moment. “Alright, I’ll stay. But you have to stay with me.” 

Dammit. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t abandon Buffy and the others. “I can’t.” 

Cassia jerked away from him. “Why not? You don’t want me to fight. You want me to stay here like a coward, but you’re going out there to be a hero.” 

“Not trying to be a hero. Not trying to be anything really. If you get bit, that’s it, you’re as good as dead. But me… I’m not even alive. I can go out there and help keep you safe in here.” 

“Whatever,” Cassia muttered. 

Spike gazed at Cassia’s sullen pose. He wanted to say more, but he'd accomplished his goal. She was staying in her room away from the danger. That was all he cared about. They could hash out their quibbles after the fight. Right now, his priority was keeping the zombies from getting inside the castle. Spike looked at Cassia one final time before closing the door behind him. He waited until he heard the sound of the lock click in place. 

++++

The sound of gnashing teeth was deafening, drowning out Buffy’s voice. She pushed her way through the sea of rotting corpses with the pointy end of her scythe. She took out three zombies, jamming the sharp wood through their skulls like a kabob. They were climbing the walls and ramming their bodies against the doors. 

“Hold the line!” she yelled over the cacophony. “Go for the head!” 

A group of kilted zombies shambled their way toward Buffy, moaning and clicking their rotting teeth. Buffy whipped the scythe over her head and swung it into a smooth arc, lopping off their heads. They weren’t slowing down. It seemed like each time she killed one, more would appear out of thin air. Buffy lifted her gaze to the skies where Willow hovered, wielding her magic. Buffy saw her mouth moving, but she couldn’t make out the words. Hurry, Wil. Hurry, she pleaded silently. Beside her, another Slayer took out a zombie, splattering Buffy with its dark tar-like ichor. Well, she’d have to burn this outfit now. It was one of her favorites. She swung her weapon with renewed fervor, aiming at as many zombies as possible. 

Buffy winced at the sight of a fallen slayer. She lay on her back her eyes staring lifelessly at the sky. Buffy crouched down and checked her pulse for any signs of life. She hadn’t fought zombies very often, but Buffy knew the general rules. Nasty bite or scratch, wake up a smelly corpse. She pushed her the girl’s hair out of her face and noticed the bite on her shoulder. There was no saving her. She checked for something that would identify the fallen girl. There was nothing. Buffy didn’t even know her name. More zombies were coming her way. Buffy straightened up again and reluctantly pushed the pointed end of her scythe through the girl’s skull. She knew by the end of the night more Slayers would fall if Willow couldn’t stop it—if she couldn’t stop it. Buffy swung her scythe, taking out zombie after zombie. She felt like a zombie herself, fighting each one by rote. Just when she thought she had thinned the herd, more came at her. Their gaping mouths opened with silent screams as they moved toward her with one goal in mind—to seek their teeth into her flesh. 

Buffy’s arms were like lead, her movements slowing down with each swing of her weapon. She didn’t know how long they’d been fighting, but it seemed like it had been hours since she was talking with Satsu. A gnarled hand reached out and ensnared its claws in Buffy’s hair, dragging her backward. A startled cry escaped her lips, and she quickly maneuvered her way out of its grasp.

“Need a little help?” Satsu appeared from the mass of bodies. 

“Just a little,” Buffy replied. 

“I’ll go left?” 

“And I’ll take the right.” They moved in sync with each other, taking out zombie after zombie together. 

With Satsu at her side, Buffy was imbued with renewed energy. They were making progress, working as a team. Buffy was just about to direct Satsu toward another swarm when she noticed Spike fighting alone a few feet away. He was in his game face, taking on three or four zombies at a time. Buffy started to call out to him as a swarm of zombies surrounded him. 

“Buffy!” he shouted as the group of undead began grabbing at him, their claws tearing him apart. 

“Spike I’m coming!” she shouted over the din, but he didn’t seem to hear her. Buffy gripped her scythe and pushed her way through a wall of zombies while they swept her into a larger crowd of the undead. “Move.Out.Of.My.Way,” Buffy said between clenched teeth. 

She peered over the sagging dead bodies, but she couldn’t see Spike anymore. She was just about to reach him when Cassia appeared in a whirl of blonde hair, swinging a poleaxe she must have taken from one of the display Knights. Stunned, Buffy watched Cassia take out zombies until she was able to reach Spike’s hand. Buffy turned away, satisfied Spike was safe. He didn’t need her help anymore, Cassia had it covered.

Buffy scanned the carnage for Satsu, but she had lost track of her when she went for Spike. The zombies didn’t seem to be slowing down, and Buffy jumped back into the fray. “Alright, William Wallace,” Buffy said swinging her ax at a zombie in a kilt. She expected to feel it connect with the zombies rotting corpse. Instead, it swung through the air as each zombie dropped to the ground in unison. Whatever magic had animated them was gone now. The only thing left were bodies on the ground. Buffy whipped around, looking from left to right. Everything was eerily calm on the shire. What had been a bloody mess only a few minutes earlier now seemed like nothing more than a nightmare. Feeling lost, Buffy stepped over a rotting corpse. 

“Buffy!” Willow shouted as she floated down from the sky. “I did it.” Willow looked around the battlefield. “Right?” 

Buffy wiped the back of her arm over her face. “I think so. They seem dead.” She kicked one of the bodies. “Uh, deader. What did you do?” 

“It took a while, but I used this thing I learned from a necromancer I met in Jamaica. And it worked,” Willow said with a proud smile. 

“So, it’s over. These things won’t be making a comeback a la Dawn of the Dead?” 

“I don’t think so. Animation is a tricky thing. I wonder who or what caused this?” 

“Great question.” Buffy frowned with concern. _Magic always demands repayment,_ she recalled Spike saying. “Let’s round up the girls. We need a headcount. I’ll—” 

“Buffy come quick!” A Slayer named Amber said as she jogged toward Buffy and Willow. “It’s Satsu. She’s hurt.” 

Buffy looked back at Willow worriedly. 

“Go! I can handle this,” Willow said. 

Buffy gave her a firm nod and jogged away with Amber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to m Beta Twinkles whose help is priceless. 
> 
> Elements from The Long Way Home pt. II are used in this chapter. 
> 
> In the Long Way Home pt. II The Zombie attack on the castle was caused by magical forces wielded by Amy Madison who was working with the U.S. government to destroy the Slayers. Amy is not responsible for this attack nor is she featured in this story. The Amy element never made sense to me. However, I like zombies. These zombies are kilted like those who attacked the castle, but they are a little more Walking Dead-ish (because I like those zombies).


	16. Haven't You Ever Heard of Closing a Goddamn Door?

The fight was over. Spike looked around. One minute he and Cassia had been back to back fighting the undead; the next, everything was quiet again. If it wasn’t for the smell, he would have thought they imagined it. Spike was almost convinced he was in the middle of a bad trip.

“You alright?” He asked Cassia, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“I’m great. How are you?” 

“Peachy,” he said, looking down at the claw marks on his arms. He’d nearly been torn apart by the zombies. Spike could still feel their rotted teeth on his skin and their nails cutting through his flesh. If it hadn’t been for Cassia, he would have been zombie meat. Spike hadn’t known zombies snacked on vampires; this was uncharted territory for him. Spike's eyes searched Cassia’s face. He recognized the look of excitement in her eyes. She hadn’t been afraid when she came leaping into the fight like a warrior goddess, blonde hair flying. For a moment he'd thought it had been Buffy who had come to his rescue. He had called out to her when the horde began to overpower him. Instead, she'd chosen to keep fighting with her bird, completely ignoring his cries for help. So much for their budding friendship. Once again, Buffy had proven he was expendable. 

Cassia touched one of his nastier looking wounds with gentle fingers. “Let’s get inside.” She wrapped her arms around his trim waist and guided him back toward the castle. 

“Yeah. We need to talk,” he said looking straight ahead. Spike was grateful that Cassia had came to his aid, but he'd specifically told her to stay inside the castle. She could have died out there because she was trying to play super-Slayer. They passed a few Slayers as they headed back to the castle together. Spike tried to ignore the bodies of the recently deceased lying prone on the ground. He didn’t want to think about their losses, or the number of Slayers who were badly injured. They had won, but not without casualties. Spike hadn’t been around for the aftermath down in the Hellmouth, but he imagined it had been a similar scene. Buffy had lost a lot that day. Dammit, he was still thinking about her, even now, when she hadn’t given him a second thought. 

“Let’s go in here.” Cassia guided him into an empty sitting room. 

The room was decorated with a few sofas and chairs, and a large fireplace decorated one of the walls. Cassia threw in a few fresh logs into the flames before turning toward Spike. 

“You’re starting to heal already,” she said in awe. 

Spike looked down at one of his wounds. “Yeah. Perks of being a demon,” he said flatly. Spike touched one of the open gashes and winced. If he were a human, he’d be well on his way to shambling down the road looking for a nice juicy brain to sink his teeth into. The big question on his mind was the mechanics of a vampire getting bit by a zombie. What would they call him? A zompire? Crazy talk. 

“I could find Logan,” Cassia suggested. 

Spike shook his head. “No. We need to talk,” he repeated. Now that they were safely inside, the anger he ignored from earlier came bubbling back to the surface. “I thought I told you to stay inside! You could have been killed!” 

“But I wasn’t. If I had stayed inside, you would have been zombie food.” 

“That’s beside the point,” Spike said haughtily. “I told you to stay inside for a reason. You had no business out there.” 

Cassia hitched her chin toward one of his open wounds. “You could have fooled me! I saved you!” 

Spike grabbed Cassia by her arms and gave her a rough shake. “You got lucky tonight.” 

“Stop coddling me, Spike! I am a Slayer. And I did good out there.” Cassia jerked away and stomped toward the door. 

Spike grasped her wrists and pulled her back toward him. “You silly, stupid...” His words faded into a murmur as he gathered her close. Spike searched Cassia’s face. Fierce determination masked her features, making her more attractive than usual. She was right. She had done very well out there. Underneath the layer of anger at her rebelliousness, he was proud of her. If the shoe were on the other foot, Spike couldn’t say he wouldn’t have done the same. She had saved him. He was standing in this room with Cassia because of her quick thinking. There hadn’t been anyone else out there who would have come to his aid. Slowly, the anger began melting away. 

“Thank you,” he said, staring into her eyes.

Cassia smiled and touched his face. “You don’t have to thank me. I would do anything for you, William.” Cassia wrapped her arms around Spike’s neck. 

Spike sucked in a sharp breath and slid his hands into Cassia’s hair, forcing her to look up at him. Her eyes shimmered like two green pools of lust. Spike lowered his mouth to hers and tasted her desire for him as she parted her lips, opening to him. Cassia slid her hands down his chest and gathered the tattered hem of Spike’s shirt in her hands. He shivered when she ran her hands up his bare chest and wrapped them around his neck, deepening their kiss. _Stop this_ , a voice in the back of his head warned him quietly. He thought again about being out on the battlefield with Buffy. It would be easy to sink into Cassia and lose himself in her. He could use Cassia’s body to try and erase the pain. 

Cassia kissed him passionately, her hands reaching for his belt. Spike pulled back sharply and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, reaching for him again. 

Spike grasped her hands in his. “Nothin, pet,” he hesitated, lowering her hands. 

Spike knew sleeping with Cassia now would be a mistake. And he had made his fair share of mistakes in his very long life. Rhyming effulgent with a bulge in it, roaming into that alley alone, shaking up with Harmony for months. But sleeping with Cassia… that was a mistake of epic proportions. He cared about the girl. He liked spending time with her and training her. She was a perfectly good girlfriend as girlfriends went. But he wasn’t in love with her. That hadn't been a problem he had faced in the past. Spike could count on two fingers the number of women he’d slept with who he’d also been in love with. He’d lived for over a century. Casual sex was nothing to a vampire. Except this wasn’t casual sex. This was a real person with feelings, feelings for him. Spike had slept with plenty of women in his lifetime, but this was the first time he hadn’t been completely honest with one. 

“Let’s go to bed,” Cassia said. Her voice sounded dreamy and far away. 

Spike looked around the room. “You’re right. Best be gettin’ to our rooms,” he said quietly. 

Cassia’s brow knitted with confusion. “Our rooms? I thought we’d… you know. It’s still early,” she said sliding her hand down his torso and over his taut belly. 

Spike caught Cassia’s hand right before she reached her target. He brought it to his lips and kissed her fingers gently. “It is early. And I’m a little banged up,” he said looking down at his healing scars. 

“Aww. I thought vampires were supposed to have superhuman stamina.” 

“We do. But I was almost mauled to death by flesh eatin’ dead guys tonight. Give a bloke a break,” he said with a forced grin. 

Cassia brushed her fingers through his platinum locks. “You’re almost healed.” 

“Yeah. But I’ve still got some miles to go before I sleep.” 

Cassia stood on her tiptoes and planted baby kisses at his throat nearly making him groan. “Slayers heal fast. What if—” 

“No!” Spike said sharply, knowing where her mind was going. “No,” softer now. “You need your strength and I can’t—I won’t do that. Ever,” he said firmly. 

Cassia crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine,” she snapped.

“Cass,” Spike said, capturing her wrist. “Don’t be that way, love.” He placed a finger under her chin. “I’m a bit out of sorts tonight on the account of these,” he said, showing her his fresh wounds. “Give me time.” 

Cassia rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. “Okay. I almost forgot you were hurt.” She pecked him on the lips. 

“Cassia…” Spike began and stopped himself. He needed to talk to her, but now was not the time. “Get some rest. I reckon the next few days will be tough.”

++++   
Buffy rushed an unconscious Satsu to the infirmary where Logan was working injured Slayers. She barked orders to a few volunteers who scrambled around the room. Buffy gently laid Status down on one of the empty beds. She’d been bitten on her shoulder. The bite penetrated her armor and pierced her skin, exposing the bone underneath. Buffy grabbed a sheet off the next bed and applied pressure to the open wound. She’d already lost too much blood, and her skin was beginning to lose its golden color. Buffy stared with horror at Satsu’s pale, bluish lips. 

Even if they did manage to stop the bleeding and stitch the wound, Satsu had been bitten. Once she died, she’d turn. Unlike vampires, there wouldn’t be anything left of her but a mindless walking corpse. They couldn’t even save her by amputation. 

“Logan!” Buffy called out to their nurse. There had to be a chance they could save her, something they could do. 

Logan hurried over to Satsu’s bed. The haggard Slayer’s clothes were stained with the blood. She pulled back the crimson soaked sheet and looked at Satsu’s wound. “She’s been bitten.” 

“I know.” Buffy’s voice shook with emotion. “You can still help her. You have to…” Buffy’s voice was faint. 

“It’s a zombie bite, ma’am.” Logan knitted her brows with concern. “Maybe if it was on her arm or leg…but even then...I don’t—I’m not trained for this.” 

Buffy stood up and grabbed Logan by the lapel of her uniform. “Try,” she said between gritted teeth. 

Logan and Buffy stared each other down for several long moments. “Joy!” Logan called out. “I need a fresh gauze.” 

Buffy let Logan go and watched the Slayer wash her hands in a nearby sink. She glanced back down at Satsu’s lifeless body and squeezed her stiff hand. She wouldn’t allow herself to think about Satsu dying, not like this. If there was still a chance, they would have to try. Buffy backed away from the bed. Logan was plan A, but Buffy had been around long enough to know there was always a plan B. She had to find Willow. 

“You do whatever you have to do to keep her alive,” Buffy commanded Logan as she sprinted out of the infirmary.   
She jogged through the castle toward one of the side entrances. Outside, the dead still covered the grounds like a blanket of arms, legs, and torsos. Buffy stepped over one of the kilted zombies and ran toward the center of the field outside of the castle. She spotted Willow with Kennedy with a few other Slayers.

“Willow!” Buffy called out to her friend as she got closer to her. 

“Buffy! How’s Satsu?” she asked with concern. 

“Not good. The blood… and the wound.” Buffy grabbed Willow by the hands and pulled her aside. “She’s been bitten.” 

“Oh, Buffy. Oh no!” 

“There has to be something… you can do, something to help her.” 

Willow glanced around nervously. “I’m not—I don’t know if there is anything I can do. The kind of magic it would take. I don’t…” Willow lowered her voice. “I thought you wanted me to stop.” 

“Look around you,” Buffy replied. “I think we’re a little past that now. You’ve already used magic once tonight. Use it again. I don’t care.” 

“O-okay. I’ll need some books. I’ll have to see—” 

“She doesn’t have much time, Wil. She’ll turn and then…” It would be too late. There wouldn’t be anything Willow could do to save her. 

Willow squeezed Buffy’s hand. “I know. I’ll do whatever I can.” 

Buffy followed Willow back into the building and to her room, where she kept some of her more dangerous books on magic. Buffy didn’t say anything when Willow waved her hand and a small tear appeared in the air a few inches from her face. She reached inside and pulled out an ancient-looking book with symbols on it that Buffy didn’t recognize.

“Buffy,” Willow said, clutching the book to her chest. “This spell is very old and very dangerous. It’s going to require a lot of magic.” 

“I don’t care,” Buffy answered quickly. If Willow hadn’t used magic to stop the zombies, the castle would have been overrun with the dead. 

Willow gave her a firm nod and followed her to the infirmary where Logan was still working on Satsu. The infirmary smelled of coagulated blood and dried sweat. Some of the girls moaned with pain in their beds as they waited for Logan to help them. The zombie army had more than their claws and teeth. Some of them had carried ancient battle weapons, rusted with age, but still sharp enough to injure and kill. Willow stepped close to Satsu’s bed. She hovered her hand over the book, flipping the pages with her mind until she landed on the right spell. The lights in the room flickered as Willow began to chant in rapid Latin; her eyes glazed over into twin black orbs as she spoke. A few minutes later, the lights stabilized, and Willow’s eyes returned to normal. 

Buffy looked down at Satsu. She still lay unconscious on the bed. Buffy reached for her clammy hand and held it in hers. She wasn’t moving, and her skin was still pale and grey. “It didn’t work,” Buffy said with desperation. 

Willow closed the distance between herself and Buffy and laid her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Yes, it did.” 

Buffy looked up at Willow confused. “Then why is she still laying there like this?” 

“She lost a lot of blood, Buffy,” Logan interjected softly. 

“And she’s in a magically induced coma,” Willow explained. “It was the only way I could save her.” 

“She won’t turn into a zombie?” 

“No. The spell stopped the process. She needs to heal. And she has to want to wake up.” 

Buffy bit her lip worriedly. 

“We’ll figure it out, Buff. I had to think quickly and—” 

“I know, Wil. Thank you,” Buffy said with a sigh. “I’m just…” 

“I get it. This isn’t the most stress-free job,” Willow said echoing Spike’s words. 

Spike! The last time Buffy had seen him he was neck-deep in zombies. Seeing him surrounded by the flesh-eating monsters had sent her into a near panic. She was going to help him, but she had been too slow. Cassia came storming in like a one-woman cavalry and she had lost track of them after that. 

“Okay, well now that Willow’s done her magic thing, I need you guys to either clear out or help,” Logan said slightly annoyed. 

“I can help,” Willow volunteered. 

“I’ve got something I need to do, but I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Buffy said quickly. 

“I’ll keep an eye on Satsu,” Willow promised. 

“Thank you, Wil,” Buffy said before running out the door. Satsu was in Logan’s and Willow’s capable hands. She was just going to check on Spike, make sure he was still in one piece and then she’d be back in the infirmary. Buffy half jogged; half sped walked toward Spike’s room. She needed to lay eyes on him, know he was doing okay. Buffy passed one of the common rooms and paused. She thought she heard voices on the other side of the door. She thought it might be a Slayer who needed medical attention. Buffy turned the ornate knob and pushed the door open. 

It took her a few moments to discern what she was looking at. Buffy blinked her eyes in shock. There in the middle of the room in front of a roaring fire, Buffy saw Cassia tug at Spike’s shirt, pulling it up his torso. Her eyes flickered to Spike and cringed. It didn’t take a genius for Buffy to figure out what was happening. Buffy’s throat tightened as all the air vacuumed out of the hall. It was like Anya all over again; but worse, because this time she knew exactly how she felt about him. She stumbled backward on her booted feet. Neither Cassia nor Spike had noticed she’d been standing there, watching them like a voyeur. Buffy squeezed her eyes shut, and her stomach did little flips. On some level, Buffy knew they were sleeping together, but she never thought it would matter so much to her.

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself protectively. She didn’t stick around to see what they were going to do next. With unseeing eyes, Buffy wandered back down the hall to the infirmary. Her body shook with a jerky shiver at the memory of Spike and Cassia together. Right before the zombies attacked the castle, she had been planning to talk to Satsu about taking a break until…until what exactly? Until she sorted out her feelings for Spike. Until she got the nerve to tell him how she felt. Buffy wasn’t sure what she had planned to do. It didn’t matter now. Unshed tears stung her eyes; Buffy brushed them away before reentering the infirmary. 

“Buffy!” Willow said as soon as she saw her. “Is everything okay?” she asked with concern. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

Willow tilted her head with concern. “Are you sure?” 

“Positive. Why don’t you go check on Kennedy and the others? I’ve got it here.”

“Alright. Just holler if you need me.” 

Buffy sank down in the chair beside Satsu’s bed. She looked peaceful, like she was sleeping instead of in a magically induced coma. A wave of guilt flooded her as she watched her girlfriend rest. Spike was fine, more than fine. She forced herself not to think about him. If that’s who he wanted, then who was she to get in the way? It wasn’t the first time he fell for a Cassia. I’m so stupid, Buffy thought dejectedly. She was sitting beside a woman who cared for her, and she was upset over a man who had moved on. It was her dumb, rotten luck that she had finally figured out her feelings for Spike when he was in love with someone else. 

Buffy supposed she kind of deserved it. Back in Sunnydale, she had strung him along for years. She'd played with that man’s emotions and kept him at arms lengths because she knew she could. She was fully aware of his feelings for her, and she had never set clear boundaries between them because she liked the way he made her feel. It was infinitely selfish, and at the time she hadn’t realized how much her actions had hurt him. She hadn't valued him like she did her friends… or even Angel.

If this was Karma, she knew how to twist the knife.

++++

Spike walked Cassia back to her room. When they stepped back into the hallway together, he thought he had felt…something. Spike paused for a moment before shaking the feeling off. He had to be imagining things, feeling things that weren’t real. Spike planted a chaste kiss on Cassia’s lips once they reached Cassia’s door, and returned to his room. Alone, Spike thought about everything that had happened since he arrived in Scotland. Both he and Cassia had been feeling vulnerable. Naturally they had gravitated toward each other. But tonight he had pushed her away. If it hadn’t been for Cassia, Spike wasn’t sure he’d be standing in his room pulling an Angel. Before Cassia had shown up he'd thought he was going to be devoured whole by zombies. As they swept him beneath their rotting bodies, the only thought running through his mind had been Buffy. And she had looked right through him. Even now, he couldn’t get past Buffy. Cassia deserved better than that. Spike took a long swig from his bottle of bourbon before hurling it against the wall. Glass shattered into a dozen pieces and dark brown liquid slid down the stone surface. 

“Dammit! Wasted a perfectly good bottle,” he grumbled. 

Spike slumped into his lounge chair and buried his face in the palm of his hand. _You bloody idiot. You sodding fool._ Every fiber in his body had told him to run, to avoid getting involved with Cassia. But he had ignored his instincts and got involved anyway. Now he had one woman who expected a doting lover out of him, and another who couldn’t have cared less if he’d become a zombie Scooby snack. 

Well, technically Buffy wasn’t his woman. And it was clear she never would be.


	17. Acrimony

“Buffy! Buffy!” 

The sound of her name startled Buffy from her nap. She jolted upright in her chair and looked around groggily. “What’s going on?” she asked Willow, blinking her eyes.

Willow glanced at Satsu’s prone body and lowered her voice even though she didn’t have to. “We’ve got the zombies on the front lawn cleaned up. Mostly the hard way; I tried to use as little magic as possible.” 

“Good.” Buffy stretched her stiff muscles and rose from her chair. “And about the other…” 

Willow’s eyes filled with sorrow before she lowered them to her feet. “Nineteen girls in total.” 

“Oh, God.” Buffy pressed her fingers to lips. She had expected more casualties, but any loss was always a terrible one. 

“I’m sorry, Buff,” Willow said sadly. 

“We’ll make a list of the names and get them to Andrew. Their families should know. We also need to do something for them here.” 

“We’ve already started building the funeral pyres,” Willow stammered. “I figured it would be easier. Also, it’s pretty spartan.” 

“I agree. It’s fitting. How are the other girls doing?” Buffy thought about the surviving Slayers. This was the first major hit they had taken in months, and Buffy wasn’t sure any amount of inspirational speeches a la Tony Robbins would help.

“They’re upset. Mostly shaken. Spike’s been really helpful in the comfort department.” 

“I bet,” Buffy muttered. 

“What?” 

Buffy shook her head. “Nothing,” she muttered. 

“Yeah. He’s really good at grief counseling. I bet he’d do well with that in school. I mean, if vampires went to college and stuff.” 

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself tightly. She didn’t want to talk about Spike anymore. Every time she heard his name, she thought about him and Cassia. The memory burned into her brain, forever stuck in her hippocampus like nasty, sticky gum on the bottom of her shoe. 

“Uh, huh,” Buffy said following Willow out of the infirmary. There wasn’t anything she could do about Satsu. As long as she was in a coma, Buffy was nothing more than a sitting duck. Willow’s spell had healed her physically, but Satsu had to wake up on her own. Buffy had watched her sleep for hours, watching the movement behind her closed eyes. She wondered what was going on in her mind. Was she dreaming? Or…? 

“Buff…” Willow said, interrupting Buffy’s thoughts. 

“Hmm?” 

“I don’t think the attack on the castle was a coincidence,” Willow said with a hushed tone as they moved down the halls. “When I noticed my new powers, I started keeping track of spikes of magic in other places. Every time I used my powers for something big, there seemed to be a direct response to it. Sometimes really noticeable, other times not so much.” 

“And you think the zombies were something like an equivalent exchange?” 

Willow paused. “Well, yeah, something like that.” 

“Then I wonder what’s the equivalent for upsetting the balance between good and evil by activating every potential Slayer in the world?” 

“Do you really want to know?” Willow asked nervously. 

“Really? No. But it helps to be prepared for the next apocalypse. I’m guessing it has something to do with the seed thing.” 

“Me too.” 

“Any luck reaching Giles?” 

“Not yet, but I’ll keep trying. I’ve been doing some research myself. But something tells me we need some books that are a little older than what we have stockpiled in our library.” 

“Giles-type books.” 

“Exactly,” Willow said. 

“Well, the sooner we can get in contact with him, the sooner we can get ahead of this thing.” 

Willow laid a comforting hand on Buffy’s arm. “Don’t worry, Buff. We’ll figure it out.” 

“I hope so,” Buffy said, feeling no better than she had a few minutes ago. 

++++

They held the funerals at night. Buffy stood in front of the rows of pyres, her face grim and her heart heavy with sorrow at the loss of her sisters in arms. Xander read the name of each Slayer, his voice low and somber. Among the slain were girls Buffy had gotten to know as fierce warriors. She didn’t recognize all the names and guilt hung over her head like a thick cloud of shame. She could have taken more time to get to know those women. She could have trained with them more or made a stronger effort to interact with the girls one-on-one. She was always so busy getting pulled in one direction or the other. Week after week, she promised herself she’d do better. Then something else would arise, forcing her to push her plans back another week. There was no excuse. These women had lived under her roof for months, and she hadn’t even bothered to learn some of their names. 

“Tonight,” Buffy’s voice rang out strong and clear in the darkness. “We honor these brave women—Slayers who sacrificed their lives keeping us safe. I know many of you feel this loss deeply. You lived together, fought together, sharing your hopes and dreams. Although they are no longer with us, may their memories live on through us forever. And may they find peace this life could not offer.” Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped back into the shadows where Xander waited with a match to light the torch in her hand. 

The bright flame made an orange glow across her face as she lit the first pyre on fire. A few other Slayers stepped forward and followed behind Buffy until each one was set ablaze. Buffy stood alone for several long minutes, watching the fires burn until she couldn’t stand it any longer. She was the last one into the castle, and closed the heavy door behind them.

++++

“Andrew has the completed list of all the Slayers who, uh, who we lost,” Xander reported to Buffy. “He’s going to start reaching out to their families.” 

Buffy stared at a dark spot on her desk before lifting her eyes to meet the rest of the gang. Willow sat with her legs tucked underneath her skirt and fiddled with the cuff of her shirt. Spike stood against one of the bookshelves with his arms crossed, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. 

“Not by email, I hope,” Spike said. “Those families have been through enough as it is. I don’t wager they’d appreciate gettin' a weird message from super-geek about their daughter’s death.” 

An email was cold and impersonal. “Spike’s right,” Buffy said. “They deserve better than that.” 

“Bloody right they do.” 

“We can send a team,” Willow suggested. “Or teams.” 

“That could work. Let’s have a look at the list and see which girls are in the same region, and we can divide it up that way.” 

“It’s always bloody business with you lot, huh?” Spike grumbled, pushing himself away from the shelf. “You all sound worse than Anya.” 

“Hey!” Xander whipped around and pointed a finger at Spike. “Don’t you ever speak her name or—” 

“Or what? You’ll bore me to death with your nerd facts?” 

“That’s enough!” Buffy said, raising her voice. “Enough. We’re stressed as it is. We don’t need to argue among ourselves.” Buffy forced herself to look at Spike. She hadn’t spent more than two minutes with him since the night of the attack. “What do you suggest we do?” 

Spike lifted his shoulders and let them sink again. “The hell if I know. I’m not the one leading a sodding army of teenage girls to their deaths.” 

“You watch your—” Xander started. 

Buffy lifted her hand to quiet him. “No one is leading an army, Spike. We’re Slayers. We all know the risk.” 

“Do they? Really?” he spat. 

“Let’s take a breather here,” Willow interjected, playing the mediator. “I know you had gotten pretty close to a few of them, Spike,” Willow said gently. “Maybe you’d like to go out on one of the teams to break the news.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Spike muttered. 

Buffy rounded her desk and looked Spike square in the eyes. “Do you have a problem with me, Spike?” she asked him directly. “I get the feeling there’s something you’d like to say to me.” 

Spike’s lips tilted into a sardonic smile, and he shook his head. “No problem at all, Slayer. Just wondering if you were the bot, ‘s all.” 

It took every ounce of Buffy’s willpower not to respond to him the way she wanted to. While everyone else was picking through a sea of bodies looking for survivors, he’d been getting his brains screwed out by Cassia. 

“Well, excuse me if I’m not grieving the way you want me to. Some of us have a castle full of Slayers to manage.” 

“Yeah. I see. How’s that working out for you? Has sleeping beauty finally woken up from her enchanted slumber? I know how much she means to you.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Spike shook his head again. “Forget it. When do you need me to head out?” he said, directing his question to Willow. 

“No, you started it, Spike. Now finish it,” Buffy said not allowing Willow to speak. 

“It means nothin'. Forget I even said anything.” 

“Guys!” Willow raised her voice. “Spike, you can head out as soon as you can. I know you have to get creative with your travels because of the sun.” 

“Yeah. I figure I can handle Mickey’s family, and anyone else you need.” 

“Thank you,” Willow said. “I’ll see if there's anyone else in her family’s area and let you know. We’ll figure out the rest. Buffy, I know you said you wanted to handle a few visits, but it might be better for morale if you stayed behind. The girls need to see their leader.” 

“You’re right,” Buffy said glumly. “Besides, if there’s another attack, I should be here.” 

“Wait a minute. Are we anticipatin’ more ghoulies coming from the ground to eat us?” Spike snapped. 

“Not exactly,” Willow replied. “It’s just that…we think my magic might have been the cause.” 

“And you all knew this,” Spike said pointing to the rest of them. “Figures,” he said when everyone remained silent. “Leave old Spike out of the loop. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same,” he said with a joyless smirk. 

“It wasn’t like that, Spike. I wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with my magic. As it stands, it was just an educated guess,” Willow said. 

“Based on?” 

Willow’s eyes darted toward Buffy. “Based on the fact that every time magic is used something else seems to happen.” 

“Gotcha. And when were you going to tell the rest of us?” 

“He has a point,” Xander said. 

“Don’t start with me, Harris. I’ve had about enough—” Spike stopped short once he realized Xander was agreeing with him. “And I realize you’re on my side.” 

“You both have a point,” Buffy muttered. “And we should have said something sooner. We were going to, but—” 

“There’s always a but with you people,” Spike snapped. 

“But,” Buffy repeated, ignoring him. “We wanted to make sure first.” 

“Was this before or after we became zombie food?” Spike asked. 

“I get it. We should have said something earlier. We didn’t. But we’re telling you now. Willow and I have already started researching the cause of this imbalance.” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Spike rolled his eyes. “I’d like to take activating all potential Slayers for five hundred, Alex.” His tone dripped with sarcasm. 

“Well, that’s the root of it, yes,” Willow hedged. “But we want to know why and what we can do to fix it.” 

Spike barked out a short mirthless laugh. “Entropy. You can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube, love. Once it’s out it's out. The best thing you can do now is hope that things don’t get worse.” 

“Well, you’re a box of sunshine and rainbows,” Xander said. 

“I’m just keepin’ it real, as the kiddies say,” Spike said, heading toward the door. “You all get me that list, and I’ll be out of your hair as soon as possible.” 

“What crawled up his butt?” Xander asked as soon as Spike was out of the office.

“Who knows. It’s Spike,” Buffy said. She couldn’t figure it out herself. He was acting as if she had somehow slighted him. 

“Maybe you two should talk it out, have a little pow-wow,” Willow suggested. 

Having a talk with Spike wasn’t high on the list of things she was exactly excited to do. Try as she might, every time she looked at him, she saw him with Cassia. “Pass. Whatever’s bothering him, I’m sure he’ll get over it. Let’s focus on the list and figure out our next move.” 

++++

Buffy woke with a start. She peeled a piece of paper from her cheek and pushed the book she’d been reading aside. Buffy looked down at the title, “The Origins and History of Olde Magick.” She read a passage she'd highlighted before falling asleep. The bright orange marker stood out against the sepia page. Buffy imagined Giles having a cow because she marked through his precious books. Buffy remembered doodling a butterfly in the margin of a book once, and he literally had an aneurysm. 

_'The Seed of all magick birthed this realm before time was time.'_ Buffy read the line again. 

After hours of reading (okay, skimming) that one little line was the first clue Buffy had found. Well, she hoped it was a clue. She could never be sure with any of these old books. They were always written in riddles and funny olden-time English. But it’s a start, she thought. Buffy glanced at her wall clock and winced at the funny taste in her mouth. She’d been asleep at her desk all night. Buffy stretched her neck from side to side, working out the stiffness. Outside her window, the sun shone brightly over the shire. Buffy could make out patches of scorched grass where the funeral pyres had been a few weeks earlier. It still smelled like burnt wood and fire, reminding Buffy of her loss. For the second time since activating the potentials, she had experienced another great loss. She didn’t like thinking of the other squadrons who had lost Slayers. They were more than numbers; they were girls with names, families, hopes, dreams. Maybe this was all a mistake.

Buffy pulled the curtains together and placed the book back in the top drawer of her desk. She had a training class to go to in an hour and needed to get changed. They had all agreed to resume classes in the hopes that it would help get everything “back to normal.” Buffy hated that term— normal. Girls were gone, friends they’d never see again. This was the new normal. Buffy hated the new normal. The new normal included a girlfriend in a mystical coma who may never wake up, and fighting with Spike. Ever since the zombie attack they had been at odds with each other, fighting over every little thing. Buffy wasn’t sure what had changed between them, but it appeared that neither of them was willing to figure it out. They'd been friends, and now it seemed like they weren’t anymore. That hurt Buffy more than anything else. She needed him right now, and he could hardly be around her without sniping at her. She wasn’t an innocent in this either. Buffy gave as good as she got, returning his verbal attacks with gut punches of her own. In some regards, it was worse than how they’d been in Sunnydale, because this time she felt bad about it. People had died, Satsu was in a coma, and all she wanted was her friend back. 

++++

Satsu was finally alone. Since she'd fallen into her coma there had hardly been a moment when the infirmary wasn’t littered with visitors. Cassia stood over her bed and studied the girl. She appeared to be sleeping soundly, but Cassia knew better. The witch had put her in a mystical coma. Cassia didn’t know much about magic, but she'd heard something about it helping her. Cassia brushed a wisp of Satsu’s dark hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. 

“Wake up,” she muttered. “Wake the hell up.” 

Cassia didn’t care one bit about Satsu. She wasn’t sure she even liked the girl, but she knew her relationship with Spike hung in the balance. Satsu was the key. If she woke from her coma, then Buffy would go away. She knew the other woman had been waiting in the wings for just the perfect moment to dig her hooks into Spike. Buffy had cast him aside like yesterday’s garbage. She had waited until he was in another relationship to pretend like she wanted him back. Cassia doubted that Buffy really wanted Spike back. More than likely that she just didn’t want her to have him. The Slayer was nothing more than a jealous bitch who was out to take her man. 

Cassia looked down at Satsu one last time and let out a heavy sigh. Everything would be so much better when she woke up. Cassia was sure of it. 

++++

The atmosphere in the training class was somber as everyone noticed two of their own were missing in action. Buffy saw the small memorials laid outside some of the doors of the training rooms and Slayer’s quarters. Each time she passed one, her stomach went into knots. Buffy faced death all the time. Before closing the Hellmouth she’d lost Kendra. Her death had been tough on Buffy. Then she lost the potentials on the Hellmouth. Now, this. In every instance, she’d been the reason Slayers had died. Maybe death really was her gift. 

“We’re going to start class off a little differently,” Emere said from the front of the training room. “Instead of exhibitions, let’s go over some basic fight moves. If you guys want to spar, then we can try some at the end of class. It’s up to all of you.” 

Buffy tucked her chin to her chest. She’d never heard Emere sound so down before. The two missing Slayers had been on her squad, and Buffy knew she was taking it hard. There wasn’t anyone qualified for them to talk to; all they had was each other. Buffy felt him the moment Spike walked into the classroom. She expected to see Cassia with him, but he came alone. Spike said something to Emere and she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. They exchanged a few more words before Spike took his place on the opposite side of the classroom, as far away from Buffy as possible. Buffy pushed herself off the wall and walked over to him. I must be a glutton for punishment. 

“I see you made it back in one piece,” she said once she was standing beside him. 

“Yeah. Got all my bits with me,” Spike said keeping his eyes trained straight ahead.

Buffy bit down on the inside of her cheeks and took a breath. “Was that the last one?” 

Spike nodded his head. “All the families have been taken care of. Some of them were a bit brassed off at not having a body to bury. Had a bit explainin’ to do.” 

“I’m sorry about that.” 

“It’s all part of the job.” 

“If it’s any consolation, I’m glad you were the one to...to help with this. I’m not exactly... And I’m glad you’ve got all your bits.” 

“Thanks.” 

Buffy pressed her lips into a thin line. She was trying. “You know,” she began. “I’ve been trying to figure out what your problem is with me, and I’m coming up short.” 

“S’no problem, Slayer. Everything’s peachy.” 

“You’re saying the words, but somehow I’m having trouble believing them.” 

“Can’t say I have any idea why not,” Spike said finally looking at her. “Everything’s as it’s always been between us, Buffy. You just worry about your bird. Heard she’s still in a bad way.” 

Buffy gave him a look. She wasn’t always quick on the uptake, but she knew a barb when she heard one. “Satsu is fine. I didn’t see Cassia with you. Hope she isn’t getting too worn out. She still has to slay.” 

Spike leaned his head back on the brick wall and smirked at her. “Don’t worry, Slayer. I’m keeping her nice and—” 

“Buffy, would you mind?” Emere asked. 

Everyone in the training class was looking at her, and Buffy had no idea what Emere was asking her to do. She stood with her fists clenched as she glared at Spike through thin eyes. “Huh?” 

“Would you mind sparing? Well, you and Spike actually. The girls aren’t really into it today and I…” 

Buffy glanced at Spike. “Sure. Did you have anyone in mind?” 

Emere looked between Spike and Buffy. “Well, you two. Like before. The class really enjoyed watching you guys, and it might be good for them again.” 

“Why not?” Spike said surprising Buffy. 

“Fine,” Buffy agreed between gritted teeth.

They walked to the front of the class together. The last time they'd spared, it ended with Buffy having sexy naughty thoughts about Spike. Now she couldn’t imagine doing anything with Spike other than kicking his narrow, finely chiseled ass. Buffy took her place across from him and squared up. She wanted to wipe the smirk from his face. Look at him looking so, so, smug! Part of Buffy knew she was feeling irrationally angry at Spike, but she couldn’t help herself. She was angry at him and didn't know why. Well, she had an inkling. But if she admitted it, then that would make her a jealous ex-girlfriend. Buffy was many things, but she was never a jealous ex. Okay, maybe sometimes she could be a jealous ex. But those times were different. 

“Well, come on. Let’s put on a nice little show for the kiddies and get this over with,” Spike said, for her ears only. 

Buffy gave him a curt nod before striking first. She hit him in the center of his face, causing him to stagger backward. His grin iced over into a deadly smirk. Spike popped his neck, bending it from side to side. He flexed his jaw and managed to make it look even more defined. 

“Playing dirty, I see,” he said for everyone to hear. Spike executed a near-perfect roundhouse kick that barely missed her. 

Buffy ducked under his leg and made another pass at him. They were fighting in earnest, each hit punishment for some hurt neither of them was aware they had caused the other. “I’m not playing at all. I’ll leave all the games to you,” she whispered. 

“Ha! That’s rich. You’ve been playing games with me from the moment we met,” he said before backhanding her across the face. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Buffy asked before hitting him back. 

“You know. Don’t play coy now, Slayer.” 

Buffy shoved her foot in the center of Spike’s chest sending him across the room. He quickly jumped to his feet and rushed toward her fangs bared. Some of the Slayers had left the class; they were no longer interested in seeing a brawl. The ones that remained were too in shock to move. If Spike hit her, Buffy hit harder, channeling all her anger with him into her fists. No, that wasn’t right. She was channeling all the anger with herself into him. She had practically pushed him into Cassia’s arms long before the other girl came into the picture. Every time she rejected him, every time she took his love for granted, she had driven him out of her life and into the arms of another woman. Now she was stewing in her own bitter juices of jealousy. She had a girlfriend lying in a coma not too far away, for Pete’s sake! That made her the worst. The worst of the worst. Even knowing this, she couldn’t help herself. Buffy pressed her forearm against Spike's throat and trapped him between herself and the wall. They were breathing in sync. Spike’s chest rose and fell in time with hers. Buffy could smell the tang of tobacco mingled with his cologne. His features had smoothed back into its human form and all Buffy could think about was pressing her lips against his. They stared at each other for several long minutes. Behind her, Emere cleared her throat, breaking the trance between them. Buffy shoved herself away from Spike and stepped backward. Her cheeks warmed with embarrassment once she looked around the room and noticed a dozen eyes were on her. 

“Right then,” Spike said straightening the collar of his shirt. “I think that should do it.” 

Emere looked between them awkwardly. “I think we should call it a day.” 

“Yeah. I agree.” 

“Buffy! Ma’am!” someone shouted from the door. Buffy looked up at the sound of her name. “Come to the infirmary, quick! It’s Satsu. She’s awake.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes! She’s asking for you. Logan sent me to get you right away.” 

“Go! Class is over anyway,” Emere said. 

Buffy nodded her head curtly and sprinted out the door toward the infirmary.


	18. Silence is Not the Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Twinkles who Beta'd three chapters for me this week! Since they are ready now, I'm going to go ahead and post all three today.

Spike stalked back to his room feeling both angry and horny. The horny part he could ignore. Anger flowed through him, reverberating through his body. He wasn’t even sure why he was angry anymore. No, that was a lie. He was angry because once again Buffy had proven that he would always be an afterthought to her. That was the crux of it all. He had rearranged his life so that he could go gallivanting to Scotland and play the Babysitters Club with her, and once again she had used him. Was he ever going to learn? Spike poured himself a tall glass of bourbon and slumped down into one of the plush chairs his room. 

“What happened to your face?” Cassia asked, stepping into Spike’s room. 

Spike closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of his chair. He was not in the mood to deal with Cassia’s jealousy or complaints. _Can I get one moment of sodding peace in this castle?_ Spike took a long drink and opened his eyes. “Was sparrin' during trainin’ class today.” 

Cassia sat across from Spike on his bed. “Oh, yeah. With who?” There was a hint of suspicion in her voice that he didn't like. 

“Buffy,” he answered. “It’s all part of training, pet.” 

Cassia snapped to her feet. “Buffy. Of course, it was Buffy. It’s always Buffy.” 

“I’m not in the mood, Cass.” Spike took another drink. 

“Right. You’d rather have your face bashed in by your ex than spend time with your girlfriend! You haven’t touched me since before the attack.” 

“So, this is about sex?” Spike lifted a brow. 

Cassia rolled her eyes. “No! It’s about you and me. You wanted to go slow. I go slow. Now you can hardly look at me. What's going on, William?” 

Spike placed his drink aside and sighed deeply. “Nothing, come here.” He hooked his finger into the loop of her jeans and pulled her toward him. “Just been out of sorts lately on account of playin’ the grim reaper.” 

Cassia sat on his lap and nuzzled his throat. “It’s sad what happened to those girls.” 

“Yeah…” He thought of Mickey. They had become fast friends, and now she was gone. He needed another drink. 

“Too bad it wasn’t Shay,” Cassia said while nibbling his ear. 

Spike jerked his head away. “You don’t mean that. I know she can be a little bitch, but—” 

“Just kidding. Why so serious?” Cassia asked, poking out her lip. 

Spike didn’t like her cavalier attitude. He knew Cassia had a nasty streak and a bit of a temper, but he never expected her to wish death on one of her fellow Slayers. Even for a vampire, he found her comment a bit unsavory. Spike lifted Cassia off his lap and poured himself another drink. 

“I’m sorry I said that,” Cassia apologized, wrapping her arms around his waist. She pressed her cheek against his back.“Let’s forget about Shay. We can talk about something else. Or not talk,” Cassia said and slid her hand down the front of his pants, cupping him. 

Spike turned around and removed her hand. “I’m a bit worse for wear, pet. How about another time, yeah?” 

Cassia gave Spike a light shove and backed away from him. “Yeah. Another time,” she spat and stomped out of the room. 

Great. Now he had two birds brassed off at him. 

++++

"I have some news," Buffy announced. 

Spike leaned against the wall on the far side of Buffy's office and waited for the announcement. 

"Satsu woke up from her coma." 

"Congratulations," Spike deadpanned among the happy cheers from Buffy's friends. 

"She's still in the infirmary, but everything seems fine," Buffy said. "But she's having some trouble with her memory." 

"How so?" Spike asked. Curiosity had gotten the better of him. 

"She doesn't remember her relationship with Buffy," Willow supplied. 

"Oh?" Spike lifted his brow in question. "Never heard of a mystical coma causin’ amnesia," Spike said thoughtfully. 

"Neither have I. I wonder if there's another spell to--" 

"No more magic!" Buffy interjected loudly. Softer, "At least until we know what's going on with the seed thing." 

"What seed thing? What are you all goin’ on about?" Spike asked. So, it seemed they had left him out of the loop once again. Figured. 

Buffy's eyes darted toward Willow. "Well," she began slowly, "there's been some developments." 

"Buffy's been doing research!" Willow said proudly. "With actual books and reading and stuff. Tell them, Buffy." 

"I found something in here," Buffy said, lifting a heavy book from her desk. "It's one sentence, but it seems like a clue." 

"What does it say?" Spike asked. 

"The seed of magic... In my dreams, Willow keeps mentioning a seed. I think they're connected. We've been trying to get in contact with Giles, and we were finally able to make contact with him." 

"Good. Now we can finally get some answers," Xander said. 

"He couldn't speak to me for very long, but he promised to get back to us once he's found something useful. In the meantime, I'm going to stop using my magic, like we agreed,” Willow said. 

"Yeah. Or until Buffy needs you to use it for her sake," Spike added.

A tense quiet filled the room. "That was different," Willow replied, coming to Buffy's defense. "I had to use my magic to stop the castle from getting overrun with zombies." 

"I know," Spike muttered. "Don't mind me. Blood supplies getting low, and I'm feeling a bit peckish." Everyone was quiet again, and Spike cursed himself for acting like a jealous spurned lover in front of the others. 

“Xander,” Buffy said, “Let’s make sure Spike has enough of his blood supply.” 

“Thanks,” Spike muttered, feeling like a bigger jerk. 

“Anyway, we’re going to channel our energies into learning more about this seed. Anything you guys can find that seems even remotely useful, report it back to Willow.” 

“What about Satsu?” Willow asked. 

Buffy tucked her chin to her chest, and Spike felt a pang of regret. The chit was obviously enamored with Satsu, and it couldn’t have been easy having the girl not remember their relationship at all. 

“By all accounts she’s fine… physically at least. I’m hoping her memory will catch up. She seems to remember everything else.” 

“Yeah…” Willow said skeptically. 

“So, basically, you’re wantin’ us to research?” Spike asked, getting back on task. 

“Yes. I know this isn’t what you signed up for—” 

“No problem, Slayer.” 

Spike hung back for the rest of the conversation while the Scoobies did their Scooby thing. The anger he'd had earlier began to ebb. Spike made a promise to himself that he’d help figure out this seed thing, and then he’d get gone. 

++++ 

Spike sat alone in the main library, preferring to work alone rather than with the rest of the group. Try as he might, he still couldn’t shake the hurt he felt over Buffy choosing Satsu over him. His issues with Buffy were starting to bleed into his relationship with Cassia. Buffy was right about one thing - this was not what he had signed up for. He pushed one book aside and chose another. Over the years he'd had many encounters with magic, but he couldn't recall hearing anything about a seed. He was certain the seed was the cause of their troubles. After some research, Spike noticed Scotland hadn’t been the only Slayer installation attacked. So far Scotland had had zombies, Greece a Kraken, and France those Zoroth demons. The attacks were too frequent to be pure coincidence. 

Spike let out a low frustrated growl. Screw this! He’d never been one for research. Give him something to pummel, and he was game. They usually left all the book learning to Giles and Willow. Spike stood from the table and stretched his legs. He needed a break. Now might be a good time to patch things up with Cass, he thought to himself. Spike let out a heavy sigh. If he saw Cassia, she’d want to talk about sex again. He was her boyfriend; boyfriends and girlfriends did that sort of thing. And yet, thinking of sex with Cassia left him feeling… empty. Still, he couldn’t go on avoiding her. Although, the last time he'd attempted to be civil with her had resulted in another argument and a book getting launched at his head. Spike reached for his phone and sent her a quick message to meet him in the downstairs training room. He figured a good training session would help break the ice. A few seconds later she returned his message with a curt okay. 

“So, I see you’ve taken a break from your dusty books,” Cassia greeted him. 

“Yeah. Been a rough week.” 

Cassia crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him critically from across the room. “What’s going on?”

Spike let out a tired sigh. They had all agreed to keep everything about the seed and Faith amongst themselves. “I can’t say right now,” he answered her truthfully. “But I promise I’ll tell you soon.”

Cassia rolled her eyes. “So many secrets,” she mumbled. “Well, come on, you wanted to train.” 

Spike crossed the room and placed his hands on her arms. “I promise.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” she said jerking away from him. ‘You’ll never trust me enough.” 

Spike tilted his head, surprised at the disappointment he felt. “That’s not true… there are certain things I can’t talk about.” 

Cassia shrugged. “But you can talk to Buffy, huh. Why am I even here?” 

“This isn’t about Buffy, and you know why you’re here. Look, Cassia—"

“Stop. We came here to train. So, let’s train.” 

Her expression was sullen and closed. Spike knew he was talking to a brick wall. “Right then. Let’s go.” 

++++

Training with Cassia had gone… well. Once they'd stopped talking, they fell into their normal routine. But any attempt to have a civil discussion with Cassia had been futile. Spike had decided a serious talk was in order once she calmed down. After the training session, Spike found himself back in the library. He had made a promise after all. Spike was many things, but he wasn’t a welch. When he returned to the library, he expected it to be dark again. Instead, Buffy was sitting alone at one of the tables. A single lamp lit the room, casting her in shadows. Spike cleared his throat, catching her attention. Buffy slowly looked up from the book and blinked a few times. 

“Spike?” 

“Yeah, it’s me.” Buffy grabbed one of the books she’d been reading and prepared to stand up. “No, sit down. I can leave if you want.” 

“No, you can stay. I was just finishing up.” 

“You don’t have to leave. It’s your castle.” 

Buffy shook her head. “How about this?” she said. “You pick a corner, and I’ll pick mine.” 

Spike nodded his head and picked the table furthest away from her. He grabbed one of the books from her table and hunkered down on one of the hard, wooden chairs. After a few minutes, Spike found it was hard to concentrate with Buffy in such close proximity. He could smell her. Her scent invaded his nostrils and ignited his senses. Something had to give. 

“Find anything useful?” Buffy asked, looking at him. 

“Not yet. Been at it all day. Whatever this seed thing is, it’s buried somewhere deep.” 

“It’s almost like it doesn’t want to be found,” Buffy said thoughtfully. 

“Some things are so old they predate the written word.” 

“Before time was time…” Buffy said barely above a whisper. Buffy let out a frustrated groan and ran agitated hands through her hair. 

It took every ounce of himself not to go to her, comfort her. “Well, I’m sure we’ll figure it out. We always do.” 

“You’re right.” Buffy closed the book she’d been reading, kicking up a cloud of dust. 

They were both silent for a moment. “How’s your bird, Satsu?” He tried for civility. After weeks of bickering with each other, all he wanted was peace. 

Buffy blew out a breath and slumped back into her seat. “Not exactly sure she’s my anything anymore. Willow thinks I should let the magic take its natural course. Although she still doesn’t know why Satsu can remember everything else about her life except us.” 

“Does seem a bit off…” Spike muttered. “But if it’s meant to be, I’m sure it’ll sort itself out.” 

“That’s what they say. Anyway,” Buffy stood up and stretched. “I think I’m going to call it a night.” 

“Yeah, you do that. Think I might do the same.”

++++

Satsu remembered everything. She remembered every look. 

Every kiss. 

Every touch. 

She also remembered the torn look on Buffy’s face when she saw Cassia swoop in to save Spike. It didn’t take a genius for anyone to figure out that Buffy was still in love with him. She was also pretty certain that Spike felt the same way. Why else had Cassia said what she said awhile back. She knew. They had always known. And they had both deluded themselves into thinking their love would be enough. Satsu had had a lot of time to think while she was in her coma. Being in a coma wasn’t like in the movies. She was able to hear, think, and feel. She took that time to think about her relationship with Buffy. Satsu had gained a lot of perspectives while recovering from a zombie attack. She was able to see things a little clearer. It was obvious that she was far more invested in their relationship. That was her fault. Buffy had made it clear she wasn’t interested in anything serious. She had been foolish enough to think that she could dazzle Buffy into wanting more. But the heart wants what it wants. Her heart wanted Buffy, and Buffy clearly wanted someone else. That had been a hard pill to swallow; but once she had gotten it down, it became clear what she had to do. Rip the band-aid off. What better way to get over a girlfriend than to fake amnesia? It made things easier. She could avoid that ever-so-wonderful breakup talk, and Buffy could get what she wanted. Problem solved. 

“You’re such chicken shit,” Satsu spoke to her reflection. 

She knew she was taking the easy way out, but she couldn’t face Buffy. Kennedy had tried to warn her, and she'd ignored her. While in her coma she was able to see their relationship from a different perspective. She had viewed Buffy as this larger-than-life superhero. She was the stuff legends were made of. She was Wonder Woman, Power Girl, and Super Girl all rolled into one. She had put Buffy on a pedestal and ignored all the warning signs. Other than Slaying, they didn’t have very much in common. There were times when Buffy seemed so preoccupied and lost in her own world, there wasn’t room for anyone else. She was also kind of messy. 

And… she still loved her. 

“You wanted to see me?” Satsu asked Buffy once they were alone in her office. She had gotten a message earlier to meet her in private. 

“Yep!” Buffy stood up from her desk. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.” 

“I’m doing great! Never better.” 

Buffy nodded her head. “Are you sure, Satsu? Because Willow and I have been looking into that spell she did. The funny thing is there's nothing about—” 

“What?” 

“Amnesia. That’s not one of the side effects,” Buffy said quietly. 

Satsu shook her head, committed to her act. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“I think you do.” Buffy’s voice was gentle. “Tell me what’s going on… please.” 

Satsu bit down on her bottom lip and blinked back moisture in her eyes. “I remember…” Her voice was faint. “I remember it all,” Satsu repeated. 

“Then why did you…?” 

Satsu slumped down into one of Buffy’s chairs. “I don’t know,” she said after a pregnant pause. “That’s not true. I pretended not to remember because it’s easier this way.” 

“What are you talking about?” Buffy asked confused. 

“Breaking up. I’m breaking up with you,” Satsu said firmly before she changed her mind. 

“What?” Buffy’s eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t see that coming.” 

“You didn’t?” she asked in surprise. “Because I think we’ve been pretty much traveling down this path since we jumped into this thing.” 

Buffy sat down beside her on one of the plush chairs and fiddled with the rings on her fingers. “So, when did you come to this conclusion?” 

“Somewhere between getting almost eaten by a horde of zombies, and faking amnesia.” 

“Wow,” Buffy said. 

“Come on, Buff, you can’t really say you didn’t see this coming?” 

“I was just… I thought things would be different this time because I set clear expectations. I didn’t want to lead you on.” 

“You didn’t. You made yourself very clear, and I ignored you. I love you, Buffy. I’m in love with you. But I know you don’t love me. And I don’t want to wait around pretending I’m okay with that when I’m not. See, I had this silly idea that we’d date each other. And in my fantasy, I was the nerdy, yet cute underdog. And you were... Buffy. In the movies, girls like me always got the unattainable guy. Well, after the big makeover montage. But you know what I mean. You were my unattainable guy.” 

“But the unattainable guys were always jerks,” Buffy said with a pout. “Am I really a jerk? because if I was, I’m so—” 

“No! You’re amazing!” Satsu lowered her eyes for a moment. “And that’s the problem. You’re amazing, Buffy and I thought I could come in and be what you needed, and I can’t. Just like you’re not what I need. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of us to continue in a relationship with each other if we don’t feel the same way.” 

“Hence the faking of amnesia,” Buffy concluded. 

“Hence,” Satsu repeated. 

Buffy rested her head on the back of her chair. They were quiet for a long time. “So, you were going to continue faking it?” 

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead. It seemed to be working.” 

Buffy let out a short laugh. “Kind of. I may not always be quick on the uptake, but something seemed off.” 

“I’m sorry,” Satsu said sheepishly. 

“Don’t apologize. You’re right… I’m sorry if you feel like I wasted your time. Or if I used you.” 

Satsu shook her head. “No, not at all. I fell in love with a great girl. And for a few months, you were mine.” 

“Now, I feel like crap.” 

“Don’t. I don’t. Well, I kinda do. Break-ups suck.” 

“Tell me about it,” Buffy said. “But I have to say as far as breakups go, this has been above the bar. Not a sewer or a commando insight. So, yeah, I give it an A-minus.” 

Satsu laughed at Buffy’s attempt at levity. She was working hard to keep it together in front of her. Satsu couldn’t let Buffy see her cry. How embarrassing would that be? She was going for the cool ex-girlfriend angle. There was nothing worse than a clingy ex. 

“So…” Buffy said breaking the silence. 

“So, I guess this is it.” 

“I guess so…” Buffy’s brow creased in thought. “I’m guessing things are going to start getting really awkward.” 

Satsu laughed nervously. “I hope not. I’m going to stick around for a while. There have been some rumblings. Some of us Slayers have noticed things have been feeling off. The dreams…” 

“Dreams? You’ve been having dreams?” 

“Yeah, some. Once things blew over, I was going to ask you for a transfer to Tokyo.”

“You want a transfer?” Buffy asked in disbelief. 

“I think it would be best. You know…” 

Buffy looked down at her boots for a moment. “You’re right. I’ll see if I can get in touch with Kimiko.” 

“Thanks, Buffy.” Satsu reached down and squeezed Buffy’s hand. “I’ll see you later,” she said. 

Satsu was proud of herself. She made it all the way to her room before she broke down crying. It had been a while since she had a good cry. 

++++

No break-up was ever a good break-up. And Buffy was no stranger to them. She'd had her fair share of bad ones. They mostly involved her in smelly dank places getting her heart crushed. Buffy had to admit, Satsu’s dumping had been pretty classy (fake amnesia aside). Still, the icky post-break-up feeling was there. Buffy crammed another cookie into her mouth. 

“Switch!” Xander called out. He passed his book to Willow. Willow passed hers to Buffy, and Xander took Buffy’s book. “Whoa, Buff! With the chips ahoy.” 

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “Post-break-up snacking.” 

“Is that what we call it?” he asked, shaking an empty bag of cookies. 

Buffy snatched the bag out of his hand. “Hey! I’m phasing here. The cookie phase is a very intricate part of the moving on process.” 

“Followed by the Ben and Jerry phase,” Willow said, seriously. 

“Yep, can’t forget the Ben and Jerry phase. Some might argue it’s the most important phase.” 

Xander shook the crumbs out of his book. “Uh, huh. I too am familiar with the creamy deliciousness of the ice cream phase.” 

“Oh no! You and Logan—” 

“Are great. We’re still in the everything-each-other-does-is-cute phase. I was just reflecting on previous relationship woes. But seriously, how is the post-break-up buffster?” 

“She is doing well for all intent and purposes. As far as breakups go, Satsu is one classy lady.” 

“Awww, that’s nice,” Willow said. “I mean, as far as breaking up goes.” 

“I have to admit, the fake amnesia. Classic,” Xander said. 

Buffy and Willow exchanged a look and burst into laughter. “Right. Kind of like you and the hyenas.” 

“Hey! That was real,” Xander protested. 

Buffy grabbed another bag of cookies and glanced down at the jumble of words in her book. They’d been at it for over a week, but had barely made a dent in their research. Things always seemed to go faster with Giles around. Giles always seemed to know everything. 

“You guys have any luck?” Buffy asked. She'd read the same passage for the last 20 minutes. 

“Zip,” Willow said. “But I want you guys to know I haven’t done a single spell. I’ve been off the magic wagon since the attack.” 

“I know you have, Willow.” Buffy reached over and squeezed Willow’s hand. “The good thing is, there haven’t been any more attacks since Tokyo.” 

“Yeah, but I keep getting all these messages marked urgent from Andrew. Most of them are just his run of the mill nerd stuff, but a few of them have been of interest.” Willow opened her laptop. Buffy and Xander gathered closer so they could all read Andrew’s chatty missive. 

“Greetings, Red,” Willow began. She rolled her eyes at the nickname. Spike had given it to her years ago and Andrew had recently adopted it himself. “Things in L.A. have picked up since we last spoke. More Slayers have arrived. Is it me or are they getting younger and younger?” Willow glanced up at Buffy and shrugged. “We’re holding down the fort here since the last big attack. Rona’s taken to her leadership like a duck to water. I can’t say the same about our brooding vampire with a soul. He hasn’t been around much lately, and no one seems to know where he goes when he isn’t in Los Angeles. I’m keeping my eye on him. Anyway, have you heard about Faith? Rumor has it she’s gone rogue again. I can’t say I’m surprised. She was always a bad egg. Don’t tell her I said that. Blah, blah, blah,” Willow said. “The rest of it is just what he heard.” 

“So, it looks like our Faith did it,” Xander said thoughtfully. “What do you make of that bit about Angel?” 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. But it’s Andrew. I take whatever he says with a grain of salt. Angel’s… Angel.” 

“Right. Except when he makes with the big happy,” Xander reminded her. 

Buffy leveled a look his way. “Well, that’s not happening.” 

“Should we tell the others about Faith?” Willow asked. 

“No. Let them hear about it organically. We don’t want to blow Faith’s cover. If they think she’s gone rogue that reduces the chance of her getting caught,” Buffy said. 

“But what if a Slayer sees her and tries to…” Willow slashed a finger across her throat. 

“They wouldn’t. Besides, Faith can handle herself. She knew what she signed up for. We’re close to ending this thing with Simone,” Buffy said confidently.

“Yeah… but we have bigger things to worry about,” Willow said pensively. “The influx of Slayers. The attacks. I’m getting the feeling that these are all linked.” 

“Me too,” Buffy agreed. “I’ll see if I can get in contact with Angel. He might know something about it.”

++++

Buffy sat alone on the roof of the castle and watched the sun set over the shire. It was her favorite part of the day. Buffy liked how the sun seemed to melt into the lake, turning the sky purple and orange. She dangled her feet over the edge of the roof and thought about her mother. Happy Birthday, mom, Buffy thought. Things had been so hectic at the HQ, the day had almost slipped by without her acknowledging it. Although it had been years since Joyce’s passing, her loss still left a void in Buffy’s life. Before everything had gotten so out of control, she and Dawn used to do something special on her birthday. They’d watch Joyce's movies (the black and white kind with all the singing) and eat her favorite snacks. It felt good sharing those memories with Dawn. It made the loss feel… less painful. Things were different this year. With Dawn living in New York, the difference in time zones made it hard for them to connect. Buffy had texted her throughout the day until it got too late for Dawn to text back. 

Buffy closed her eyes and tried to picture her mother’s face. She would give anything to hear Joyce’s voice. She longed to rest her head on her shoulder and feel her mother’s hand stroking her hair. Buffy wished she could talk to her mother again. She wanted to talk to her about her new life. Joyce didn’t always understand what being a Slayer meant for Buffy, but in the end, she had tried. Buffy wanted to tell her about the HQ and everything that was happening around the world. She had kept so many secrets from Joyce while she was alive. Now, all she wanted to do was talk to her about everything. Buffy missed her naïve responses and the easy answers she had for everything. She wondered what her mom would say about the Slayers… and Spike. 

“Oh, didn’t know you’d be up here,” Spike said from behind her. 

Buffy let out a deep sigh. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t escape him. Buffy felt him everywhere, even when they worked to avoid each other. “Yeah, I needed some alone time.” Buffy brushed away the moisture in her eyes and turned around to face him. “What’s going on? Come to take a few digs at Buffy?” she sniped out of habit. 

That was the part she hated the most. Ever since the attack, they had been at odds with each other. All she wanted was her friend back. Over the past few months, they had managed to start building a friendship together. After the attack, things began to go left with them. There were times in the weeks since it happened that Buffy wanted to reach out to Spike. She had come to depend on his sarcastic logic or the way he could make her laugh. It took awhile for her to admit she had feelings for Spike, and now it seemed like he hated her.

“Don’t flatter yourself. Just came up for a—” Spike lifted a pack of cigarettes and paused when he saw her face. Spike took a step forward and tilted his head to get a better look at her. “Slayer - Buffy, are you alright?” 

“I’m fine.” Buffy swung her legs around. “I’ll go.” 

“No, you can stay. I can be alone with you here,” he said, echoing her words from years ago. They were both quiet as Spike lit up. He took a long drag of his cigarette and studied Buffy. “Really. What’s got you down?” 

“Today’s my mom’s birthday,” Buffy said softly.

Spike’s eyes widened for a moment in understanding. “Ah. I never knew that.” Spike took another drag of his cigarette and dropped it to the ground. “Joyce was… well, she always good to me,” Spike said. His lips tilted into a slight smile. 

“She liked you,” Buffy confirmed for him. “She trusted you.” 

“Yeah. Suspect you had a bit to do with that, yeah?” 

Buffy shrugged. “Maybe at first. But in the end, she knew you’d protect her and Dawn.” 

Spike dipped his head and smiled again. “She was plenty strong on her own. I’ll never forget the way she looked with that ax,” he said with a chuckle. 

“Oh boy, were you in trouble.” 

“I know! Thought I was about to get myself slayed by the Slayer’s mum.” 

Buffy laughed with him. The memory of her mother made her feel warm inside. “She would have, too. She was pretty tough.” 

“Yeah, she was. Passed that on to you and the bit.” 

“You think?” Buffy asked. She always thought she got her toughness from being a Slayer. 

“Shhh yeah. I’ve seen mums go all mama bear before, but Joyce was something else.” 

Buffy pressed her lips into a smile. She may not have had Dawn to share memories with, but sitting with Spike lifted her spirits. “Thanks, Spike,” Buffy said softly. “I needed this.” 

Spike stepped forward and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. “Glad I could help, Slayer.” 

Buffy covered his hand with hers and gave it a light squeeze. “You do and have.” She slid off the wall’s edge and planted her feet solidly on the roof. They stared at each other for a moment in silence. “Spike, I—,” Buffy hesitated. “What’s happening between us?” 

Spike lifted a brow. “What do you mean?” 

“You know what I mean. This thing that keeps happening with us. A few weeks ago, we were friends and now I don’t know what we are.” 

Spike sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know either.” 

Buffy was quiet for a moment. She wasn’t sure what to say to him. A part of her wanted to tell him how she was feeling. She wanted to tell him that she had finally figured it out. For years she'd denied her love for him because she was afraid of what everyone else would think. Buffy had thought if she allowed herself to love Spike it meant something was wrong with her. Buffy realized now that she was wrong. Spike had been capable of love back then. He loved her mother. He loved Dawn. And he had loved her. 

“I don’t want to fight you, Spike,” Buffy said finally. 

“And I don’t want to fight you,” he replied. 

Buffy eyes met his and held. “Then what are we doing?” 

Spike shrugged. “I don’t know.” 

“You know what they say. You always hurt the ones you love… Well, you know what I mean,” Buffy amended quickly. 

Spike sighed again. “Look, Slayer, I came to Scotland to help. I never expected anything from you. I didn’t come here lookin’ to start back up with you. Don’t think I could go through that again anyhow. I had hoped at the very least we could be friends. I thought that’s where we were headed and then…” 

“Then what?”

“Nothing,” he said shaking his head. “It’s nothing. I agree with you; I don’t want to fight. I like havin' you as a friend.” 

“Then can we please go back to that. I never thought I’d ever say this, but I miss having you around.” 

“Yeah? You missed me?” he asked with a grin. 

“Hey, don’t go telling anyone. It’s bad for our image,” Buffy teased. 

“Won’t say a word.” Spike crossed a finger over his heart. 

“I mean it, Spike, these past few weeks have been big with the sucking. There were so many times I wanted to talk to you,” she admitted. 

Spike lowered his head. “Well… I’m here now.” He kicked a pebble with the tip of his boot. 

There was so much she wanted to say, but she couldn’t. Buffy was so used to closing herself off and shutting down that it caused her to push people away. She had lost Riley and Spike because of it. Buffy smiled softly at Spike. “I kind of just want to sit right now. Will you sit with me?” 

Spike stepped forward. “Yeah, I can do that.” 

++++

Buffy was feeling much better now that she and Spike had called a truce. She still had some things to work through, but they were no longer at odds with each other. Buffy still hated to think of him with Cassia, but there was nothing she could do. She had missed her opportunity with Spike; it was time to move on. She and Spike were friends again. They resumed their meetings in her office and spoke often about Faith’s mission. He helped her with the day-to-day operations around the castle and gave her advice on the influx of Slayers. Neither of them talked about Cassia or Satsu. Buffy realized she had been angrier at herself than at Spike. She all but pushed him into Cassia’s bed. 

“Andrew is thinking about running ads on private servers or something like that,” she said to Spike. “He thinks it will help the new Slayers find us. It’s an idea but…” 

“He’s opening us up to other elements.” Spike rubbed the back of his head. “Namely the government.”

“Exactly.” 

“Can’t say I’d be too thrilled havin’ those tossers back in my life.” 

Buffy walked over to the window and looked outside. “It sounds like a good idea at first until you factor in that it takes the secret out of secret lair.” 

“We’ve got a lair?” Spike asked with a teasing smile. 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I do. Tell Andrew there are other ways we can find these girls. No need callin’ attention to ourselves.” 

“You’re right.” 

“But you already knew this.” 

Buffy crossed her arms. “I did. I wanted to hear it from someone else.” 

Spike nodded his head and his lips tilted in a slight smile. “How’s everything with you, pet?” he asked once they had taken care of business. 

Buffy returned to her seat on the sofa across from him. She knew that was his way of asking about the breakup, or rather, how she was handling it. “Good, all things considered.” 

They were quiet for a moment, each of them wondering how much they should say to each other. The truce was still fresh, and they were both walking on eggshells around each other. “How about you?” 

Spike hesitated for a moment. “I’m good, too. It’s just… Cassia,” he said after a pregnant pause. 

Buffy’s head jerked back. She wasn’t expecting to hear that from Spike. “Cassia? You’re not asking me about dating advice, are you? I’m not exactly a dating savant, being freshly single and all.” There! Now it was out in the open between them. 

“Right,” Spike said with a curt nod. “Heard ‘bout that. I’m sorry. Really thought you two birds would go all the way,” he said with a teasing smile. 

“Shut up.” Buffy threw her ink pen at him. 

“Alright, shutting,” he said sobering up. Spike stared at Buffy for a moment. “We’re still doing the friends thing, right?” 

“Last time I checked.” Buffy held her breath in anticipation. She'd opened this door, but she wasn’t prepared to actually listen to Spike gripe about his girlfriend.

Spike paused again. “You know what, 's alright, Slayer. You sure you’re okay?” 

"Better than expected,” Buffy said relieved.


	19. Running on Faith

More than a week had passed since Spike and Buffy called their truce. And while things were going well with Buffy, life with Cassia was growing tense. She was more volatile than he had first suspected, often acting on impulse. He recalled the time when she had thrown a book at him in the middle of an argument, catching him on the temple. While Cassia was at the forefront of his mind, Spike found himself thinking about Buffy, too. Since their truce, they had eased into their friendship again. Spike was grateful for that reprieve. Staying angry at Buffy exerted more energy than he wanted to give. Yes, she had chosen Satsu over him, but he realized that Buffy had no obligation to him. If he had to choose between Cassia and Buffy, he would choose Buffy. He’d always choose Buffy. The realization struck him like a swift blow to the gut. For months he had worked hard to exorcise her from his heart and mind, but he couldn’t. He was tethered to her in every way. It angered Spike at first, but he couldn’t ignore the truth. He was still in love with Buffy. 

“Did a fine job botchin’ things up,” Spike muttered to himself as he pounded on a speedbag. 

He was in love with one Slayer and dating another. How had he found himself in this mess again? Spike had thought he was being careful this time around. There’s still a chance I could salvage this mess, he thought glumly. Buffy didn’t know how he felt toward her, and she never had to know. And Cassia… What about her? If she found out he still had feelings for Buffy, he could only imagine what Cassia would do to him. _Maybe I deserve to end up on the pointy end of a stake._

Cassia had wanted him because he saved her. He had brought her into a strange new world, and he represented something she'd never experienced before. Cassia treated him like a symbol, the same way he had treated Buffy. And he had used Cassia because she offered him solace. Spike pounded on the bag again. 

“I’m pretty sure that bag did nothing to you,” Buffy said from the door of the training room. 

Spike paused his movements and turned toward her. “Just letting off a little steam.” 

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “Anything I can help with?” 

“’Fraid not, Slayer.” 

Buffy’s lips tilted into a sympathetic smile. “You need a good slay.” 

Spike paused his movements. “What did you say?” 

“You need a good slay,” Buffy repeated. 

“Oh, yeah, slay. I thought—never mind.” 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I’m in research mode. So, I’ll be in the library if you need me.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind," he muttered before hitting the bag again. 

++++

Spike's cell phone rang loudly. He checked the screen and sent it to voicemail. He was in the middle of a heated discussion with Cassia about Buffy. His phone buzzed again with a series of text messages from Buffy and the rest of the scoobies. A few moments later, his phone rang again, and Spike looked at Cassia helplessly. 

“Go ahead, take it,” she said tightly. 

Spike looked down at his phone. They needed Spike to meet them in Buffy’s office; it was urgent. He looked up at Cassia again. “I’ve got to go,” he said. 

Cassia rolled her eyes. “Go. Your friends need you.” 

Spike hesitated at the door for a moment. He wanted to say more to her, but he wasn’t overly eager to face Cassia’s rage. A half-century ago, hell, less than a decade ago he would have relished at the idea of fighting a Slayer. But he wasn’t that guy anymore. 

Spike made his way to Buffy’s office, curious to know what was so important that they needed to meet. He gave her door a brisk knock and waited for someone to let him in. A few seconds later the door opened to a crack, and Xander looked at him through the tiny space before letting him in. Spike’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw Giles and Faith standing near Buffy. 

“Rupert… Faith,” he greeted them in shock. 

“Spike,” Faith and Giles said in unison. 

Giles smiled tentatively at Spike. “Buffy tells me you’ve been rather helpful these past few months.” 

“Somethin’ like that, yeah,” Spike replied. He studied Faith for a moment, taking in the cuts and bruises on her face and arms. “You’re looking a little worse for wear,” he said, nodding at Faith. 

“I got made. It comes with lovely parting gifts,” Faith said nonchalantly. 

“Someone in Simone’s camp found out that Faith was feeding us information,” Buffy explained. “She barely made it out alive.” 

Spike looked between Faith and Giles. The former Watcher had a few bumps and bruises, but he looked relatively untouched. Faith had taken the brunt of the beating from one of Simone’s lackeys. Something ain’t right, he thought to himself. “But she made it out…” 

“Barely,” Faith interjected. “Glad Giles came along for the ride. Things got a little too real toward the end. They think I’m dead. But I managed to get the low down on Simone before my untimely departure.” 

“Yes, yes, Faith’s foray into espionage proved to be very informative,” Giles said. Spike heard the pride in Giles' voice. 

“We were waiting until you got here before debriefing,” Buffy explained. 

Spike nodded in thanks and took a seat in the far corner of the room. He wasn’t completely sold on the “Faith escaped story” yet. He needed to hear it first, so he could suss some things out. 

Faith looked at Giles nervously; he gave her a slight nod, urging her to go on. “It took a while to get in good with Simone. I had to prove myself,” she said and lowered her eyes to the floor. Spike could only imagine what kind of proving she had to do, but something told him it wasn’t a rousing game of beer pong. “Once they trusted me, she accepted me into her…gang.” 

“How many Slayers are there?” Buffy asked. 

“Hard to say. They were coming and going. She liked to keep a core group near her, but most of the time everyone pretty much did what they wanted. They were also heavy into recruiting. She’s building up an army of Slayers, and they’ve got guns. Lots of them.” 

Buffy shook her head. “Figures. What else can you tell me?” 

“She’s got a real hard-on for you, B. Target practice with your face on it kinda hate. She’s also working with some guy. I never met him, but he has to do with the sanctuary.” 

“The sSanctuary?” Buffy asked. 

“Yeah. They’re trying to recruit girls at the sanctuary, or at least that’s what her guy is telling her he’s working on.” 

“This bloke she’s chummy with,” Spike began. “Does he go by a name?”

“Yeah,” Faith said unable to hide her smirk. “He goes by Twilight.” 

Xander burst into a loud laugh. “Twilight?! As in sparkle vampires and—” 

“Yeah,” Faith snickered. 

“She’s working with a guy named Twilight. Oh, that’s rich. I’m sure Buffy is quaking in her size six boots,” Xander joked.

“Size fives,” Buffy corrected with a smirk. 

“Well, I would caution you all against not taking this Twilight character seriously,” Giles warned. “Name notwithstanding, he’s proven to be a formidable enemy. Tell them, Faith.” 

“A few months ago, Twilight took out some special ops forces. These guys were trained badasses, and they were no match for him.” 

“Riley?” Buffy asked worriedly. 

“I don’t think it was his unit. But you might want to check on that,” Faith said. “Anyway, Simone’s got somethin’ cookin’, B, and it ain’t lookin’ good.” 

Buffy sat down heavily behind her desk. Spike had gotten good at reading her expressions over the years. He knew she was thinking about gearing up for a fight with other Slayers, a possibility she’d been hoping to avoid ever since Simone had gone rogue. 

“I’ll contact Riley and see if I can get any information about this Twilight guy. Spike,” she said turning toward him. “You think you could get in contact with Angel and see what he knows?” 

“Yeah, I can do that,” he agreed. “But I’m curious to know why you’re standing here very much alive,” Spike said, nodding toward Faith. “If this Simone bint is as nutty as you all say she is, shouldn’t Faith be joining the long list of dearly departed.” 

“Spike, Faith—” Buffy began, coming to her defense. 

“No, it’s okay, B. I get it, and Spike’s right. I should be dead. I don’t know why I’m not.” 

“You barely escaped,” Giles interjected. 

“But she escaped,” Spike reiterated. 

“What are you trying to say?” Buffy said with a slight edge to her voice. 

Spike stood to his feet. “I’m sayin’ have we all forgotten the part that clearly says this is a trap. They didn’t let Faith go out of the goodness of their bleedin’ hearts.” 

“Spike has a point,” Xander said. 

Buffy was quiet for a long time. “Well, I don’t care why she’s here. I’m just glad she’s back.” The two Slayers exchanged a meaningful look. “And now that I know where Simone is, I can cut off our enemy by the head.” 

“Assuming she hasn’t moved,” Willow joined the conversation. 

“If she thinks Faith is dead, then there’s no reason for her to move,” Buffy said. 

“Unless they know she isn’t dead and she’d come right back here to give you the full report… because, you know, trap and all,” Spike said. 

“It could be a trap,” Buffy said slowly. “But this could also be an opportunity to stop Simone from—” 

“Waging a war,” Faith interjected. 

“Buffy, perhaps you should consider what Spike has said. He has raised some valid concerns,” Giles said. “Dear Lord, did I just agree with Spike?” 

Spike exchanged a surprised look with Giles. He was one for one with the Scoobies. “I don’t want you getting’ hurt, pet. Or worse,” he said earnestly. 

“I won’t. If I leave now, she’ll never see me coming.” 

“That might be true, Buffy,” Giles said. “But she has a small army of Slayers that have been brainwashed into hating you.” 

“I know Simone. She can’t pass up an opportunity to take me one on one. She doesn’t care about the other Slayers. She wants me dead, and she wants to take my place. I’m not going to let her.” 

“That’s all well and good, but you don’t have a plan,” Giles said. 

“I have a plan. Find Simone and stop her.” 

“And by stop you mean…” Xander hedged. 

“I mean, stop her. We can figure the rest out as we go.” 

“Buffy, consider the—” Giles began. 

“I’ve already made up my mind. I’m going. Faith says she’s in Italy. I can be there by tomorrow.” 

“You’re really doin’ this?” Spike asked, his eyes bore into hers. Buffy gave a slow nod of her head. “Then I’ll go, too.” 

“Spike, I—” 

“I wasn’t askin’. You want to go off half-cocked, then I’m coming with you.” They stared at each other for several long minutes. Spike wasn’t backing down. There was no way he was going to allow Buffy to go off on her own to fight some deranged Slayer with a vendetta against her. 

“Fine. Be ready by tonight. We’ll travel undercover and keep a low profile.” 

Xander raised his hand. “Question. How do you suppose you’ll find her once you get to Italy?” 

“She’s holed up near Milan,” Faith sSupplied. “They travel between the mainland and a small island… I don’t know about this, B. Maybe I should come too.” 

Buffy shook her head. “No. You stay here. The girls are going to need someone to look to. Besides, you need to recover. I’m won’t be alone. I have Spike.” 

“Right,” Spike said. He still didn’t like the idea of charging off without a plan, but he knew Buffy. Once she made up her mind about something, it was hard to change it. She wanted to face off with Simone on her own, and she wasn’t going to stop and think about the consequences. Spike was sure Buffy could take Simone, but he couldn’t risk losing her… not again. 

“Buffy, if I may…” Giles tried again. 

“I know Giles. I’ll be careful.” 

“Well, see if you can get in contact with Riley first,” he said. 

“And I’ll try Angel,” Spike promised. 

++++

Cassia sat cross-legged on Spike’s bed and watched him pack a light bag for his trip with Buffy. _His trip with Buffy_ , Cassia thought angrily. She had hoped that with Satsu’s return to the living, Buffy would be out of the picture. Instead, Spike and Buffy were back friends again, and he was following her to Italy.

“Do you have to go?” she whined. 

Spike paused his movements and sighed. “Yeah, I kinda do, love.” Spike resumed his packing, which consisted of all black t-shirts and jeans. He was consistent. 

“Maybe I can I go with you,” Cassia suggested. 

Spike shook his head. “Not this time,” he said while choosing between two identical black t-shirts. “It’s more of a two people mission.” 

Cassia rolled her eyes. She didn’t believe him. Spike was going with Buffy because he wanted to be with her. Worry coiled low in the pit of her stomach. All her biggest fears about Spike and Buffy were manifesting before her very eyes. Cassia wasn’t blind;, she'd sensed their chemistry since Brazil. She'd tried her best to show him that she valued him for the man he was and not the demon he used to be. Cassia had created a story in her mind; the two of them would leave Scotland and fight demons together like a team. Now, it was all going to be taken away from her. 

“You’re going away so you can fuck her,” Cassia blurted. 

Spike whipped around. If Cassia hadn't been so angry with him, she would have found the comical expression on his face hilarious. He looked so damn scandalized. 

“What?!” 

Cassia lowered her eyes, unable to look at him after what she'd said. “You don’t have to go with her,” Cassia amended, switching tactics. “You can stay here with me, be with me.” Cassia grabbed his arm and rubbed her hand up and down his cool skin. 

Spike sat down on the bed beside her. “Talk to me, Cass.” 

This was an opportunity to tell Spike how she felt about him and their relationship. Cassia struggled to find the words to say. This was her first real relationship with someone she cared about. Cassia wasn’t accustomed to talking about her feelings with anyone. All she'd had was herself for so long. Spike was the first person she had put her trust in since she was a child. 

“I don’t want you to go with her.” 

“So, this is about Buffy,” Spike said tightly. “Look, pet… Buffy and I have had a long and complicated… relationship. I don’t expect you to understand it. Hell, I don’t understand it myself most of the time. But Buffy’s my friend.” 

“Then stop being her friend.” 

Spike was speechless for a moment; a confused look crossed his face. “You want me to stop being friends with Buffy?" Spike asked, as if he was trying to understand her request. “I can’t do that.” 

Cassia stood up to put some distance between them. “Why? 

“Because…I can’t,” he said resigned. 

“You’re a fool,” Cassia said with venom in her voice. “If you leave with her then we’re…” Cassia didn’t finish her thought, but her meaning was clear. 

“Cass.” Spike stepped forward with his bag in one hand and placed the other on her arm. “I’m going on a mission with Buffy. That’s all it is. I’ll see you when I get back. And then I think we should have a chat.” He squeezed her arm and planted a kiss on her temple. 

Cassia watched silently as Spike left her standing in the room alone. 

++++

Conflicted, Spike paused outside his room for a moment. He had known it was only a matter of time before things with Cassia came to a head. He still needed to have an honest discussion with her when he got back from Italy. If he got back from Italy with Buffy. He had a feeling that things weren’t going to be as simple as Buffy made it out to be. Spike headed toward Buffy’s office. He would have to worry about Cassia when he got back. For the moment, his focus needed to be on having Buffy’s back. Spike checked his phone again;, still no response from Angel. The tosser kept sending him straight to voicemail. Angel should have gotten over Spike’s move to Scotland by now; he’d been there for months. Sod probably doesn’t know anything anyway, Spike thought to himself. 

If he had his druthers, they’d wait awhile and formulate a better plan. But he knew Buffy would leave with or without him, and he didn’t want her facing Simone alone. The crazy bint didn’t sound like the talking type. Cassia was right -, he didn’t have to go to Italy with Buffy. He wanted to go to Italy with her, so he could protect her. 

“I’ve secured the flight for us,” Buffy said once she and Spike were alone. “It’s private, and we’ll be landing after dark in London. From there we’ll take the train to Italy.” Spike lifted a brow in question.“I’m sure Simone will be watching the stations,” Buffy explained. “We still have the element of surprise. I want to keep it that way.” 

“Did you get a chance to speak to Riley?” 

“He’s fine. He said he’ll have eyes on us in Milan. What about Angel? 

“Won’t answer his soddin’ phone.” 

Buffy was quiet for a moment. “It doesn’t matter.” 

Spike placed a hand on her shoulder. “I got you, Slayer. Element of surprise.” 

Buffy’s lips curved into a tense smile. “Ready to do this?” 

“I’m ready,” Spike said firmly.


	20. I Wanna Fuckin' Tear You Apart

Buffy stared out of the window. Her expression was pensive as the overnight train traveled from London to Paris. They were going to layover in Paris until nightfall and then travel to Milan. Buffy knew everyone was against her going after Simone without a plan, but she had waited months for this opportunity. She was afraid Simone would slip through her fingers again if they waited any longer to strike. Buffy had hoped to draw Simone out so she could finally end this. Without their leader, the rogues would fall apart. 

“Everything alright, pet?” Spike asked. He sat across from her in their private car. He was wearing a grey hoodie to shield him from the late afternoon sun. 

Buffy tore her eyes away from the lush green scenery outside her window. “Just thinking,” Buffy answered him quietly. 

“Tell me more about her. Think I ought to know who I’m up against," he said, speaking of Simone. 

Buffy leaned her head against her seat and closed her eyes. “Where do I begin?” she said around a shaky laugh. 

“We’ve got a bit of journey ahead of us. I’m all ears,” he prodded gently. 

“Simone is…dangerous,” Buffy began. “I knew she was trouble from the moment Andrew found her and brought her to Scotland. She didn’t follow orders and she...” Buffy shook her head. “She didn’t get along with many of the other Slayers. They complained about her on missions. She never had her team members backs, and she constantly questioned my decisions.” 

“Sounds like the chit was a big problem. You did right lettin’ her go.” 

“Maybe, but now she’s recruiting other Slayers. Slayers with guns.” Buffy looked out of the window again and sighed. “Sometimes I wonder about that spell…” 

Spike’s brow knitted together. “What do you mean?” 

“I thought it was the right thing to do. I wasn’t going to beat The First, and the world…” Buffy sucked in a sharp breath. “Sometimes I think I made things worse.” 

Spike reached over and took Buffy’s hand in his. “Or better,” Spike assured her. “The world is better now that there are more of you.” 

“Sure about that?" She recalled what he'd said to her out of anger. Had she marched an army of girls to an early grave? "There are hundreds of Slayers, but at what cost? Magic has a way of coming back to bite us in the ass. We’ve seen it happen with Willow’s spells before.” Buffy’s eyes darted away from his. “There are other Simone’s out there,” Buffy said after a long pause. “She’s building an army of them. I didn’t think about that when I asked Willow to do that spell. These girls…they shouldn’t be Slayers.” 

“Your back was against the wall, Buffy. The way I see it, you scarcely had a choice in the matter. You died to save the world twice. I think a break's in order.” 

“Maybe… except I created other monsters.”

“We’ll find Simone. Then we’ll figure out the rest. Can’t keep beatin’ yourself up about the past, Slayer. It’s time to move forward.” 

Buffy held Spike's gaze and sighed again. She wanted him to be right about this, but Buffy wasn't so sure anymore. 

++++

They were being watched. The atmosphere felt heavy and ominous from the moment she and Spike arrived in Milan. It was only a matter of time before Simone or one of her cronies attacked. Spike directed them toward the sketchier part of town, away from the tourist traps. They agreed to begin their search on the mainland before traveling to the island. She had hoped to confront Simone off the island, where she had a better chance of a fair fight. Buffy could take on one Slayer, but she couldn’t face a small army of them no matter how untrained they were. 

“We should split up,” she said to Spike as they turned down a quiet street. 

Spike looked up at the row of abandoned warehouses on either side of them. The shelled-out buildings loomed over them darkly. They continued walking further into the old industrial district, huddled close together. “Not a chance. We’re in this together, remember?” 

Buffy’s lips curved into a tight smile. She looked down the street and squinted into the darkness. “Maybe we should call it a night.” 

“Whatever you want, Slayer. Lead the way.” 

Buffy paused outside the entrance of a boarded-up building. Frustrated, she flailed her arms at her sides. “We’ve been at this for hours. And—"

Buffy stopped speaking suddenly and caught a small arrow from piercing her chest. She glanced at Spike and braced herself while he stepped in front of her, shielding Buffy with his body. 

“Awww, isn’t that cute,” a voice said from the darkness above. “Your boy toy is trying to save you. I guess chivalry isn't dead after all.” 

Buffy snapped the arrow in her hands and dropped it to the ground with a soft clatter. “Come out, Simone,” Buffy said tightly. 

“And give up the high ground? Fat chance, blondie. See, I learned something from you after all,” she said with sharp laughter. 

Another arrow sliced through the air toward Spike. This time the vampire swatted it out of the way like a fly. “Then why don’t you come out and face her like a big girl,” Spike taunted. “’S what you want, right? To best the Slayer?” 

“I am the Slayer,” Simone said snidely. “Buffy is ancient history.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Buffy’s voice sounded bored. “The old jokes get…well, old. Try harder, Simone. You’re good at that…trying but not quite hitting the mark.” 

“Fuck you!” Simone yelled down at them before disappearing into the building. 

“There could be more of them inside,” Buffy said to Spike. 

“There aren't. I’d smell them.” 

Spike inclined his head towards the door and motioned for Buffy to stay behind him. They both kept their guard up as they quietly searched the first floor for a way to the upper level. There was a flight of rotting stairs tucked away in a corner, but it looked unstable. Spike tested it first, placing his foot on the bottom step. When he was sure they were sturdy enough to hold their weight, they climbed them together. 

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Buffy called out into the darkness, changing tactics. “There’s still a chance for us to—” 

“Kiss and make up?!” Simone said from somewhere in the shadows. “Not a chance. Listen to yourself. Queen Buffy, always with the answers. Well, riddle me this, Batman, if you were coming here to make peace, why bring the muscle?” 

“Spike’s a friend.” 

“Spike’s a vampire who wouldn’t hesitate to bury his fangs in my throat.” 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he scoffed. 

Buffy placed a hand on his chest to quiet him. “That’s not true, and if you come back to Scotland with us, you can see for yourself.” 

“Come back to Scotland? Is that code for lock me up and throw away the key? Listen, Buff, we’re way past calling a truce. You didn’t come here to rescue me. You came here to kill me,” Simone said, stepping out of the shadows. She aimed her handgun in Buffy’s face. “Well, here I am.” 

“I didn’t come here to kill you, Simone. Slayers don’t kill people.” 

Simone laughed. “Oh, yeah, is that what you tell yourself at night? We get people killed all the time. And you wanna know something? So fucking what. We’re the chosen ones. Everyone else is just collateral damage. Maybe if you took the stick out of your ass, you’d have a little fun.” 

“Hurting people isn’t fun,” Buffy tried to reason with her. 

Simone rolled her eyes. “ _Hurting people isn't fun_ ," she mimicked in a whiny voice. "Look, I didn’t want to fight you, Buffster. Truth is I’ve got nothing against you, really. You’re just outdated is all, and I outgrew you. Things were all good on my end. Five by five, that’s what Faith used to say… before I killed her. Oh, yeah, don’t think I didn’t know. Like I said, that stunt you tried to pull with Faith just proves how outdated you are. The way I see it, there are two kinds of people in this world. The ones who fear us so much, they hope someone kills us all, and the ones so stupid, they want to be the ones who try. I don’t much care for either.”

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and pretended the gun in her face was of little consequence. “Is that what Twilight has been feeding you? Is he the one who helped you take over an island?” 

Simone’s eyes grew wide for a moment, before returning to her usual smirk. “I’m powerful. Isn’t that what powerful leaders do? Annex things?”

“Sure, if you’re a tyrant.” 

“Tsk, tsk, I thought you wanted to be civilized. Move a muscle, and I’ll blow her fucking brains out,” Simone said suddenly to Spike, who was inching closer to her. “You’re fast, but you’re not that fast," she warned. "Now, where was I?” 

“Something about you being powerful,” Buffy deadpanned, stalling. They always liked to monologue for some reason. 

“Right. They—you wanted us to live by the rules. But we make our own rules.” 

“You’re killing innocent people.” 

“We’re fighting a war. There are no innocent people. And with the seed, Twilight and I are going to make the world brand new.” 

“What did you say?” Buffy asked, careful of making any sudden movements. This was the part she was hoping Simone would get to after droning on for ten minutes. 

Simone bared her teeth into a wide smile. “You didn’t think sharing this power meant you got to keep it, right? You didn’t think there wasn’t gonna be someone smart enough to figure out what we could really do as Slayers.” 

“A killer isn’t a Slayer. Being a Slayer isn’t something you can conceive of,” Buffy said between clenched teeth. 

“And being a Slayer is something completely wasted on you,” Simone said, tossing her gun aside.

“It’s about damn time. Thought you were aimin’ to talk us to death,” Spike snarked. 

“I thought I’d make this quick. But I think I’ll enjoy this so much more,” Simone said lunging at Buffy, knocking her back with a powerful punch. 

Spike raised his fist to strike her. Simone barked out a strange laugh and held out her palm toward Spike. A blast of light shot through her arm and out her palm, sending Spike flying against the wall. “Borrowed power, but it feels so good.” 

Buffy wiped a trickle of blood from the corner of her lips. “How?” 

“You’re not the only one with super-powered friends. Compliments of Twilight.” 

“Borrowed power doesn't come free. Seems like you traded one taskmaster for another,” Buffy spat. 

“Shut up,” Simone said, striking Buffy again. “You don’t know shit about Twilight.” 

“Then enlighten me,” Buffy said hitting her back. 

Simone kicked Buffy, connecting the blow with the side of her rib cage. “I’m not like your Slayers, Buffster. I’m not stupid.” 

“Could have fooled me,” Buffy said.

Buffy used her forearm to smack Simone across her face, sending her reeling. Before the other Slayer could recover, she kicked her in the chest. Simone staggered backward and fell through a stack of old wooden crates. Spike leaped to his feet and Simone slammed him against the wall again with her power. 

“Stay down, puppy,” she said, her words knocking him unconscious.

“Spike!” Buffy yelled. 

“Don’t worry. He’s just taking a little nap. Now it’s just you and me, blondie. No lapdog to come to your rescue.” 

Ignoring her, Buffy launched another series of attacks on Simone. The Slayer caught Buffy’s punch and twisted her arm sharply behind her back, causing Buffy to cry out in pain. Simone pulled Buffy close to her and dragged her rough pink tongue against her cheek. “I wanna fuckin’ tear you apart,” she whispered in Buffy’s ear. 

Buffy used a momentary burst of energy to flip Simone down on her back. “Here’s your chance. But you’re kinda wasting it,” Buffy said, her tone glib. 

“Nah, I like having a little fun.” Simone kicked Buffy in the chest, sending her staggering back. Spike groaned from the corner of the room, momentarily distracting Buffy. Relief spread through her, and she turned in time to see Simone leap through the air. She grabbed a series of low hanging chains from the ceiling. With a manic laugh, Simone used her body weight and swung her legs out, connecting her feet with Buffy’s chest. She watched with glee as Buffy crashed through one of the windows and fell to the ground below. Simone ran toward the window and looked down to see Buffy’s body twisted and bleeding on the street. 

The fall felt like forever, but it only lasted a few seconds. Buffy landed on the ground with a hard thud. She moaned as sharp pains shot through every inch of her body. Buffy felt a searing heat on her abdomen and cried out softly when she tried to move. It took her a few moments to recognize the jagged piece of glass jutting through her clothes. 

Inside, Spike had recovered from Simone’s spell and crept up behind her. “Move, and I will kill you,” he said from behind Simone. He placed the barrel of Simone's gun against the back of her head and pulled back the safety. 

“Sorry, lover-boy. Not this time,” Simone said, and connected her elbow with his face before running off. 

Spike growled in pain. Forgetting about Simone, he staggered toward the window and looked down below. “Buffy!” he yelled down to her, but she didn’t move. 

Panicked, Spike leaped down to the street below and rushed to Buffy’s side. He watched in horror as she wrapped her hand around the shard of glass and pulled it from her abdomen. “Buffy, no!” Spike cried out, but it was too late. Dark blood spread across her stomach. 

“Spike…” Buffy’s voice was faint. She looked up at him, her vision blurry. Buffy tried to reach for him, but her arms felt like lead. She looked down at the blood spreading rapidly across her shirt and moaned. This was bad, she thought vaguely to herself as she stared up into the inky sky. She looked up at the stars. They were so huge, like fat, shiny balloons. Buffy pulled in a shallow breath. She needed to focus, breathe, stay alive. She concentrated on Spike’s stricken face.

“Spike,” she repeated. “I…” Buffy’s eyes fluttered. Her head felt so heavy, and her brain was too big. There was something she needed to tell him. It was important. She had to tell him before it was too late. 

“Shhhh, Slayer.” Spike carefully applied pressure to her wound. There was so much blood. “Try not to move,” his voice cracked with emotion.

Buffy shook her head. No, she had to tell him. She needed to tell him. “Spike,” Buffy tried again. “I love you,” she forced out. 

Spike’s eyes rounded in surprise, he stared down at her in disbelief. “I know you do,” he said quietly. 

No, no, no. He didn’t understand. She really loved him. Tears of frustration squeezed out the corner of Buffy’s eyes. She was going to die out here, and he didn’t believe her again. He had to believe her. “No, you don’t…you don’t understand,” she panted. “I love you, Spike. You have to…you have to know.” Her eyelids were heavy again and Buffy struggled to keep them open. She wanted to look at him. If she looked at him, everything would be alright. 

Spike let out a frustrated howl and gathered Buffy into his arms. “Shhh, don’t talk, pet.” Spike squeezed his eyes shut and held her close. “Buffy, hold on. Hold on, sweetheart. Oh God, I can’t lose you again,” he whispered. 

_Buffy closed her eyes, unable to keep herself awake. She was so tired. So tired._

_Buffy, hold on. Hold on, sweetheart. Oh God, I can’t lose you again…_

_Hold on, Sweetheart. Oh God, I can’t lose you again…_

_Oh God, I can’t lose you again…_

_I can’t lose you…_

++++

Buffy's eyes snapped open, and she sat up with a sudden start. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest as she looked around the empty hospital room. _How did I get here?_ Buffy struggled to remember what had happened to her. 

“Hello?” Buffy called out. 

Her voice echoed in the empty room. She sat quietly for a moment and listened for familiar hospital sounds. She heard nothing. Curiously, Buffy slid out of bed and planted her bare feet on the cool linoleum floor. Buffy walked over to the door and peered through the window. The hallway was empty, too. Buffy placed a tentative hand on the doorknob and stepped into the brightly lit hall. 

“Hello!” Buffy repeated as she walked toward the sign marked exit. "Kind of need some assistance here." She looked down at her hospital gown. "And clothes. Anyone?" 

Her voice bounced off the walls, creating an eerie echo. _Where is everyone?_ Buffy thought as she stopped in front of another empty hospital bed. Surely, she couldn't be the only patient. Buffy stopped in front of the door marked exit and pressed her ear to the cool surface. She thought she heard the faint sound of music on the other side. 

_Since when did they start playing live music in the hospital?_ Buffy thought, confused. She pushed the door open and walked into the Bronze. A band was playing that night, and the club was at near-capacity. Buffy walked farther inside and watched as people swayed to the music. 

"I've got beer!" A guy she didn't recognize said to her. 

Buffy looked around, surprised. "Thanks, but I--" she began right before he passed through her. "Wha, whoa!" Buffy exclaimed in surprise. She swiveled around and watched as the guy made his way to a table of his friends. 

“Okay. So, I'm ghost-Buffy," she said once she recovered from the shock of someone walking through her. Buffy moved toward the table and waved her hand in front of the guys face. 

“Hi, can you see me? Or are you doing a really good job of ignoring me?” Buffy asked. 

He kept talking as if Buffy wasn't there. Buffy looked around again and noticed a blonde girl sitting alone at a table in a dimly lit corner. It was her! Buffy watched herself for a moment. 

"Wow. My hair hasn't looked that good in ages," she said, looking down at the tips of split ends. 

Buffy inched toward the table, and stopped short when Spike took the empty chair beside her. He wasn’t wearing his usual long duster; instead, Spike had opted for a brown leather bomber. He looked almost… normal. She remembered that night! This was right after Glory had attacked them. Buffy strained her ears to hear bits of the conversation. 

"Just... I mean... we took on that Glory chippie together. I was right there with you, fighting the fight..." Spike said, pleading his case to her. 

"Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious." 

Buffy winced at her harsh words. _I wasn't that big of a bitca, was I?_

"Still. Points for intent. You'd think that'd be enough to cut me a sliver of slack. Earn me a little consideration, respect." [S5: Crush]

Buffy waited with bated breath to hear her response to Spike. 

“You could have cut him some slack,” younger, cuter Buffy said, acknowledging her presence. 

Buffy froze and looked around. She couldn’t have been speaking to her. Five minutes ago, she was right in the middle of a rousing performance as Casper the friendly ghost. “You can see me?” 

“Yep, and I gotta tell ya, the hospital look does nothing for our complexion.”

“Gee, thanks,” Buffy said.

The other, better-coiffed Buffy stood up and leaned over a now frozen Spike. "He had a point, you know."

“He was also evil,” Buffy protested. 

“Was he, though? Most evil things don't stick their necks out to do the Slayer a solid. Oh, and points for the alliteration. I learned that in 16th-century poetry.” Cute-Buffy beamed with pride. 

_Check me out, I was all studious and stuff,_ Buffy thought to herself. Buffy walked over to Spike and studied his frozen features. There was something in his eyes she hadn't seen before; something akin to…hurt. 

“Would it have killed us to have one beer with him?” cute Buffy asked. 

Buffy shifted guiltily on her feet. “No,” she muttered. 

“Then why didn't we? We liked him.”

That was a true statement. Buffy had started liking Spike during that time. “Because I was ashamed. Because I liked him, and I didn't want to. Because he didn't have a soul.” 

“Oh, so you thought he needed a soul to be good,” other-Buffy said. 

“Didn't he?”

“You tell me. Did he have a soul all the countless times he looked after Dawnie and mom?” 

“No.” 

"But we trusted him with them. And I know what you’re thinking—he had a chip. A chip is not a soul. Anyway, did he have a soul all the times he fought side-by-side with us? Did he have a soul back when we beat Alfranken?” 

“No,” Buffy admitted with a pout. Was she really being lectured by her past self? 

“So, he didn’t have a soul, but he was…good. Plenty of people supposedly have souls, like Ted Bundy for example. And look how well that turned out for him. My point is, souls are great. They're important because they augment the good we already possess. Like Spike’s soul amplified what he already had inside of him. We just chose to ignore it because, well, we were kind of a bitch.” 

“Ouch,” Buffy said. 

“It’s true. Look, we had the hots for a guy who was also a homicidal god who wanted to end the world.” 

“In our defense, it wasn’t the hots. It was more like a warm tingle. And we didn’t know Ben was Glory.”

“Ben’s Glory?” Cute-Buffy said with a confused look on her face. “Kidding,” she said around a laugh. “Still, we would rather date a guy whose alter ego was trying to kill us than have a drink with a guy who'd stuck his neck out for us more times than we could count.”

Buffy looked down at her bare feet. Ugh, why did she have to be so incredibly right? 

“I know. Hard pill to swallow.” Cute-Buffy paused for a moment and placed her hand on Spike’s shoulder. 

“Okay, so what if we had that drink with him? Would it have changed anything?” Buffy asked. 

Cute-Buffy tilted her head to the side. “Good question. Let’s play a game called 'sliver of slack',” she said, sitting down in her chair again. 

The Bronze became alive again with the sounds of ambient chatter and music. Buffy watched as her former self studied Spike caustically before her features softened. 

“Fine. Stay. But—” cute-Buffy cautioned, “only for one drink.” 

Spike nodded his head and settled back in his chair. A few moments later Xander and Anya approached the table, and cute Buffy shook her head. Xander looked confused for a moment and guided Anya over to the bar, giving Buffy and Spike some privacy. 

“So, other than this whole Glory thing, how’s it going? School for instance?” he asked, fishing for something to talk about. 

Cute-Buffy rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair. “Great, actually. I really like my history class, surprisingly.” 

Spike nodded his head and took a sip of his beer before replying, “Hey, that’s great, Buf—Slayer. I’m quite the history buff myself, on account of having been around for a century. So, if you have any questions, my crypt is always open.” 

Cute-Buffy’s lips tilted into a small smile. “Are you offering to tutor me, Spike?” 

He shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

Buffy stood off to the side and continued to watch the scene unfold. She hadn’t noticed how vulnerable Spike was back then, because she hadn’t wanted to see him. He was trying. He'd even changed his appearance to impress her. Buffy listened to the conversation between her former self and Spike. She was smiling and getting along with him. Buffy blinked her eyes and the scene changed again. This time she and Spike were fighting side by side, working together as a team. Buffy watched the friendship between them grow. Spike was so achingly tender that Buffy found herself wishing she could go back and change things. _How could I have been so wrong about him?_ she thought sadly as she watched that version of herself with Spike. 

Buffy watched as Spike endured being tortured for her. This time there was no need for him to pay Warren for his creepy Buffybot because he had her respect and… love. Buffy blinked back tears as Glory punished him for refusing to give Dawnie up. She longed to wrap her arms around him and comfort him, but she didn’t have to. The other Buffy did it for her, caring for him as he regained his strength. When Spike’s bruises began to fade away, Buffy watched as they made love to each other under the dim lights of his crypt. 

“Buffy,” Spike called her name softly and kissed her bare shoulders. “It’s time to wake up, love.” Spike looked up from the woman in his bed and turned toward her. Their eyes met and held. “Wake up, Buffy,” he said directly to her. “Wake up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for patiently waiting while I brought Spike and Buffy together. More solid Spuffy to come! 
> 
> Thank you Twinkles for knocking out 3 chapters for me! 
> 
> I've included dialogue from Buffy S8 #23 Predators and Prey and Buffy S5 #14 Crush. 
> 
> "Look, I didn’t want to fight you, Buffster. Truth is I’ve got nothing against you, really. You’re just outdated is all, and I outgrew you. [S8: #23]
> 
> The ones who fear us so much, they hope someone kills us all, and the ones so stupid, they want to be the ones who try. I don’t much care for either.” [S8 #23]
> 
> “I’m powerful. Isn’t that what powerful leaders do? Annex things?” [S8: #23]
> 
> “Right. They—you wanted us to live by the rules. But we make our own rules.” [S8: #23]
> 
> “We’re fighting a war. There are no innocent people." [S8:23
> 
> Crush S5 #14  
> "Just... I mean... we took on that Glory chippie together. I was right there with you, fighting the fight..." Spike said, pleading his case to her. [S5: Crush]
> 
> "Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious." [S5: Crush]
> 
> "Still. Points for intent. You'd think that'd be enough to cut me a sliver of slack. Earn me a little consideration, respect." [S5: Crush]


	21. Love Dares You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Twinkles for her awesome Beta work. 
> 
> Sorry for the long delay everyone. Between work and getting into a car accident, life has been coming at me fast.

Spike never cared for hospitals. He hated the smell of death and decay lurking around every corner. The ominous feeling of death hung heavily in Buffy’s hospital room as she lay hooked up to different monitors. Spike sat close to her bedside and watched Buffy as she slept. Wake up, Buffy. Wake up, he repeated to himself over and over like a mantra. Spike recalled with horror how Buffy had pulled the shard of glass from her wound, speeding up the loss of blood from her body. He’d tried to stop her, but he’d been too late. He could still smell the metallic scent of blood as she bled out on the pavement. There had been so much blood. Spike wasn’t sure how long he had sat there with her before he had the wherewithal to dial an ambulance. 

“Just get a soddin ambulance here!” he’d yelled in English to the operator. 

Years seemed to have passed before they finally arrived to take Buffy away. Now he sat in the hospital with her afraid that she wouldn’t wake up, afraid that Simone would show up to try and finish the job. Afraid that she would die without her knowing how he felt about her. 

“Over my dead body,” Spike growled low.

He couldn’t lose Buffy again. Especially not after what she’d said to him. Spike still wasn’t sure what to think about Buffy’s admission of love. She had said those words to him under duress before, and he hadn’t believed her. But this felt different. Spike didn’t know if Buffy said them because she was dying or if they were real. But by God, he needed to know. It would be just his rotten luck to lose her now. 

Spike took her limp hand in his and squeezed it. The loss of blood made her appear so pale and weak. He hated how small she looked lying in her hospital bed. She didn’t look like Buffy Summers, the Slayer. Spike read the alias on her wrist band. She looked like someone else. He rested his forehead on her hand and closed his eyes. 

“Hello, doctor.” Spike heard someone say in Italian outside Buffy’s door. 

Spike’s eyes snapped open and he sat up on high alert. He listened intently as the nurse discussed Buffy’s condition with the resident doctor. Not Simone, he thought relieved. He was ready to fight her and whatever army he had to if he needed to. He’d die protecting his Slayer. But if you could wake up, love, that would be great. 

“Spike,” Buffy croaked a few minutes later, as if he’d willed her conscious. 

“Buffy!” Spike squeezed her hand in his. 

“Where am I?” she asked, confused. 

“Shhh, don’t move. You took quite a spill, pet,” he spoke to her in a quiet soothing voice. 

Buffy winced and tried to shift her weight. “Simone?”

“She got away. But it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re okay.” 

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut. “It’s so bright in here. My head feels like someone dropped an anvil on it.” She squinted against the lights, and Spike reached for the remote by her side so he could dim them for her. 

“Do you remember what happened?” he asked gently. 

Buffy was quiet for a moment as she struggled to recall what happened to her. “Simone had a gun,” she said slowly. “She used magic to hurt you, and then she kicked me out of a window,” Buffy said weakly. 

“Yeah…it was touch and go there for a while,” Spike said guiltily. He couldn’t believe how useless he’d been while Buffy fought Simone. He had let her down. 

Buffy’s lips curved into a wan smile, and she curled her fingers around his hand. “You were right,” she said. “I shouldn’t have gone after her…not like this.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Spike assured her. “We just need to focus on getting out of here in one piece.” 

“Simone knows we’re here?” 

“Not yet, but the crazy bint doesn’t seem like the quitin’ type.” 

“You’re right,” Buffy said and tried to move again. She groaned in pain and laid back down. “I forgot how painful getting skewered can be.” She tried smiling through the pain. 

Spike laid his hand on top of the thin hospital sheets and waited for Buffy to give him permission to examine her. “Stitches are still in place,” he said looking down at the jagged wound on her abdomen. “Do you think you can stand?” 

Buffy nodded her head and tried again. “I need your help,” she forced out. 

Spike shook his head. It was no use; what she needed was more rest. Spike knew Slayers healed fast, but she had lost too much blood. And she had fallen from a window. “No, rest. I’ll keep watch for Simone.” 

“Call Riley,” Buffy said. “He said he had eyes on us.” 

“You really want to involve the government?” Spike’s brows knitted together in concern. 

“I really don’t want to carry you home in an urn,” Buffy tried to joke, making Spike smile weakly. 

Spike lowered his head and focused on a spot near his booted feet. Now was his opportunity to ask her. Slick dread coated the pit of his belly. Did he really want to know the answer? Buffy hadn’t mentioned telling him she loved him. What if she didn’t remember? What if she had lied to him again? Spike swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Buffy,” he began tentatively. “Before you… when you…” Spike shook his head. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so tongue-tied. But with Buffy, he always had to find his footing. She had a way of making him feel like a pimple-faced schoolboy talking to his crush. “You said you—” 

“I said, I love you,” Buffy finished for him. 

“Right.” Spike lowered his eyes again. “You don’t have to go worryin’ about me takin’ it the wrong way. You were… out of it.” 

Buffy was quiet for a moment. “I was out of it.” 

“Yeah,” Spike rushed to agree. 

“But I meant what I said,” Buffy continued. 

Spike looked up from the spot on the floor. Hope flowed through him even as he fought against it. He couldn’t allow himself to believe his ears. Buffy had made it clear on more than one occasion that she didn’t love him—couldn’t love him. Buffy reached for his hand and took it in hers again. 

“I did—I do,” Buffy said. “I love you, Spike. I know my timing sucks, but I needed you to know,” Buffy said earnestly. 

Spike pulled his hand away and stood up. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Buffy assured him. “I don’t expect anything from you. I know I screwed everything up with us.” 

“You don’t—” 

“But I do, I do have to say these things to you. I love you, Spike, but I don’t expect you to love me back. I haven’t given you a reason to. I never have. I used you. I wasn’t kind to you.” Buffy laughed mirthlessly. “You shouldn’t love me, and I don’t want to come between you and Cassia. I know you care for her a lot. And I’m happy you’ve found someone. I want you to be happy,” Buffy said. 

“Buffy…” Spike managed. 

He couldn’t believe his ears. She was saying all the right things, everything he had hoped she would ever say to him. He’d fantasized about this day too many times to count. Grant it, in all his fantasies Buffy wasn’t lying in a hospital bed, but the sentiments were the same. He ran an agitated hand through his hair. Buffy wasn’t lying about her timing. She waited until the absolute worst moment to tell him how she felt. Spike couldn’t decide if he was elated or pissed. He settled on being somewhere in between. 

“I don’t know…” he told her truthfully. 

“You don’t have to say anything, Spike. The love I feel for you doesn’t require anything in return.” She smiled sadly. 

Spike sighed heavily. “I need time to… think,” Spike said. “This is…I’ve moved on. Done with that part of my life. And you can’t expect me to…to…” Spike shook his head again. “I’m going to—” He pointed to the door. “Yeah.” Spike turned his back on Buffy and walked toward her room door with lead feet. Once he’d crossed the room, he stopped and paused at the door, squeezing his eyes together tightly. If he turned around, he’d be risking everything. Life’s all about risks, he thought. And Buffy was the type of woman that made him want to risk it all. Spike turned around quickly and reached the side of Buffy’s bed in two long strides. “I’ve thought about it and--,” he said, gathering her close. 

Spike lowered his lips to Buffy’s and kissed her softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity. Spike heard Buffy’s heart pounding in his ears. Her lips were soft and warm, and Spike found himself drowning in her. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him as desperately as he clung to her. He pulled back, dizzy and punch drunk from the kiss before returning his lips to hers. Tremors of pleasure shot up his spine as he felt her open for him, heart to heart, and soul to soul. When the kiss was over, Spike shivered and rested his forehead against hers. 

“I love you, too,” he said finally. 

Buffy sucked in a ragged breath and blinked away the tears in her eyes. “Oh, thank God,” she said breathlessly. “Or that would have been some rejection.” 

Spike smiled gently. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He ran his eyes over her face, pleased to see some of the color return to her cheeks. “I’d be a fool to let you slip away again. You’ve got me, Slayer, for as long as you’ll have me.” 

Buffy closed her eyes and returned his smile. “Is forever asking too much?” 

He shook his head. “S not nearly enough.” 

Buffy sighed and leaned back against her pillows. “I think I might have pulled some stitches.” Mirth reflected in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry, love.” 

Buffy smiled again. “I’m not,” she said, pulling him down for another kiss. 

++++

“I suppose urging you not to sign yourself out will fall on deaf ears,” Buffy’s doctor said to her. 

Buffy sat on the edge of her hospital bed and swung her legs casually. “Yep. Sorry, doc, I’m a free woman.” 

The Italian doctor laughed and shook his head. “Well, you do seem better today, but I don’t see a reason for such a rush. The food can’t be that bad.” 

Buffy looked over at Spike and smiled. “You know as far as hospital food goes, it’s pretty not terrible.” 

“Don’t worry, doc, I’ll look after her,” Spike said. 

“Ah, yes. You are a very lucky woman, Mrs. Smith. Your husband—” 

“Oh, we’re not—” Spike and Buffy said in unison and then stopped. Buffy grinned at him shyly. “Yeah, I’ll take care of her right and proper,” Spike assured him. 

“Chin up,” the doctor said, placing his hands gently on Buffy’s jaw. Buffy complied and raised her chin for him. “That one there put on quite the show,” the doctor said, checking Buffy’s eyes for any signs of concussion. “Terrorizing my staff while you were in surgery. He wouldn’t give us a moment's peace until you were lying in your bed. And even then, he wasn’t satisfied until you were awake again.” 

Spike gave her a sheepish shrug. “Well…” 

“Everything is good, Mrs. Smith. You are free to go.” The doctor turned toward Spike. “And you, you relax. She is a very strong woman. Stronger than you know.” 

Spike grinned. “Yeah, I know,” he said warmly. 

“We can go?” Buffy asked. 

“As you said, Mrs. Smith, you are a free woman.” 

Buffy hopped down from the bed and winced slightly, prompting Spike to rush to her side. “Careful, pet. Don’t want you bustin’ any more of those stitches,” 

Buffy raised the hem of her shirt and studied the large strip of gauze protecting the jagged set of stitches across her abdomen. “Everything’s all good,” she said before pecking Spike on the lips. Spike tilted his head and gave her a look. “I’m fine. Promise,” Buffy said.

“Yes, you are fine,” Spike said and wiggled his eyebrow. “Ready to get out of here?” he asked. 

“Yes. Did I tell you how much I hate hospitals?” 

“You and me both, love. You and me both.” 

++++

They couldn’t have gotten out of Milan fast enough. Thanks to reinforcements compliments of agent Riley Finn, Buffy and Spike were safely escorted on a private jet back to Scotland. Spike wasn’t a fan of Buffy’s bargain brand GI Joe ex, but he was grateful for the cover. Simone was out for Buffy’s head, and she was in no condition to fight her. He had warned Buffy against going after the other Slayer without a plan, but he had no desire to rub it in her face. Spike was just grateful they’d both come out of the experience alive. Simone had won the battle, but they’d win the war against her and that Twilight fellow. He still wondered what kind of wanker name was that? Twilight. 

Spike smiled when Buffy rested her head against his shoulder. He brushed his lips against her temple and planted a soft kiss on her smooth skin. “How’s the pain?” he asked her. 

Buffy raised her eyes skyward. “On a scale of one to ten, I’m at about a six or seven,” she answered him. 

Spike dug into the pocket of his duster and produced a small medicine bottle. “Here, take these for the pain.” He shook two white pills into the palm of her hand. 

“But if I take them, I’ll get all groggy and fall asleep.” 

Spike lips tilted into a faint smile. “That’s kind of the point, love.” 

“I know,” Buffy pouted. “But if I go to sleep that’s less time I can spend with you,” she protested. 

Spike kissed her knuckles before lacing his hands with hers. He still couldn’t believe it. He was sitting on a plane with Buffy openly holding hands and kissing her, and she didn’t flinch away from him. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. 

“Alright, how about you take one for the pain and if it gets worse, we’ll see about the other.” 

Buffy smiled at him. “That sounds fair.” 

Spike watched as she took the pill with some water. They were both quiet for a moment. With each passing moment, they were getting closer to Scotland and reality. A reality where he was in a relationship and Buffy was off-limits. Spike didn’t want to think about it, but their return was inevitable. Spike wasn’t sure what they were going to do, but he was certain he was never going to hide his feelings for Buffy again. He couldn’t take that hell again, especially now that he knew Buffy felt the same way about him. She loved him; she was in love with him. Spike couldn’t imagine going back to a world where that wasn’t a reality. 

“Buffy…” Spike said tentatively, cutting through the silence. 

“Hmmm,” she said and opened her eyes. Buffy turned her head and looked at him with the same look of apprehension on her face. 

“We’ve got to talk about Scotland…and what happens next.” 

“I know… I was kind of hoping we could stay in this little bubble and ignore it.” 

“Me too, but we’ll be back home in a few hours and…” Spike paused and carefully thought about what he was going to say next. “You know I love you. Loved you for a while now.” 

“Uh-oh,” Buffy said worriedly. 

Spike took her hand in his. “No uh-oh.” 

“But this sounds like an uh-oh kind of moment.” 

“Well, it depends on how you look at it,” Spike said slowly. “I’ve been trying to walk. the path of the straight and narrow. Can’t do that if I’m cheatin’ on my girlfriend.” 

“Oh,” Buffy said sadly and swallowed. “I understand.” She slid her hand from between his and placed it on her lap. 

Spike took her hand again and held it tightly. “I don’t think you do,” he said gently. “I’m sitting here wracking my brain, tryin’ to figure out how I’m going to break the news to her about us. I reckon she’s not gonna be jumpin for joy.” 

“You’re right about that. And did you say us?” Buffy asked, her voice hopeful.

“That I did, pet. There’s no way I can go back to the way things were between us. I don’t think I can go through that hell again.” 

“Me either,” Buffy admitted. 

Spike tilted his head, surprised at her admission. “Really? You don’t care if everyone knows. Your Scoobies and the Slayers?” 

“I want everyone to know. I don’t care what they think anymore. I love you. That’s all that matters,” Buffy said. 

Spike swallowed the lump in his throat. Alright any minute now I’m going to wake up and this is going to be all a dream, he convinced himself. “You mean it? Because, Buffy, if you want me to keep this a secret then this isn’t going to work and I—” 

Buffy placed a finger over his lips to quiet him. “No more secrets,” she promised him. “I wasn’t ready back then, but I am now.” 

Spike nodded his head. “Good.” 

“You don’t have to worry, Spike. I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together from now on.” 

“You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that, but you were right about your timing, love” he smiled mirthlessly. Spike rubbed a hand down his face. “I’ve got to figure out a way to break it to her gently,” he said, unable to voice Cassia’s name. Spike was elated about the prospect of having a real relationship with Buffy. But he couldn’t help the guilt that gnawed hungrily at the pit of his stomach. 

“Do you want to do it together?” 

“Hell no!” he said around a nervous laugh. “I mean, I don’t think that would be appropriate.” 

“I think you’re right. Dumb idea.” 

“I’ll figure it out, pet. I just don’t want to hurt her.”

“I know you don’t. And believe it or not, I don’t want her to be hurt either.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t think I can avoid it.” 

A frown creased Buffy’s brow, and she took his hand in hers again. “I understand, but, Spike, do me a favor…” 

“Anything.” 

“Don’t let this affect us. I can’t lose you either,” Buffy said softly. 

Spike placed a finger under her chin so she could look at him. “I won’t. We’ve come this far,” he said. 

Buffy fell asleep soon after their talk and Spike covered her with a thin blanket while she slept. They agreed to keep things chaste while he figured out how to break the news to Cassia. Although they both wanted to jump right into the relationship, they both agreed it would be best to ease into it. Even though Buffy was no longer with Satsu, she decided the right thing to do was tell her. It wasn’t going to be easy on any of them, but Spike wanted to start things right with Buffy. He was in it for the long haul, and he didn’t want to start their new relationship off with lies and deceit. As soon as they were back at the castle, he was going to gently break the news to Cassia and hope for the best. Who knows, she may even surprise me, he thought hopefully.


	22. She Wants Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the marvelous Twinkles for helping me bring this story back to life. Your encouragement has really helped me to keep pushing forward with this fic. 
> 
> Also, thank you everyone for patiently waiting for these chapters and for your kind words of encouragement.

Buffy waited for everyone to arrive before she started the debriefing. She stood by her desk with Spike close beside her. The throbbing in her abdomen had subsided, and she was able to stand for longer periods. Buffy glanced over at Spike and smiled. He was looking at her with naked concern in his eyes that made Buffy want to rest her head on his shoulder. She'd learned on the plane ride back to Scotland that it was great for napping on. _I’m fine,_ Buffy communicated with her eyes. 

“Alright,” Buffy began the meeting. “So, you guys were right,” she said, surprising everyone in the room. “We found Simone, but I wasn’t able to stop her or turn her in. She—” Buffy looked down at her shoes. “She got the better of me.” 

“What happened, B?” Faith asked. 

“She was where you left her in Italy. We found her on the mainland. There was some fighting and I got kicked out a window.” Spike placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Are you alright?” Giles asked, concerned. 

“Nothing a few stitches couldn’t fix,” she said casually.

Buffy had decided before the meeting that she didn’t want to worry her friends with details. They didn’t have to know she had gone into surgery or that she’d been hospitalized. She was fine now, and that was all that mattered. 

“Anyway, Simone mentioned Twilight between all the yammering and hitting.” Buffy’s side was starting to ache again, and she sat down. 

“Said somethin’ about the seed,” Spike chimed in. 

Giles took off his glasses and rubbed them with a white handkerchief. “What, what did she say?” 

“I was a little in incapacitated at the time, but I heard her say somethin’ about her and Twilight making the world new,” Spike said. 

“It’s true. Simone is hellbent on destroying the world. I knew she was a little emo, but I hadn’t pegged her for the destroy-the-world type.” 

“Are we sure about this?” Giles asked for clarity. 

“Yep. She monologued. They always like to monologue.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “But it’s true. Willow said something similar in my dreams.” 

“I don’t want to destroy the world,” Willow pouted. 

“I know you don’t, Wil.” 

“But somehow I’m getting the feeling that I’m responsible for this Twilight guy and his seed of wonder,” Willow said. 

“What did you say?” Giles asked, whipping off his glasses. He gave the lenses a good clean as he spoke. 

“I don’t want to destroy the world,” Willow repeated. 

“No, no after that. ‘The Seed of Wonder.’ Where did you hear that?" 

“I-I haven’t,” Willow’s eyes darted toward Buffy. “I was just you know, being sarcastic. Sorry, I know, not the right time.” 

Giles shook his head. “No, that was actually helpful. There’s a book…I'll have to look for it, but I believe it will point us in the right direction.” 

“Good, because it sounds like we’re running out of time,” Xander said. 

“He’s right.” Buffy stood up again, and tried not to wince. “Simone is serious.” 

“Seriously deranged,” Xander added. 

“That too. But whatever she has planned with Twilight is a major power play. She wants it and is willing to do anything to get it, including destroying this world.” 

"I’ll start my research,” Giles reiterated. 

“Me too. Whatever you need me to do, I’m there,” Willow said. 

“Okay, so we’ll make heavy with research. I’ll contact Riley again and see if he can give me some information, a location, or something we can use to track him. Spike keeps trying Angel.” 

“I was never big on the researching, but whatever you need, B,” Faith said. 

Buffy looked around the room. Now that she was back in Scotland among her friends, she felt more equipped to take on Simone and this Twilight character. She was better with her friends. 

“Giles,” Buffy said to him as he reached the door. “I’d like to talk to you.” Her voice was soft. 

Spike gave Buffy a reassuring nod before he left her office, trailing behind the others. It was just the two of them in the room together. Buffy realized it was the first time that she and Giles had been alone since he left Scotland. They had a lot to talk about. 

“Is something wrong, Buffy?” he asked. 

She shook her head. “No, I mean, nothing more than the usual apocalyptic stuff. I just…we need to talk,” she said. Buffy took a seat and waited for Giles to join her on the opposite sofa. “I want to apologize,” Buffy started. 

“Buffy, you don’t—” 

“I do. You were right, Giles. You’re always right,” she said with a rueful laugh. “It was wrong for me to steal. Even if I did it for a good reason. It goes against everything a Slayer stands for. I know, I read the book.” 

Giles lifted a brow in surprise. “You read your Slayer Handbook?” 

“Well, there was some skimming. Gotta say, it’s heavy with the cryptic, but there were some interesting parts.” 

Giles lips curved into a slight smile. “I’m glad you found it enlightening.” 

“It’s more than that, Giles. I should have listened to you. You’re my watcher.” 

“Buffy…” he said looking down at his hands. 

“I’ve stopped. I haven’t taken anything in months, and don't plan to ever again.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” 

Buffy fidgeted her hands together nervously. “After this is over, I want you to stay, Giles. You can have your old office back and everything. I can’t do this without you.” 

“Buffy, I’m flattered but—” 

“You don’t have to give me your answer now. I just want you to think about it.” 

Giles pressed his lips together and was quiet for a moment. “Alright, I can do that.” 

Buffy and Giles stood up. Before she could stop herself, Buffy threw her arms around Giles and pulled him into a crushing hug. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“Buffy, can’t breathe,” Giles squeezed out. 

“Sorry!” Buffy said and stepped back. The hug had stretched a few of her stitches, making her wince. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Buffy? 

“I’m fine, Giles. Still a little sore, but I’ll be okay in a few days. Slayer healing and all.” 

Giles gave her a curt nod. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you all thought to ask for my help,” Giles said before exiting the office. 

++++

Now that the Scoobs were up to date, there was just one more thing Buffy had to do. She and Spike had agreed to tell Cassia and Satsu right away; then they would let their friends know about their…well, Buffy wasn’t sure what to call them. They weren’t in a relationship. All she knew was she loved him, and he loved her back. Perhaps they didn’t need a label; her feelings for Spike transcended labels. Still, Buffy’s stomach did a little flip as she neared Satsu’s room. Just like ripping off a band-aid, Buffy told herself. She gave Satsu’s door a soft knock and waited for her to answer. 

“Buffy! You’re back,” Satsu answered her door. 

“I just got in actually. Do you have a minute?” 

Satsu glanced behind her before opening her door wider for Buffy. “Sure,” she said, stepping aside. 

Buffy walked in and sat on the spare bed in Satsu’s room. “You did some redecorating,” Buffy said, looking around. 

“Yes. Thought I’d get my feng shui on.” 

“What?”

Satsu smiled and shook her head. “It’s just the art of getting organized and decluttering…but I’m guessing you didn’t come here to get cleaning tips.” 

“No…no, I didn’t.” Buffy stood up; she needed to move. “I wanted to speak to you about me and Spike.” Satsu nodded slowly. “While we were away, something…” Buffy swallowed hard. “Something happened between us. It’s not—I love him.” Buffy sighed. “I wanted to tell you before you found out another way.”

Satsu was quiet for a long time. She dipped her head and studied the pattern on her throw rug. When she looked at Buffy again, there was some moisture in her eyes. “I know why you’re telling me this. I get it, but I could have gone my whole life without hearing it.” 

“I’m sorry, Satsu. I didn’t-- don’t mean to hurt you.” 

“I know. But it does all the same,” she said, not holding back. “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you telling me… And in a way, I knew this was coming eventually. I just hoped I’d be in Japan when it did.” 

“I could get you that transfer now, Satsu.” 

“No, I promised I’d stay until everything blows over. I meant what I said.” 

“Okay…” Buffy looked down again. “I’m sorry,” she apologized again. 

“Hey, the heart wants what it wants.” Satsu stood up and walked to the door. “I had been doing some sketches before you dropped by.” 

Buffy knew when she had overstayed her welcome. “Right. I’ll let you get back to that.” Buffy walked to the door. 

“For what it’s worth, Buffy, I just want you to be happy. And I hope he can make you happy. If not, he’ll have to see me,” Satsu tried to joke. 

Buffy’s lips curved into a thin smile. “Oh, he knows,” she said before heading back to her room. 

Buffy was relieved. Her breakup with Satsu had been one of her mature moments. She was also grateful for the experience, because it had taught her the importance of being honest and upfront about her feelings. Although she had fought her attraction to Spike for months, she knew it was the right thing to do to face her feelings and tell Satsu and Spike how she felt. She only wished she hadn’t hurt Satsu in the process. She hoped one day they could be friends again. 

++++

Buffy stretched out on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She wondered what Spike was doing; if he had spoken to Cassia yet. Buffy thought about the potential of that conversation and winced. She doubted it would go as well as her conversation with Satsu had. Buffy had noticed something dark about Cassia when it came to Spike. She seemed dangerously possessive of him, a loose cannon. Buffy noticed the way she would glare at the other Slayers who dared to even talk to him. Buffy had also caught some of her icy looks in her direction. She hoped Spike was okay. A knock at her door yanked Buffy out of her thoughts. Buffy looked at her door for a moment. She wasn’t expecting any company. 

“Coming!” she called out, easing off her bed. 

“Hi, pet,” Spike said with an easy smile when she opened the door. 

“Hey!” Buffy said, surprised to see him. “Come in,” she said opening the door for him. 

Neither she nor Spike noticed the person lurking in the corner of the hall, watching them. 

Spike stepped inside and looked around. It was his first time in Buffy’s room since he'd arrived in Scotland. Nerves thrummed through her body as she closed the door behind her. It was just the two of them in a very intimate setting. 

“What brings you by my neck of the woods?” she asked, keeping her voice light. 

“Just thought I’d stop by and check on you. Nice place you’ve got here.” 

Buffy glanced around her room. “Thanks,” she said, relieved that her room was somewhat presentable. “Uh, have a seat,” she said. “So…” she hedged. “How did things go with Cassia?” 

“Haven’t gotten around to tellin’ her yet.” 

“Oh,” Buffy looked down with a frown. Did he change his mind? Was he here to tell her that he would rather be with Cassia? Buffy felt a quiet pang in her heart. 

“But I will,” Spike said, noticing the look on her face. “Just figurin’ out the right moment. And I’ve got to find her. Seems she’s avoidin’ me.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, before I left, she gave me an ultimatum.” 

Buffy frowned again. “Pardon the redundancy. But why?” 

Spike sighed and shook his head. “She wanted me to choose between you and her.” They were both quiet for a moment as Buffy made the connection. 

“Oh,” she said again. “Ouch. I’m sorry, Spike. I didn’t mean to—” 

“You didn’t do anything. I bollixed this up all on my own steam.” Spike ran his finger down her cheek. “Don’t worry, pet, I’ll figure it out. Meantime, when’s the last time you changed those bandages?” 

Buffy looked up. “I don’t remember.”

“Which means it’s probably time to get them changed again.” Spike stood up. “You’ve got…”

“First aid? Over there,” Buffy said, pointing to the chest at the foot of her bed. 

Buffy leaned back into the sofa cushions and remained still as Spike redressed her wound. The stitches bisected her abdomen in a jagged line. She wondered if the wound would leave a scar. She had some, but they were so faint that she could hardly see them unless she tried. Her skin was an angry shade of red that throbbed in steady pulse. Spike’s hands were gentle as he applied some cooling ointment against her smarting skin. She closed her eyes and sighed with each pass of his finger against her skin. 

“Feel good?” he asked her. 

“Yes,” Buffy sighed. 

Spike’s lips curved into a smile as he placed a fresh gauze on her skin, then he gently rolled her shirt back down. “There now,” he said when he was done. 

“I like you taking care of me,” Buffy said with an easy smile. 

“I like that you like me taking care of you.” Spike sat back and winked at her. 

Buffy was quiet for a moment as she studied his face. She liked the scar over his eye; it made him look roguish. She wondered how he’d gotten it. His blue eyes sparkled with contentment, and it made Buffy want to smile. 

“What?” he asked her after a few moments. 

“I was just thinking about how long it took me to get here.” 

He gave her a wistful smile. “’I am not the same; but wiser than I was and wise enough not to regret the changes, tho’ they cost me many a sigh,’” he said, quoting Emerson. 

“Did you write that?” 

Spike laughed. “No. Just a guy named Ralph. Why do you ask?”

“I read somewhere you were a poet…before, you know.” 

Spike chuckled again. “A term used rather loosely to describe me,” he said self-deprecatingly. 

Now Buffy was very curious about Spike’s former talents, but she didn’t want to push by being too pushy. Spike cupped her cheek and Buffy closed her eyes, nuzzling against his palm. 

“You need your rest,” Spike said, getting to his feet. 

“The medicine makes me so woozy,” Buffy admitted. 

“I know.” Spike kissed the top of her head. “I’m just a text away if you need me,” he reminded her. 

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” Buffy said, seeing him out of her room. 

Spike squeezed her hand and brushed a finger down the slope of her nose before he disappeared down the hall. 

Buffy closed the door and braced herself against it with a satisfied sigh. She was swooning. Spike had made her swoon, and she didn’t mind at all. 

++++

Cassia hadn’t truly believed Spike would leave with Buffy. She had expected him to come back into the room and assure her he was hers and only hers. But he'd left, and humiliated her in front of everyone. Cassia saw the laughter in their eyes as she passed by. She knew they were talking about her, laughing at her. Spike had made a fool out of her when all she had ever done was support him. She'd put her trust in the vampire, followed him across the world, and this was how he repaid her. She knew Buffy didn’t really love him. Spike didn’t talk much about his relationship with her, but she had gathered as much. Take, take, take. She was a user who thrived on taking from people and casting them aside when she was done. What made Spike think she was going to be any different now? Wasn’t she just using all these Slayers for some massive ego stroke, lording herself over the rest of them while they eagerly worshiped her? Why couldn’t he see that Buffy was not the perfect little princess she pretended to be? The more Cassia thought about Spike and Buffy, the angrier she became. Spike was hers! Buffy couldn’t love him the way she did. And she was tired of Buffy throwing herself at Spike, asking him for help, begging him to spar with her. Buffy only wanted Spike because he belonged to her. 

Cassia hid in the shadows near Buffy’s room and watched first as the Slayer went inside after her secret little meeting with her lame-ass friends. The only one she had respect for was Faith. Cassia had spent some time with her while Spike and Buffy had gone on their little mission together. Faith wasn’t fake and cookie-cutter like Buffy; she was real. If Buffy had stayed dead, then Faith would be the leader of the Slayers. Cassia liked that idea a lot, but she liked the idea of packing her bags with Spike and leaving even more. Cassia still hoped he would do the right thing and choose her over Buffy. 

All Cassia’s hopes were dashed when she saw Spike enter Buffy’s room. Hot tears burned her eyes as she watched him disappear inside. No doubt they were in there celebrating how they had tricked her into coming to Scotland. Cassia stalked toward the door. She wanted to kick it down and storm inside. Instead, she backed away from it and headed toward her room. Cassia thought about all the time she had spent with Spike. How much of it had been real? How much of it had been a joke to him? Cassia stopped in her tracks. No, she couldn’t let him get away with making a fool of her that easily. 

The bleach was easy to find. It was tucked away in one of the broom closets on her floor. Cassia tried Spike’s door. It was locked, but a locked door had never been a challenge for her. Within moments, Cassia was in Spike’s room angrily splashing everything insight with the cleansing agent. 

“Lies, lies, lies,” Cassia muttered as she pulled his closet door open. 

There it was, his most prized possession. The black duster hung in his closet and a slow grin spread across Cassia’s face. Oh, this was better than she had expected. Cassia sat the bottle of bleach down on the floor and walked over to his desk. The scissors gleamed under the dim lamplight. Cassia wrapped her hand around the cool metal and walked toward the closet again. She stared at the smooth, buttery leather and hesitated for a moment. He loved that coat. Cassia knew she was about to cross a line. For a moment she considered turning around and leaving his room. But the part of her that felt betrayed, urged her to do it. 

The first slash across his coat sent a satisfying shiver up her spine. Cassia did it again, each time feeling a surge of glee. Cassia laughed as she shredded the inside lining of the coat with her scissors. She cut through his sleeves and tore a line straight down the back of the coat. Cassia let the scissors fall to the floor and grabbed the bottle of bleach again. She splashed the coat with the liquid and watched the black leather turn a dull red. She repeated her actions until every drop of bleach was gone and the coat was left a tattered and discolored mess. Cassia backed away from the closet. Now that she had done the damage, the feeling of satisfaction quickly began fading away. She'd felt good in the moment, but that moment was fleeting. She looked around Spike’s room. It was completely trashed and reeked of bleach. The damage was done now, and there was nothing she could do to take it back.

Spike walked back to his room with a jaunt in his step. This all felt surreal. A few weeks ago, he and Buffy had been at odds with each other, and now they were in love. Spike had a lived a very long life, but it still managed to surprise even him. Spike knew he and Buffy had a long way to go with each other. Feelings were involved; not just his and Buffy’s. Spike had no intention to hurt Cassia, but hurt her he must. He loved Buffy, and no matter how hard he tried to stop loving her, he couldn’t let her go. But this time around, he knew things were going to be different between them. 

Spike was overwhelmed with the smell of bleach as soon as he reached his door. He knitted his brow together in a deep scowl and let himself into his room. Gobsmacked, Spike stood at the door for a few moments, unable to process what he was seeing. His room was in a shambles. Whoever broke inside had destroyed every surface with bleach. Spike walked farther inside the room and looked around. He touched the shredded clothing on his bed, and a low growl rumbled deep in his chest. He walked over to his closet. If Spike’s heart could beat, it would have stopped in his chest the moment he saw his prized duster hanging loosely from a hanger. Whoever had bleached his bedroom, had given the black leather coat the same treatment. Spike blinked his eyes several times, unable to believe what he was looking at. Not his coat! The coat that had seen some of his biggest triumphs and most supreme kickings of his ass. The coat that had survived getting barbequed in the Hellmouth. The coat that hadn’t left his side since the moment he took it off of Nikki Wood’s back. 

Spike reached for the coat and ran his hand over the slashes on his sleeve. The coat was drenched in bleach and discolored. Whoever had destroyed his duster had made sure it was unsalvageable. Spike let out a frustrated growl and tore the coat from its hanger. Only one person could have been responsible for ruining it. Spike didn’t want to believe it was Cassia, but there was no one else in the castle that had the motive or the balls to try him in such away. Spike balled the leather rag in his hands and threw it down to the floor. Spike looked around the room frantically, desperate for a clue that would place the blame on anyone else but Cassia. But he knew in his gut that she was the guilty party. Spike grabbed his phone from his back pocket and shot Buffy a quick text, explaining the state of his room. He was going to kill Cassia. He imagined wrapping his fingers around her throat and throttling her until she—

Spike sucked in a ragged breath and closed his eyes. He counted backward from ten and tried to calm himself. Maybe she had a good explanation for destroying the thing he loved second best in his life. All he had to do was find her and hear her out. Spike stalked out of his room and tried to follow her scent. It was hard to focus when the castle was filled with different smells, but he was on a mission. 

Spike found her a half-hour later, sitting in the dining hall playing cards with a group of Slayers around her age. Cassia sat on top of one of the tables and studied her hand intensely. “Go fish,” she said with a sly smile. Cassia raised her eyes and met Spike’s. 

“Cassia,” Spike said, as calmly as he could. “I need to speak to you.” 

“I’m sorry, Spike. I’m in the middle of a game. Can it wait?” She looked at her cards again, ignoring him. 

Spike looked between her and the group of girls at the table. “If you ladies don’t mind, I need to talk to Cassia for a moment.” 

Recognizing the authority in his voice, the Slayers stood from the table and scrambled out of the dining hall, leaving the two of them alone. Cassia rolled her eyes and laid her cards down on the table. 

“I was winning. You ruined my game,” she said haughtily. 

She was going to lose more than a game. “Oh, I’m sorry. It seems that we’ve got more pressing issues.” 

Cassia lifted a brow. “Oh?” 

“Yeah. Like my bedroom and my coat. I know it was you, Cassia. So, no use in denyin’ it.” 

“I didn’t touch your fucking coat,” she said snidely. 

“I know you did, you're lying—” 

“What? Bitch? You think I went into your room and ruined your ugly, little coat?” 

"You know what you did. And I’m not going to play these silly games with you.”

Cassia laughed, and it sounded wild and unhinged. “Oh, now he doesn’t want to play games, after months of playing them with me,” she said, sliding off the table. “You hear that?” she asked the empty room. “What made you change your mind? You didn’t have a problem playing games with me when you took me from my home and brought me here so you and your little whore could use me and laugh at me.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?!” 

“Don’t!” Cassia yelled, grabbing her hair. “Don’t play stupid, Spike. You know what you did. You know you went to Italy to fuck Buffy. I saw you go in her room.” 

Spike squeezed his eyes together and shook his head. “It’s not what you think.” 

“Isn’t it? You didn’t come back here to be with me. I see the way you look at her. You never look at me like that. You never loved me!” Cassia screamed at him. “I came here for you. I tried to be a good little girl for you,” Cassia said stalking toward him. “But still, you wanted her.” 

“I’m sorry,” Spike said, feeling the guilt replace his anger. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Cass.” 

Cassia laid her hands on his chest. “Then forget about her and be with me. Be with a woman who loves you,” she said, sliding her hands around his shoulders. “Buffy can’t love you as I love you.” 

Spike took her hands in his and held them together. “You don’t love me,” Spike said. “You think you love me, because I saved you. But it was never love. I care about you, Cassia, I do. But it’s over,” Spike said. He tried to be gentle with her, despite what she had done to his things. As much as it pained him to admit, he could always get another one. Spike gave her a gentle nudge, intending to put some distance between them. 

Cassia squeezed her eyes together and shook her head. “No, no, no, no,” she muttered over and over. Cassia covered her face with the palms of her hands. “Everyone lies. They all lie. They all leave me.” Her words were muffled as she spoke into her hands. 

Her pain pierced his heart. Spike stepped forward and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Come on, let’s sit down and talk this out.” 

Cassia’s shoulders shook beneath his hand. It took Spike a moment to realize she wasn’t crying. She was laughing. Cassia looked up and grabbed his hand, twisting his wrist until it snapped. 

“We’re beyond talk, Spike,” she said, punching him in the face. 

Spike’s head jerked to the right from the force of her hit. “Cassia, stop,” he tried to reason with her. 

She hit him again. “I don’t take orders from you. Not anymore.” 

Spike’s face contorted into its demon form. 

“That’s right. Show me who you really are. An animal. A demon. Scum,” Cassia said. “Good thing I’m a Slayer. We slay demons, right?” Cassia leaped up to kick Spike in his chest.

Spike caught her ankle in his hands and shoved her away. He didn’t want to fight her, but she was giving him no choice. Cassia let out a frustrated screech and lunged toward him with blind rage. She was angry and hurt, and it was affecting her form. Spike was able to easily avoid her hits at first. Unlike his previous encounter with the Slayer, he derived no pleasure from fighting Cassia. Seeing her in so much pain brought him no joy. Spike wished there was something he could do to make the hurt stop. Cassia landed a roundhouse kick, across Spike’s face. Using the momentary distraction, Cassia began pummeling Spike’s face with her fist. Spike lay on his back as Cassia continued to beat him. He could have ended it. No matter how much they trained, she was still no match for him. Spike could hear footsteps off in the distance as Slayers ran back to the dining hall to see what the commotion was all about. 

“Stay back!” Spike growled. He didn’t want the other Slayers involved. This was between him and Cassia; no one else. Spike shoved Cassia away and jumped to his feet. 

Tears streaked down Cassia’s cheeks, leaving a black trail along her flushed skin. She was breathing wildly, her chest rising and falling with each labored breath. 

“Cassia,” Spike said gently, trying to reason with her again. 

Cassia kicked one of the wooden chairs, splintering it into a dozen pieces. “Shut up! You play with my heart. Now, I play with yours,” she said in Portuguese to him. Cassia rushed toward Spike again, knocking him to his feet. 

“Spike!” Buffy called rushing toward him. 

“No, Buffy stay back!” Spike said, shaking his head. 

“Isn’t that lovely, here comes Buffy trying to save her man,” Cassia spat. 

“Put the stake down, Cassia,” Buffy said. “We can talk about this.” 

“Talk is cheap,” she said, looking down at Spike. “I could have loved you,” Cassia said before leaning down to kiss Spike roughly on the lips. She plunged her stake into Spike’s chest, barely missing his heart. 

“No!” Buffy yelled, not realizing that Cassia had purposely missed her mark. 

Cassia stood to her feet, looked around the room wildly and ran toward the door on the opposite side of the room away from the Slayers. Buffy pushed past the crowd of bodies to give chase. 

“Buffy,” Spike called out. “Don’t. Just let her go,” he said, sitting himself up.

“She tried to stake you, Spike!”

Spike shook his head. “I’ll be alright.” He struggled to his feet. Buffy rushed toward him and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. 

“I thought she'd killed you,” Buffy’s voice shook. 

“Shhyeah. Thought so, too.” Spike looked up at the stragglers who stayed behind to witness the drama between the three of them unfold. “Alright, folks move it along. Nothin’ to see here.” 

“What the hell happened?” one of the Slayers whispered to a girl standing close to her. 

Buffy looked down at the stake in Spike’s chest. “I can…” 

Spike nodded. 

“On the count of three,” Buffy warned. “One,” she said and pulled the stake out. 

Spike yelped in surprise. “You said three!” He rubbed his chest. 

Buffy grabbed his hand. “Don’t touch it. I have a first aid kit in my office,” she said, walking him out of the dining hall. 

++++

“She stole the Ducati,” Faith reported back to Spike and Buffy a short time later. 

Spike took a long swig of the bourbon Buffy kept in her office. Judging by the year and brand, he was sure it belonged to old Rupert. Spike wasn’t nearly as interested in chasing down Cassia as Buffy. She had trashed his room, ruined his coat, and stabbed him with a stake, but he wasn’t that sure that he didn’t deserve it. Although he hadn’t meant to hurt Cassia, he had hurt her. The guilt was far more punishing than anything she’d physically done to him. He wasn’t a pile of dust; Spike figured he was winning. 

“You know, Slayer, I’ve been meaning to ask how you got all those fancy cars and such.” 

Buffy’s eyes darted toward Faith. “I robbed a bank and stole a diamond,” she muttered. 

Spike looked at Faith for confirmation. “It’s true. She robbed a bank.” 

A sly grin spread across his face. “I don’t know if I should be proud or shocked,” Spike said. 

Buffy looked down at her feet. “They weren’t my finest moments. And Bandit Buffy is officially retired.” 

Spike chuckled and took Buffy’s hand in his. “No judgment from me, pet. Lets me know you’re not afraid to be a little bad,” he said suggestively. 

Faith cleared her throat. “So, before you guys get too into the pillow talk, what do you plan to do about Cassia? Because I was thinking I could find her…help her.” 

A deep scowl creased Buffy’s face. “I don’t know. She tried to stake Spike.” 

“Technically, she missed,” Faith reminded her. “And judging by the wound, it was deliberate. If she had wanted to stake Spike, she’d have aimed a little lower.” 

“Well, I doubt if you can help her,” Buffy insisted. 

“Some people had their doubts about me, and here I am,” Faith said quietly. 

“Faith… this is different. You were—it’s just different.” Buffy pushed out a heavy sigh. “Besides, we just got you back.” 

“Hey, don’t worry about me, B. As hard as I know as it’ll be for you, you can survive without me,” she teased. 

Buffy’s lips pinched into a reluctant smile. “Alright. Just be careful. You know what they say about a woman scorned.” 

“Oh yeah. I’ve got some experience in that department.” Faith looked over at Spike. 

“You do what you gotta do. I don’t think she’ll take too kindly to seein’ me,” he said. 

Faith shrugged. “I’ll get her straight.” 

++++

It was late when they returned to Buffy’s room. As much as Spike wanted to take up her offer to stay, he knew it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. The fight between he and Cassia was too public, and he didn’t want Buffy’s name dragged down alongside his. 

“I need to clean up anyhow and see what’s what,” Spike said. 

“Are you sure?” Buffy’s voice was filled with disappointment. 

“Yeah. Think it’s for the best, love. ‘Sides I don’t want the others to—”

“I don’t care what anyone thinks,” she said defiantly. 

Ah, a few years ago he'd have given anything to hear her say those words, but things were different now. “But I do,” Spike said, placing a finger beneath her chin. “The plan was to do this right this time around.”

Buffy lowered her eyes. “You’re right.” 

Spike stepped back, putting some distance between them. He had to leave now before he lost his resolve. Buffy wasn’t a rebound; she was the woman he’d been in love with for a long time. If their relationship was going to last, he didn’t want to start it on the back of his nasty break up with Cassia. It wouldn’t be right. 

“Goodnight, love. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Goodnight,” Buffy echoed faintly.


	23. Love on the Brain

A week had passed since Cassia took off, and life had moved on. Buffy was aware of the rumors flying around the castle and tried her best to ignore them. As Giles had put it mildly, “Spike’s love life is of very little consequence. Let’s focus on the larger matters at hand, shall we?” 

_So much for my plans to tell everyone about me and Spike,_ Buffy thought. Everyone had pretty much drawn their own conclusions about their relationship. Too bad she had no idea what was going on between them. He had withdrawn himself from her since Cassia took off, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out why. They both felt guilty about Cassia, but Spike was taking it much harder. She knew from some of their conversations that he felt responsible for Cassia’s meltdown. Buffy wasn’t sure she agreed with him. Anyone with eyes could see that Spike cared for Cassia. He also felt responsible for her, and Buffy had to talk him out of trying to find her. Cassia had tried to stake him once, and Buffy doubted he would receive a warm welcome from her. They were in a state of limbo. Buffy didn’t want to push too hard, but now that she had found Spike, she didn’t want to lose him. _I never even had him,_ she thought dejectedly. 

“Buffy, everything okay?” Willow asked.

They were sitting across from each other in her office researching Twilight. Or, trying to research Twilight. “Huh? Oh, I’m fine. Just thinking about—” 

“Spike?” 

“Yes. No. Yes. I know I should be concentrating on Twilight, but I keep thinking about him. I’ve got Spike on my mind. We were so close,” Buffy said holding up her hands. 

“And you still are. You’ve just hit a bump.” 

Buffy looked down at her book. She hated bumps. Bumps were of the suck. “Find anything else on the seed-thingy?” she asked, changing the subject. 

Willow’s face lit up with excitement. “Yes! Well, Giles and I started digging in some of his books, and we learned the seed of magic is ‘soul and life.’ And it’s…amazing. It’s tied to the heart of Earth.” Giles said the seed is the source of all magic on Earth.” 

“But how…if you created it…?” 

Willow shook her head. “I didn’t create the seed. It’s older than me—than all of us. But somehow when we did the augmentation spell for the Slayers, I altered it or something. Though Giles is leaning heavily toward the ‘or something’ part of what I did.” 

“So, we have to figure out what part we played in changing the seed and how we can reverse its effects.” 

“If we can reverse its effects,” Willow said with a frown. 

“What does Giles think?” Buffy asked. 

“Hard to say. He’s doing that thing he does when he gets all silent and grumpy. But we think the attacks are compliments of the seed trying to balance things. Basically, the seed is bringing all the big bads here.” 

“So, that means it won’t stop. They’ll keep coming.” 

“Not if we can stop it. And we will figure out a way to stop it,“ Willow said. 

Buffy stood up and paced the room. “How does Twilight play a part in this?”

“We’re still trying to that out. Whoever Twilight is, he’s using Simone for something big. I don’t think even she knows how big.” 

“Me either. Those weren’t the ramblings of a woman in charge,” Buffy said in thought. 

Willow closed her book. “It’s late, and I promised Kennedy I’d try to spend some time with her tonight. You know how it is.” 

No, she didn’t know how it was, because Spike was brooding. “Go, go, I’ll be fine. I think I might patrol tonight.” 

“Are you sure? I could come with?” 

Buffy shook her head. “Seriously, I’m fine.” 

Willow placed her hand on Buffy’s shoulder. “Tomorrow? Same time, same place.” 

Buffy’s lips curved into a wan smile. “Seems like.” 

++++

Buffy walked through the cemetery, dawdling as she passed one of the ugliest headstones she’d ever seen, and she had seen some ugly ones. It was cool that night and she tightened her leather jacket around her body. 

“Slayer,” Spike said, stepping out of the shadows. He was missing his signature duster, another reminder of Cassia’s trail of destruction. 

“I was hoping I’d find you here.”

“You were looking for me?” Spike moved closer to her. 

Buffy’s breath caught in her chest, and her entire body tingled with that familiar feeling she got whenever she was around him. “I missed you,” Buffy said truthfully. 

Spike lifted a brow. “Have you? I haven’t gone anywhere.” 

But hadn’t he? “You know what I mean.” 

Spike cupped Buffy’s cheek, closing the distance between them. “I do, and I’m sorry, pet. I just had some things to work out.” 

Buffy closed her eyes and covered his hands with hers. “And did you?” 

Spike gave her a thin smile. “I have.” 

“And?” Buffy asked hopefully. 

Spike leaned forward and planted the softest kiss Buffy had ever felt on her lips. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath when it was over. Spike caught Buffy in his arms and gathered her close, hugging her. She blinked her eyes and smiled weakly at him. 

“Well, as far as answers go, I give that a ten out of ten.” 

Spike chuckled softly and shook his head. “I love you,” he said with a sigh. 

“Good, because I kinda love you, too.” 

“Awwww, isn’t that cute. Two love birds in a cemetery. Though I must admit, not exactly a conventional place to take your date,” a voice said from nearby. 

Buffy turned toward the vampire and rolled her eyes. “Rude much. We were having a moment here.” 

The vampire laughed. “Oh, pardon me,” he said sarcastically. “Well, I’ll make this quick.”

It lunged at Buffy first, taking a swing at her. Buffy used the vampire’s momentum to flip it over, and it landed with a hard thud on the dewy grass. He popped to his feet in an instant, and this time Spike’s fist slammed into his face, sending the vampire spinning toward Buffy. She plunged her stake into the vampire’s chest, dusting it. Buffy turned toward Spike; excitement coursed between them. Without a moment of hesitation, they stepped closer to each other and their lips locked with unchecked passion. 

“Take me home,” Buffy breathed against Spike’s kiss. 

Spike pulled back in surprise. He searched Buffy’s face for a moment in awe. Her eyes shone softly with desire for him. Buffy’s lips parted, letting out shallow breaths. Spike grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the entrance of the cemetery. 

“I’m parked out there,” he murmured. Buffy watched Spike climb onto his Harley; he reached his hand toward Buffy and helped her climb onto the back of the motorcycle. 

Buffy pressed her cheek against Spike’s back and wrapped her arms around his waist. The motorcycle jumped to life and vibrated between her thighs. A cloud of dust kicked up behind them as Spike took off, speeding toward the castle. They made it back to their home in record time. Buffy laced her fingers with Spike’s again, and they ran through the castle hand-in-hand toward her bedroom. Buffy focused on Spike intensely as the door slammed behind them. He pressed her against the door and fit his mouth over hers once again. 

Buffy wrapped her legs around Spike's waist, gripping him close to her as he pushed her against the wall. She vaguely heard something come crashing down in the background, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but the feel of his hands on her body and tang of whiskey on his lips. She reached for the hem of his shirt with frantic hands and pulled it roughly over his head. Spike's chest rose and fell with unneeded breath as he stared down at her with blue eyes clouded by desire. She ran her hands down his chest, and he sucked in a sharp breath. Buffy panted as she unbuckled his belt and tugged his pants down his leg, desperate to feel his cool skin pressed against hers. 

Spike lifted her in his arms once again and walked them to her bed. Hurry, hurry, her mind screamed as she yanked her shirt over her head and let it fall to the floor. Spike's fingers expertly unclasped Buffy's bra, and her breast spilled out against his chest, making them both sigh in the pleasure of skin to skin contact. Buffy planted kisses along his jaw, neck and shoulders, reveling in the taste of him. 

Spike found her lips again and kissed her hungrily as he laid her down on the bed. She wanted him. She desperately wanted to feel him inside her again. "Spike," she panted out when he pulled away from her. 

He was looking down at her with something akin to longing in his eyes. Where she wanted to go fast, her lover was determined to take things slowly-- to savor her. Spike's eyes were questing as he gazed down at her. Buffy nodded her head, giving him permission to keep going. She watched in silent awe as he reached for the button on her jeans and unhooked them. Spike slowly undid her zipper before sliding his fingers inside her waistband. She shivered as his cool fingers grazed her skin, sending a shaft of desire up her spine. He ran his hand down the length of her thigh, taking each pant leg down with it. Spike kept his eyes on her the entire time, the corner of his lips curved upward as he pulled down the lacy panties she'd worn underneath her jeans. He stared down at her for a few moments, his chest rising and falling in tandem with hers. Time slowed down as he placed a gentle hand on her breast, cupping it and smoothing his thumb over the rosy bud of her nipple. Buffy let out a soft moan, and her back arched off the bed.

He was taking his time with her, loving her as he had always wanted to. Buffy was aware that in the past she had often set the pace of their lovemaking. She never wanted him to linger for too long. She never wanted to make love. But tonight, Spike was determined to make love with her for the first time, and she was letting him. She wanted him to. 

He moved his hand down over her smooth belly until he reached the v of her thighs. Spike leaned forward to kiss her while his hand explored the warm moistness between her legs. 

"I want to taste you, Buffy. Let me taste you...please," he spoke softly against her lips. 

Buffy nodded her head and closed her eyes in anticipation. He kissed a trail down her throat, her collar bone, stopping at each breast. She moaned when his lips closed around her taut flesh, pulling it gently into his mouth. She squeezed her eyes shut against the wave of pleasure rocking through her body with each tug of his lips. Finally, he moved on to her quivering belly. Spike nudged her legs apart. 

"You're shaking," he said as he planted a kiss on each thigh. 

"I want you," Buffy said. She wanted to say more. She wanted to tell him that she loved him again. Her mind clouded with all the things that she wanted to say but couldn't. 

A slow smile spread across his lips before he lowered them to taste her. Buffy bit back a loud groan and covered her face with the palm of her hands. She lifted her hips off the bed and swirled them rhythmically against his lashing tongue. He was killing her, and she was dying over and over again. Buffy gripped his hair between her fingers and cried out as the first wave of her climax came crashing down over her. 

"Spike!" she cried out. 

She didn't have to say anything else. In an instant he was on top of her, his lips covering hers in a hungry kiss. Buffy parted her legs, opening to him and for him. Her breath quivered as Spike sank into her, sheathing himself inch by inch. Buffy wrapped her arms around him, digging her nails into his hard, muscular back. Her lips parted against his as he pressed forward. Spike’s movements were slow at first as they found their rhythm again. This time, instead of the frantic battle of wills that thrust them both into oblivion, they drifted together. 

Spike laced his fingers with hers as he moved within her. Buffy nipped at his ear and ran her tongue along the column of his throat, making him groan with pleasure. She opened her eyes as he lifted her from the bed. His cool skin felt so good against her fevered flesh. She wanted to pull him closer, wrap herself around him until they were one. Buffy's lips pressed firmly against Spike’s, tasting his desire for her. She pushed her hips down, marveling at how full and deep he felt within her from this angle. Spike's hands gripped her hard, urging her to move against him faster. Buffy wrapped her arm around his neck and tossed back her head as she rode him with increasing force. The sounds of their breathing filled the room, accompanied by their desperate moans of pleasure. 

After several long minutes, Spike laid her down on the bed again. This time he took full control. He lifted her leg and wrapped it around his waist as he thrust inside her at a frantic pace. Buffy's palms pressed against her headboard, her breathing accelerated as her hips moved like pistons, matching him thrust for thrust. She moaned loudly as the second orgasm seized her body, sending a current of electricity to every part of her body. She cried out his name again, unable to contain herself.

"Buffy--" Spike echoed her name one last time before coming deep inside her. A few moments later, he collapsed beside her on the bed, skin glistening from Buffy’s sweat. 

Buffy lay flat on her back and looked up at the ceiling. Her chest rose and fell as she struggled to catch her breath. Her lips curved into a slow, satisfied smile. She felt amazing. Spike was amazing. Buffy rolled to her side and looked down at him. 

“Hey,” she said with a soft smile. 

“Hey,” Spike replied. 

“So…that was…wow.” Buffy looked around for the first time and noticed they were both currently at the foot of the bed. “And how did we end up down here?” She laughed. 

Spike opened his eyes and smiled. “’S wasn’t our first rodeo, pet.” 

“No…but this time it was different. I mean for me it was,” Buffy said, unsure of herself now. 

Spike took her hand and laid it on his chest. “It was. I felt it too. It was…”

“Better,” Buffy finished for him. 

Spike pulled her into his arms and Buffy hooked her leg around his waist, laying her head on his chest. They lay quietly for a few moments, basking in the aftermath of their love making. Suddenly Buffy jerked her head up and looked down at Spike again, narrowing her eyes. 

“What?” he asked.

“You’re not going to turn evil, are you?” Spike lifted a brow and cocked his head to the side. 

“Sorry, awkward time and place to reference an ex, even in jest. Mouth one, brain zero. Needless to say, I’m a little gun shy about mornings after.” Buffy glanced toward her windows. “Even if it isn’t quite morning yet. So, uhm, just to be clear… that’s a no on the evil?" 

Spike pulled her close again. “You’re lucky I fancy you a bit,” he said before kissing her shoulder. “And to answer your question, no more than usual.” Spike winked at her and gently pecked her lips. 

Buffy sighed and kissed him again hungrily; she wanted him again. Spike smoothed his hand down her back and cupped her hips, bringing her close to him again. He groaned and rolled them until he was atop her. Spike parted her thighs with his knee. This time he wasn’t gentle. Buffy’s heart quickened and she sucked in a shaky breath. 

“I’m not evil… but I can be bad,” Spike said with a lusty grin, rocking his hips forward.

++++

Sunlight filtered through her bedroom, waking Buffy first. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Spike. He was still resting, away from any of the sunlight. Buffy took a moment to admire him while he slept. He was very handsome, and his eyelashes were so long. Buffy found herself almost jealous of how dark and spikey they were. She reached out to touch the scar on his eyebrow when his hand shot out and captured her wrist. 

“Morning,” he said and kissed the palm of her hand. 

“Morning.” Buffy ducked her head shyly. Spike leaned over just as Buffy turned her head, so his lips brushed her cheek. “Let me,” she murmured and hopped out of bed. Buffy slipped on Spike’s discarded t-shirt and headed to her bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later with fresh breath. “There, better now,” she said, climbing back into bed with him and planting a soft kiss on his lips. 

He stared at her for a moment and played with the tips of her hair. “If you haven’t got another engagement, perhaps we could perform our respective morning ablutions and then discuss the state of my evilness,” he said, recalling their conversation from the night before. “Because while I don’t quite feel evil, I believe I may have crossed the line into naughty.” 

Buffy rested her forehead against his chest and giggled. She was feeling giddy with happiness. “I think you crossed that line last night, mister. But just to be safe, I think a comprehensive field test might be in order.” Buffy slid her hand over his taut abs until she reached her target. 

Spike let out a soft hiss and slid his hand into her hair, pulling her toward him for a rough kiss. Buffy stretched out on top of him. Things were heating up between them when someone knocked on the door. They ignored the frantic knocking until it became unbearable. Spike reluctantly pulled his lips away from Buffy. “Bugger all,” he groaned frustrated by the interruption. 

Buffy flopped down on the bed and ran an agitated hand through her mussed hair. “Coming!” she shouted toward the door. Buffy swung her legs over the side of the bed and searched for her jeans. She tugged them over her legs, hopping in the direction of her bedroom door. 

“Do you want me to hide, pet?” Spike asked, standing up. 

Buffy turned back toward Spike with a look of confusion on her face. “Huh? Why would I… No.” She looked at him standing naked by the bed they had just occupied together. “But maybe put on some pants,” she said with a grin. 

“Right then,” Spike said, searching for his jeans. 

Buffy ran a hand through her tangled hair and opened the door wide enough to peek through it. “Xander!” she said surprised to see him standing on the other side.

“Hey, Buff, uh—” he tried looking over her shoulder once he noticed her disheveled appearance. “Sorry to interrupt.” 

Buffy opened the door wider so he could see inside her room. “You’re fine,” she said casually. 

“Mornin’.” Spike nodded toward Xander and fastened the buttons on his jeans. 

“I uh, morning,” Xander said in shock. 

“Xan?” Buffy asked, tapping her feet. 

“Oh, right. Uh, so Willow and Giles found something last night. We’re in your office. I’ll tell them you’ll be a minute?” 

“Yeah. I’ll—we’ll be right there,” Buffy assured Xander before closing the door behind him. Buffy leaned against the heavy frame and sighed. “So much for testing our theory,” she said chagrined. 

Spike moved toward her and kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry, love, we’ve got plenty of time for that. A whole lifetime.” 

“Promise?” Buffy looked up at him.

“Scouts honor,” he said with a wink, making Buffy laugh again. “I’ll meet you in ten minutes,” he said and stepped out into the hall. 

Buffy ran into her bathroom and paused for a moment to admire her reflection in the mirror above her sink. She touched her hand to her hair and grinned. She had sex hair. Buffy laughed at the image staring back at her. Her lips were kiss-swollen, and her cheeks were flushed pink. She looked like a woman who had been well-loved. Buffy ran her fingers through her mussed hair one last time and jumped in the shower. After the shower, Buffy dressed quickly and headed toward her office, where the others were waiting for her. 

“Hey, Buff,” Willow said with a big goofy grin on her face. She looked between Spike and Buffy and wiggled her brows. 

Buffy sat beside Spike and leaned into his shoulder. She noticed Xander shift uncomfortably in his seat and ignored him. “So, what’s going on?” she directed her question to Giles. 

“Well, Willow and I seemed to have found something,” Giles said, pulling a book from a shelf behind him. “I believe Willow told you about the origin of the Seed of Wonder. It’s older than this realm. In fact, some scholars believe the seed created this, this reality,” he said looking around the room. “It predates humanity, even The First Evil itself.” 

“So, it’s super ancient. Fifty points deducted from Slytherin for lack of creativity,” Buffy said glibly. 

“Nice HP, reference, Buff!” Xander said with excitement. 

Giles paused and looked between the two friends. “This is serious, Buffy,” Giles said firmly. 

“Sorry,” Buffy pouted. “Okay, I’m being serious. This is the face of serious Buffy.” 

Spike put his arm around Buffy’s shoulder and whispered in her ear. “That was a good reference, sweetheart.” She looked up at him and smiled. 

“We know that in the beginning, Earth was not a paradise.” 

“Right, it was like Disney for demons,” Buffy interrupted. 

“Yes, well, it was far more horrific than that,” Giles said, glancing down at his book. “The Earth was inhabited by the Old Ones. We believe the seed brought them to Earth and subsequently kept them here.” 

“Like a cork,” Spike said. 

“Yes, precisely.” Giles nodded toward him. “The seed brought order to each dimension, and as long as the seed was in place—on the Hellmouth—everything functioned…well the way it did. 

“Neat history lesson, Giles, Really. But help me connect the dots,” Buffy said. 

Willow looked at Giles. “We think that when I did the spell to activate the potentials, we disrupted the balance.” 

“How was it balanced if Buffy was the only Slayer?” Xander asked. 

“Good question. The scales were tipped on the side of the baddies, but when the first Slayer was created it gave the good guys an edge. Sorta like this.” Willow hopped to her feet and demonstrated her point on the decorative scale Buffy kept on her desk. “When I activated the potentials, this happened,” she said, adding more weight to the Slayer side of the scale. See, the order is thrown off.” 

“But that’s a good thing,” Buffy said. 

“For us, yes,” Willow agreed. “But for everything else… not so much. So, the seed had to right everything.” 

“You’ve got me on the edge of my seat, Wil,” Buffy said. 

“It’s just a theory—” 

“I’ve got a theory!” Xander sang out, interrupting her. Giles gave him an annoyed look. “Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” 

“It’s just a theory,” Willow repeated. 

“But we think Willow might have created another seed when she cast her spell,” Giles interjected. 

“Seedling,” Willow corrected. 

“So, you’re saying there are two seeds now?” Buffy asked. 

“Well, yes. Possibly,” Giles said. A deep frown creased his brow. “If your dreams are any indicator, then yes. The new seed is responsible for Willow’s evolving magic. As it stands, the new seed and the old are attempting to counter each other.” 

“Hence the sudden attacks on Slayers,” Buffy concluded. 

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” Willow apologized again. 

Buffy shook her head. “This isn’t your fault, Wil. We all made the decision to activate the Slayers. Now we have to figure out how to fix this. Together.” 

Xander raised his hand. “Which is great. I’m all for teamwork. But I’m still a little confused about how this is connected to that Twilight guy and Simone.” 

“We’re still working on that,” Giles confirmed. “But from Buffy and Spike’s report, it seems that this Twilight is interested in using the new seed to possibly create another dimension similar to how this one was created. As for his involvement with Simone… that’s still a mystery.” 

“Maybe not,” Spike said with a shrug. “Simone is the power-hungry sort. I reckon she’s just being used by this Twilight bloke. Possibly as a distraction for Buffy.” 

Giles tilted his head and pointed his glasses at Spike. “Good point.” 

“So, we find this Twilight guy, I make big with the slayage, and we destroy Willow’s seed.” 

“If only it were that easy,” Willow said. “We don’t know what destroying my seed would do. It could make everything go back to the way it was or…”

“Screw it up even more,” Xander finished. 

“In a word, yeah,” Willow said. 

“Don’t worry, Buffy. Willow and I will find the answers to all your questions,” Giles assured them. 

“Well, nothing is stopping us from trying to figure out who Twilight is and how to stop him. If he gets to that seed first who knows what he’ll do with it. I mean, besides destroying this world.” 

“Well, I’ve been trying to reach our pal Angel, but he hasn’t been returning my calls,” Spike said. 

“Then Angel’s out,” Buffy said firmly. “We still have other resources, like Riley. We can get him to try and track down Twilight, and when he does, I’ll stop him before he can get to the seed. As for Simone, Spike’s right. She’s been a distraction this whole time. Stop twilight…” 

“Stop Simone,” Xander said. 

Everyone grew quiet for a moment. “There’s also something else, Buffy,” Willow said. “I’ve been going through my emails from Andrew. Remember that email from a few weeks ago?” 

“Vaguely.” 

“He mentioned an influx of Slayers. I think that has to do with the new seed. It’s creating more Slayers, and possibly growing stronger. Also, Buff, they’re getting younger.” 

“How young are we talking?” 

Willow sighed and glanced over at Giles. “According to Andrew, ten years old.” 

Buffy looked over at Giles with wide eyes. “Is this normal?” 

“I’m afraid not. The youngest recorded Slayer was 14. I suppose since the new seed is well, new—” 

“Then Slayers will be called earlier.” Buffy stood and paced the room. “Well, you guys keep with the research. I’ll contact each base leader and give them the abridged version of what’s going on. We’ll need to ramp up security. Spike,” Buffy said turning toward him. “Training. I’ll need your help with that.” 

“Whatever you need, love,” Spike said taking her hand in his. 

Giles cleared his throat and Buffy glanced back at him, doing a double-take. “Oh, right. Spike and I are together now. I love him.” She turned back toward Spike. “I love him,” she repeated firmly. 

Spike tilted his head and momentarily closed his eyes. “And I love her.” He cupped Buffy’s cheek. 

“And if you guys don’t like it. Tough,” Buffy said with a shrug. 

“I’m totally cool with it,” Willow said with a bright smile. “I was rooting for you two.” 

“Thanks, Wil,” Buffy smiled. 

“So, you and Spike…in love,” Xander said quietly. “Well,” he looked between Buffy and Spike before embracing them both. “Congratulations.” 

Spike pulled his head back, shocked by the embrace. “You alright, Harris?” 

“Yeah. I’m happy for you two,” he said, stepping away from them. 

Buffy turned toward Giles. There was only one person left. Buffy wasn’t seeking his approval, but she wanted Giles to be happy she'd finally found her happy. 

“I suppose you’re waiting for my disapproval. I’m afraid I’ll have to keep you waiting. You’re not a child anymore, Buffy. And it’s clear that you and Spike care for each other a great deal. In other words, be happy. Both of you.” 

“Thank you, Rupert,” Spike said. 

Buffy looked between all her friends. She felt complete. There was nothing they couldn’t do together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Twinkles for getting this chapter back to me so quickly! Ya'll she is the best! <3
> 
> I borrowed some dialogue from Love Dares You pt III written by Christos Gages and Nicholas Brendon and Last Gleaming Pt 4.
> 
> “Sorry, awkward time and place to reference an ex, even in jest. Mouth one, brain zero. Needless to say, I’m a little gun shy about mornings after. So, uhm, just to be clear… that’s a no on the evil?" [Love Dares You III]
> 
> "No more than usual." [Love Dares You III]
> 
> “If you haven’t got another engagement, perhaps we could perform our respective morning ablutions and then discuss the state of my evilness. Because while I don’t quite feel evil, I believe I may have crossed the line into naughty." [Love Dares You III]
> 
> “I think you crossed that line last night, mister. But just to be safe, I think a comprehensive field test might be in order.” [Love Dares You III] 
> 
> "It’s tied to the heart of Earth.” [Last Gleaming Pt. 4]


	24. Under Siege Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the wonderful Twinkles for being my beta!

They were still no closer to locating Twilight, but the team was working round the clock to find any information they could about him. After their meeting, Buffy had dedicated more time to training the Slayers. Spike was with her every night as she tossed restlessly in her sleep, the intensity of her dreams increasing with each passing day. Feeling useless, Spike wished there was something more he could do to ease her worries.

"When you look at me like that, I know I can do this. You're here with me when I need you the most," Buffy had said to him one night after her nightmare startled her awake.

Still, he wanted to do more. He hated the restlessness inside of him. Until they found this Twilight wanker there was nothing for him to punch his way out of. In the meantime, Spike vowed to do everything he could to give Buffy comfort. 

Even amidst the trouble, they still managed to find solace in each other. He quite enjoyed his role as confidant...and partner. For the first time since they had met, Spike felt like they were each other's equals. She leaned on him without shame, and he felt a sense of pride knowing she could count on him and vice versa.

Spike found Buffy in their usual spot. She was leaning over the edge of the roof, staring down into the shadowy moor that surrounded the castle. Spike walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Buffy sagged against him with a welcoming sigh. Silence hung thickly in the air between them, but Spike waited until she was ready to talk.

“I'm going to tell the other Slayers,” she said after a few minutes of silence.

“I think that would be wise,” he agreed.

“Yeah…I wanna give them the choice to stay and fight, or leave.” She turned around to face him. “What do you think?”

Worry etched across her face, and Spike draped his arms around her shoulders to comfort her. “The attacks aren’t your fault, Buffy.”

“Aren’t they though?”

“You had no way of knowing this would happen. You've already got the weight of the world on your shoulders. Don't put any more on your back. I mean it, love.”

Buffy sighed and caressed his face before kissing him. “Thank you,” she said with a wan smile.

“I didn't do anything.”

“You've done more than you know.”

++++

Spike was making his rounds when he spotted Buffy walking towards him. Their gazes locked, and as she moved passed him, her hand brushed his with a feather-light touch. An electrical current ran through his body, and in an instant, they were both speed-walking toward Buffy's office together.

Spike closed the door behind them and locked it with a soft click. He brushed Buffy's hair from her shoulders and planted a heated kiss on the soft skin between her jaw and collarbone. Buffy let out a ragged sigh and turned her back toward him. She pressed her hand against the thick wooden door; her fingers curled into two tiny fists as Spike worked her jeans open with one hand and wrapped her hair around the other. He gently tugged her hair, tilting her head back so he could kiss her lips. Spike worked his mouth over hers, his tongue dancing rhythmically as they kissed. Buffy closed her eyes as he slipped his hands past the lacy waistband of her panties. Spike groaned when he felt her tighten around his fingers.

“Buffy...” he panted, pulling away for a moment. He couldn't remember it being this good with anyone else ever. 

Spike slid her jeans past her waist and freed himself. He closed his eyes against the rush of pleasure as he tilted her hips for maximum reach. Spike stroked her until he felt the first tremor of Buffy's climax.

Taking control, Buffy freed herself from his embrace and gave him a gentle push toward the sofa in the middle of the office. She quickly disrobed and eased herself down on top of him. Spike groaned and curled his fingers around her slender waist as she set the pace. Above him, Buffy rocked her hips, throwing her head back in complete abandonment. And he was lost in her as they moved together on the sofa. Spike slipped his hand between their joined bodies and rubbed the sensitive spot between her thighs, making Buffy moan with excitement. She moved her hips faster against him, pushing him to his limits. His body screamed for her as she rode him to oblivion and beyond. Desperate for her, Spike leaned up and captured her lips between his teeth. He knew the moment Buffy reached her climax, her body squeezing deliciously all around him. He fell back against the cushions and lifted his hips off the sofa, thrusting harder as he came deep within. A few moments later, Buffy collapsed against him, languid and replete.

Spike listened to the sound of her heartbeat slow and steady. He smoothed his hand down her hair, breathing in her scent. God, I love this woman, he thought to himself and kissed the top of her head.

Buffy purred in satisfaction and lifted her head. "I've been thinking..." she began sleepily. Spike lifted his brow in anticipation. "Maybe you should move into my room. You're there every night anyway, and most of your clothes are there, too. It'll be more convenient."

Spike chuckled and slid his hand down her back. "Convenient, you say," he said with a teasing smile. "Slayer, are you using me for my body?"

"Har, har. Although..." Buffy reached between them and gave Spike a firm squeeze. "It is a really good body." She kissed him on the lips and smiled. "I just want you near," she said.

Spike played with the tips of her blonde hair. His lips curved into a gentle smile. "I know. Feelin’s mutual."

"So..." She looked up at him hopefully.

"I'll think about it," he said teasingly. Buffy poked her lip out, making Spike smile again. He gently nipped at it. "Thought about it." He grinned. "I'll have my things moved in tonight."

Buffy's eyes beamed with happiness. "I'll clear out a few drawers."

Spike looked down at her. "Okay." That's all he could say.

He was too happy for words to express... And that scared him more than anything. True happiness wasn't an emotion he had felt in a very long time. Buffy untangled herself from his embrace.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Spike asked.

"Getting dressed."

He pulled her back on top of him. "Oh no, Slayer. I'm not done with you yet," he said and repositioned them. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

++++

Buffy stepped out of the shower and patted herself dry before running a hand through her damp hair. Spike followed closely behind her, blotting his wet skin with his own towel.

“We have to hurry,” Buffy warned him while brushing her hair. “You know how it is with the military.”

“More than I’d care to know,” Spike scoffed, getting flashes of his time spent as the Initiative’s guinea pig. He glanced at the mirror and caught Buffy’s sympathetic smile.

“Riley says he has some news on Twilight. The sooner we catch him the sooner this will be over.”

“I know, pet. I know,” he said burying his nose in her fragrant hair.

Buffy turned around and wrapped her arms around his trim waist. She rested her cheek against his chest and breathed in the scent of her soap that still clung to his skin, then raised her chin so she could gaze up at him.

“What?” he asked lifting a brow.

“You’re adorable when you’re pouting,” she said with a half-smile.

“I am not. Well, pouting that is. Don’t mind much bein’ called adorable though. ‘S long as you think I am, I’m okay with that.”

Buffy raised herself on the tips of her toes and nipped his bottom lip playfully. “Good.”

Spike gathered Buffy close. He was brimming with happiness. Despite the cloud of doom that hung heavily over them, he couldn’t help the way she made him feel. So, this is love? he thought to himself.

Buffy tilted her head back and let out a tortured groan. “As much as I love doing this…”

“I know, I know,” Spike repeated and reluctantly pulled himself away from her.

They dressed quickly and headed toward Buffy and Giles’s shared office. The room was already crowded with the rest of the Scooby gang. Spike took a seat beside Buffy and waited for the next of the horrors that lay ahead.

“Buffy, Spike,” Giles greeted them. “Riley is ready to patch in. I still haven’t figured out how to work this infernal thing,” he said, pointing the remote toward the screen on the wall.

“Here, let me,” Xander volunteered. Within a few moments, Riley’s image appeared on the screen.

“Hi, everyone,” Riley said in his usual jovial tone. He quickly scanned the room and came to rest on Buffy. “Buffy, Spike.”

“’ Lo.” Spike gave him a polite smile.

“Riley, thank you for taking some time to meet with us,” Buffy said, rising to her feet.

“No problem, Buff. I’ve got to make this quick. You know how it is.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.”

“As you know, the government has been keeping tabs on anything concerning the Slayers.”

Spike glanced at Buffy and recognized the pinched look on her face. He was relieved to see her bit of annoyance with the military’s interference with her operation, but he knew collaborating with Riley was a necessary evil.

“This includes any persons or entities working with or against ya’ll,” he said and glanced in Spike’s direction.

“Twilight has been on our radar for quite some time. However, I haven’t received any orders to engage or neutralize the problem.”

“And by 'neutralize' you mean…?” Xander asked.

“That information is classified. Sorry, buddy,” Riley replied. “Anyhow, we have been tracking his movements, and noticed a pattern between Los Angeles, Italy, and this spot right here.”

Riley’s image disappeared from the screen and was replaced with a large map. Spike studied the pattern of lines that zig-zagged across every continent. Twilight’s movements all seemed localized to one spot highlighted in blue.

“Recognize it?” Riley asked.

Buffy stepped forward and squinted at the screen. “It’s the Hellmouth,” she said. “But why…”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Riley said, appearing on the screen again.

“Last time I was there it was crumblin’ all around me, mate,” Spike spoke up. “There shouldn’t be anything left.”

“There isn’t. It’s nothing but a hole in the ground, but there’s something down there that’s interesting him.”

“The seed, perhaps?” Giles muttered from his corner of the room.

“What did you say, Giles?” Riley asked.

“Nothing. I’m just thinking out loud.”

“So, Twilight’s got his sights on the Hellmouth. Looks like we know where to find him,” Buffy said, glancing over at Spike. “Once we come up with a plan,” she amended when she saw the look on his face.

“If I know you guys, warning you about interfering with a government operation doesn’t mean much, but it goes without saying…”

Buffy’s lips titled into a wry smile. “We know. You have to warn us. I wish I could promise minimal damage, but…”

“I get it.” Riley smiled back at her. “Well, duty calls. Buffy,” Riley nodded at her. “Don’t hesitate to call if you need back up.”

“Will do,” Buffy said before he disappeared from the screen. She waited for a beat before turning toward the rest of them. “So, we’ve got a location. All we need is a plan.”

“I think it'll be best if we try to gather more information about this Twilight before we go charging in,” Giles said, standing to his feet. “I believe Willow and I are getting closer to learning more about him, or rather, it.”

“Well, what’ve you got so far?” Spike asked, moving beside Buffy.

“It’s a prophecy,” Willow began.

“More like a myth,” Giles corrected. “Part of the job of the council is to separate prophecy from legend. Over the years many prophecies have been relegated to mere myths, stories passed on through generations that are nothing more than a fairytale.”

“And let me guess, you poofters filed this one under false prophecy,” Spike said.

“Well, yes. But in our defense, there was nothing that supported the Twilight prophecy in anything that we’ve researched. However, given these new developments, Willow and I were forced to take a closer look at it.”

“And what did you find?” Buffy asked.

“Like the seed, the entity known as Twilight was created as a, a consciousness," Giles explained. 

Buffy’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “You’re losing me already Giles. So, you’re saying it’s a ghost.”

“Not exactly. But it must take a host. According to the prophecy, the host must take claim of a body it deems worthy. The body it claims will help it usher in the apocalypse, ripping this world to shreds and thus creating a new one.”

“Simone said they would make the world brand new,” Buffy muttered. “So, this body it claims… does it know it’s being possessed?”

“That’s unclear,” Giles replied. “But we do know that Twilight has existed in some form since the beginning of Earth. The Prophecy spoke of a Slayer who would be granted the powers of a god, and, along with Twilight, bring about the destruction of this world to create another.”

“And Simone just threw her name in the hat for the Miss Universe pageant,” Buffy said and rolled her eyes. “How would she even know about this prophecy if even the council thought it was a hoax?"

“This is where it gets interesting,” Willow interjected, taking over for Giles. “In 1860, there were 30 members of the Watcher’s council. They knew about the prophecy, and all of them committed mass suicide a la Jim Jones. The surviving council tried to cover it up, fearing the knowledge would cause too much fear and disrupt their duties. I’m guessing she learned about the prophecy from Twilight himself.”

“And you all think this Simone bint is the chosen one?” Spike scoffed.

“No, not exactly,” Giles said. “For thousands of years, the universe has been watching, waiting to find one Slayer-- just one who measures up to its test. Century after century, they all met the same fate. Until you, Buffy…” Giles spoke, his tone low. “You did the one thing that no Slayer had ever done before.”

“You shared the power,” Willow added.

“And you think it’s me that Twilight wants, not Simone?” Buffy asked Giles and Willow.

“You’re the catalyst, Buffy,” Willow said. “You shared your power. No other Slayer has ever done that.”

“So, why is Twilight working with Simone?”

“Like Spike said,” Xander interjected. “As a distraction. He’s using her while he’s powering up to go Super Saiyan on us.” 

“Anythin' in your research that tells you how to kill it?” Spike asked. He was tired of the lengthy explanations and back history. What they needed was a way to stop the bloke from destroying the planet.

“As you know, with the rise of the first evil and destruction of the council—” Giles began.

“You don’t have squat,” Spike finished annoyed. “So, we’re fighting blind, yeah?”

“Well, it’s not that—well, yes,” Giles stammered.

“We know Twilight is old and that he’s possessed a body,” Buffy began. “It’ll probably need a strong body. Something not human?”

“That’s a possibility,” Giles said thoughtfully.

“Twilight also has magic,” Buffy said and scribbled on the screen with her finger. She made a column for things that were “known” and "unknown" about Twilight. “Old and magical. I have some experience with both of those,” she said with an air of confidence. In the unknown column, she wrote the word “demon” with a question mark.

“What do you propose, love?” Spike asked her.

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest protectively and frowned. He recognized the look on her face. It was a mixture of determination, fear, and uncertainty. Spike wished there was something more he could do, but he was scrambling in the dark alongside her.

“I don’t know…” Buffy said after a lengthy pause. “I don’t know,” she repeated and slumped into a chair.

Spike placed his hand on Buffy’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “The walls between dimensions are folding,” he began thoughtfully. “With each fall there’ll be more attacks. Buffy thinks the other Slayers should know what they’re up against.”

“I agree,” Xander said.

“These demons aren’t like what they’ve ever faced. They’re going to be pure, undiluted and fightin’ for a chance at gettin' first dibs on the new world," Spike continued. 

“That’s why we’ll need to find Twilight before his plan comes into fruition,” Giles said.

“Riley’s information was helpful,” Buffy said finally. “But we don’t know when or what he’s planning exactly. We’ll need to smoke him out, launch the first strike.”

“Simone,” Spike said, following her train of thought.

“Simone,” Buffy repeated. “A soft attack on her Italian base should bring him out in the open. It might give me a chance to stop him before it’s too late.”

“But what if Twilight is a human?” Xander asked.

“Then we’ll find a way to de-possess him if we can.”

“And if we can’t…”

Buffy stared at Xander for a moment. The air was thick with the implication of her words. “We will,” Buffy said, her tone firm. “But first, let’s focus on Italy.”

“Right then, you heard the Slayer,” Spike said. He moved beside Buffy and listened intently as she hashed out the hit on Simone’s rogue faction.

“We’ll send the Rome base to Milan. Maybe they can convince the others to defect. I know they don’t have any idea what they signed up for. Faith made that pretty clear.”

Xander raised his hand. “I know we’re all gun-ho on the Italian Job, but speaking of Faith? Shouldn’t she be getting the 411?”

Buffy glanced at Spike before Buffy answering Xander’s question. “You’re right. Try to get in contact with her, and let her know we need her back at the HQ yesterday. Twilight and Simone are our priorities right now. Cassia can wait. You know, assuming we don’t all die.”

“Gotcha,” Xander said with a nod.

“Once Simone is disabled, Twilight will come looking for me. And when he does, we’ll be ready,” Buffy said, her voice firm.

++++

Cassia had been in Italy for a few weeks, and the atmosphere was vastly different from the Scotland base. Unlike Buffy, Simone didn’t run her faction of Slayers like they were in a penitentiary and she was their warden. Slayers got to come as they pleased, and they had access to guns -- lots of them. The old opera house wasn’t as posh as the Scottish castle, but no one seemed to mind the drafty hallways and leaky pipes. 

It hadn’t taken Cassia very long to find Simone; the girl was not very discreet. She had learned about the gun-totting Slayer back at the castle. A lot of the Slayers had some strong opinions about Simone. Once Cassia got to Italy, it took a few days to convince Simone she wasn’t one of Buffy’s spies. Cassia had to rehash her story a few times, taking a few lumps along the way, before she was let into the fold. Most of the Slayers had welcomed her, but there were a few hold-outs. Understandable, Cassia thought. Faith had run a long con on them, and they were no longer quick to trust anyone coming out of Scotland. 

“I heard you kicked Buffy’s ass,” Kerri said. The Slayer had recently defected from her squadron, and they had bonded because of it. 

“Yeah,” Cassia said with a proud smile. 

Kerri rolled her eyes. “I call bullshit, but I like you. So, I’ll allow it,” she teased. “What was she like, anyway?” 

“Buffy? A bitch,” Cassia said. She hated thinking about her time in Scotland. And she hated thinking about Spike. She had loved him, and he had rejected her. Cassia’s face grew warm with fresh anger. 

“That’s what everyone says. Well, I mean everyone here. She must be a piece of work.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Cassia mumbled. The wounds were still too fresh. She didn’t feel bad for her small act of revenge. It had been cathartic. But their breakup still hurt. 

“Yeah, sure,” Kerri paused and waited as two higher-ranking Slayers walked past them. “After patrols, you wanna go on the mainland? See if we can scare up some action?” 

Right. One of Kerri’s favorite past-times was making trouble with the locals. There were a few of them who still hung out by the docks, hoping they would take back their city one day. It was pathetic really. Many of Simone’s Slayer’s seemed to get their rocks off terrorizing the people on the opposite shore. She supposed it gave them something to do to pass the time.

“Not tonight,” Cassia begged off. “I robbed a couple a few days ago and I’m trying to lay low.” That was a lie. She’d gone onto the mainland with some of the other Slayers, but wandered off on her own. Somehow, beating people up when she didn’t have to wasn’t that interesting. Instead, she had found a small vampire's nest and cleaned it out on her own. She hadn’t saved the world or anything, but she at least made one neighborhood a little safer. 

“Smart. The Italian police leave us alone on the island, but the mainland is their turf.” Kerri shouldered her rifle. “Well, if you change your mind…” 

“I’ll let you know,” Cassia said, before turning down another hallway alone. 

Cassia relaxed her hold on her gun as she casually strolled down the dim hallway. She knew she was supposed to turn around once she neared Simone’s private area, but curiosity guided her steps forward. Cassia paused as she listened to the sound of voices behind one of the cracked doors. It sounded like a man and a woman arguing. 

“Come on, Twi baby, you can't still be sore at me for kicking that bitch out of a window,” Simone said with harsh laughter.

“I told you that you could make as much trouble as you want, BUT you were not to touch a single hair on her head. My instructions seemed simple enough. I guess I hadn't made myself clear,” Twilight seethed.

“Oh, you were clear. I didn't touch a single blonde hair. I kicked her in the chest. Not my fault she stumbled out the window.”

Cassia watched as Twilight closed the distance between them with lightning speed and wrapped his hand around Simone's throat. Her feet dangled a few inches above the ground as he squeezed, and her face turned a deep shade of red while he choked her. Cassia curled her hands into tight fists and continued peering through the crack in the door. All of her instincts screamed at her to stay back, run. Simone let out a few strangled gags before Twilight let go, dropping her to the floor.

“What's your obsession with her anyway? It's not like she's the Chosen One,” Simone said, rubbing her tender throat. “We had a deal. I work for you, we bring on the apocalypse together, and I get to collect on the spoils of war. You're not reneging on me, are you? Cause if you are, a few hundred Slayers and I might have something to say about that.”

Cassia shook her head. Was Simone nuts? She frowned and shook her head. Apocalypse? War? This wasn't what she signed up for! She had never wanted to be a Slayer in the first place, but she didn't want the world to end. Life could be crappy at times, but she kind of liked living.

“I'm a man of my word,” the masked man continued.

“Good,” Simone said with a smirk.

“Did you get the last of them to the sanctuary?”

“There's one more shipment. We just got a few new girls a few weeks ago. They’ll be ready to go soon.” She sounded bored. “Still don't understand why it's down in a big crater out in the middle of nowhere.”

“It doesn't matter. The seed is stronger now. It's almost time for us.”

Cassia backed away from the door, leaving the conversation behind. Her heart pounded in her chest as blood rushed from her ears. This wasn't a safe haven for Slayers tired of Buffy's shit. Simone and that masked man were up to something! She was one of the Slayers who was supposed to go to the sanctuary in a few days. A cold chill ran up Cassia's spine. Something wasn't right. She had to find Kerri and warn her.

Cassia took off down the hall toward the back of the opera house where most of the girls slept. She found Kerri lounging with a group of Slayers.

“Glad to see you changed your mind," Kerri said, wrapping her arm around Cassia's shoulders. See girls, I told you she's one of us.”

“I need to talk to you, “ Cassia said, tugging her toward the empty hallway.

“What's up?”

“We have to leave this place. Now.”

Kerri looked down at the Cassia's hand wrapped around her wrists and jerked it away. “Why? I like it here.”

“Something isn't right. We have to go."

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Cassia led the other girl further away from the door. “I overheard Simone talking to that Twilight. They're planning something. I don't think we're safe here.”

“Oh yeah? What are they planning?

“I'm not sure. But it sounded like they’re trying to destroy this place.”

“The opera house?” Kerri asked incredulously. Her brows furrowed in confusion. 

Cassia shook her head in frustration. “No, yes. All of it. Everything.”

“You mean like end the world everything?”

Cassia nodded and lowered her voice. “We need to get out of here now. Find help.”

“You mean go running back to Buffy.”

Cassia didn’t like that prospect either, but she didn't know what else to do. She couldn't fight Simone alone. They were outnumbered and outgunned. This apocalypse stuff was Buffy’s turf. Hadn’t the older Slayer saved the world a bunch of times? She remembered Spike bragging about it back at the castle. 

“Look, do you want to die? Because if you stay here, you're going to die.” Cassia said sharply.

“Geez, cool your jets. I'm sure you just misheard her or something. Let's go back in with the others. Courtney had a great idea about tonight,” Kerri said, dismissing Cassia’s warning. 

“Listen, I'm trying to save your life!” Cassia raised her voice. 

“Yeah? Well, it feels more like you're trying to piss me off with all this end of the world bullshit. I left that behind, okay. You want to play monsters and Slayers, go ahead. I like it here.”

Cassia shook her head again. “Fine. I tried to warn you,” she said, resigned.

Kerri paused for a moment. Behind them, the Slayers were laughing loudly and roughhousing with each other. “You really think we're in danger?” Kerri asked.

Cassia nodded slowly. “Yes.”

There was a pregnant pause between them before Kerri spoke again. “Alright. I'll go with you.”

“You will?” Cassia asked surprised by the girl’s sudden change in mood. 

“Yes. But let's hurry up before I change my mind.”

“We have to go now. Take what you need, and we'll leave with the others to the mainland later tonight. Once we're there, we can split off from the rest and be gone before they even notice.”

“Sounds like a great plan,” Kerri agreed, following Cassia down another hall. “There's just one thing…” Kerri said. "We don't like spies around here," she said before knocking Cassia over the head with the butt of her handgun.

Cassia's legs crumpled beneath her and she stumbled toward the floor. Her ears rang loudly as she tried to keep her eyes from closing.

Kerri stood above Cassia's prone body. “I wanted to be wrong about you,” she said. But you're just like the people Simone warned us about. You’re no different from the rest of them.” Kerri crouched down beside Cassia. "It's just too bad," she said with a smirk. 

Cassia's eyes rolled back as she tried to keep from passing out. She couldn't make out Kerri's voice. It had gone from sweet and feminine to a deep baritone, echoing in her ears. 

Cassia closed her eyes and let the darkness take her.


	25. Under Siege Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Twinkles for helping me get this chapter all the way together. I <3 my beta! 
> 
> Disclaimer: This chapter borrows a lot of dialogue from Buffy S8 issue #33 Twilight Pt. 2 written by Andy Owens, Michelle Madsen, and Richard Starkings. There was quite a bit to track this time, so I won't be including the actual dialogue in the end note like I typically do. Instead, I encourage you to read the issue if you are curious about what dialogue was borrowed. I did tweak some of it to fit with the BTH plotline. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

Cassia woke sometime later to the sound of trickling water. She stared at the bubble trapped beneath the surface of aging white paint hanging dangerously above her head. She expected it to burst at any minute, showering her with water collected from the leaking pipes that crisscrossed the aging opera house. Cassia looked around the room. She was being held in the same makeshift cell they had thrown her in when she first arrived at the Milan outpost a few weeks ago. The last thing Cassia remembered before waking up was trying to warn Kerri about Simone. _My fault for trusting her,_ Cassia thought hotly. She should have learned her lesson about trusting Slayers back in Scotland. 

The girl rose to her feet and walked toward the prison door. Knowing it was a long shot, Cassia tried the handle, jiggling it to see if it was unlocked. She groaned in frustration and slumped against the door when it didn’t budge. This wasn’t looking good for her at all. She knew what Simone and her lackeys did to Slayers who defied her. Cassia recalled Faith’s bruises when she had arrived in Scotland.

After running away from the castle, Faith had tried to track Cassia down, but she had ignored the other Slayer. Faith was Buffy’s friend, not hers. If only I had returned her messages, Cassia thought dejectedly. It was too late now to lament about the past, she reminded herself. Now was the time to think about escaping before it was too late. 

“You awake in there?” a voice called out on the other side of the door. 

Cassia stayed silent. 

“You know, that was a dumb- ass move you tried back there with Kerri. Simone doesn’t play that traitor shit.” 

“She doesn’t?” Cassia said, allowing herself to be baited. “Because she plans on betraying you-- all of you.” 

“Bullshit. You’re just another one of Buffy Summers's flunkies sent here to shake things up.” 

“Hardly,” Cassia scoffed. “I hate her as much as you do. More, because I actually know what she’s like.” 

“Well, you chose a bad time to suddenly get a change of heart. The last girl who crossed Simone… let’s just say she’s breathing impaired.” 

“You mean Faith? Hate to break it to you, but she’s very much alive. Guess your leader didn’t do such a good job taking care of her as you thought,” Cassia said, trying to goad the girl into a fight. 

A plan was forming. Maybe if she got the girl angry enough, she would open the door, and Cassia could overpower her. Even though Simone’s Slayers were strong, most of them were sloppy and untrained. Cassia had to admit that even though Buffy was a horrible person, she made sure her girls were well trained. 

“Look at you. You sit around on this island, waiting to take orders from her,” Cassia continued. “And you know who she takes orders from? A man. So much for your island of empowered women. You’re all so pathetic.” 

“Yeah, says the girl locked in a room.” 

“And you’re locked on an island with a crazy bitch who’s trying to kill you,” Cassia taunted. 

“Shut up! Simone takes care of us!” 

“Simone is planning to end the world, and you’re nothing but collateral damage. At least when it happens, I’ll die knowing the truth. I won’t be some nobody in her whacked-out cult of misfit Slayers,” Cassia spat.

Cassia heard the soft click of the lock and braced herself. She’d only have a few seconds to rush the girl. If she moved too slow, then she’d be staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Cassia sucked in a deep breath and waited for the door to open. Before she could move, a loud blast sounded throughout the building, causing it to shake. Above her head, pPieces of the ceiling began to crumble and fall to the floor near her feet. Cold, slimy water rained down over her, soaking through her shirt. Cassia covered her head with her arms and pressed her ear to the door. She heard screaming and yelling on the other side, followed by heavy footsteps. It sounded like the opera house was under attack. 

Cassia tried the heavy door again. The blast had loosened it from its hinges, giving her a chance to escape. Bracing herself once again, she backed up a few paces and ran toward the heavy wooden door at full speed. Her shoulder slammed against the thick wood, and a sharp pain vibrated up her arm, causing her to clench her teeth. Cassia backed up a little further and tried it again; this time she knocked the door to the ground. She quickly looked around. Girls-- Slayers were running everywhere in a panic. There was a gaping hole in the side of the building where part of the theater had been. The blast had caused most of the ceiling to cave in, trapping some of the Slayers beneath it. The guard watching her door had been one of its victims. 

Springing into action, Cassia hastily ran in the opposite direction of the ruckus. If she was going to make her escape, now was a perfect time. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Simone wasn’t going to be on the winning side of this fight.

++++

Buffy waited tensely for word from the Rome team. Waiting was the worst part. No, that wasn’t true; death and carnage were the worst part. The situation was rapidly coming to a head, and Buffy was preparing herself for the worst. Even after Giles and Willow had explained the prophecy to her, Buffy still wasn’t sure what role she played in bringing in the “new world.” She had risked her life to prevent the apocalypse too many times to count. She had sacrificed everything, including her life, to protect the world and everyone in it. Buffy couldn’t imagine doing something to jeopardize the lives of the people she cared about. _The prophecy has to be wrong,_ she thought to herself. There was no way she could knowingly work with Twilight to end the world.

“It’s too quiet,” she said to her friends as they all gathered in the central intelligence room.

“Give it some time, Buffy. Maybe Paloma was able to talk a few of them into leaving,” Xander said. 

“Maybe…” Buffy muttered. She wasn’t convinced. Her spidey senses were tingling all over the place.

“Buffy, Ma’am,” Paloma’s static-filled voice filled the room a few minutes later. “We made the first strike. Talks with Simone were unsuccessful.” 

“I figured as much. Were you able to--” 

A thunderous boom carried across the airwaves, drowning out their voices. “A few of her people have defected,” Paloma reported. “We’ve got some of them with us now.” 

“Did Agent Finn send the reinforcements?” 

“That’s what you’re hearing as we speak. Some of the rogues are staying to fight.” 

“Try not to engage them for too long. We don’t want any casualties.” 

“I’m afraid it’s a little too late for that.” Static crackled loudly again. “They’re not giving up without a--” Paloma began before the line went dead. 

“We anticipated this, love,” Spike said, moving behind her. He placed his hands on Buffy’s shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze. 

“I know but…” Buffy had foolishly hoped it wouldn’t come to this. She had hoped some of the Slayers under Simone’s spell would snap out of it. 

“With Milan under siege, it will more than likely slow Twilight down for a while,” Giles said from his corner in the room. “But not for long.” 

“I know…” Buffy’s face was grim. “We’ll be ready.” 

“Buffy! Buffy!” Paloma’s panicked voice filled the room again. 

Buffy gripped the edge of a table and strained to hear what the other woman was saying. There was too much static to clearly make out her words.

“Paloma I can’t--” 

“He’s coming!” Her voice was shrill. “Oh, God. He’s coming--” Paloma said before the line went dead again.

“It’s Twilight,” Buffy said, her voice shook with anger. “I guess he’ll be here sooner than we thought,” she said to Giles. 

“And we’ll be ready,” Spike said firmly. 

“Uh, guys, something’s happening,” Xander said trepidatiously. 

“What is it, Xan?” Buffy asked, turning toward him. 

Xander projected the screen he was staring at on to the large monitor in front of them, so Buffy and the others could see what he was looking at. “There’s a spike in supernatural and demonic activity...”

“Where?” Giles asked, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

“Everywhere.” 

Buffy watched as the screen began to light up and glow red at various locations across the globe. 

“They look like portals…” Xander’s voice was faint. 

Willow and Giles moved closer to the monitor. “They are…” Giles confirmed. 

“Portals? Let me guess, they don’t lead us back to Oz,” Buffy said, grimly. 

“No, not at all,” Giles stammered, missing Buffy’s sarcasm as he stared in awe at the television. Every second that past another red glowing dot appeared on the screen. “These are hell dimensions.” 

“I guess our ‘soft attack' woke the beast,” Xander said, looking over his shoulder toward Buffy. 

“I don’t see any here just yet,” Buffy replied, pointing to the area on the map that represented Scotland. “But sound the alarm anyway. We want to be ready when Twilight gets here,” Buffy commanded.

++++

Things moved quickly from that point on. Buffy barely had a moment to breathe as she rounded up her squad leaders and barked out brisk instructions to them. If Twilight was going to come to them, they had home-court advantage. Buffy knew the lands around the castle inside and out, and had prepared her Slayers for attacks on multiple fronts. She doubted Twilight would come alone; but whether he came with Simone or with creeps he rounded up form some hell dimension, they were prepared to face it. 

“Slow down, pet,” Spike gently warned her as she geared up. “Can’t have you all worked up and not thinkin’ straight.” 

Buffy pulled her hair into a tight ponytail. “I know. You’re right…” she paused for a moment and lowered her head. “It’s just...I can’t lose anymore Slayers. I caused this, Spike. Twilight is my fault. This is my fault.” 

Spike cocked his head to the side and gave her a curious look. “What makes you think you’re responsible for Twilight?” 

Buffy sat down on the edge of her bed and sighed. “Don’t you see? If I hadn’t asked Willow to do that spell, then Twilight would be just another unfulfilled prophecy. A myth.” 

“Maybe, maybe not,” Spike said thoughtfully. “Regardless of what you and Willow did on the Hellmouth, you were already amazin’. I’ve seen my fair share of Slayers, love. Fought a few m’self. And as good as they were...none of them were as good as you. None of them could do what you can.” Spike stepped forward and wrapped his hands around each of her arms. "None of them had your heart or your strength. You try to be just a girl, Buffy...but you’re not. You’re much more.” 

Buffy sucked in a shaky breath. “So, you’re saying that no matter what I did, Twilight was inevitable.”

Spike shrugged. “I don’t know. But it seems like.” 

“Geez. I guess there is a downside to being an overachiever,” Buffy tried to joke. 

Spike gathered her close. “We’re going to fix this. You and I are in this together. Remember?” he dipped his knees so that he was at her eye level. 

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed again. “I love you.” 

Spike’s lips tilted upward. “I know. And you’ll tell me again when this is all over.” 

++++

She didn’t sleep. No one in the castle did. They were all waiting for the inevitable. Buffy had started receiving reports from her squad leaders in other locations. They had all taken heavy hits as more portals opened, releasing demons into their world. Spike was right; they were all trying to hitch a ride on Twilight’s one-way express into the new world. Once this dimension was destroyed, all the hell dimensions that were tethered to this reality would also cease to exist. Some of the dimensions were filled with horrors that even the darkest minds couldn’t fathom; but some dimensions, like the one Clem was from, were pretty harmless. Those demons just wanted to live, too. 

Buffy watched vigilantly for the first rumbling of an attack. It came in the early hours of the morning before the sun had risen in the sky. A portal opened a few miles away near the small town they had visited a few months back. 

“Kennedy, Rona and Vikki, your teams will man the castle on the front lines,” Buffy said. "Kennedy, you’re in charge.”

“You got it!” 

“Willow, you’ll stay here as reinforcement. I know we said no magic… but now’s the time for you to use your magic.” 

Buffy turned to Spike last. “The sun will be up soon.” 

“I know, but--” 

“I owe you an ‘I love you’ after this is over,” Buffy reminded him. “I can’t do that to a pile of dust. You’ll get plenty of action in the castle. These walls won’t keep any demons out if they really want to get in.” 

Spike shook his head, disappointed at the prospect of being unable to help. “Right then. Babysit the castle.” 

“Just until the sun goes down.” Buffy placed a hand on Spike’s chest. “Promise me you won’t do anything reckless.” 

“I don’t know if I can promise you that, love. But I’ll try to stay safe.” 

“I’ll take it,” Buffy said before pulling him close for a long kiss. 

After giving out a string of orders, Buffy and her team outfitted themselves with their communication devices and headed into town in armored trucks. By the time they had reached the city limits, the demons that had escaped their dimensions had wreaked havoc on the town. Buffy grimaced at the sight of the human casualties they had been too late to prevent. 

“Buffy Summers, come in Buffy Summers,” Andrew’s voice invaded Buffy’s ears. 

“Now is not a good time,” Buffy replied between clenched teeth. “Kind of in the middle of an apocalypse, Andrew.” 

“I know. So are we. Olympus has fallen!” 

“What?” Buffy asked aggravated that she was allowing herself to be drawn into his nonsense again. “What’s fallen?” 

“Olympus. That’s the name I’ve given the Los Angeles base. Scotland is called Brave Heart, Greece is Xena and --” 

“Okay, okay. I get it. You’re saying Los Angeles has been hit.” 

“Yes. And it’s bad, Buffy. We’ve lost… many Slayers have bravely fallen in the line of duty. But there’s something I need to tell you,” Andrew began. The line of communication between them began to crackle. 

“Make it quick,” Buffy said, her tone clipped. 

“You’re not going to like this, Buffy. It’s about A--” 

Suddenly the line dropped and all Buffy heard was static between them. 

“Hello? Hello? Andrew?” Buffy repeated and got no response. She didn’t have enough time to try to get him back on the line. The trucks were coming to a stop. Whatever was happening in L.A. was thousands of miles out of her reach. She needed to present in the here and now. 

"Move out!" Buffy shouted over the melee as her boots hit the ground. 

She had had barely enough time to scan her surroundings before she was ambushed by a demon twice her size. Buffy swung her scythe, sinking its sharp blade into the demon's midsection. It barely left a scratch. _Oh, fu--_

The demon lifted it's massive arms and howled into the air. 

"So, I'm guessing you're about to go all hulk smash on me, huh?" Buffy said, ducking under its powerful swing.   
It lunged at her again, and Buffy yanked her scythe from its tough exterior. "I can tell you're the quiet type," Buffy grunted out while landing a few punches to the demon’s hard flank. "Not much for the chit chat."   
She was about to launch another attack on the oversized demon when an invisible force flung it into the air and through the window of a storefront shop.

“What the--” Buffy said looking around in confusion. 

Suddenly the sky grew dark as the moon eclipsed the sun, casting everything into twilight. Buffy lifted her eyes to the sky and spotted a hooded figure hovering a few feet away. 

“Let me guess… you’re the man of the hour?” she said, looking at the man skeptically. There was something oddly familiar about him that she couldn’t quite place. 

“I see you’ve been expecting me,” the man said as he touched down a few feet away from her. 

“You listen to me, Twilight,” Buffy said, her feet wide apart, stance strong and commanding. “My God, is that really the name you picked? Twilight? Ya know I lived that idea first, right? And my vampires were so much better.” 

“Actually… yeah, I do,” Twilight said, reaching for the mask that covered his face and head. “I missed you, too.”

Time seemed to freeze as Buffy stood motionless while Twilight unmasked himself. Her heart dropped to her stomach when she saw his face. It was a face she knew almost as well as her own. It was a face she had spent hours daydreaming about when she was a teenager. Buffy stumbled backward as her knees nearly gave out on her. 

“Angel?” she squeezed out in disbelief. 

“You seem surprised,” he said, grabbing Buffy by her vest and lifting her into the air. 

Buffy struggled against him as her feet dangled beneath them. Buffy didn’t know what to say. She had spent weeks researching the Twilight prophecy, and it had never occurred to her that it could be Angel. As Buffy’s mind raced in a million directions, Angel flew them toward a wooded area away from the fight.

“Not Angel. It’s not,” Buffy murmured once they landed. “It’s gotta be Angelus.” 

“Wrong. Not Angelus. I’m just me,” Angel said with a cocky smirk. “And you know I’m me. I know you feel it.”

Buffy’s face grew warm with embarrassment. How could she not have known? Shouldn’t she have known it was Angel all along? She thought about all the dreams leading up to this day. Could she have missed something? Had she intentionally missed this? 

“You...you’re responsible for this,” Buffy said quietly. “The attacks...the deaths. Some of my girls died because of you.” The warmth in her cheeks turned into hot anger burning through her from the inside out. “Some of them are dying right now!” Buffy leaped forward, fists flying.

“I didn’t kill anyone. This was happening,” Angel said, dodging Buffy’s fists. He was moving faster than she could punch. 

“You’re killing them!” Buffy yelled. 

“Stop saying cryptic crap like that! It happened because you made it happen. You activated the slayers; you did this, Buffy. Now, I’m here to help you...help us. So, stop trying to punch me. It won’t make you feel any better. ” 

“Oh, no. It will,” Buffy said, as she tried hitting him again. This time her fist connected with his face and sent him tumbling backward. 

“No, it won’t… and you know it won’t,” Angel said, his voice was as soft as a kiss. “Everything I did-- we did brought us to this moment. Right here. Right now. This was inevitable, Buffy. We are inevitable.” 

A few years ago, seeing Angel again would have made Buffy go weak. Now, she couldn’t look at him without feeling a surge of disgust. “Oh, yeah? Then why the charade? Why did you hide your face behind that stupid mask? Why did you hide from me?” Buffy pleaded. 

“I wasn’t hiding. When I was in L.A. things got a little funky. But I’m okay now. Thanks for asking.” 

“I don’t give a crap about L.A.!” Buffy shouted at him, disgusted by his nonchalance. “Why did you put us through this hell for almost a fucking year?!”

“But I didn’t. You fundamentally shifted the balance of power in this world, Buffy. People die when that happens. Every. Time. It could never be as simple as you had hoped. Not on this plane. But it was a pure act. And it meant you were ready.” 

“Ready? Ready for what? To kill all my friends, hundreds of innocent girls? Millions of people!” Buffy yelled. Her voice cracked with unchecked emotion as she lunged toward him again. 

“Don’t you see, Buffy...the mask, Simone… the sanctuary. It was all a distraction while the new seed grew stronger.” 

“What do you mean the sanctuary...? Buffy’s eyes narrowed into two thin slits. 

Angel’s eyes darted away from hers. “That doesn’t matter.” 

“It matters to me,” Buffy said, her voice dangerously low with anger.

“The seed had to get stronger, Buffy. More potentials were being called, the Slayers...They were draining it.” 

“Oh, god…” Buffy’s voice was faint as she put the pieces together. “There was never a sanctuary was there? You weren’t helping them. You were killing them.” 

“I only did what I had to, to push you...to bring us to this moment. That twist in your belly isn’t just rage, or confusion-- and for once. It’s not even guilt. You feel me, Buffy. You feel me.” 

Buffy winced at him. She couldn’t believe her ears. The longer Angel spoke, the sicker she felt. Bitter bile rose in the back of her throat nearly choking her. He was insane, completely and utterly insane.

“There is no us!” She tried for an uppercut and missed it. 

“There’s always been us. You can keep swinging, but you know I can feel you coming,” Angel said, easily deflecting her punches. “You see that there?” he said, nodding toward her arm. “That glow on your arm every time you get close? This isn’t just another fistfight, Buffy. This is history.” 

He was wrong. He was stupid and wrong and...Oh sh-- Buffy looked at her arms. There was a glow--

“Look, it’s expanding,” Angel pointed out. 

“There’s no glow,” she denied. “You’re imagining it.” 

“It’s the seed. See, Buffy. It’s ready. We’re ready. Buffy, let go, for one minute let go of what you think you understand and let your body tell the truth.”

“Listen to my body, huh? Well… it’s telling me I’m going to boot,” Buffy squeezed out. He was making her sick to her stomach. 

“Stop fighting it, Buffy. Don’t you hear it?” Angel pleaded. “Because I do… and it’s singing. It’s Joy, Buffy. You and I don’t have a lot of experience with joy.” 

Oh, no. He was wrong about that. So, wrong. She experienced joy each time she lay in Spike’s arms, or when he looked at her. Or the way he made her feel. No, she had joy. For the first time in her life, she had joy in its purest form. 

“But I feel it,” Angel continued, oblivious to Buffy’s internal musings. “Being this close to you, I feel a connection, I wasn’t even prepared for.” 

The glow around Buffy’s body was growing stronger with each passing minute. Angel may have been wrong about their connection, but he was right about the seed. It was pushing them together, forcing them to connect. 

“Forget what I said about history-- this isn’t about history. This is about us. This is about our future.” 

“Are you even listening to yourself right now?” Buffy said, her tone was heavy with anger and frustration. “People are dying just a few miles from here, and you’re trying to rehash our greatest hits. Well, news flash, Angel, you don’t know me like you used to know me… if you ever knew me at all,” Buffy added quietly. 

“Maybe I don’t… But I do know there’s a reason we’re both standing here today. There’s a reason why I loved you the moment I saw you. There’s a reason we can’t be happy with anyone else.” 

“But I am...I am happy,” Buffy said firmly, squaring her shoulders. 

“Are you really...I know about you and that Slayer. You’re glowing right now, and it’s not because of her. Even with all this power coursing through me, all I feel is weak looking at you. This is happiness. What if right here, right now, this is us choosing the right thing to do...for us.” Angel paused for a moment before adding, “Don’t you want to be happy?

Buffy watched, stupefied, as Angel closed the gap between them and lowered his lips to hers. Everything became very still just then, as if something had vacuumed all the air and sound out of the atmosphere. Buffy was too shocked to move or even react. It wasn’t until she felt Angel’s cold, wet tongue forcing its way between her lips that she snapped out of her trance. Buffy placed the palms of her hands against Angel’s chest and shoved him away with all her might, and her fist connected with his nose with a sickening _crunch!_ Using the back of her hand, she wiped Angel’s unwanted kiss away with disgust and put some space between them. 

“Are you completely off your bird?” Buffy said, glaring at him.


	26. Under Siege Pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Twinkles. Any mistakes are mine.

The castle was surrounded by demons, and their funk permeated the building, making the air thick and stifling. After taking out a couple dozen of the creatures, Spike realized these were low-level demons, feral beasts that were all sharp claws and gnashing teeth. He reckoned it had only been a few hours since Buffy had taken off with her squad to the town, which meant the sun was still high in the sky, rendering him useless. At that moment, Spike would have given anything to be outside on the frontlines; instead, he was confined to the building. But he had made a promise to Buffy and intended to keep it. _No use in chargin' out into the sun like the soddin cavalry,_ he thought bitterly.

"Spike! They've breached the west wing of the castle," Emere shouted running toward him gripping her left arm. Spike noticed it was practically hanging from its socket. 

"How’s the line?" he asked, his voice calm and measured. Spike had seen enough wars to know that panicking at times like these was useless. 

"The line? The line's gone, sir. They're gone." 

Dammit! That meant at any moment the demons would storm the castle. There were Slayers on the roof with catapults, but if a large group managed to get in... 

"Right then. Get down to the infirmary and have Logan patch you up, then report to Harris for further orders. 

"Logan isn't in the infirmary. She's on the front lines," Emere informed him. 

"Bloody hell! Then who's--" Spike jerked his head. "Never mind. Alright, brace yourself," he said, placing one hand on her shoulder and gripped her arm. "This is gonna hurt for a second."

Emere looked Spike in the eyes and gave it a firm nod. 

"One," he said and popped the bone back into the socket. It still looked slightly off, but it would do. "You'll be alright," he said casually. "Now go find Harris and see where he needs you," Spike said and started toward the west wing. 

"Where are you going?" Emere asked. 

"To the west wing," he said, jogging away.

The closer Spike got to the west side of the castle, the more destruction he saw. Parts of the building appeared to have been blown out and the ceilings were caving in. He carefully navigated his way around the sunlight streaming in through the holes as he made his way toward the fight. The smell of blood hit him first; demon and human blood tangled together in the heavy metallic smell of death. Spike winced as he followed the trail of bodies toward the thickest part of the fray. If he got any closer, he would run the risk of meeting his true death by sunlight. He watched for a few minutes in the shadows as the Slayers fought to keep the demons at bay. Spike realized he could try to lure them closer to the castle, where he could fight under its cover. It was an enormous risk. Spike closed his eyes for a moment and thought about Buffy. He had made her a promise. But he also couldn’t stand around and do nothing. Spike picked up a discarded battle-ax and moved closer to the edge of the building where shadow met light. He began to flail about, drawing attention to himself. 

Suddenly Spike heard a long rumble that shook the foundation of the building. Chunks of stone fell from above, landing near his booted feet. Up in the sky, the sun had disappeared, casting the shire under a dark, inky sky. Spike raised his chin and thanked whatever deity looking after him for the break. 

"Alright, kiddies. Let's get to it," he said before charging into the fray. 

Spike whipped the ax above his head in a helicopter motion before launching it at the head of a horned demon, slicing its skull between the center of its large, red eyes. "One down," he said yanking the ax out of the demon's flesh and shaking its slimy, green blood off the blade. "About a million to go." 

Spike continued to fight, pushing the Demons out into the open without being restricted by the castle walls. Outside, more Slayers worked in teams or individually to stave off each threat that made it through the portals. But the more they fought, the more came in droves from various dimensions across the universe. They were legion, and Spike wasn't sure how he or any of the Slayers were going to beat them. Spike had enough fight him to last for a while, but the Slayers were still human. They'd tire eventually. Spike wished there was something he could have done about Twilight. He was the key. Once Twilight was out of the picture, Spike was certain the demons would return from whence they came, and could resume their lives until the next impending threat of doom came. 

"Watch your left!" Spike shouted at a dark-haired Slayer as he jogged toward her.

"My left is fine," Satsu answered, placing her boot on the demon's chest and pushing it off her blade with her foot. 

Spike watched the demon slide off her katana like butter and crumple to the ground.

"But thanks," Satsu added and turned toward him. She raised her chin to the sky. "You know how long this is going to last?"

Spike didn't know if she meant the darkness or the portals. "Not sure. But we keep fightin' until one of the Scoobies figures it out." 

Satsu offered him a curt nod and charged forward with Spike at her side. They worked together in tandem, picking off creatures of all sizes one by one. 

"Spike, duck!” Satsu shouted as a demon ambushed him from behind. 

He leaned back, moving out of the demon's clutches while Satsu leaped forward and swung her sword, lopping off its head with one quick swipe. 

"Thanks," Spike said, wiping its blood from his face. 

"No problem. Let's move over there," she said, nodding toward the thickest part of the fight. 

They trudged on, fighting the constant stream of invading demons. Hours passed, and Spike wasn’t sure how long they had been fighting. He had to admit he and Satsu made a good team. He understood why Buffy had made her second in command. She was a talented fighter, and back in his day, he would have gloried in taking her down. But that day, they were on the same side, fighting for the same cause. Spike glanced over at Satsu and watched her tiredly raise her arms. She swung her sword in the direction of the nearest beast that came her way. The energy she had earlier was quickly beginning to fade. 

“You alright over there?” Spike called out to her. 

“If alright means dead on my feet. Then yeah, I’m doing great,” she answered wearily. 

_Come on, Red. We can’t last much longer out here, Spike thought to himself._

“Satsu!” Spike called out when he saw the Slayer had collapsed to her knees. Spike leaped over the body of a Xargoth and helped her to her feet. 

“Thanks,” Satsu said, giving him a wan smile. The smile quickly faded from her lips as a crowd of demons began circling them. 

Spike saw the fear and determination in her eyes and gave her a reassuring nod. Spike moved behind her, and back to back they lifted their weapons. If this was going to be it for him, then at least he got to go out with a worthy partner. 

“You take right and I take left?” Satsu said behind him. 

“Already ahead of you, love.” 

The demons snarled and moved closer, narrowing the gap between them. Spike lifted his battle-ax, ready for the challenge. He’d been eyeing one demon with glowing red eyes and yellow teeth. Suddenly, a noise rumbled in the distance, momentarily distracting him. Looking up, Spike spotted what appeared to be a tanker rapidly moving toward them. Was Buffy back already? Did she stop Twilight? He thought wildly for a moment. The tanker barreled along, picking up speed. Spike expected it to stop once it reached the circle of demons, instead, it kept coming directly for them. 

“What the--?” he cried as the tanker plowed into the circle of demons, crushing a few of them under its massive wheels. He and Satsu leapt out of the way, avoiding the chance of becoming roadkill. The tanker backed up and rolled forward again, taking out a few more demons before the smarter ones took off running.

Spike pulled himself up on his elbows and looked up at the giant machine. A few seconds later, the circular lid at the top flew open, and Spike couldn’t believe his eyes. 

“Well, are you two coming or what?” Cassia asked, peeking out of the hole. 

Behind her, Faith emerged from inside and grinned. “What’s the matter, Spike? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

He was seeing a ghost; the ghost of ex-girlfriends past. Out of everyone Spike had expected to see climb out of that tanker, Cassia was the last on his list. He blinked his eyes several times, unable to believe she was only a few feet away from him. 

“You two better hurry up and get inside,” Faith said, cutting through Spike’s confused thoughts. 

“Think I’ll take my chances out here,” he said, recalling his previous encounter with Cassia. 

“Oh, don’t worry, Spike. I’m not here to kill you. Look around,” Cassia said glancing from side to side. “I’ve got bigger things to worry about than a stupid ex-boyfriend.”

“Hey--” 

“How about we save the reunion until after we’re safely inside,” Satsu said, climbing up the side of the tanker.

A few minutes later, Spike found himself in the cramped vehicle with Cassia, Faith, Satsu, and Riley Finn. Of course, he thought to himself. He should have known once he saw the government-issued vehicle. 

“Thanks for the lift, mate,” Spike said to Riley. 

“No problem. You two looked like you could use a hand.” 

“We had it covered, but thanks all the same,” he said and slumped against a control board. “Has anyone heard from Buffy?” Spike asked, and immediately regretted bringing her up in front of Cassia. His eyes darted toward the young woman, but her face remained impassive. 

“Not yet. Last time anyone saw her she was in town. Communication has been spotty,” Riley updated him. “I’m sure she’s alright. Buffy is a powerhouse.” 

“Yeah,” Spike muttered. An awkward silence fell over them. 

“Well, no use in ignoring the obvious,” Satsu said. “What’s she doing here?”

Cassia smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. “Saving your asses, obviously. So, you might want to show a little more gratitude.” 

“Cassia found me on her way back here from Italy. She came to warn Buffy about Simone and Twilight’s plan,” Faith explained. 

“See, I’m helping to save the world.” 

“Sure you are,” Satsu said and rolled her eyes. 

“Ladies--” Riley tried interjecting. 

“It’s true,” Faith defended her. “She’s got no beef with any of us. Right, Cassia?”

Cassia nodded her head. “If I wanted revenge on Spike or Buffy, I sure as hell wouldn’t be here putting my neck on the line for you assholes. I just want to live.” 

Now that made sense. Spike recalled a time when he had similar motivations for wanting to save the world from Acathla. He had even gone as far as teaming up with the Slayer to do it. 

“Great, now that we’ve got that all settled, does anyone know how Giles and Willow are fairing at finding a spell or something to end this?” Riley asked. 

“No. Last I saw Red and Rupert they were headed toward the library. That was hours ago, and the castle is more than likely overrun by now,” Spike replied. 

“Alright, then we head toward the castle,” Riley said firmly. 

“How? Satsu asked. We get out of this thing, and we’re dead meat.” 

“That’s easy. Through the front door,” Riley said, pushing the tank into gear. 

Spike strapped himself into one of the seats furthest from Cassia. Sure the Slayer said she had no quarrel with him, but he didn’t want to take his chances. They were on a truce now, but he wondered if it would last if they survived this. Cross that bridge when I get there, he thought to himself as they bounced along. 

Spike couldn’t see anything outside of the tank, but he heard the commotion. It sounded like a war zone outside. They had been fighting for hours and had barely made a dent in the forces that came pouring through each portal. 

“We’re nearing the castle,” Riley announced. “Everyone brace yourself.” 

Spike held on to anything he could put his hands on. A few seconds later he heard a large crash as the tank burst through the walls of the castle like the Koolaid man. 

“Last stop on the Riley express,” the soldier said cheerily from upfront. “Everyone be careful and keep your eyes open. Follow my lead.” 

“Wait,” Spike said. “Have you ever been in the castle?” 

“No, but--” 

“Then it might be best for everyone to follow my lead. I know this place inside and out.” Spike rose to his feet. 

“Fine. Lead the way,” Riley said with a shrug. 

“Right then. Everyone keep your eyes open and follow my lead,” Spike said, repeating Riley’s instructions from earlier. 

Spike was the first one out of the tank. He turned to help Faith and Satsu climb out. When it was Cassia’s turn, the girl looked at his outstretched hand and climbed down on her own. _Fine, suit yourself,_ Spike thought with a shrug. 

“Looks like you got us pretty close to the front door, mate,” he said to Riley with a hint of admiration in his tone. “The library is on the second floor of the castle, not too far from here. You all follow close behind me.” 

Spike led the others through the darkened castle and tried to ignore the piles of bodies as they made their way toward the library. He recognized some of the girls lying on the floor and winced. The second floor was like a ghost town by the time they had arrived, but Spike recognized the signs of a struggle. Some of the demons had made it farther into the castle than he liked. He hoped Giles and Willow were okay. If not, they were in bigger trouble than any of them had anticipated. 

“Library’s straight ahead,” he whispered.

The moment Spike laid his hand on the wooden door; he was blasted a few feet across the hallway. His back hit the wall with a loud thud. “Protection spell,” he muttered. “Good call, Red.” 

“Ayo, Giles!” Faith called out. “It’s me, Faith. Let us in.” They waited a few minutes before Faith tried again. 

“Willow, it’s Faith. I’ve got Spike and the others. Let us in.” 

Spike heard some commotion behind the heavy doors that sounded like furniture being moved out of the way. A few moments later, the doors swung open, revealing Giles with Willow hovering close by. 

“Oh, thank God, you’re alive,” Giles said, genuinely happy to see Faith and the others. “Hurry, come in,” he said, stepping aside. 

Spike looked up toward Willow who continued to hover in trance above them. “What’s the deal with Red?” he asked. 

“She’s communing with the universe.” 

Spike tilted his head. “Yeah? What for? Seems like the universe is pretty brassed off.” 

“Yes, well, she’s trying to find a way to sever the connection between our world and the others.” 

“Will that close the portals?” Faith asked. 

“We hope so.” 

“Well, we need a little more than wishin’ and hopin’,” Spike mumbled. 

“I’m working on a few alternatives myself,” Giles said.

“What do you have?” Riley asked as he reassembled the barricade.

“When Buffy shared her power with the potentials,” Giles began. “She didn’t just share it. She created It.” 

“Yeah, yeah. We got all that from the last lecture, professor,” Spike interjected. “The new seed and all that.” 

“It’s a little more complicated than I had initially thought,” Giles continued. “Buffy gave the world a new breed. A new evolution…” 

“Giles, what are you saying?” Faith asked. Her brows knitted together in worry. 

“He’s saying Twilight isn’t trying to just end this world. He wants to create a new one. Not the boxed stuff. He’s making it from scratch, and he needs Buffy to do it,” Willow said as she floated down to meet them. “But to create a new universe, the seed must be planted.” 

“Well, Buffy ain’t much for gardening,” Spike said. 

“No, the dream was a metaphor. They aren’t going to actually plant the seed. They have to-- plant the seed.” Willow shifted uncomfortably, unable to look Spike in the eyes. 

“Oh, gross,” Satsu said once she realized what Willow was hinting at. 

“Wait, you’re not saying they have to--” Riley began.

“Fuck,” Cassia finished with a smirk. 

“Well, uh, yes. If we’re being frank,” Giles stammered. “It’s precisely what she’s saying. This is the universe, the seed, rewarding them. It is... the next step on the ladder.” 

“Well, if you think Buffy’s gonna let some random bloke on a power trip shag her into oblivion, then I’ve got a beach house to sell you in the Sahara,” Spike scoffed. 

“Except Twilight isn’t a random bloke,” Willow said. Her voice shook as she cast a hasty glance toward Giles. “Twilight is someone she knows. Someone we all know…”

Spike narrowed his eyes. He wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear next. “Come on, Red. Get on with it then,” he said impatiently. 

“Twilight is Angel.” 

“Bloody hell,” Spike said and ran an irritated his hand through his hair.

 _Of bloody course, Twilight was Angel._ The bastard would try to end the world and figure out a way to get one last shag in with his old flame before he did it. Spike slumped down into a nearby chair and stared at the floor. He didn’t know what to think. He knew Buffy loved him, or at least, she told him often enough. But this was _Angel._ He’d seen her practically move heaven and hell for the guy. There was no way he could compete with that no matter how hard he tried-- no matter how hard he proved he had changed. Dammit all to hell, he cursed himself. 

“Why do you think it’s Angel?” Riley asked, with a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Who told you? Was it the universe?”

“Well, it was Andrew,” Willow answered sheepishly. “But also it makes perfect sense. He’s the yin to her yang.” Willow glanced over at Spike and winced. She gave him a silent ‘I’m sorry’ with her eyes. “The seed is intuitive. Buffy created it, so it knows what she wants.” 

Thanks for the confirmation. Spike's thoughts grew despondent. 

“And it’s trying to use them to create a new universe.” 

“So if she bumps uglies with Angel, then wham, bam, thank you, new universe?” Faith said. “I’m not buying it. Besides, Buffy is off the Angel mobile. She’s in love with Spike.” 

“But Angel’s her first love,” Riley said. “You never really get over your first.” 

Cassia snickered from across the room. “Guess someone put their bets on the wrong girl.” 

“Buffy’s not going to risk the world to screw Angel for old times sake,” Faith said. “I know B. She’s not built that way. Besides, he can’t be that good of a lay.”

“Well, if that’s true, then why are there thousands of demons outside while we’re stuck in here?” Cassia asked. “Looks like your precious Buffy is more worried about getting off than saving the world.” 

Spike tried to ignore Cassia, but her words were getting to him. If Buffy was his habit, then surely Angel was hers. They had the goddamn universe on their side. Who was he in the grand scheme things? 

“You all are oversimplifying this,” Giles said. “The seed wants to create a new universe and to do it, it had to choose the catalyst. Buffy was the first Slayer to share her power. That makes her special, unique. Angel was the first vampire to have his soul restored. That set him apart from all the rest, baring Spike of course,” Giles stammered. “Together, that makes them the perfect beings to usher in the new world. They are the best of their kind, and once they join together, this world will no longer matter.”

“The best of their kind?” Cassia asked skeptically. “I know you all think so highly of Buffy, but that Twilight-Angel guy, or whatever his name is, is far from the best. He’s been killing Slayers, leading them to the sanctuary to kill them. He’s evil.” 

“What?!” Spike leapt to his feet. “What the hell are you talking about?” 

Cassia crossed her arms over her chest. “I figured you didn’t know. You’re a piece of shit boyfriend, but I couldn’t believe you were in on his plan. He was lying to you and Simone about the sanctuary. There is no sanctuary. It doesn’t exist.” 

Spike growled in anger. How could he have been so bloody stupid? All those months...he had helped Angel. That made him culpable. 

“It’s not your fault,” Satsu said as if she had read his thoughts. “You didn’t know. No one did.” 

“But I should have. I was workin’ with the sod.” 

“Well, rehashing the past isn’t going to change anything. We’re here now,” Riley said. “So, what are we going to do?” 

“Find Buffy,” Spike growled. 

“You can’t. She’s...something is happening,” Willow said. 

“What do you mean some--”

“Look, the way I see it, we still have time,” Satsu interjected. “We’re still here. Which means Buffy isn’t exactly doing the horizontal polka just yet.” 

“Satsu’s right,” Giles said. “If we’re still standing, then something isn’t going as planned.” 

“Could be foreplay,” Cassia said and winked at Spike. 

“We’ve been fighting for hours. We’re coming up on 24 to be exact,” Satsu said. “I think Giles is right. If we’re still here, then either Buffy or Angel aren’t doing what they’re ‘supposed’ to. So, instead of standing around discussing what Buffy may or may not be doing, which is kinda creepy and gross by the way, let’s get back out there and fight. Because If I’m going to die, it won’t be hiding in some library like a coward.” 

Spike’s eyes met Satsu’s and held. She was right. They were still alive, still able to fight. He had to believe that Buffy was strong enough to resist whatever bullshit Angel was trying to pull with her. The Buffy he knew had died to save the world. She jumped into a portal and allowed herself to get pulled apart to save her sister. There was no way that she would sacrifice the lives of millions to relive her glory days with Angel. Even if she didn’t love him as much as she loved Angel, Spike knew Buffy was better than that. 

“Right then. I don’t know about you people, but I’m not going to miss out on a good thrashing,” Spike said.


	27. There's Only One Thing We Say to Death: Not Today

Buffy could still taste him on her lips, no matter how hard she wiped. There was a time in her life when she had craved his kisses the way her body craved air. But those memories seemed like a million years ago. Even if she _wanted_ to kiss Angel, she couldn’t -- not with the weight of everything he had revealed pressing down on her.

“Ow!” Angel exclaimed, popping his nose into place. “Why’d you do that?”

“Well, I know back in your day guys weren’t too big on the whole consent thing...but times, they have a’changed,” she retorted.

Buffy took a moment to look around, and realized they were no longer in the woods. They were...well, she didn’t know where they were. Everything was white and colorless for as far as the eye could see. “Where are we?” she asked, looking around.

“I don’t know. But since when did you start using British slang?”

 _Since I fell in love with Spike, who’s probably wondering where I am right now._ “Since when did you become a homicidal idiot hellbent on destroying the world?” Buffy paused for a moment. “Wait. Don’t answer that.”

Angel lowered his eyes and shook his head. “I should have known it would be Spike. You’re covered in him. But I had hoped…”

“What? That we’d get together and live happily ever after in the land of the colorless? But yes, to answer your non-question, I am with Spike. I love him. I have for a long time.”

Angel turned away from her for a moment. Buffy didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to comfort him. That seemed wildly inappropriate. She had moved on with her life. The last time Buffy had laid eyes on Angel she had given him that horrible cookie dough analogy. That seemed so long ago. Back then she had held onto the hope that one day...but Buffy knew what she wanted now. They had been worlds apart from each other long before today. What had he expected from her?

“Maybe you do love him,” Angel said finally, turning around to face her. “But that still doesn’t erase what we have.”

“Had. You and I are firmly in the past. Honestly, Angel, what did you think was going to happen once I found out what you really are? Did you think you’d kiss me, and I’d want to die?

Angel shook his head. “You still don’t get it, do you? If you kiss me, you won't die, Buffy. You’d live, truly live the life that you-- that we always wanted to live.”

“How? By killing everyone in it? I don’t see how you can stand there and think that any of this is okay,” she said flailing her arms.

“We wouldn’t be killing...we’d be creating. You and me, we’re creating a new universe, a new reality. Can’t you see? Our love will birth the new world.”

“I don’t see anything, and you sound as crazy as Simone," she said, unmoved.

“I get it. You’re afraid,” Angel said. “Look around... I’m not crazy. We’re finally free, Buffy. This is our chance to create something new. Something better. All you have to do is let go.”

Buffy shook her head in disbelief. They were surrounded by nothing. _What the hell is he talking about?_ “You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you? You’re just guessing. Throwing crap against the wall to see what sticks.”

“You know that’s not what I’m doing. Think. How did we get to this place? This is the seed; it wants us here. But this is just a step.”

“Or a Daffy Duck cartoon,” Buffy said, walking away from him. She needed to find a way out of wacky-world and away from Angel. Something was forcing her to gravitate toward him. The longer she was near him, the harder it was to resist. Buffy thought about Spike and her friends. Angel may have been okay with this, but she needed to get back home. There were people depending on her.

_You’re stronger than you know._

“Look, Buffy. Your clothes are changing,” Angel said to her in awe as he followed closely behind her.

“Which further proves my Daffy Duck theory,” Buffy said as her clothes switched from an Indian sari to some drab looking graduation gown. “Are there no exits around here? You know, for the people who don’t want to destroy the world.”

_You can decide that you're not just somebody's broken puppet anymore. Choose._

“You’re just being bullheaded now,” Angel said behind her. "You're holding on to the past," he said as her clothes changed again. This time she was wearing a men’s waistcoat and trousers.

“Be still my heart. Now that really makes me want to stay and be the co-star in your harbinger of death gig.”

_You have to do your duty._

Angel shook his head, ignoring her sarcasm. “I know why you’re joking, Buffy. It’s the same reason Xander jokes.”

“Wrong. Xander actually enjoys his jokes.”

“You’re trying to mask what you’re feeling, avoid the inevitable.”

Boy, she was so tired of that word. How many times had she heard it before? Everything was always inevitable, and yet, she had always managed to make it evitable. “Okay, so let’s say you’re right,” Buffy said, swinging around to face him. “How do we get to this posh new world, flowing with milk and honey?”

Angel’s eyes darted away. “We have to plant the seed,” he mumbled.

Buffy nodded her head. It took her a few moments to understand what he was getting at.

“Oh,” she said finally and winced. “Oh. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“You know, that’s a reaction I’ve never had from a woman before.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Buffy said. “Like me wearing a polyester blend shirt,” she said looking down at her clothes again. The schoolgirl uniform had been replaced with a crop top, bell-bottom jeans, and a long leather jacket.

_The Mission is what Matters_

“So that’s a no on the seed thing, huh?” Angel said, sheepishly.

Buffy gave him a cutting look. “I just want to get back to my friends, Angel. Maybe save the world again, finish the night off with some shawarma. I’ve never even had shawarma, but I want to try it. I can’t do that if the world is destroyed.”

Angel looked down dejectedly. “You’re right, and I’m sorry for putting you through this,” he said after a long stretch of silence.

“Well, then show me,” Buffy said. “Help me get back to my friends, so we can end this thing.”

“There’s only one way to end this--”

“If you say it's by fuh--”

Angel shook his head. “No, I wasn’t going to say that--”

“Good.”

“I was going to say, the only way to end this is by destroying the seed.”

“I knew it! But everyone said--”

“You don’t understand, Buffy. If you destroy the seed, there’s no going back.”

“Right, that’s kind of the point. I thought we came to an agreement about not ending the world.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Angel said frustratedly. “You changed the world when you shared your powers. You're attempting to put things back the way they were by destroying the seed. But once you change something, you’ll never get it back exactly the way it was.”

“Explain,” Buffy said, tapping her foot. If Angel was trying to convince her to stay so they could play garden scape together, she was going to break his nose...again.

“It’s like this mug,” he said, and suddenly a mug appeared from out of nowhere. “The mug represents our reality. Then you changed it,” Angel said.

Buffy watched as the mug splintered into several large pieces.

“See this mug? You're trying to put it back together,” Angel explained as he pieced the broken shards of ceramic back together. “But you see those cracks? Those can’t be fixed. The mug isn’t ever going to be the way it was before it was broken.”

Buffy was silent for a moment. She understood what Angel was trying to explain to her. She messed up...big time. But she had to try to fix her mistakes.

"I get it. But I can't stay here. We can't stay here. We have to try to make this right, Angel."

"I know…"

"So, tell me, how I do I get out of here."

"You can leave anytime you want. Just think of the place you need to be."

Buffy fell silent as she recalled the many hours spent on researching the seed. "We need to go to the Hellmouth," she said quietly.

Buffy stretched out her hand and tore back a strip of the white barrier that enclosed them. Geez, if I had known it was that simple… she thought to herself. Buffy peered through the broken strip of reality and saw the opening of the Hellmouth looming on the other side. In her dreams, she always ended up at the Hellmouth. That's where she and Willow had created the new seed. Buffy tore another piece away. This time the hole was big enough to fit a person.

"Are you coming?" She turned toward Angel.

"If you leave, we can't come back…" Angel said quietly. "You do understand that being here is what you're meant for."

"Don't you know by now, Angel? I never do what I’m meant for."

"If we stay here, we can evolve."

"You don't quit do you?" No, of course, he didn't. He never knew when to stop. She'd learned that truth when he was Angelus. "Screw evolution," Buffy said firmly.

"So, you'll just walk away and ignore what the universe has set into motion?"

"Yup."

"Okay. Let's go," Angel said, resigned.

++++

The sky was dark and starless as she and Angel descended onto the Hellmouth together.

"Sooo…" he began breaking the silence. "You and Spike… for real this time?"

"Real smooth, Angel," Buffy's lips tilted into a rueful smile. "I don't think now is a good time to have a discussion about my love life, but if you want to…" she said as they climbed down into the pit that used to be her home. 

"I don't want to. Maybe I'm a masochist…"

"Yes, me and Spike."

"So, he gets to eat cookie Buffy," Angel muttered.

How did he manage to do it? Buffy was still angry with him. One didn't just forget the death of hundreds of Slayers at the hand of her ex. She had forgiven Angel of his transgressions in the past, but she wasn't sure if they could ever come back from this. The broken mug came to mind. His actions had changed them irrevocably. But she couldn’t allow herself to think about it now. She had a mission. It was the only thing that mattered.

"I know Spike and I might seem strange to you," Buffy began. "But it works, okay. He's good for me and I'm good for him. He makes me happy; happier than I've been in a really long time."

"I understand."

"Great. Let's keep moving. I think we're getting close. I can feel it."

"Just for the record, I had my soul first."

"Angel, shut up," she said firmly.

Buffy winced as her boot crunched over the uneven ground. She didn't want to think about what she was stepping on.

"Buffy, be careful. Here, let me," Angel said, rummaging through his pockets.

She heard the flick of a match behind her. It took a moment for eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. A soft gasp escaped her lips when they did. Bones. There were bones everywhere. Her intuition told her that the bones hadn't been there very long, and her face grew warm with renewed anger.

"Let's just get to the seed," she muttered.

Angel remained quiet behind her as they continued deeper into the cavern toward the seed. Her body tingled with anticipation as she drew near it. Buffy stepped into the chamber first. The seed hovered several feet in the air in front of them.

"Are you sure about this, Buffy?"

No! But she didn't have a choice. Buffy had been making tough decisions since she was fifteen. They always ended in someone’s death, including her own. Buffy looked around the room and gripped her scythe tightly in her hand.

Angel paused. "You hear that?" He asked in a hushed tone.

Buffy stood motionless and listened intently. "I don't hear anything."

"Maybe I made a mistake then. I had hoped Angel could convince you to finish what you started."

Buffy turned around slowly to face him. Angel’s smooth face was now a mask of bumps and ridges, and his eyes glowed red.

"Let me guess, you're going to try to convince me not to destroy this thing."

"It's not the ending I wanted. But here we are."

"You're not Angel."

"I am not. Though he's made a lovely host. I thought if I came to you wearing the face of the man you loved, it would make it easier for you."

"Well, you were wrong."

"Apparently. Had I known, I might have used the other one."

Buffy cringed. She couldn't stand the idea of Twilight possessing Spike the way it had Angel. "He wouldn't have let you."

"You're right," Twilight said thoughtfully. "This one is weak. Easily mailable. The other one has too much will. It's just too bad really."

Buffy squeezed the handle of her scythe until her knuckles turned white. "Well, as much as I'd like to chat, I've got a seed to destroy."

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I can't let you do that. You see, I've been waiting for a very long time for this."

"Awww, that's too bad. Poor deranged evil consciousness doesn't get to destroy the world," Buffy taunted and moved toward the seed.

"My God. How many times do I have to explain this?!" Twilight growled, and lunged at Buffy.

Buffy staggered backward with a soft grunt as his hit connected with her body. Of course, he wouldn't go down without a fight. They always had to get their last cheap thrill. Buffy's foot connected with the side of Angel's face. She didn't give him a chance to recover before leaping into a double kick. Her feet connected with the middle of his chest. Pretty cool, she thought as the duster flapped around her. It kind of made her feel like she was wearing a cape.

Buffy twirled the scythe over her head in a helicopter motion. Now, this was the hard part. An eerie feeling of Deja vou came over her as she looked down at Twilight. He was staring at her through Angel’s eyes. The last time she had fought Angel like this, she had killed him.

"Buffy!" Angel called out. His eyes had stopped glowing red.

Buffy hesitated for a moment, long enough to see that Angel had managed to break through Twilight's thrall. She released the scythe and sent it flying toward the seed, shattering it into hundreds of pieces. The scythe, her mystical scythe, landed with a hard thud. The handle splintered and cracked into two.

"Noooooooo!" Angel screamed before his body convulsed for a few minutes and fell to the ground in a black heap of clothing and limbs.

Buffy took a tentative step toward him. Something was different. Something had cha--

Suddenly a bright light filled the cavern, blinding her. Buffy lifted her arms to shield her eyes against it. A rush of energy flowed through her body, knocking her off her feet. A strangled gasp escaped between her lips as she remained pinned to the ground. The energy was so strong that Buffy could barely move. Panicked, Buffy turned her head toward Angel. He was still lying motionless on the ground a few feet away. She wanted to call out to him, but she couldn’t form the words. Buffy clenched her eyes tightly before passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to Twinkles! 
> 
> Some dialogue borrowed from S8 issue #34 
> 
> The analogy Angel used with the mug was inspired by Jay Garrick Flash of Earth 3 explaining to Barry Allen Flash of Earth 1 the consequences of Flashpoint (CW's Arrowverse)
> 
> I hope you all like my bit of fixing.


	28. I Love You, I Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hank you to Twinkles who always comes through! 
> 
> Shouts to one of my favorite fandom couples Solo and Leia

Spike shifted into game face and raised his weapon high. The battle was still raging on around them as they fought a never-ending stream of demons. Spike wasn’t sure how long they had been fighting since leaving the library, but there seemed to be no end in sight. He worked on autopilot as he fought, kicked, sliced and punched his way through each horde that came barreling through the portals. Covered in demon blood, Spike staggered toward a fallen Slayer and helped her to her feet. 

“You gotta keep fightin’, love,” he panted. 

Spike grimaced as another set of demons ran toward him. He hadn’t fed in hours, and at any moment his body would give out on him. _Bloody hell, when will this end? he thought to himself._

Spike braced himself against the onslaught and waited...and waited… 

Everything around them became deathly silent. The feral howls that had filled the air moments ago were gone, and he could no longer hear the sound of clashing steel. Spike opened his eyes and looked around the field. The demons were gone, winked out of existence just like that. The scores of demons that had once overrun his home had disappeared as if they had never been-- well, except for the bodies. Those were still lying about in various forms of disarray. But the portals were closed.

“What’s going on?” Satsu asked, jerking her head around wildly. She’d been in the middle of fighting a demon with three heads when it had disappeared. “Where did they--” Suddenly, Satsu winced and slumped down to the ground, holding the sides of her head in visible pain.

“You alright?” Spike asked, jogging toward her. 

“I don’t know...I feel funny,” she squeezed out. 

Spike glanced around the field again and noticed that some of the other Slayers were having the same reaction. One Slayer lay on the ground doubled over in pain, while another staggered around as if she were intoxicated. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, crouching down to get eye level with her. 

Satsu shook her head, unable to fully articulate exactly how she was feeling. “Like I’m... missing something. I feel weak,” she said softly. “And I hurt all over.” 

Spike’s brows knitted together in concern as he tried to understand what was happening. The demons appeared to be gone, banished back to their own dimensions. Did that mean that Buffy had stopped Angel or…?

“Spike!” Riley called out as he jogged across the field toward Spike. “Something’s happening.” 

“That’s apparent, captain obvious.” 

“I mean with Faith. She passed out a few clicks back.”

“Let’s get this one to her feet, and I’ll take a look,” Spike said as he helped Satsu to her feet while Riley checked on the Slayer a few feet away. “Can you walk?” he asked Satsu gently. 

“Yeah. I just-- it feels like I’ve been pummeled by a battering ram.” 

“We’ll find Logan and have her take a look,” Spike assured her as they made their way toward Faith with Riley in tow. “How long has she been out?” Spike asked once they neared the unconscious Slayer. 

“Not very long. About ten minutes or so,” Riley answered.

Spike kneeled down so he could check on Faith. Her heart was still beating. She was still alive. 

“Probably a bit knackered like all the rest,” Spike said once he was done with his cursory inspection of the girl. “Been fightin’ nonstop for hours.” 

“I think there’s more to it than that,” Riley hedged. “Look around.” 

Spike took a moment to observe his surroundings. It was dusk again, and he could still see clearly in the natural evening light. Among the bodies of demons that lay strewn about, Spike noticed that something appeared to be wrong with all the Slayers. 

“You’ve got a point there, soldier,” Spike said. “Let’s try to round up as many girls as possible and get them back inside the castle. Giles or Willow might have a clue about what’s going on.” 

“Good idea.”

++++

The castle was in complete shambles; Spike had never seen it this worse for wear. After two major attacks, he wasn't sure how the old stone building had managed to remain standing. Some parts of the castle were completely caved in, rendering it inhabitable. He was grateful to learn the infirmary was still operating at least. By the time they arrived back at the castle, it was already at capacity. 

“You mind if I leave you here for a bit?” he asked Satsu. “Gotta find red and Giles.” And Buffy. Where the hell was she? 

“No, go, I’ll be alright,” Satsu ground out in pain. 

“I’ll be back,” Spike promised and headed toward the exit, nearly colliding into Cassia. “Sorry,” he muttered, trying to step around her. 

“Where’s Faith?” she asked, getting to the point. 

“Over that way. Soldier boy’s got eyes on her.” 

Cassia gave him a curt nod and stepped around him. Spike watched her for a few moments before turning away. She hadn’t even given him a backward glance. He supposed that after all they had been through, she no longer cared. 

“Rupert! Red!” Spike called out as he searched in and around the castle until he found them. 

Giles was leaning against a large stone holding his side, while Willow used her magic to close up a nasty looking gash on his thigh. “Spike,” Giles greeted him thinly. “How are the others?” 

“Dunno. ‘S was kinda hoping you’d tell me.” 

“What do you mean? Is everything alright?” Buffy’s Watcher asked, concerned. 

Spike raised a brow and gave him a look. 

“I mean, considering…” 

“We had some casualties,” Spike said solemnly. “But we won… I think. Was that you, Red? Closing down the portals and makin’ all the demons go poof?” 

Willow swung her head back and forth. “Not me. Buffy.” 

Relief tickled the pit of Spike’s stomach for a moment. If Buffy was responsible for closing down the portals, then that meant she had stopped the apocalypse. It also meant that she wasn’t floating about shagging it and everyone else out of existence. 

“Have you heard from her?” His tone was a mixture of worry and hope. 

“No...but I’m almost positive she’s fine,” Willow said. “I can still feel her energy.” 

More relief. Spike ran his hands through his mussed hair and closed his eyes for a moment. If Buffy was gone, he’d be able to feel it, right? He’d know, just like he knew the moment she had died jumping in that portal.

“We should find her,” Giles said, struggling to his feet, prompting Spike to help him. 

“Last time I saw her she was headed into town. Haven’t heard from her since, though.” 

“We’ll start there,” Giles said. 

Spike hoped she was alright. Faith was still out cold and most of the Slayers were in various forms of pain or injury. “Something is going on with the Slayers,” Spike informed Giles and Willow as they made their way back to the castle.

“They seem to be...hurt.” 

“That’s normal in a battle,” Giles said. 

“Well, I know that,” Spike sniped back. “What I’m tryin’ to say is they're all hurt but don’t seem to be healin’. Figured they would on the count of bein’ Slayers.” 

“That’s because they’re not Slayers anymore,” Willow interjected. “I-- we were afraid this would happen if Buffy managed to destroy the seed.” 

“You’re sayin’ she put Pandora back in the box.” 

“Seems like,” Willow said. 

Spike pondered that for a moment. If destroying Willow's seed meant no more army of Slayers, then the world was back down to having just two again. No more shared power meant she and Faith were back to carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. What did that mean for them? What did that mean for all the girls who had their entire lives uprooted for over a year only to be told they were no longer special? It was a lot to process in such a short amount of time. 

“Some of them were dinged up pretty bad…” Spike mumbled. 

“They’ll heal, just not as quickly.” 

“You mean like a regular human.” 

Willow’s eyes darted away. “Something like that.” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Giles interjected. “Our first priority is finding Buffy.” 

He was right. Spike was anxious to find her and make sure she was okay. He also couldn’t wait to wrap his hands around Angel’s throat and throttle him. Spike prayed to whatever deity would hear him that Buffy hadn’t killed Angel. He wanted that pleasure all to himself. 

“Best you and Red get back to the castle,” Spike said, eyeing them critically. “You’re a bit worse for wear, old man...and some of the others could use your special touch,” he said to Willow. 

“Spike’s right.” Giles winced and held his side. “Let us know as soon as you hear anything from Buffy.” 

Spike gave them a curt nod and jogged off toward the castle. He hoped there was at least one vehicle still intact.

++++

Buffy was missing. 

No one had heard from her in hours. Spike had spent the majority of that time grilling the team of Slayers she had taken with her. When was the last time you saw her? Where did she go? Who was with her? They all told him the same story: Buffy was there, Twilight showed up, and she disappeared. No one had seen her since. An entire 24 hours had passed, and things were still chaotic back at the castle. As the Slayers came to the realization that they were without their powers, the urgency to find Buffy increased. If they found Buffy, she would know how to fix them. 

“We’ll find B,” Faith reassured him as they passed a bottle back and forth between them. She had woken up a few hours after passing out, Slayer abilities still intact. 

Spike took a long swig, wincing as the fiery liquid burned a hot trail down his chest and into his gut. Drinking didn’t help to ease his nerves. Neither did Faith’s assurance that Buffy was fine. For all he knew, Angel was operating as Angelus again. What if he had her tied up somewhere, torturing her? The wanker had always been big on torture. He fancied his victims as his works art. The more Spike thought about it, the angrier he became.

“Useless sittin’ here,” he muttered. “We should be out there lookin’ for her.” 

"We are," Faith reminded him. 

There was a team lead by Xander and Logan scouring the countryside looking for her as they spoke, but Spike knew she could be anywhere. If it hadn't been for the sun, he'd still be out there looking. 

What if she and Angel had succeeded, and it’s L.A. all over again? What if this was hell? Spike thought to himself and grimaced. No, Buffy wouldn’t do that, he kept telling himself.

“B will show up. I know she will. You gotta have a little faith in your girl, Spike. She loves you. I’ve never seen her this way about a guy before...not even Angel,” she added. “And I took one in the gut over him.” 

“You heard Giles. They…” 

“We don’t know what they did. All I know is I’m still alive, still standing, and Buffy saved the world...again.” Faith handed him the bottle and tugged Spike to his feet. “Let’s find Willow. She might have some news.” 

++++

“She’s in L.A,” Willow announced some time later. 

“L.A.?” Spike asked anxiously. Now that he knew where Buffy was, he was ready to hop on the first jet back to the states. “Is she alright?”

“She’s with Angel,” Xander supplied. “But she’s alright,” he rushed on. 

“Why the hell is she in L.A. with Angel?” Spike’s voiced lifted an octave. 

“You want the long version or the abridged?” Xander asked, hesitantly. 

“Whatever version will get me to her faster,” Spike replied. 

“They went to the Hellmouth to destroy Willow's seed. Buffy’s still unconscious, but stable. He’s waiting for us at the Los Angeles HQ with Andrew.” The words spilled from Xander in a rush. 

Spike nodded his head, processing the information. At least he knew she was safe. Well, at least he hoped Buffy was safe. Spike didn’t know about the rest of the scoobies, but he wasn’t ready to give Angel a pass just yet. Wasn’t he the one responsible for all of this? 

“I’m going to L.A.,” Spike announced. 

“We all are,” Giles cut in. “I understand your hurry to get to Buffy, Spike. Rest assured we’re all worried about her safety.” 

That was a relief. For once, it would be nice to see Angel held accountable for his actions. 

“What are we going to do about the Slayers-- I mean potentials?” Willow asked, correcting herself. “Things are still pretty crazy here.” 

Spike looked around the group huddled in Giles’ office. Willow had a point. They were still housing hundreds of displaced Slayers, many of whom were still trying to figure out how to cope with the loss of their powers. But as much as Spike empathized with them, he didn’t want to waste another minute in Scotland-- not when his girl was still out there. 

“I can stay behind,” Faith volunteered, rising to her feet. “B’s got her core scoobies. I don’t mind holding down the fort here.” 

“I’m sure she’ll want to see you too, Faith,” Willow said, giving her a sympathetic look. 

“Yeah. I know. But work's gotta be done here.” 

“That’s very noble of you, Faith,” Giles complimented her. “Perhaps it would be best if you put together a team. Some of the girls seem to be adjusting to their new...station.” 

“Yeah. You got it. I already have a few in mind.” 

“Then it’s settled. We’ll leave Scotland as soon as possible, and Faith will stay behind. I’ll make sure everyone knows that until Buffy is well again you’re in charge in her stead.” 

“I don’t know about all of that. But I’m okay to help,” Faith said, shrugging her shoulders. 

Spike waited until everyone cleared the room before approaching Faith in private. “Thanks for staying behind.” 

Faith shoved her hands into her pockets. “Hey, I’m just doing my part. What’s a stand-in Slayer for.” 

“You’re more than that. You’ve been a good friend to her.” 

“Yeah, well, I owed her one. But don’t worry about me. Go get your girl. I’m sure she’ll be waiting for you.” 

Spike rocked back on his heels. “Look out for her, will you?” he said thinking of Cassia. 

There was still some bad blood between them, but Spike didn’t want the girl to start regressing. Scotland had been his fault, and it was something he would regret for a long time. 

“You know it. She’s a good kid deep down inside. Reminds me a little of myself back in the day. All I needed was some tough love...and a stint in the big house,” she teased. 

Spike chuckled and shook his head. “Well, hopefully, you’ll keep her out of trouble,” he said and headed toward the door. 

“Spike,” Faith called out. Spike turned back around and lifted a brow. “Don’t be too hard on him. Everyone screws up sometimes,” she said. 

Spike nodded and turned away. He wasn’t sure he could make that promise, but he supposed he’d cross that bridge when he got there.

++++

The flight back to L.A. seemed like the longest one he'd ever been on. Spike couldn’t remember a time when he had been this anxious. No, that was a lie. Any time there was a possibility of seeing Buffy, his entire body started to hum. This was a different type of anxious. This anxious was twinged with dread. Spike wasn’t sure what he would find back in Los Angeles; he could only plan for the worst and hope for the best. Spike rested on the knowledge that he and Buffy had forged a strong bond over the last few months. Even when they were at odds, they were still connected. He had to focus on facts rather than his worst fears. 

They touched down on the private runway just after dark, and Spike was the first one off the plane. He was taken aback by the battalion of U.S. soldiers lining the tarmac and angrily turned toward Riley. _Why that son of a bitch hadn’t told them they were going to receive a welcome party! Soldier boy had allowed them to get ambushed_. 

“I swear, I didn’t know anything about this,” Riley whispered loud enough for Spike to hear. 

“Yeah, right,” Spike muttered. He still got antsy around the military. What was that name for him they had come up with? Hostile 17. Yeah, he’d get hostile alright if they prevented him from getting to Buffy. 

“Agent Finn,” an older man with stark white hair greeted Riley. 

“Major,” Riley said with a salute. 

“I know you’re probably not surprised to see us here after that stunt you pulled in Scotland. Your orders were to stand down.” 

“Yes, sir, they were,” Riley complied. 

Spike shook his head and watched the man shrink into a wind-up doll. 

“But good work on neutralizing the threat and returning these fugitives to U.S. soil.” 

“Now wait a minute,” Spike spoke up. 

“Sir, if I may,” Riley said, his voice clear and calm. 

“Yes, Finn.” 

“Permission to speak with you in private, sir.” 

The man looked back at his troops and gave them a curt nod. Spike watched silently as Riley walked away with the major, leaving the rest of them surrounded by his buddies. Spike studied the remaining soldiers and did some calculating. He could take out about three or four easily before they started shooting. Bullets would hurt like hell, but they wouldn’t kill him or slow him down much. He glanced at Giles from the corner of his eyes. If he engaged the men, there was no guarantee that everyone else wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire. Spike was stuck just like the rest of them. 

After a few minutes, Riley returned to the rest of the group, his expression hard to read. “Major Thompson is going to allow us to travel to the Los Angeles Slayer HQ by military escort. I’ve explained Buffy’s condition to him, and he is aware of the purpose of our visit.” 

“Which is?” Spike questioned. 

“To ensure Buffy’s safety and to turn yourselves in.” 

“Like hell, we will!” Spike protested. 

Riley lifted a calming hand, indicating to Spike to lower his voice. “Do you want to see Buffy or not?” he whispered harshly. “I’ll meet you at the HQ at 2100 hours.” 

“That’s 9 p.m.,” Xander whispered. 

Spike cut his eyes at him and shook his head. “You better not be double crossin' us, Finn.” 

“Just follow my lead and everything will be okay,” Riley assured them before jogging back to Major Thompson. 

Spike didn’t like this one bit, but there was nothing he could do. If he wanted to see Buffy, then he was going to have to play nice. Once she was in his sights, he couldn’t promise he’d stay that way. 

The ride to the Los Angeles base was tense and quiet. In the back of the armored truck, Spike continued to play a game of “who can stare the longest without blinking” with the soldier sitting directly in front of him . Each of the Scoobies had been staring down the barrel of a gun for the forty-five-minute drive from the airport to Buffy’s location. Next time, I’ll find my own way to the states, Spike grumped to himself. 

At just after nine, the truck came to a full stop, and a few minutes later the doors swung open. This time Spike was the last one out of the truck and waited patiently as one of the soldiers uncuffed his wrists. 

“Thanks, mate,” he deadpanned. 

The L.A. base was an old brewing factory that had been converted into a training and housing facility for the Slayers. It was managed by Andrew and another Slayer named Romona. Spike was very familiar with the building from his time helping Angel with the Sanctuary. They had worked with-- Spike winced and cursed to himself, remembering the Sanctuary had been one of Angel’s lies. He still hadn’t reconciled himself to being a party to hundreds of Slayer's deaths. Two hundred and sixty-two by his estimation. _Yeah, I’m sorry Faith. Not sure if I can cut your boy some slack, Spike thought to himself_

He trailed behind the military men as they were led into the building by one of the remaining Los Angeles potentials. Spike could feel eyes on him as they walked through the building of weary ex-Slayers. 

He was anxious to see Buffy, desperation tightening his chest. 

"Spike!" Andrew called out his name with excitement. 

Before he could brace himself, the tiny man threw himself into Spike's arms for a tight embrace. Spike stumbled backward, taken by surprise. 

"Where's Buffy?" he asked, getting right to it. 

Andrew pulled back, the smile on his face faltering slightly. "She's still resting." 

"How's that?" He still wasn't clear on Buffy's condition. 

Andrew's eyes darted from side to side. "Why don't we step into my office? Angel's waiting for us." 

Right. Spike was anxious to see him, too. They followed Andrew past a group of Slayers, down a long hallway until they reached a large door. 

"Before I open the door, I want everyone to promise we will keep our minds and hearts open." 

"Andrew," Willow said annoyed. 

"Right, right." Andrew pushed the double doors open, revealing the interior of his office. 

His eyes immediately zoomed in on Angel. Before he could stop himself, Spike crossed the room with three long strides and grabbed the lapels of Angel's leather blazer. 

"You bloody wanker!" Spike shouted in his face before flinging Angel across the room.

A string of expletives poured out of Spike’s mouth as he unleashed a flurry of punches to Angel’s body. Spike hadn’t realized how much anger he had held inside until he saw Angel standing so calmly as if everything was normal. As if he hadn’t tried to destroy the world. As if he hadn't murdered hundreds of Slayers. As if he hadn’t tried to shag his girl. Not only had he tried to destroy the world, but he had also made Spike an unknowing participant in genocide. In his opinion that was far worse than anything Angelus had ever done. 

“Stop!” Willow shouted over the sounds of grunting. She used her powers to separate the two men, sending them flying to the opposite sides of the room. 

“He started it,” Angel whined as he straightened his clothes. 

Spike rose to his feet, his chest continued to heave with anger. “No, you started it when you tried to end the bloody world. Isn’t that schtick getting old for you?” 

“It wasn’t Angel’s fault,” Andrew interjected. “It was Twilight! He possessed Angel.” 

“He’s right,” Angel said working his jaw from side to side. “I was being pushed by the seed.” 

“It’s always never your bloody fault,” Spike grumbled. “Oh, I lost my soul that’s why I did it. Oh, the universe possessed me; it’s not my fault.” 

“We’re aware,” Giles interjected. “How is Buffy? Is she--” 

“Buffy’s fine. I had one of the local witches look in on her. After destroying the seed, she reversed the spell that activated the Slayers and reabsorbed the shared power. They said she was in recovery right now.” 

Spike scowled at Angel. He still wasn’t through being angry yet. “I want to see her,” he demanded. 

“You can see her anytime you want,” Angel said casually.

Spike narrowed his eyes. “Good. Take me to her,” he said, turning toward Andrew. 

“For what it’s worth,” Angel said softly. “Buffy was… She stopped me. She also broke my nose in the process.” His lips tilted into a sardonic smile. 

Spike lifted a brow. “Yeah?” His spirits lifted a bit with the knowledge that Buffy had punched in Angel’s nancy-boy face. 

“Yeah. She’s only got eyes for you. She loves you,” Angel acknowledged, looking Spike directly in the eyes. “All of you,” he said to the rest of the room. 

This time Spike’s spirits soared. She hadn’t chosen Angel over him after all. Spike hated to admit it, but a small part of him had feared she would. Now he knew, and he couldn’t wait another second to see her. “Andrew,” Spike pressed. 

“Right! Buffy. She’s staying in the deluxe suite,” he informed them. 

“There’s a deluxe suite?” Xander asked, looking around. “They’ve got a deluxe suite,” Spike heard him say as he followed Andrew to Buffy’s room. 

Spike trailed behind Andrew, walking quickly through the converted warehouse. “How has she been really?” he asked Andrew. 

“Mostly sleeping. Absorbing all that power back…” Andrew said conspicuously. “I know she’ll be excited to see you. And just so you know, once I found out about Angel-Twilight, I knew Buffy would choose you. Angel’s great and all, but you’re her soulmate,” Andrew said before stopping in front of large double doors. “And here we are. The deluxe suite.” 

Spike ran nervous palms down his thighs and waited for Buffy to answer Andrew’s knock. When she didn’t answer, Andrew opened the door and peeked inside. 

“She’s sleeping,” Andrew whispered. “We can--” 

“I’ve got it,” Spike said, stepping around him and into the room. Spike gently closed the door behind him, before turning around to face Buffy. 

She was lying under a thick comforter, sound asleep. Spike watched her for a few moments, lulled by the sound of her breathing. He listened to the steady beat of her heart and closed his eyes. She was sleeping so peacefully that Spike hated to disturb her. She had barely gotten any sleep over the last few weeks. Spike crept toward her bed, careful not to disturb her, and sat on the edge. He watched her sleep for a few minutes before touching her. Spike brushed his hand down her glossy blonde hair and gently played with the tips. Buffy shifted beneath his touch and snuggled deeper into her bed with a soft sigh. 

“Hmm,” she breathed out. Buffy’s eyes fluttered open, and her lips curved into a gentle smile. “Spike,” she whispered his name.

“It’s me, pet.” 

Buffy sighed and covered his hand with hers. “Where am I? 

“In Los Angeles,” Spike replied. _How long had she been out?_ Spike thought. 

“Oh, that’s right.” Buffy closed her eyes for a moment. “I was going to find you.” She sat up slowly and reached for his hand. “But all I’ve been able to do is sleep.” 

“I know. Andrew filled us in...about everything.” 

Buffy looked down at their joined hands. “Right,” she said, her cheeks brightened. “So, I’m guessing you heard about the whole Angel is Twilight thing.” 

“Yeah. It’s right up there with Ben’s Glory.” 

Buffy dipped her head and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll say.” They were both silent for a moment. 

“Nothing happened between us,” Buffy continued. “I mean there was this weird glow-- but not a sex glow. In fact, there was no having of the sex of any kind and I--.” 

Spike leaned forward and covered her mouth with his own, halting her speech with a fiery kiss.

“Love you,” Buffy finished dreamily. 

“I know,” Spike said with confidence. There was no doubt in his mind that Buffy loved him. He could feel it in her touch and see it reflected in her eyes. Spike palmed her cheek and smiled. "I know," he repeated. 

Buffy settled in his arms and leaned against his chest with a sigh. 

"Tell me what happened," he asked gently. 

"We were fighting..." Buffy began.


	29. & 30: Face the Music/All's Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to the irreplaceable Twinkles! 
> 
> Some nods to the comic and a little Easter Egg for my second favorite Fandom.

The sound of knocking jarred Buffy from her sleep. She stretched and burrowed under the comforter, cocooning herself in the warmth of the thick blanket. Behind her, Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She didn’t want to wake up. After destroying the seed, all Buffy wanted to do was sleep. The source of her shared power had forced itself back into her essence, and it nearly wiped Buffy out. Sleeping was her body’s way of recovering from the sudden influx of raw, unrefined energy. _Just a few more minutes,_ Buffy groaned internally as the knocking on her door grew louder. 

“I think someone really wants to see you, love,” Spike said, nuzzling her throat with his nose. 

“Maybe if we ignore it, they’ll go away?” 

Spike planted a kiss on her shoulder. “I don’t think so, pet,” he said, chagrined. Neither one of them was overly eager to relinquish their moment of peace. 

The bed shifted as Spike rolled away from her, and Buffy shivered from the morning chill. She was fully awake now and reluctantly sat up. 

“Alright, alright. Don’t get your nappies in a twist. We’re comin’,” Spike called out as he pulled his jeans over his hips. 

From her spot on the bed, Buffy ran an agitated hand through her disheveled hair. Couldn’t a Slayer get a moment of peace after saving the world...again? Buffy watched as Spike cracked the door open and peeked outside. 

“Is Buffy still resting?” She heard Andrew’s voice from the other side. 

Spike turned his head and looked at Buffy before responding. “She’s up. What’s going on?” 

Buffy listened to Andrew nervously explain that her presence was urgently requested in his office. By the sound of it, the request didn’t appear to be optional. Buffy let out a heavy sigh and flopped onto the pillows behind her. “What are the chances of being able to make a grand escape?” 

Spike grinned and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Not very likely. Somethin’ tells me the military didn’t just pack up and leave in the middle of the night.” 

“Right.” Buffy was reminded that she wasn’t out of the kitchen yet. “Then what are the odds of them giving me a slap on the wrist on the account of saving the world?” 

Spike looked thoughtful. “Again, not very likely. I’ve been thinkin’ about that for a bit.” 

“Yeah?” 

“And I’ve got some experience stayin’ under the radar and such…” 

Buffy bit down on her bottom lip to keep from smiling. “Spike, are you asking me to run away with you?” 

“If it comes down to it. Yeah, I am,” he said seriously. 

“You had me at hello,” she said. 

Spike lifted a skeptical brow. 

“Well, the second time around,” Buffy amended. 

Spike shook his head and squeezed her foot. “Come on. Let’s get dressed and see what these tossers want with you.” 

Buffy reluctantly climbed out of bed; she supposed it was time to face the music. “Alright, alright.” Buffy let out a heavy sigh. “But speaking of getting dressed…” she said, walking over to the large closet in her room. 

She sucked in a nervous breath and pulled the doors open. There it was, the black leather duster she’d been gifted while she was with Angel in Magic-Seed-World. She had managed to bring it with her into this reality. Buffy still didn’t quite understand the mechanics of it all, but the coat was real, and it wasn’t just a replica of Spike’s beloved duster. It was his duster. 

“Is that what I think…” Spike’s voice faltered as he slowly approached the closet.

Buffy turned around to face him. “I think so.” She bit down on her lip and watched him. 

Spike reached for the coat, running his hands over the soft leather. He checked the lining and felt around in each of the pockets. “How?” 

“I don’t know. I was in this weird place, and it was there. But when I came back, I was still wearing it. It’s hard to explain.” 

“This is amazin’!” Spike said, slipping the coat on. He wrapped it around himself, before opening it wide again. “It even smells like…” Spike shook his head. “I thought it was gone forever.” 

“Me too,” Buffy said sadly. “I’ve felt really bad about it. I know how much you love that thing.” 

Spike looked up again and grinned. “Thank you,” he managed. 

“I like to think of it as a lovely apocalypse parting gift, and you’re welcome,” she said and wrapped her arms around his neck. “And now your look is complete again,” Buffy teased. 

Spike smoothed his hand down the coat again. “ I’m already complete,” Spike shook his head. “I love you.” 

Buffy smiled and pecked his lips. “I know.”

++++

They dressed quickly and met Andrew in his office. The others were there, too, waiting for them along with the members of the military. Buffy’s eyes zoomed in on Riley. He stood beside a tall stately gentleman that Buffy didn’t recognize. She kept her gaze firmly planted on the man as he eyed her sternly. 

“Buffy, this is General Harry J. Prescott, the United States Secretary of Defense,” Riley introduced the man to her. 

Heavy, Buffy thought to herself. She glanced around the room and noticed several other hard-faced men and women were standing around, blocking every possible exit. 

“Ms. Summers, a pleasure,” the general said, stretching his large brown hand toward hers to shake it. Buffy swallowed hard and shook his hand firmly. It completely enveloped her own. “Please, won’t you have a seat?" 

His deep commanding voice filled the room, and everyone (save for those under his command) sat down at once. 

“Agent Finn has told us quite a bit about you, Buffy. I’m impressed,” Harry began. “I understand you single-handedly prevented the destruction of our planet, which caused the retreat of the invading hostiles.” 

“I had some help,” Buffy said. 

“Right. You refer to yourselves as...Slayers. And you’re the de facto leader of this… organization.” 

Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She trained her eyes to the rows of colorful bars on his stiff green jacket for a moment before responding, “Well, I wouldn’t call it an organization per se, we’re more like--” 

“An unauthorized, unlawful group of vigilantes,” Harry finished for her.

“Hey, now! Spike interjected. “She’s saved your hides more times than--” 

“It’s okay, Spike.” Buffy’s voice was calm as she cut him off. “It’s true Slayers are...unconventional. But if you’re aware of these ‘hostiles’ then you know you can’t fight them. Not without me.” 

Harry smirked as he eyed Buffy behind dark brown eyes. “I beg to differ.” 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “You have no clue. You have no idea how many times I’ve put my life in danger-- how we’ve all put our lives in danger to keep people like you safe and totally oblivious to the things people pretend don’t exist. And that’s fine,” Buffy said standing to her feet. She heard the soft rustle of movement behind her as the General’s men got into position. 

“I don’t expect a thank you. I don’t expect anything really. So, as much as I’m enjoying our little chat, why don’t we cut to the chase and talk about why you’re really here.” Buffy placed her hands on Andrew’s desk and eyed him unflinchingly. 

Harry was quiet for a moment before a hearty laugh rumbled in his broad chest. “I like her,” he said to Riley. “She’s got heart. We need some of that these days. Ms. Summers, Buffy,” Harry continued, sobering up. “You’ve broken more international and domestic laws than we can count. Your terroristic--” 

“Terroristic!” Xander exploded. 

“Terroristic,” Harry ignored Xander’s outburst, “organization has been extremely costly in lives and infrastructure. The U.S. government has been committed to working with several organizations that are expecting us to extradite you to their custody, so you can face your crimes. Those include INTERPOL and U.N.C.L.E. just to name a few. However, I’m a big-picture kind of man,” Harry said, rising to his feet. “I can see how beneficial it would be having someone like you as an ally, rather than rotting in supermax for the rest of your life.” 

“I think I know where you’re going with this,” Buffy said, crossing her arms over her chest. “But I’ve been there, done that. Last time we tried the whole Slayer-military collaboration, things didn’t work out too well for you guys. I’m sure Riley can fill you in,” Buffy said defiantly. 

She had no interest in working with the Military. Buffy recalled the way Dr. Walsh had treated her; she never forgot the things the government had done to Riley.

“I think you should hear General Prescott out,” Riley urged Buffy, pleading with her with his eyes. 

“How about you and I have a discussion without an audience,” Harry suggested. “Just you and me.” 

Buffy looked over at Giles and tried to read her Watcher’s expression. He had been around for that disastrous attempt at marrying slaying to the military. She wasn’t going to make that mistake again. 

“While I understand your position,” Giles began. “Buffy’s calling falls beyond your jurisdiction or comprehension. She is not a vigilante, nor is she a pawn for you to use at will.” 

Harry studied Giles for a moment. “You’re called the Watcher,” he said after a pregnant pause. “I understand, you’re responsible for Ms. Summers.” 

“Buffy isn’t a child. But yes, yes, in a sense I am.” 

“So, that makes you an accomplice.” 

“Giles had nothing to do with any of this,” Buffy rushed. She recognized a threat when she heard one. 

“So, he didn’t help you rob the Raiffeisen or Mirabuad?” 

“He wasn’t involved,” Buffy said firmly. 

“He didn’t help with the illegal purchase of your Scotland base? Or this one? Or the one in Greece, or--”

“General Prescott, Mr. Giles--” Riley interjected. 

“That’s enough, Agent Finn. One more outburst and I’ll have you court-martialed,” Harry said before turning his attention back to Buffy. “You’re also telling me, your Watcher didn’t assist members of your organization to take over an entire island, forcing civilians from their homes.” 

“Technically, they weren’t a part of my organization...you know, if I had an organization,” Buffy said. She wasn’t going to allow him to intimidate her. 

“Right. Again, Ms. Summers, I think it would be beneficial to continue this conversation in private.” 

Buffy looked around the room again, and her eyes landed on Spike. His body was tense, brimming with restraint. She knew that at any moment he would try to make a move. There was one of him and about eight guns. Even if he could take a few of them out, someone would get hurt. Buffy couldn’t risk it. She shook her head slightly, before training her eyes on Angel. He was standing a few feet from Spike ready to follow her lead. 

“Fine. Let’s talk,” she said. 

++++

Buffy had sat in the cold, bare room for hours. They kept her there long after her meeting with General Prescott had concluded. It seemed like the waiting would never come to an end. Buffy’s fate was being decided, and there wasn’t much she could do about it. For two years she had operated as if she were above the law, and now it was time for her to face what she had done. 

“So, you’re telling me there is no Slayer army? No uniform operation?” General Prescott had questioned her an hour earlier. 

“No. I’m the only one. I acted alone,” Buffy confessed. 

“And as for the other Slayers? Ms. Doffler?” 

“Simone Doffler was a Slayer,” Buffy said, her words were slow and deliberate. “She is no longer a Slayer. But she was the person responsible for Milan.” 

“Are you aware of any accomplices she may have had?” 

“None,” Buffy answered stiffly. 

“Are you aware of the person or persons known as Twilight?” 

“I am.” 

“Do you know the identity of this man?” 

“I do not.” 

“You don’t know Twilight?” Prescott probed. 

Buffy had smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. “You know what? I think I do. Have you ever heard of this guy named Edward Cullen? He kind of has this skin condition. No?” 

Buffy looked up at the wall clock again. It was going on two hours now since the general had left her alone. She knew they were watching her through the phony mirror on the wall and wondered how much longer she had to wait. A half-hour later, General Prescott returned to the room with a woman carrying a camera and tripod. 

“Thank you for your patience, Ms. Summers. As pursuant to our agreement regarding your confession, I’ve brought in Lieutenant Sanders to assist with documenting it.” 

Buffy smiled tightly at the other woman and watched as she set up the camera.

“Alright, Ms. Summers,” Lieutenant Sanders said, turning the camera on. “You can begin anytime you’re ready.” She slid a piece of paper with the list of charges across the table. 

“Now?” Buffy asked, brushing her hair out of her face with uncertainty. Lieutenant Sanders nodded, urging her to continue. Buffy squared her shoulders and looked directly into the camera as she spoke. 

“I, Buffy Anne Summers, being of sound mind and body, do confess to the crimes of grand larceny, racketeering, arms trafficking, breach of international treaties, war crimes not limited to the recruitment of child soldiers, human trafficking, the deaths both intentional and unintentional of civilians--” Buffy looked down at the paper again. “Do I have to keep reading this? I get it; I committed a lot of crimes. _A lot_ of crimes.” 

General Prescott’s lips pressed into a thin smirk. “I’m afraid you’ll have to read it in its entirety, Ms. Summers,” he said. 

Buffy let out an exasperated sigh. “Alright, here we go,” she said and continued to speak directly into the camera.

**Chapter 30- 6 Months Later**

Buffy parked her police cruiser outside of her apartment building and sighed. _First day as a rookie cop on the books, and it wasn’t so bad,_ Buffy thought to herself as she grabbed her duffel bag out of the backseat of her car. Life was funny sometimes. Buffy recalled taking a career aptitude test back in high school that suggested she look into a career in law enforcement. She had hated the prospect at the time, but it wasn’t very much different from slaying. Well, except for the guns and body armor. There was even a special crimes unit dedicated to investigating the more supernatural malfeasances of the law. After graduating from the Academy, Buffy had been placed under the command of detective Robert Dowling who spearheaded the supernatural division. The San Francisco PD was one of the first police departments in the country to create the vampire and special crimes task force, and Buffy had been their first recruit. 

All part of the deal, Buffy thought as she let herself into the apartment building she now shared with Xander, Willow, and Giles. The rent was dirt cheap thanks to its previous owner, a poltergeist with an appetite for fear. But the job on the police force had come courtesy of General Prescott. After she had made her video confession, Buffy had been granted clemency on the stipulation that she had to work for the U.S. government. Technically, a police officer was a government job. It was either that or work customer service at the DMV. Since Prescott hadn’t stipulated what branch of the government Buffy had to work for in their agreement, she opted to go local. 

Buffy stopped to check the mailbox and was happy to see a postcard from Dawn. She was enjoying herself at Panama City Beach for spring break with her boyfriend Kenny. They had met in Psych class. Buffy was eternally grateful Dawn had remained untouched by all the craziness in her life. She would even get to graduate without owing any student loans because Prescott had somehow overlooked the money Buffy had stolen to pay Dawn’s college tuition. _At least one Summers’ girl will get to finish college,_ she thought. 

Buffy climbed the stairs, bypassing Willow and Xander’s floor first apartments. Giles’ apartment sat comfortably on the middle floor, and she and Spike had gotten the top level. Buffy had chosen the top floor because her apartment led directly to the roof. She liked to sit out there sometimes and think. It reminded her of the rooftop in Scotland. Part of the clemency deal had stipulated she relinquish all of her illegal holdings, which included the castle. It wasn’t like she was going to need it anyway. She and Faith were back down to a party of two. And the castle had been nearly destroyed in the last attack. 

Buffy had tried to convince Faith to join them in California, but she was on her own mission. She was currently heading up a private security firm that hired ex-Slayers. 

“They’ve already got the training, B. What else are they going to do now? Go back to their normal lives?" 

Faith had a point. For over a year, they had been Slayers; the most powerful group of women on the planet. Buffy couldn’t expect them to pack up and just go back to having ordinary lives. They were part of the clemency deal, too. Buffy had taken full responsibility for all the crimes she had been charged with, but in exchange, she had made Prescott promise not to pursue any criminal charges against the rest of the girls or her friends. She also made them promise not to forcibly “recruit” any of them into the military. Naturally, some of the potentials voluntarily joined the military, while others attempted to assimilate back into their lives, picking up where they had left off. And a few had decided to go work for Faith. The last time Buffy had spoken to her, she had managed to recruit Satsu and Cassia as part of her development team. 

“But if you need me to pull my weight, I can,” Faith reminded her during their last conversation. “Two Slayers, no waiting.” 

“No. What you’re doing is good. Some of the girls will need to fall back on this. It’ll be good for them. I can handle slaying. But if I need you, I’ll tag you in from time to time.” 

“Yeah, you bet,” Faith had agreed. 

Buffy let herself into the apartment she shared with Spike and looked around. Moving in together had come as natural as breathing. Buffy enjoyed the normalcy of their relationship; it was comforting after six months of chaos. Spike had been worried at first, fearing that their relationship thrived best in chaos, and for a brief time, Buffy had thought so, too. But once the dust had settled and the pieces of their lives had fallen into place, they both realized that normal was a good thing. 

“Spike, I’m home!” Buffy called out, dropping her duffel bag by the coat rack near the door. 

The apartment was unusually quiet. Typically when she got home from work, Spike was waiting for her with the television queued up to all the shows they had DVR’d. The new season of Lost had started a few weeks ago, and they were both eager to find out what was up with that Desmond guy. 

Buffy carefully locked away her firearm and walked through the apartment, looking for her wayward boyfriend. When they weren’t at home catching up on television, he liked to meet her after work to have a beer and play pool at the little hipster bar down the street. _But he usually calls me first,_ Buffy thought as she walked into the kitchen. There was a note on their refrigerator whiteboard. 

_Come upstairs when you're ready. Dinner on the roof. - Spike_

Buffy read the note and smiled. Growing up as the Slayer, it had been hard to imagine a life with a career and a boyfriend. Most of the time, Buffy hadn't thought she'd make it past her eighteenth birthday. Now, she couldn't imagine anything better. Angel--Twilight or whoever he was, had tried to convince her that finding happiness meant she had to destroy the world. He couldn't have been more wrong. She was happy. Things weren't perfect. Buffy was still dealing with the aftermath of destroying the seed, but she had no complaints. 

As for Angel, he had been taken into custody by order of the new council. Giles wouldn’t tell her what they intended to do with him, only that his punishment would fit the crime. It bothered her not knowing where he was and what his punishment entailed, but Buffy hated to imagine what might have happened if she hadn't had Spike's love to tether her to this reality. She wished she could say with absolute certainty that she'd have been able to resist Angel. But she still recalled the thrall of the universe, pulling her, urging her to give it all up. In the end, she had managed to escape it. And Buffy couldn't pretend that Angel hadn’t been responsible for the death of hundreds of Slayers. Giles had told her they wouldn’t kill him, but his road to redemption would not be an easy one. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever forgive him. 

Buffy quickly changed out of her uniform and into a pair of comfy jeans and a sweater before heading upstairs. Spike was waiting for her on the rooftop with dinner as promised. 

"Something smells yummy," Buffy said. 

He had set up a small bistro table and two chairs, and small tea lights flickered softly in the center next to a bucket of chilled beers. Buffy lifted her eyes skyward and smiled at the Christmas lights he had strung up over their heads. 

"It's shawarma," he said with a grin. "Thought we'd do some celebratin' for your first official day as an officer of the law,” he said with a teasing smile. 

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a soft kiss on his lips. This was the second time Spike had surprised her since she had joined the force. 

"More surprises,” she smiled warmly at him. “My graduation party was awesome. People are still talking about it. And by people, I mean Xander, Willow, Giles and Dawn." 

"And Andrew," Spike added, gathering Buffy loosely in his arms. "He's trying to get us to host game night." 

Buffy raised her brows thoughtfully. "Game night. That sounds pretty serious. Are we game night official?" Buffy teased as he led her to the table. 

"Never had to think about that before, pet. Most of the games I used to play involved--" 

Buffy covered Spike's mouth with the palm of her hand. "Do I want to hear this?" She asked. 

"Probably not." His words were muffled. 

Buffy laughed and removed her hand. "I'm starving. How about we eat and put game night on the table for another night." 

"Good idea." 

"How did you know about the shawarma?" Buffy asked, sitting at the table. 

"You might have mentioned it the other night when we passed that Middle Eastern joint. You know, the one by that vamp nest." 

"Oh, yeah. I can't believe you remembered." 

"I remember everything you tell me," Spike said earnestly. 

"Have I told you that I love you today?" 

"It's been a couple of hours," Spike answered with a teasing grin. "Reckon I might be overdue hearin’ it again." 

Buffy stood up and planted herself in Spike's lap. "I love you," she said, and kissed him. 

Spike slid his hand into her hair and covered her mouth with his, deepening the kiss. When they were done, he rested his forehead against hers and smiled. "I love you, too," he said. 

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. She couldn't think of any place she would rather be. 

"'S how about you tell me about your day," Spike said. "Then I figure we can patrol after dinner. Heard a few good nasties were hiding out in the park." 

"Shawarma and patrols. Play your cards right, mister..." 

"Oh, I most certainly am, Slayer. I most certainly am," Spike said with a grin.

_Some habits are worth keeping..._

The ~~End~~ Beginning.


	30. Visuals, Sounds, and Acknowledgments

First, I want to thank my muse Red_Dragon for the many hours we put into writing the original BTH. I know the story changed quite a bit since 2009, but I hope you like what I’ve done with it. Your Spike was inspirational, and my Buffy's lobster. 

I’d like to thank my Beta CornerofMadness for the first three chapters of this story! You took the time out of your own writing schedule to help me out, and I am grateful. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Twinkles for all of her time and dedication as my Beta! Without you, I don’t think I would have been able to finish this story. I appreciate your kindness and helpful feedback. 

Last but not least, I want to thank everyone who read and commented. I appreciate your honest opinions and feedback! 

Now, without further ado, here is a list of music that inspired me while I was writing. 

[](https://imgur.com/zC1xIqL)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9F1axV6TeA&list=PLKbyIi8G3JJNP-5VHFwBqX7VAsMQgF-rr

Cornflake Girl l Tori Amos

Choke l Hybrid

Back to Black l Amy Winehouse

Love is Strange l Mickey & Slyvia 

Anyone Who Knows What Love Is (Will Understand) l Irma Thomas

I Will Not Bow (Instrumental) l Breaking Benjamin

Frozen l Madonna

I Believe in a Thing Called Love l The Darkness

Stripped l Depeche Mode

Letting the Cables Sleep l Bush

Here With You l Dido

Tear You Apart l She Wants Revenge

Running Up that Hill l Kate Bush

Pretty When You Cry l VAST

Milk (Massive Attack Mix) l Garbage

Strict Machine l Goldfrapp

Undisclosed Desires l Muse

Radioactive l Imagine Dragons

Starlight l Muse

Bonus Track: I Wanna Be Sedated l Ramones

[](https://imgur.com/i3akikz) [](https://imgur.com/cFXkKqQ)

[](https://imgur.com/uTew6aV) [](https://imgur.com/YeB8yXe)

[ ](https://imgur.com/aVqngG7)


End file.
